Surprise bridal brunch

Knottie48804623

So one of my BMs who I go to school with texted me recently saying she wanted to put together a shower or brunch while we were at school, and asked who she should invite. As I'm already having a shower at home, and I'm not close with/inviting many people at school, I declined the offer. I recently found out via my fiance that she is planning a surprise brunch for me in a few weeks, and while i really do appreciate the gesture, two of the 5 people that will be there I am not very close with and are not invited to the wedding. 

I hate the thought of people not invited to the wedding being at an event like this, even though it isn't a "gift giving" event like a shower, but I don't know if I'm just blowing it out of proportion. Is there a polite way to get out of it, even though its supposed to be a surprise, or am I better off just letting it happen?

southernbelle0915

So she asked you if she could plan a bridal brunch and you said no. Then she went ahead and planned one and is making it a surprise? 

You need to have a discussion with her about boundaries. No means no. It might be a little awkward, but I would tell her you found out about it through the grapevine and you really don't want this. Let her know if she wants to do something together/to celebrate, y'all can go get pedicures together or something. Just the two of you.

novella1186

Yeah I had a crazy coworker do something similar and I agree with southernbelle. This chick needs to understand boundaries. 

In my situation, coworker -- who I'm not close to at all and wouldn't even consider a friend-- kept hounding me for a wedding invite. When it became clear to her that she wouldn't be getting one, she decided to secretly plan a surprise bachelorette party for me (apparently she thought this would mean I HAD to invite her. Nope.) But one of my other coworkers warned me because she knew I wouldn't be happy about this. 

I had to confront crazy girl and tell her this wasn't something that should happen, and luckily when I was direct about it, she finally settled down and left me alone. 

When people cross boundaries like that, you just need to be direct. Make it clear that it's not cool. Cuz it's not. 

Coincidentally, crazy girl is now planning a wedding and I'm so tempted to start hounding her for an invitation just to give her a taste of her own medicine (but I won't, because with my luck she'd actually invite me so it would backfire) 

Knottie48804623

Yeah. I know her heart was in a good place, but I'm a little bothered because I did already say no! She apparently thought I was "just trying to be modest" or something by turning her down but really I'm not super into the idea. 

Jen4948

Knottie48804623 said:

Yeah. I know her heart was in a good place, but I'm a little bothered because I did already say no! She apparently thought I was "just trying to be modest" or something by turning her down but really I'm not super into the idea. 

That's what you need to make clear to her. I'd say to her, "Coworker, it's come to my attention that you're planning a surprise brunch for me, after I already declined your offer of a party. I have to ask you to cancel it and respect my stated wish that you not throw me any parties. If you don't cancel it, I will not attend."