Half sister at wedding

missglitter89

My dad and his wife have a (will be 5 at the time of the wedding) year old. Its all complicated but not the time to rant and rave; but I have recently accepted that she is my half sister and I should care about her. But my problem is that my FI do not want anyone under 18 at our wedding. We are OK with having her as the one exception only because she is my sister. But we absolutely do not want her at the reception. Dad and his wife are invited to the reception. They live at least 45 minutes away and would not reasonably be able to take her home. Any ideas for a solution to my problem? Thanks

redoryx

missglitter89 said:

My dad and his wife have a (will be 5 at the time of the wedding) year old. Its all complicated but not the time to rant and rave; but I have recently accepted that she is my half sister and I should care about her. But my problem is that my FI do not want anyone under 18 at our wedding. We are OK with having her as the one exception only because she is my sister. But we absolutely do not want her at the reception. Dad and his wife are invited to the reception. They live at least 45 minutes away and would not reasonably be able to take her home. Any ideas for a solution to my problem? Thanks

Don't invite her to the wedding. 

If you are having an adults only wedding, that's totally okay. What is not okay is inviting someone to the ceremony but not the reception even if they are only 5 years old.

climbingsingle

It's pretty rude to invite someone to the ceremony and not the reception, and that includes 5 year olds. Just don't invite her then. 

lovegood90

missglitter89 said:

My dad and his wife have a (will be 5 at the time of the wedding) year old. Its all complicated but not the time to rant and rave; but I have recently accepted that she is my half sister and I should care about her. But my problem is that my FI do not want anyone under 18 at our wedding. We are OK with having her as the one exception only because she is my sister. But we absolutely do not want her at the reception. Dad and his wife are invited to the reception. They live at least 45 minutes away and would not reasonably be able to take her home. Any ideas for a solution to my problem? Thanks

Everyone invited to the ceremony must be invited to the reception as well (and vice versa). This goes for children as well. So you can either invite her to both events or neither (which you would be completely within your rights to).

If you decide not to invite her, you should be prepared to accept that your father and his wife may not be able to come (ie if they can't find a sitter, etc).

mikenberger

missglitter89 said:

My dad and his wife have a (will be 5 at the time of the wedding) year old. Its all complicated but not the time to rant and rave; but I have recently accepted that she is my half sister and I should care about her. But my problem is that my FI do not want anyone under 18 at our wedding. We are OK with having her as the one exception only because she is my sister. But we absolutely do not want her at the reception. Dad and his wife are invited to the reception. They live at least 45 minutes away and would not reasonably be able to take her home. Any ideas for a solution to my problem? Thanks

I too have a complicated relationship with my half sister and her mother. And have recently come around to getting more involved with her (It's not her fault that her mother is a fucking psycho - I digress) But since I'm really trying to involve her as my sister as best I can, I am inviting her to participate in my wedding and reception as the sibling that she is. If you're trying to be involved with her, perhaps you should welcome her at the reception as well. And this isn't solely the decision of your FI to make. It is also yours. It is your sister.

And reading "... she is my half sister and I should care about her." sounds pretty cold. She's a child. Not an adult. In my case, it's not fair to do what I was doing - which was hold resentment towards her for my Dad having another kid with a woman that I hated. Don't know what your issues are, but make sure you're not holding your sister responsible for things that she's not in control of.

But if you absolutely do not want her at the reception, you don't invite her to anything. Period. It's like taking a kid to a party and making them wait around and sending them home before the games and cake begins. It's just rude.

blabla89

It's also rude to your father and stepmother to expect them to take their daughter home between the ceremony and reception. Not inviting your half sister to the wedding is one thing, because her parents can leave her with the babysitter before they come. But telling them they need to leave the wedding in order to take her home is rude and inconvenient.

lightningsnow

I agree with PPs in that if you don't want to invite her, you don't have to.

I also agree with one PP in regards to the comment you made about how you should care about her. Of course you should care about her. She is your sibling. Maybe because I grew up very differently I just don't understand the thought process of well it's my half sibling so I'm only going to treat them like a sibling half way.

I have four older brothers. All of them are technically my half siblings. But regardless of circumstances in our parents lives, I'm always going to treat them like full siblings.

I do understand if there are extreme circumstances and that not everyone thinks the way I do about this. Just how I was raised.

MyNameIsNot

If you are going to invite her, you have to invite her to the whole thing. 

If you aren't going to invite her to the reception, tell your dad that it is adults only, no exceptions. It's up to him to find child care of decline the invitation. 

Jen4948

Either invite your half-sister to the wedding ceremony and reception or don't invite her at all. But it would be rude to invite her only to the ceremony and then expect someone to take her home.

[Deleted User]

Talk to your dad and see what their plans are. Maybe they are already planning on sitter for her & don't plan to bring her at all or maybe have plans for someone to come & get her for the reception.

I'm not going to ask for an explanation, but I think you need to ask yourself truly why you don't want her at the reception. Is it because other guests will be upset because they couldn't bring their kids. She's your sister, very easy explanation.  Does it have to do with her mother or are you worried that a child at a wedding reception will stop you and the other guests from having fun & drinking. If people are drinking & acting like adults sometimes, then it's the parents responsibility to say, ok, time to go home once the partying kicks in. Chances are you will hardly notice her at the wedding, so not sure what the big deal is, but it's something that is important to you so you need to work it out with your dad.

lovegood90

Erikan73 said:

Talk to your dad and see what their plans are. Maybe they are already planning on sitter for her & don't plan to bring her at all or maybe have plans for someone to come & get her for the reception.

I'm not going to ask for an explanation, but I think you need to ask yourself truly why you don't want her at the reception. Is it because other guests will be upset because they couldn't bring their kids. She's your sister, very easy explanation.  Does it have to do with her mother or are you worried that a child at a wedding reception will stop you and the other guests from having fun & drinking. If people are drinking & acting like adults sometimes, then it's the parents responsibility to say, ok, time to go home once the partying kicks in. Chances are you will hardly notice her at the wedding, so not sure what the big deal is, but it's something that is important to you so you need to work it out with your dad.

She doesn't need to give anyone an explanation, though. If someone doesn't want kids at their wedding, they're within their rights and they don't owe an explanation, apology, or anything to anyone.

So her reasons for not wanting her there don't matter. She doesn't want kids there, period, and people have to respect that. If she wants to make an exception for her sibling, then fine, but she doesn't have to. 

missglitter89

@blabla89 I never said that I wanted them to take her home. I said that it would be unreasonable ie I am not asking them to do that. I know people who have had weddings with kids at the wedding but have had the kids taken home afterwards and not attended the ceremony; but those were with people who lived within 5-10 minutes away and it was doable. I am just asking if anyone had any other ideas. Or if they have any advice to help me tell my dad that she is not invited, because he is already assuming she is invited even though I never said that she was. 

missglitter89

lovegood90 said:

missglitter89 said:

My dad and his wife have a (will be 5 at the time of the wedding) year old. Its all complicated but not the time to rant and rave; but I have recently accepted that she is my half sister and I should care about her. But my problem is that my FI do not want anyone under 18 at our wedding. We are OK with having her as the one exception only because she is my sister. But we absolutely do not want her at the reception. Dad and his wife are invited to the reception. They live at least 45 minutes away and would not reasonably be able to take her home. Any ideas for a solution to my problem? Thanks

Everyone invited to the ceremony must be invited to the reception as well (and vice versa). This goes for children as well. So you can either invite her to both events or neither (which you would be completely within your rights to).

If you decide not to invite her, you should be prepared to accept that your father and his wife may not be able to come (ie if they can't find a sitter, etc).

Thanks, do you have any advice for telling him she is not invited? We have not had the best relationship the past 6 years and I have only just recently started letting him back into my life. So I want to do this in a way that doesn't offend him and doesn't lead to him saying that he isn't going to come if shes not invited. 

mikenberger

missglitter89 said:

lovegood90 said:

missglitter89 said:

My dad and his wife have a (will be 5 at the time of the wedding) year old. Its all complicated but not the time to rant and rave; but I have recently accepted that she is my half sister and I should care about her. But my problem is that my FI do not want anyone under 18 at our wedding. We are OK with having her as the one exception only because she is my sister. But we absolutely do not want her at the reception. Dad and his wife are invited to the reception. They live at least 45 minutes away and would not reasonably be able to take her home. Any ideas for a solution to my problem? Thanks

Everyone invited to the ceremony must be invited to the reception as well (and vice versa). This goes for children as well. So you can either invite her to both events or neither (which you would be completely within your rights to).

If you decide not to invite her, you should be prepared to accept that your father and his wife may not be able to come (ie if they can't find a sitter, etc).

Thanks, do you have any advice for telling him she is not invited? We have not had the best relationship the past 6 years and I have only just recently started letting him back into my life. So I want to do this in a way that doesn't offend him and doesn't lead to him saying that he isn't going to come if shes not invited. 

I fear you're going to offend him either way you state it. And if his reaction is to respond with "If she can't come, I'm not coming." that's not your problem. That's his fault. But, also think about this, is this really a hill you want to die on? Do you think she's going to be a huge disruption to your wedding/reception? Chances are, you won't even notice her for the most part.

redoryx

missglitter89 said:

lovegood90 said:

missglitter89 said:

My dad and his wife have a (will be 5 at the time of the wedding) year old. Its all complicated but not the time to rant and rave; but I have recently accepted that she is my half sister and I should care about her. But my problem is that my FI do not want anyone under 18 at our wedding. We are OK with having her as the one exception only because she is my sister. But we absolutely do not want her at the reception. Dad and his wife are invited to the reception. They live at least 45 minutes away and would not reasonably be able to take her home. Any ideas for a solution to my problem? Thanks

Everyone invited to the ceremony must be invited to the reception as well (and vice versa). This goes for children as well. So you can either invite her to both events or neither (which you would be completely within your rights to).

If you decide not to invite her, you should be prepared to accept that your father and his wife may not be able to come (ie if they can't find a sitter, etc).

Thanks, do you have any advice for telling him she is not invited? We have not had the best relationship the past 6 years and I have only just recently started letting him back into my life. So I want to do this in a way that doesn't offend him and doesn't lead to him saying that he isn't going to come if shes not invited. 

All you can do is address the invitation to just him and his wife. Don't say "adults only" or "children not invited." Just address to the adults. If he tries to RSVP his daughter, call and explain that you're sorry for the misunderstanding but the invitation was just for him and his wife and you hope to see them there.

But understand, you can do this all in a completely etiquette approved, non-offending way and people still might choose to not come because their kids aren't invited. This goes for your entire guest list.

delujm0

You certainly don't need to invite children if you don't want to, that is your right.  However, if you go that route, you have to be ok with the parents of that child potentially choosing not to attend because they want to stay behind with their child - that is their right.  This principle doesn't usually offend anyone when the parents in question are just friends or extended family members.  But this is your own father.  How badly do you want him to come?  Because if he declines to attend because you didn't invite your sister, you really can't be upset about it.  You can't have it both ways.  You either invite parents with their children or exclude children with the understanding that the parents may not attend.

 

Personally, if it was me, i'd just invite my sister.  Even if she's the only kid there, it's not going to offend your other guests - she's your sister.  The only child we invited was our nephew, and his parents brought him to a sitter at the hotel during the cocktail hour - not at our insistence, but because they wanted to stay at the reception after his bedtime.  We did tell our friends who we knew were breastfeeding that if they wanted to bring their babies, that was completely fine - all of them declined to do so and still attended the wedding though.  They preferred to use a sitter.  We were not about to make that decision for them.

 

The bottom line is that your dad will probably be offended even if you do this in an etiqette-appropriate way.  And he may react by choosing to not attend.  As long as your'e ok with this, don't invite her.  Address the invitation only to your dad and step-mom and if he RSVPs your sister you have to call him and tell him the invitation was only for him and his wife - not their child.  If he's already talking like he expects your sister to be invited though, i'd be really careful here...a 5 year old is old enough to know when she's being excluded from things.  If your dad has been talking to her about how much fun she's going to have at your wedding, and then suddenly she's no longer going, she's probably not going to forget that if you decide that you want to have a closer relationship with her in a few years.

Heffalump

lightningsnow said:

Maybe because I grew up very differently I just don't understand the thought process of well it's my half sibling so I'm only going to treat them like a sibling half way.

I have four older brothers. All of them are technically my half siblings. But regardless of circumstances in our parents lives, I'm always going to treat them like full siblings.

This.  When I first met DH, I was trying to get a handle on his complicated family:  full siblings vs. half-siblings, which are on his mom's side vs. his dad, etc.  And he was really nice about it, but he basically said "They're all just my brothers and sisters, I don't really distinguish."  Which told me a lot about him, but also made me see that I was totally overthinking something that didn't matter in the slightest.

banana468

This one is complicated.   Yes, you can certainly say that there are no children welcome at the reception.   This also means that no children are welcome at the ceremony.   You can also make an exception that your one half sibling is allowed to attend both events and that's fine too.

You can't control how others will feel or react.  You can only control yourself.   So if your dad is going to get bent out of shape about this only you can decide if this is the hill worth dying on.   This can be the sort of thing that's remembered long after you're out of the white dress and it can take a lot to fix.   FWIW, at our wedding we allowed all cousins to bring their children but we didn't allow friends to bring their children.   We opened it to family and we aren't friends with our friends kids so they weren't invited.   That worked for us.

MandyMost

My (only) sibling has kids, and it was touchy that I didn't invite them to the wedding. The general feeling was "but they're FAMILY! How do you not see that they're FAMILY!". I acknowledged that they are family, and I love them dearly, but that doesn't mean they were invited to the wedding. I believe some things are just for adults, and my wedding, the way we put it on, was just for adults. I wouldn't take a kid to a fancy dinner at 9pm, or to a bar for happy hour, or a dance club, either. It has nothing to do with how much I love the kids. 

However, if there was only 1 kid, and the kid was 5 years old, I likely would have had the kid be the flowergirl in the wedding, and invited to the reception (of course, since they were at the wedding). I would have done this to keep the peace, and because I don't think 1 kid makes a big difference. My brother has 3 kids, and I believe it would have largely changed the dynamic...they would have been running around and playing with each other, and I didn't want that at my evening, fancy, wedding. 

saric83

I think I saw on another post that your wedding isn't until July 2016.  If that's the case, and you're set on not inviting her, I think you need to tell your dad sooner rather than later.  Waiting until invites goes out is way too long from now, and I'm sure it may come up in conversation with her at some point between now and then.  It would suck for this little girl to get all excited to go to her sister's wedding and then find out later she doesn't get to go. 

You asked for advice on how to tell him, and I wouldn't overcomplicate it.  "Hey dad - I just wanted to give you a heads up that we've decided upon the guest list, and we're going to have it all be adults-only."  

MrsMack10612

lightningsnow said:

I agree with PPs in that if you don't want to invite her, you don't have to.

I also agree with one PP in regards to the comment you made about how you should care about her. Of course you should care about her. She is your sibling. Maybe because I grew up very differently I just don't understand the thought process of well it's my half sibling so I'm only going to treat them like a sibling half way.

I have four older brothers. All of them are technically my half siblings. But regardless of circumstances in our parents lives, I'm always going to treat them like full siblings.

I do understand if there are extreme circumstances and that not everyone thinks the way I do about this. Just how I was raised.

It's sometimes very complicated.  My parents have been divorced for 30 years, my father remarried as soon as the ink was dry.  He and his wife had 3 children.  Sure, technically they are my siblings but they are strangers to me.  There are 12 years between me and the oldest of them.  I was not raised with them, I was not invited to birthdays, graduations, holidays with them.  They are my father's children.  There is a lot of baggage.  My father passed away a week ago, over the course of the 6 months of his illness, we got to know each other better, but I still don't call them my sisters & brother.  I have no bond with them in a sibling way that I have with my siblings.  It's not to be cold or cruel.  I have spent 30 years NOT thinking of them that way.  I cannot change in 6 months. 

If the OP is just starting to have a relationship with her father after many years, I can understand her statement of realizing she should care about this little kid.

ETA - I realized I quoted the wrong poster - this was meant for @mikenberger

 

missglitter89

MrsMack10612 said:

lightningsnow said:

I agree with PPs in that if you don't want to invite her, you don't have to.

I also agree with one PP in regards to the comment you made about how you should care about her. Of course you should care about her. She is your sibling. Maybe because I grew up very differently I just don't understand the thought process of well it's my half sibling so I'm only going to treat them like a sibling half way.

I have four older brothers. All of them are technically my half siblings. But regardless of circumstances in our parents lives, I'm always going to treat them like full siblings.

I do understand if there are extreme circumstances and that not everyone thinks the way I do about this. Just how I was raised.

It's sometimes very complicated.  My parents have been divorced for 30 years, my father remarried as soon as the ink was dry.  He and his wife had 3 children.  Sure, technically they are my siblings but they are strangers to me.  There are 12 years between me and the oldest of them.  I was not raised with them, I was not invited to birthdays, graduations, holidays with them.  They are my father's children.  There is a lot of baggage.  My father passed away a week ago, over the course of the 6 months of his illness, we got to know each other better, but I still don't call them my sisters & brother.  I have no bond with them in a sibling way that I have with my siblings.  It's not to be cold or cruel.  I have spent 30 years NOT thinking of them that way.  I cannot change in 6 months. 

If the OP is just starting to have a relationship with her father after many years, I can understand her statement of realizing she should care about this little kid.

ETA - I realized I quoted the wrong poster - this was meant for @mikenberger

 

Thank you. 

Some people don't seem to understand that just because their a step-sibling that they are automatically someone you care about, like as much as a "regular" sibling (idk how to say that any other way).  My parents have only been divorced for 5 years so its still very touchy. He didn't even tell me and my sister that he was dating anyone, he just said one day that he had remarried and expected us to be happy. This is why it is a more complicated situation and the reason that I started this in the first place. 

MrsMack10612

@missglitter89 - if you want to chat more, feel free to PM. 

lightningsnow

missglitter89 said:

MrsMack10612 said:

lightningsnow said:

I agree with PPs in that if you don't want to invite her, you don't have to.

I also agree with one PP in regards to the comment you made about how you should care about her. Of course you should care about her. She is your sibling. Maybe because I grew up very differently I just don't understand the thought process of well it's my half sibling so I'm only going to treat them like a sibling half way.

I have four older brothers. All of them are technically my half siblings. But regardless of circumstances in our parents lives, I'm always going to treat them like full siblings.

I do understand if there are extreme circumstances and that not everyone thinks the way I do about this. Just how I was raised.

It's sometimes very complicated.  My parents have been divorced for 30 years, my father remarried as soon as the ink was dry.  He and his wife had 3 children.  Sure, technically they are my siblings but they are strangers to me.  There are 12 years between me and the oldest of them.  I was not raised with them, I was not invited to birthdays, graduations, holidays with them.  They are my father's children.  There is a lot of baggage.  My father passed away a week ago, over the course of the 6 months of his illness, we got to know each other better, but I still don't call them my sisters & brother.  I have no bond with them in a sibling way that I have with my siblings.  It's not to be cold or cruel.  I have spent 30 years NOT thinking of them that way.  I cannot change in 6 months. 

If the OP is just starting to have a relationship with her father after many years, I can understand her statement of realizing she should care about this little kid.

ETA - I realized I quoted the wrong poster - this was meant for @mikenberger

 

Thank you. 

Some people don't seem to understand that just because their a step-sibling that they are automatically someone you care about, like as much as a "regular" sibling (idk how to say that any other way).  My parents have only been divorced for 5 years so its still very touchy. He didn't even tell me and my sister that he was dating anyone, he just said one day that he had remarried and expected us to be happy. This is why it is a more complicated situation and the reason that I started this in the first place. 

A step sibling is much different than a half sibling. You stated in your OP that it is your father and his SO's daughter therefore she is a half sibling. Like I said, I was raised differently in that my siblings are my siblings regardless if it's half or full.

I can understand now why you seem to be a bit more touchy about this.

mikenberger

Half siblings and step siblings are far different. Which is she? Your stepmothers kid or your dad and stepmothers kid?

I have a bunch of each 1 biological sibling, 1 half biological sibling and 3 step siblings.

Which my step siblings, took me a very long time (our parents have been married almost 15 years) to care about them at all. We weren't raised together or anything. And I came into their life when they were 28/26/24 and I was 18. Very different.

missglitter89 said:

MrsMack10612 said:

lightningsnow said:

I agree with PPs in that if you don't want to invite her, you don't have to.

I also agree with one PP in regards to the comment you made about how you should care about her. Of course you should care about her. She is your sibling. Maybe because I grew up very differently I just don't understand the thought process of well it's my half sibling so I'm only going to treat them like a sibling half way.

I have four older brothers. All of them are technically my half siblings. But regardless of circumstances in our parents lives, I'm always going to treat them like full siblings.

I do understand if there are extreme circumstances and that not everyone thinks the way I do about this. Just how I was raised.

It's sometimes very complicated.  My parents have been divorced for 30 years, my father remarried as soon as the ink was dry.  He and his wife had 3 children.  Sure, technically they are my siblings but they are strangers to me.  There are 12 years between me and the oldest of them.  I was not raised with them, I was not invited to birthdays, graduations, holidays with them.  They are my father's children.  There is a lot of baggage.  My father passed away a week ago, over the course of the 6 months of his illness, we got to know each other better, but I still don't call them my sisters & brother.  I have no bond with them in a sibling way that I have with my siblings.  It's not to be cold or cruel.  I have spent 30 years NOT thinking of them that way.  I cannot change in 6 months. 

If the OP is just starting to have a relationship with her father after many years, I can understand her statement of realizing she should care about this little kid.

ETA - I realized I quoted the wrong poster - this was meant for @mikenberger

 

Thank you. 

Some people don't seem to understand that just because their a step-sibling that they are automatically someone you care about, like as much as a "regular" sibling (idk how to say that any other way).  My parents have only been divorced for 5 years so its still very touchy. He didn't even tell me and my sister that he was dating anyone, he just said one day that he had remarried and expected us to be happy. This is why it is a more complicated situation and the reason that I started this in the first place. 

missglitter89

mikenberger said:

Half siblings and step siblings are far different. Which is she? Your stepmothers kid or your dad and stepmothers kid?

I have a bunch of each 1 biological sibling, 1 half biological sibling and 3 step siblings.

Which my step siblings, took me a very long time (our parents have been married almost 15 years) to care about them at all. We weren't raised together or anything. And I came into their life when they were 28/26/24 and I was 18. Very different.

missglitter89 said:

MrsMack10612 said:

lightningsnow said:

I agree with PPs in that if you don't want to invite her, you don't have to.

I also agree with one PP in regards to the comment you made about how you should care about her. Of course you should care about her. She is your sibling. Maybe because I grew up very differently I just don't understand the thought process of well it's my half sibling so I'm only going to treat them like a sibling half way.

I have four older brothers. All of them are technically my half siblings. But regardless of circumstances in our parents lives, I'm always going to treat them like full siblings.

I do understand if there are extreme circumstances and that not everyone thinks the way I do about this. Just how I was raised.

It's sometimes very complicated.  My parents have been divorced for 30 years, my father remarried as soon as the ink was dry.  He and his wife had 3 children.  Sure, technically they are my siblings but they are strangers to me.  There are 12 years between me and the oldest of them.  I was not raised with them, I was not invited to birthdays, graduations, holidays with them.  They are my father's children.  There is a lot of baggage.  My father passed away a week ago, over the course of the 6 months of his illness, we got to know each other better, but I still don't call them my sisters & brother.  I have no bond with them in a sibling way that I have with my siblings.  It's not to be cold or cruel.  I have spent 30 years NOT thinking of them that way.  I cannot change in 6 months. 

If the OP is just starting to have a relationship with her father after many years, I can understand her statement of realizing she should care about this little kid.

ETA - I realized I quoted the wrong poster - this was meant for @mikenberger

 

Thank you. 

Some people don't seem to understand that just because their a step-sibling that they are automatically someone you care about, like as much as a "regular" sibling (idk how to say that any other way).  My parents have only been divorced for 5 years so its still very touchy. He didn't even tell me and my sister that he was dating anyone, he just said one day that he had remarried and expected us to be happy. This is why it is a more complicated situation and the reason that I started this in the first place. 

She is my dads and his wifes child. It doesn't matter to me either way which its called, this has gone too far off of my original question; which I've gotten enough feedback on.

huskypuppy14

Those saying a step sibling and a half sibling are so different, why? Because one is related to you by blood? Some people are super close to their step siblings and some people (like Novella) are not close at all to their full blooded siblings.

And what about adopted children/siblings. Are you not as close to an adopted sibling because you don't share blood.

My point is, family is not just who you are related to by blood, and just because you are related doesn't mean you're family. It seems the OP is not close to her little sister, and whether or not she shares DNA with this kid doesn't matter. 

It seems the child is no different than mikenberger step siblings. They didn't grow up together, and assuming the OP is at least 20, then the age difference is actually greater than mikenberger and her step siblings. 

mikenberger

huskypuppy14 said:

Those saying a step sibling and a half sibling are so different, why? Because one is related to you by blood? Some people are super close to their step siblings and some people (like Novella) are not close at all to their full blooded siblings.

And what about adopted children/siblings. Are you not as close to an adopted sibling because you don't share blood.

My point is, family is not just who you are related to by blood, and just because you are related doesn't mean you're family. It seems the OP is not close to her little sister, and whether or not she shares DNA with this kid doesn't matter. 

It seems the child is no different than mikenberger step siblings. They didn't grow up together, and assuming the OP is at least 20, then the age difference is actually greater than mikenberger and her step siblings. 

For me, and this is 100% me and YMMV... I can't get rid of my half sister. She's always going to be related to me. I'm always going to be her half sister. She's always going to be my fathers daughter. My step siblings, our parents split? We have no obligation outside of our own feelings to maintain a relationship.

If I had someone with half my DNA was running around out there, I'd want to be friends with them. Or at least let them know that I'm their sister and I care. Despite the shitty parents we/she/he/I have.

My whole point was, don't dislike your sister/half sister whatever because of the shitty relationship you may have with your Dad and her mother. It's not her fault she has the parents she has. And if I was trying to better my relationship with my Dad and he was likewise trying, I would try to include my half sister as well.

Absolutely I'm putting my personal experience and life into this. And perhaps I'm totally oversharing, but hey. It is what it is. And what it is is totally off the rails from the original point of the thread

rnsoon

Chiming in to say that for a lot of people half-siblings are exactly like step siblings, being that some of people don't get the chance to forge a relationship with their half siblings.The OP is not a bad person for saying that she "should like" the child. Nor is she a bad person for having a sour taste in her mouth about the whole ordeal.

I have three halves. One (my moms), I lived with until I moved in with my fiancé (brother is a quad). The others left the house at a very young age to go live with their mothers because our father is a piece of work. About 4 years ago I came into contact with both of them again )as well as my father). They have wives, children, and busy lives of their own. They also live either out of city or out of state. I Never lived with them, wasn't in contact with them, and never really connected with them. Now it's very hard to because we are all busy adults. It was like we had no siblings for a long while, and now suddenly we do.

Just because we are blood does not mean we absolutely have to be close and have to do normal family things. You can't force relationships. Would I be upset if something happened to them or they fell on hard times? Absolutely. Do I miss them? Eh. Never really had them to miss. Do I wish we were close? Sure but if it doesn't happen, it doesn't.

rnsoon

MrsMack10612 said:

lightningsnow said:

I agree with PPs in that if you don't want to invite her, you don't have to.

I also agree with one PP in regards to the comment you made about how you should care about her. Of course you should care about her. She is your sibling. Maybe because I grew up very differently I just don't understand the thought process of well it's my half sibling so I'm only going to treat them like a sibling half way.

I have four older brothers. All of them are technically my half siblings. But regardless of circumstances in our parents lives, I'm always going to treat them like full siblings.

I do understand if there are extreme circumstances and that not everyone thinks the way I do about this. Just how I was raised.

It's sometimes very complicated.  My parents have been divorced for 30 years, my father remarried as soon as the ink was dry.  He and his wife had 3 children.  Sure, technically they are my siblings but they are strangers to me.  There are 12 years between me and the oldest of them.  I was not raised with them, I was not invited to birthdays, graduations, holidays with them.  They are my father's children.  There is a lot of baggage.  My father passed away a week ago, over the course of the 6 months of his illness, we got to know each other better, but I still don't call them my sisters & brother.  I have no bond with them in a sibling way that I have with my siblings.  It's not to be cold or cruel.  I have spent 30 years NOT thinking of them that way.  I cannot change in 6 months. 

If the OP is just starting to have a relationship with her father after many years, I can understand her statement of realizing she should care about this little kid.

ETA - I realized I quoted the wrong poster - this was meant for @mikenberger

 

Nail exactly on the head!

lightningsnow

huskypuppy14 said:

Those saying a step sibling and a half sibling are so different, why? Because one is related to you by blood? Some people are super close to their step siblings and some people (like Novella) are not close at all to their full blooded siblings.

And what about adopted children/siblings. Are you not as close to an adopted sibling because you don't share blood.

My point is, family is not just who you are related to by blood, and just because you are related doesn't mean you're family. It seems the OP is not close to her little sister, and whether or not she shares DNA with this kid doesn't matter. 

It seems the child is no different than mikenberger step siblings. They didn't grow up together, and assuming the OP is at least 20, then the age difference is actually greater than mikenberger and her step siblings. 

Answering based on my own experience, the way I was raised a sibling is a sibling regardless if they were full, half or even step. My mother has three sons from her first marriage and my father has one son from his first marriage. All four of them consider each other brothers even though technically they are step brothers. The same goes for me considering them my brothers when they are all technically my half brothers.

My mother's side of the family considers my dad's son a member of their family and my father's side of the family considers my mom's sons as members of their family.

BF's SIL said up and down from the moment his family met her that she didn't have any siblings. Then the day of their engagement party she introduced her half sister. His family was thrown off by it because while they are a family where it was a bit unheard of to have half siblings or such, it didn't mean that they were ignorant of the practice. It confused his family greatly for this woman to say she had no siblings but then introduce her half sister.

As I stated in my original reply, I'm aware the way I was raised is not typical nor would I think it would be. Just offering a different side to the story.