Easter Vent

decembergrl2014

H and I are arguing about what to do for Easter. Usually we have it at my parents house, but their house recently burned down (they're okay). They are living in a rental house but it's not big enough to host everyone.

Neither of us have huge families, so we would be about 12 people altogether, kids included. He keeps saying that the house isn't big enough, but it is. We have the same amount of people every year when we host Christmas Eve. Just like with Christmas, everybody would bring something.

Now he's saying that he doesn't want to do anything, doesn't want to help me set up, cook, anything. I was looking forward to hosting, but now I'm dreading the whole thing.

theartistformerlyknownas

decembergrl2014 said:

H and I are arguing about what to do for Easter. Usually we have it at my parents house, but their house recently burned down (they're okay). They are living in a rental house but it's not big enough to host everyone.

Neither of us have huge families, so we would be about 12 people altogether, kids included. He keeps saying that the house isn't big enough, but it is. We have the same amount of people every year when we host Christmas Eve. Just like with Christmas, everybody would bring something.

Now he's saying that he doesn't want to do anything, doesn't want to help me set up, cook, anything. I was looking forward to hosting, but now I'm dreading the whole thing.

You guys don't seem to agree on very many things. I wanna say he's being a dick but if you made this decision as unilaterally as it sounds, I kinda don't blame him.

decembergrl2014

No, he's being a dick! I always talk to him about decisions involving the house. It's his house too. He was well aware that this was a possibility depending on what size house my parents got.

theartistformerlyknownas

decembergrl2014 said:

No, he's being a dick! I always talk to him about decisions involving the house. It's his house too. He was well aware that this was a possibility depending on what size house my parents got.

Well you went from "we're arguing about what to do" to just having decided to host. Did he even agree to that or did you just tell him that's what was happening? I know if my H ever just told me, without discussion or compromise, that I should expect to be subjected to something based on whatever his parents did, I'd be putting my foot down too. There's more than one option besides "either we go to my parents or fuck you."

decembergrl2014

Yes, he did agree to it, if that's what was to happen. I think he was hoping that my parents rental would be big enough to accommodate everyone, but now that we know that's not the case, he's upset. I asked him if he had any other ideas, but he said no. I'm not going to say to him, "This is what we're going to do, suck it up and deal."

dolewhipper

Agreed with lolo.

theartistformerlyknownas

decembergrl2014 said:

Yes, he did agree to it, if that's what was to happen. I think he was hoping that my parents rental would be big enough to accommodate everyone, but now that we know that's not the case, he's upset. I asked him if he had any other ideas, but he said no. I'm not going to say to him, "This is what we're going to do, suck it up and deal."

Why is it solely his responsibility to come up with an alternative idea among 12 people, at least 6 of whom I'm assuming are adults?

lyndausvi

This might not be a popular opinion, but if I wanted to host people, I would just do it on my own.   That's assuming DH doesn't mind the people in the house, he is just not interested in hosting anything.

Same goes with DH.  He wanted to have a Superbowl party.  I wasn't interested.  So he choose to take on all the responsibilities of his friends coming over.  No I wasn't a complete ass.  I did clean the house just like I do every weekend (with maybe a little more detail).  But he did most of the work since he is the one who wanted the party.

bethsmiles

lolo883 said:

decembergrl2014 said:

Yes, he did agree to it, if that's what was to happen. I think he was hoping that my parents rental would be big enough to accommodate everyone, but now that we know that's not the case, he's upset. I asked him if he had any other ideas, but he said no. I'm not going to say to him, "This is what we're going to do, suck it up and deal."

Why is it solely his responsibility to come up with an alternative idea among 12 people, at least 6 of whom I'm assuming are adults?

I'm wondering this as well. Did no one else offer to host? Could you have all gone out to brunch instead of having one family host at their home? There are always more than just two options.

theartistformerlyknownas

lyndausvi said:

This might not be a popular opinion, but if I wanted to host people, I would just do it on my own.   That's assuming DH doesn't mind the people in the house, he is just not interested in hosting anything.

Same goes with DH.  He wanted to have a Superbowl party.  I wasn't interested.  So he choose to take on all the responsibilities of his friends coming over.  No I wasn't a complete ass.  I did clean the house just like I do every weekend (with maybe a little more detail).  But he did most of the work since he is the one who wanted the party.

Totally with you. If this guy is getting strong armed into hosting a party he didn't choose or agree on NOW (hypothetical agreements last year don't hold weight with me) then he shouldn't need to do the work.

Go to a restaurant, see smaller groups on different days, cram into a smaller space... or do it yourself.

JennyColada

lyndausvi said:

This might not be a popular opinion, but if I wanted to host people, I would just do it on my own.   That's assuming DH doesn't mind the people in the house, he is just not interested in hosting anything.

Same goes with DH.  He wanted to have a Superbowl party.  I wasn't interested.  So he choose to take on all the responsibilities of his friends coming over.  No I wasn't a complete ass.  I did clean the house just like I do every weekend (with maybe a little more detail).  But he did most of the work since he is the one who wanted the party.

We are kind of the same way. I mean, DH is happy for me to have people over, but he doesn't really personally like to hang out with social groups, it's not his thing, and it would be unfair for me to force him to enjoy it or work for it. If I want it, I'll do it. If I don't want to do it, then it doesn't get done.

I feel like that is like Growing Up 101: You don't always get what you want, and you certainly don't get it for free.

In terms of the OP though, I can relate to how frustrating it may be to have your SO agree to something and then seemingly do a 180. But he may not have given much thought to actually how much work is involved with hosting a group? It's really hard, and to me it's really not fun, and takes away a lot of the enjoyment of the event. I'm sorry that he doesn't want to help you, and I probably would be frustrated if DH was to previously agree that hosting at our house would be fine and then act like that. But at the same time, I don't blame him for deciding that he doesn't want to do it.

katiekessler123

I feel bad that something that should be fun is turning into such a hassle for you.  If your husband agreed to hosting originally, any idea on why he changed his mind so drastically?  Did something happen or just a random change of mind?  I'm wondering if he just doesn't want to do the work involved with a big dinner if you could do something a little more low key like a brunch?  My sister, brother, and I always host a brunch on mother's day for our mom and our in-laws.  It's super easy and you can buy a lot of things ahead like pastries.  

ashley8918

It doesn't really sound like he agreed to this at all. So, what, a year ago he agreed that it might be a possibility? Did you ever confirm that with him when it became a reality? Or did you just assume?

I'm guessing the latter. And frankly, if my H did that to me, I wouldn't help his ass either. He doesn't get to make decisions like that for me and expect me to be interested in helping/hosting.

lovegood90

I also don't get where the other 12 people are in this? Why are the only choices you or your parents? Easter is only a week away, so I would be annoyed too at having this decided for me last minute.

Dreamergirl8812

You told your family you would host them = you host your family. Besides, it's just Easter.

charlottesmom0626

I agree with @lyndausvi

Anytime I want to host people and FI isn't really into it, or was away for work, or doesn't agree before hand to help me cook or clean, I just assume I'm doing it by myself.

Likewise if he decided to have the guys over or whatever, he's providing the snacks and cleaning up before they come over.

Not to say everything is separate- if we decide together to host something, we split up whoever is doing what to prepare...

OP, You seem to feel like 12 people isn't a big deal, especially if it's a potluck style event, so what's the issue of preparing by yourself?

redoryx

If you volunteered your house to host I think you need to be the one to host. If that means your husband doesn't help because he doesn't agree with the plan or doesn't think the house is big enough, so be it. 

I also don't like the idea of holding him to a promise he made in a completely hypothetical situation from awhile back. Like, your parents house just burned down and they need a new one and everyone is dealing with this and you're all "So, if their rental place isn't big enough we're gonna host Easter. Cool?" I mean, c'mon, what's he supposed to say in a situation like that? 

climbingsingle

ashley8918 said:

It doesn't really sound like he agreed to this at all. So, what, a year ago he agreed that it might be a possibility? Did you ever confirm that with him when it became a reality? Or did you just assume?

I'm guessing the latter. And frankly, if my H did that to me, I wouldn't help his ass either. He doesn't get to make decisions like that for me and expect me to be interested in helping/hosting.

Totally agree. If H sprang on me that we were hosting people at the last minute, he'd be doing the work himself. 

banana468

I'm really confused about this.   Was he not part of the discussion to host?

When it comes to having family over, we always discuss whether or not the other is cool with it.  For holidays and birthdays it's a dual effort and I wouldn't be cool if DH spring it on me last minute either.   

When he has the dudes over, the hosting is more on him but even then he clears it with me.   He knows I would want notice that people are coming over so they're not subjected to piles of laundry or carpets in need of vacuuming or toilets that have big rings in them.    And those are "my job" so even if the company isn't mine, he knows to check and make sure it's cool that people are over or he's going to have to pick up my slack if I'm too busy. 

classicalandedgy

Eh... I'm sure I'm the unpopular opinion here but, I see hosting an event in our home as a joint venture it is OUR home, and it reflects on us both.  There have been plenty of times were my FI wants to invite family over and it's kind of a last minute thing and although I'm not thrilled with last minute notice, I rally and I help him out, cooking and cleaning (read I do most of the cooking FI doesn't cook).  I also know though that he would do the same for me because we are a partnership, and sometimes we go along with things and compromise on what the other wants because we love each other and it is important to us to be supportive.  Personally in a relationship I don't buy into the, "that's what you want so you deal with it mentality."

If Easter is a big thing for your family and it's really important to you.  I don't see why you can't say having your family for Easter is important and that you would like your husbands support.  Is there a particular reason that he does not want to host other than him thinking the house is too small?   

climbingsingle

classicalandedgy said:

Eh... I'm sure I'm the unpopular opinion here but, I see hosting an event in our home as a joint venture it is OUR home, and it reflects on us both.  There have been plenty of times were my FI wants to invite family over and it's kind of a last minute thing and although I'm not thrilled with last minute notice, I rally and I help him out, cooking and cleaning (read I do most of the cooking FI doesn't cook).  I also know though that he would do the same for me because we are a partnership, and sometimes we go along with things and compromise on what the other wants because we love each other and it is important to us to be supportive.  Personally in a relationship I don't buy into the, "that's what you want so you deal with it mentality."

If Easter is a big thing for your family and it's really important to you.  I don't see why you can't say having your family for Easter is important and that you would like your husbands support.  Is there a particular reason that he does not want to host other than him thinking the house is too small?   

We're a partnership and it's our home, which is why I always talk to him first before I commit to something like this. Last year was the first time we hosted Christmas at our house. It was my idea, and I talked to him about it in November. He was on board, and we both cooked and cleaned to get ready. 

decembergrl2014

@classicalandedgy...thank you, thank you, thank you!!! You seem to be the only one who understands how I feel. He KNEW this was a possibility and he was on board with it. This wasn't sprung on him all of a sudden. Why he changed his mind is beyond me!

I also feel he is being very selfish. My God, have a heart!!!! My parents house burned down!!!!! The house they had for 45 years!!! They're 69 and 80 and they have been through a lot in a short amount of time. What's the big deal if we host Easter this year, especially when he not only knew it was a possibility, but was on board with it!

classicalandedgy

climbingwife said:

classicalandedgy said:

Eh... I'm sure I'm the unpopular opinion here but, I see hosting an event in our home as a joint venture it is OUR home, and it reflects on us both.  There have been plenty of times were my FI wants to invite family over and it's kind of a last minute thing and although I'm not thrilled with last minute notice, I rally and I help him out, cooking and cleaning (read I do most of the cooking FI doesn't cook).  I also know though that he would do the same for me because we are a partnership, and sometimes we go along with things and compromise on what the other wants because we love each other and it is important to us to be supportive.  Personally in a relationship I don't buy into the, "that's what you want so you deal with it mentality."

If Easter is a big thing for your family and it's really important to you.  I don't see why you can't say having your family for Easter is important and that you would like your husbands support.  Is there a particular reason that he does not want to host other than him thinking the house is too small?   

We're a partnership and it's our home, which is why I always talk to him first before I commit to something like this. Last year was the first time we hosted Christmas at our house. It was my idea, and I talked to him about it in November. He was on board, and we both cooked and cleaned to get ready. 

Agreed, of course I would always discuss it with my FI first.  I have never invited anyone over without discussing it with him first, and vise versa, at the same time though neither of has said no to inviting company over either if the other person feels strongly about it. 

KatieinBkln

decembergrl2014 said:

@classicalandedgy...thank you, thank you, thank you!!! You seem to be the only one who understands how I feel. He KNEW this was a possibility and he was on board with it. This wasn't sprung on him all of a sudden. Why he changed his mind is beyond me!

I also feel he is being very selfish. My God, have a heart!!!! My parents house burned down!!!!! The house they had for 45 years!!! They're 69 and 80 and they have been through a lot in a short amount of time. What's the big deal if we host Easter this year, especially when he not only knew it was a possibility, but was on board with it!

I mean...is it more important to you to be mad at your H and get validation that he's being selfish and heartless, or is it more important to figure out what to do to have a harmonious and pleasant Easter?

bethsmiles

decembergrl2014 said:

@classicalandedgy...thank you, thank you, thank you!!! You seem to be the only one who understands how I feel. He KNEW this was a possibility and he was on board with it. This wasn't sprung on him all of a sudden. Why he changed his mind is beyond me!

I also feel he is being very selfish. My God, have a heart!!!! My parents house burned down!!!!! The house they had for 45 years!!! They're 69 and 80 and they have been through a lot in a short amount of time. What's the big deal if we host Easter this year, especially when he not only knew it was a possibility, but was on board with it!

Have you asked him why? Have you asked him why without also accusing him of being selfish/heartless in the same conversation?

You clearly feel very strongly about this but I honestly don't see how hosting Easter at your house somehow makes it any less horrible that your parents' house burned down or how him not being thrilled about hosting makes him selfish/heartless in regards to the house burning down.

ashley8918

KatieinBkln said:

decembergrl2014 said:

@classicalandedgy...thank you, thank you, thank you!!! You seem to be the only one who understands how I feel. He KNEW this was a possibility and he was on board with it. This wasn't sprung on him all of a sudden. Why he changed his mind is beyond me!

I also feel he is being very selfish. My God, have a heart!!!! My parents house burned down!!!!! The house they had for 45 years!!! They're 69 and 80 and they have been through a lot in a short amount of time. What's the big deal if we host Easter this year, especially when he not only knew it was a possibility, but was on board with it!

I mean...is it more important to you to be mad at your H and get validation that he's being selfish and heartless, or is it more important to figure out what to do to have a harmonious and pleasant Easter?

But he is being very selfish!!!! For wanting some sort of say in what goes on in his own home!!!!

theartistformerlyknownas

Eh... I'm sure I'm the unpopular opinion here but, I see hosting an event in our home as a joint venture it is OUR home, and it reflects on us both.  There have been plenty of times were my FI wants to invite family over and it's kind of a last minute thing and although I'm not thrilled with last minute notice, I rally and I help him out, cooking and cleaning (read I do most of the cooking FI doesn't cook).  I also know though that he would do the same for me because we are a partnership, and sometimes we go along with things and compromise on what the other wants because we love each other and it is important to us to be supportive.  Personally in a relationship I don't buy into the, "that's what you want so you deal with it mentality."

If Easter is a big thing for your family and it's really important to you.  I don't see why you can't say having your family for Easter is important and that you would like your husbands support.  Is there a particular reason that he does not want to host other than him thinking the house is too small?   

@classicalandedgy...thank you, thank you, thank you!!! You seem to be the only one who understands how I feel. He KNEW this was a possibility and he was on board with it. This wasn't sprung on him all of a sudden. Why he changed his mind is beyond me!

I also feel he is being very selfish. My God, have a heart!!!! My parents house burned down!!!!! The house they had for 45 years!!! They're 69 and 80 and they have been through a lot in a short amount of time. What's the big deal if we host Easter this year, especially when he not only knew it was a possibility, but was on board with it!

No. It being a partnership means neither of us makes decisions unilaterally when it comes to our home and affect both of us. We don't host big parties unless we both agree on it - this is more than just me telling him it's happening or him knowing something is "a possibility." That's a far cry from having agreed to have 12 people over for dinner on a Sunday a week from now. 

If my H says "hey I was thinking of having people over for poker on Saturday, is that cool?" and I was planning on a lazy weekend, he's on his own with the cleaning and cooking. Not a party I wanted or planned for, not my people, he's on his own. But when he said "hey my brother and his kids are stopping to sleep here the Thursday before the wedding, remember there's not enough room at my mom's house?" that was a big fat NO from me. That's beyond him just doing the cleaning himself; I hadn't agreed to having people sleep at my home, so he agreed to go tell his brother that he was mistaken and there wasn't room here. Holidays we discuss in advance, and either come up with a game plan we both agree on or it doesn't happen.

classicalandedgy

lolo883 said:

Eh... I'm sure I'm the unpopular opinion here but, I see hosting an event in our home as a joint venture it is OUR home, and it reflects on us both.  There have been plenty of times were my FI wants to invite family over and it's kind of a last minute thing and although I'm not thrilled with last minute notice, I rally and I help him out, cooking and cleaning (read I do most of the cooking FI doesn't cook).  I also know though that he would do the same for me because we are a partnership, and sometimes we go along with things and compromise on what the other wants because we love each other and it is important to us to be supportive.  Personally in a relationship I don't buy into the, "that's what you want so you deal with it mentality."

If Easter is a big thing for your family and it's really important to you.  I don't see why you can't say having your family for Easter is important and that you would like your husbands support.  Is there a particular reason that he does not want to host other than him thinking the house is too small?   

@classicalandedgy...thank you, thank you, thank you!!! You seem to be the only one who understands how I feel. He KNEW this was a possibility and he was on board with it. This wasn't sprung on him all of a sudden. Why he changed his mind is beyond me!

I also feel he is being very selfish. My God, have a heart!!!! My parents house burned down!!!!! The house they had for 45 years!!! They're 69 and 80 and they have been through a lot in a short amount of time. What's the big deal if we host Easter this year, especially when he not only knew it was a possibility, but was on board with it!

No. It being a partnership means neither of us makes decisions unilaterally when it comes to our home and affect both of us. We don't host big parties unless we both agree on it - this is more than just me telling him it's happening or him knowing something is "a possibility." That's a far cry from having agreed to have 12 people over for dinner on a Sunday a week from now. 

If my H says "hey I was thinking of having people over for poker on Saturday, is that cool?" and I was planning on a lazy weekend, he's on his own with the cleaning and cooking. Not a party I wanted or planned for, not my people, he's on his own. But when he said "hey my brother and his kids are stopping to sleep here the Thursday before the wedding, remember there's not enough room at my mom's house?" that was a big fat NO from me. That's beyond him just doing the cleaning himself; I hadn't agreed to having people sleep at my home, so he agreed to go tell his brother that he was mistaken and there wasn't room here. Holidays we discuss in advance, and either come up with a game plan we both agree on or it doesn't happen.

As I stated in another post, of course we discus it with each other, there is no unilateral decision.

 

As for the OP, it sounds like this was previously discussed and agreed to already, and now that Easter is only one week away it is becoming a problem.  Perhaps I'm interpreting Decembergrls's posts differently.

theartistformerlyknownas

classicalandedgy said:

As I stated in another post, of course we discus it with each other, there is no unilateral decision.

 

As for the OP, it sounds like this was previously discussed and agreed to already, and now that Easter is only one week away it is becoming a problem.  Perhaps I'm interpreting Decembergrls's posts differently.

You posted that while I was typing. I do not get the impression that he had agreed to this in any sort of a real life, non-hypothetical scenario, or that it was discussed as a question rather than a statement.

ashley8918

classicalandedgy said:

Eh... I'm sure I'm the unpopular opinion here but, I see hosting an event in our home as a joint venture it is OUR home, and it reflects on us both.  There have been plenty of times were my FI wants to invite family over and it's kind of a last minute thing and although I'm not thrilled with last minute notice, I rally and I help him out, cooking and cleaning (read I do most of the cooking FI doesn't cook).  I also know though that he would do the same for me because we are a partnership, and sometimes we go along with things and compromise on what the other wants because we love each other and it is important to us to be supportive.  Personally in a relationship I don't buy into the, "that's what you want so you deal with it mentality."

If Easter is a big thing for your family and it's really important to you.  I don't see why you can't say having your family for Easter is important and that you would like your husbands support.  Is there a particular reason that he does not want to host other than him thinking the house is too small?   

@classicalandedgy...thank you, thank you, thank you!!! You seem to be the only one who understands how I feel. He KNEW this was a possibility and he was on board with it. This wasn't sprung on him all of a sudden. Why he changed his mind is beyond me!

I also feel he is being very selfish. My God, have a heart!!!! My parents house burned down!!!!! The house they had for 45 years!!! They're 69 and 80 and they have been through a lot in a short amount of time. What's the big deal if we host Easter this year, especially when he not only knew it was a possibility, but was on board with it!

No. It being a partnership means neither of us makes decisions unilaterally when it comes to our home and affect both of us. We don't host big parties unless we both agree on it - this is more than just me telling him it's happening or him knowing something is "a possibility." That's a far cry from having agreed to have 12 people over for dinner on a Sunday a week from now. 

If my H says "hey I was thinking of having people over for poker on Saturday, is that cool?" and I was planning on a lazy weekend, he's on his own with the cleaning and cooking. Not a party I wanted or planned for, not my people, he's on his own. But when he said "hey my brother and his kids are stopping to sleep here the Thursday before the wedding, remember there's not enough room at my mom's house?" that was a big fat NO from me. That's beyond him just doing the cleaning himself; I hadn't agreed to having people sleep at my home, so he agreed to go tell his brother that he was mistaken and there wasn't room here. Holidays we discuss in advance, and either come up with a game plan we both agree on or it doesn't happen.

As I stated in another post, of course we discus it with each other, there is no unilateral decision.

 

As for the OP, it sounds like this was previously discussed and agreed to already, and now that Easter is only one week away it is becoming a problem.  Perhaps I'm interpreting Decembergrls's posts differently.

-------------GODDAMNFUCKINGBOXES---------------

No, it sounds like it was a hypothetical "maybe" thing a year ago, that she never bothered to confirm with him when it turned it it was going to be a defininte, not a maybe.

classicalandedgy

ashley8918 said:

classicalandedgy said:

Eh... I'm sure I'm the unpopular opinion here but, I see hosting an event in our home as a joint venture it is OUR home, and it reflects on us both.  There have been plenty of times were my FI wants to invite family over and it's kind of a last minute thing and although I'm not thrilled with last minute notice, I rally and I help him out, cooking and cleaning (read I do most of the cooking FI doesn't cook).  I also know though that he would do the same for me because we are a partnership, and sometimes we go along with things and compromise on what the other wants because we love each other and it is important to us to be supportive.  Personally in a relationship I don't buy into the, "that's what you want so you deal with it mentality."

If Easter is a big thing for your family and it's really important to you.  I don't see why you can't say having your family for Easter is important and that you would like your husbands support.  Is there a particular reason that he does not want to host other than him thinking the house is too small?   

@classicalandedgy...thank you, thank you, thank you!!! You seem to be the only one who understands how I feel. He KNEW this was a possibility and he was on board with it. This wasn't sprung on him all of a sudden. Why he changed his mind is beyond me!

I also feel he is being very selfish. My God, have a heart!!!! My parents house burned down!!!!! The house they had for 45 years!!! They're 69 and 80 and they have been through a lot in a short amount of time. What's the big deal if we host Easter this year, especially when he not only knew it was a possibility, but was on board with it!

No. It being a partnership means neither of us makes decisions unilaterally when it comes to our home and affect both of us. We don't host big parties unless we both agree on it - this is more than just me telling him it's happening or him knowing something is "a possibility." That's a far cry from having agreed to have 12 people over for dinner on a Sunday a week from now. 

If my H says "hey I was thinking of having people over for poker on Saturday, is that cool?" and I was planning on a lazy weekend, he's on his own with the cleaning and cooking. Not a party I wanted or planned for, not my people, he's on his own. But when he said "hey my brother and his kids are stopping to sleep here the Thursday before the wedding, remember there's not enough room at my mom's house?" that was a big fat NO from me. That's beyond him just doing the cleaning himself; I hadn't agreed to having people sleep at my home, so he agreed to go tell his brother that he was mistaken and there wasn't room here. Holidays we discuss in advance, and either come up with a game plan we both agree on or it doesn't happen.

As I stated in another post, of course we discus it with each other, there is no unilateral decision.

 

As for the OP, it sounds like this was previously discussed and agreed to already, and now that Easter is only one week away it is becoming a problem.  Perhaps I'm interpreting Decembergrls's posts differently.

-------------GODDAMNFUCKINGBOXES---------------

No, it sounds like it was a hypothetical "maybe" thing a year ago, that she never bothered to confirm with him when it turned it it was going to be a defininte, not a maybe.

ashley8918 said:

classicalandedgy said:

Eh... I'm sure I'm the unpopular opinion here but, I see hosting an event in our home as a joint venture it is OUR home, and it reflects on us both.  There have been plenty of times were my FI wants to invite family over and it's kind of a last minute thing and although I'm not thrilled with last minute notice, I rally and I help him out, cooking and cleaning (read I do most of the cooking FI doesn't cook).  I also know though that he would do the same for me because we are a partnership, and sometimes we go along with things and compromise on what the other wants because we love each other and it is important to us to be supportive.  Personally in a relationship I don't buy into the, "that's what you want so you deal with it mentality."

If Easter is a big thing for your family and it's really important to you.  I don't see why you can't say having your family for Easter is important and that you would like your husbands support.  Is there a particular reason that he does not want to host other than him thinking the house is too small?   

@classicalandedgy...thank you, thank you, thank you!!! You seem to be the only one who understands how I feel. He KNEW this was a possibility and he was on board with it. This wasn't sprung on him all of a sudden. Why he changed his mind is beyond me!

I also feel he is being very selfish. My God, have a heart!!!! My parents house burned down!!!!! The house they had for 45 years!!! They're 69 and 80 and they have been through a lot in a short amount of time. What's the big deal if we host Easter this year, especially when he not only knew it was a possibility, but was on board with it!

No. It being a partnership means neither of us makes decisions unilaterally when it comes to our home and affect both of us. We don't host big parties unless we both agree on it - this is more than just me telling him it's happening or him knowing something is "a possibility." That's a far cry from having agreed to have 12 people over for dinner on a Sunday a week from now. 

If my H says "hey I was thinking of having people over for poker on Saturday, is that cool?" and I was planning on a lazy weekend, he's on his own with the cleaning and cooking. Not a party I wanted or planned for, not my people, he's on his own. But when he said "hey my brother and his kids are stopping to sleep here the Thursday before the wedding, remember there's not enough room at my mom's house?" that was a big fat NO from me. That's beyond him just doing the cleaning himself; I hadn't agreed to having people sleep at my home, so he agreed to go tell his brother that he was mistaken and there wasn't room here. Holidays we discuss in advance, and either come up with a game plan we both agree on or it doesn't happen.

As I stated in another post, of course we discus it with each other, there is no unilateral decision.

 

As for the OP, it sounds like this was previously discussed and agreed to already, and now that Easter is only one week away it is becoming a problem.  Perhaps I'm interpreting Decembergrls's posts differently.

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No, it sounds like it was a hypothetical "maybe" thing a year ago, that she never bothered to confirm with him when it turned it it was going to be a defininte, not a maybe.

@decembergrl2014

 

I guess the real question becomes if after the discussion that hosting could be a possibility if you talked with your husband and confirmed he was on board, and for some reason, unbeknownst to you, he changed his mind?