Not Engaged Yet

Advice Needed

Hi ladies. So I have been engaged before. He broke off the engagement. I was close with his friends especially one friend in particular. Because of the breakup I stepped away from the friendships and have maintained minimal contact via facebook with the friends. One friend of his recently had a baby and I was invited to the baby's 100 day party (it's part of the Chinese culture) At the party I saw a lot of his friends, including the friend I was closest with. That friend invited me to his wedding.

Fast forward to now. I know I need to RSVP. What would you do? Would you go? I got the weekend off from work because I did plan on going but now I think about the wedding and how it could possibly be an awkward situation. I don't know if my ex will be there or not. I would like to go because I would love to support and celebrate the relationship and marriage but I haven't talked to anyone in quite some time and we are far from social with each other.


Re: Advice Needed

  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I would go. It doesn't have to be awkward if you don't make it awkward. Just go, have a good time, and don't over think it.

  • phiraphira Bahstin member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I'd probably go. I just went to my brother's wedding, which was 24 people including my brother and sister-in-law, and my estranged dad was there. You'd be surprised at how easy it is to build up AWKWAAAAARD in your head.

    The thing is, you're afraid of "awkwardness," but that's a vague thing. Are you afraid there won't be anyone to talk to? That you won't know anyone besides the couple, or your ex? That your ex will cause a scene?

    In my experience, people won't cause a scene, no matter how awkward or unhappy their past. If you don't have anyone to talk to, you thank the couple, come up with an excuse ("I'm so sorry, but I'm actually not feeling well, although I'm so glad I was able to see you get married! Congratulations!"), and go home. Trust the couple to come up with a decent seating plan, and if they don't, go mingle (or go home early).

    It does sound like you really would like to go to the wedding; if this friend weren't as close anymore, I'd say to skip it. At this point, skipping it would really only make sense if you were so unable to be around your ex that you might end up having an anxiety attack or something similar. But if you can politely ignore him for an evening, then go have yourself a good time!
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
  • Dignity100Dignity100 Northeastern Ohio member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Another vote for go.  You don't know how awkward it will be, I'm sure the friend will seat you at a different table from your ex.  If things get awkward, you can always slip out and leave.

  • I was in a similar situation a few years ago.  I went to the wedding, because I was friends with the couple and wanted to celebrate with them.  I had so much fun reconnecting with those that I had lost contact with, and didn't find it to be awkward or uncomfortable at all. 

    If you want to go, then you should go.  Get an awesome dress and have fun. 
  • Thanks ladies. I think I will go. Sometimes we make situations bigger in our head than they need to be.
  • Glad you decided to go!  I always tend to overthink things and then they don't ever turn out as badly as I had it stirred up in my brain!
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