Ok-I’m trying to find a better way to explain myself within this post but having trouble finding the right wording so take this with a grain of salt. Note I may sound like I am pouting, jealous, selfish, crazy or any other negative thing you can name and I promise I really am not. I am your average Midwestern down to earth school teacher who didn’t enjoy the limelight of being a bride or things like that. I am just annoyed to all end about not being able to handle my issues with my own wedding and how awful I feel when other weddings get brought up.
So I didn’t really get depressed after our wedding day. With the “magic” of the day being over I was excited for the honeymoon(nothing fancy, just a car ride to a city nearby for a few days). So happy that I didn’t have to run any more errands or plan anything else for a while. So happy I didn’t ever have to stand up in front of so many people ever again, happy about a lot of things. But…
What I did feel though was anger. I just got mad. Did any of you get mad? Over wedding day issues that may have occurred? But I feel guilty for being mad because nobody died or got sick-just enough little things happened that bring me to the point. I wanted everything to be perfect and run smooth and it was not so. I even gave myself a little coaching because I knew problems were going to happen but I never expected what did happen. Do I bring up how mad I am every day or every week? No I don’t. But I do get touchy when the topic swirls around weddings, wedding planning, engagements, etc no matter whom I with. Now I feel in competition and I DON’T even WANT to be in competition but it just bubbles up.
Can I vent please? Do any of you have coping strategies? I know focusing on the good stuff is a great coping mechanism but I still get frustrated. I think I get so upset is because I don’t have a second chance to go back and change it.(I’ve always needed a second chance all my life, even with dying Easter eggs or carving pumpkins when I was little…never got it quite right the first time around…) Now that I have done all the planning and went through with it all I would LOVE to go back and change it but I can’t.
Any ways from start to finish:
We(note we means FMIL) invited too many people hubby and I didn’t care about, the RSVP’s were mess with getting lost in the mail and we set for 250 expected guests and only 200 showed. Our reception hall looked empty because of all the open space and empty tables.
The chicken was pink and dinner served 15 minutes late (I had to tell them to start serving the food after everyone just started staring around at each other like where’s the food?)
None of the guests witnessed the cake cutting, neither of our parents did. Just the photographer got us BECAUSE the microphone volume was set too low by the dj and so nobody heard what was going on when it was announced. Hubby and I were the only two who heard the wedding party speeches because of this problem as well.
My hair color was faded. I had colored it professionally the week before but it wasn’t toned well and it looks like little house and the prairie hair. And my dress was too big so my armpit pudge was out for show all day. Granted I lost too much weight so that was my “fault” (and back fired anyway because I still get comments on how “disgusting” I looked. Well I gained 20lbs back, I hope everyone’s happy!) Last about ME; my face was a hot mess between blemishes, oil and flaking skin (never had I had all three issues at once) so my makeup had to be caked on. My sister so charistmatically told me I looked like crap before walking down the aisle.
Hubby’s face broke out in a rash before the rehearsal so his face was puffy and sore looking on the wedding day. This has ALSO never happened before. The tuxedo’s looked like black trash bags. Something was wrong with the pants and shoulders of the jackets but every man wearing one just looked awful with a shrunken head.
The usher’s were in la la land when seating our guests. We had reserved 4 rows for family. My parents, hubby’s parents and all grandparents were in the first pew and then there was 3 empty pews right in front. The ushers sat the guests, family members included in the side pews. It’s almost embarrassing to look at the photos.
Note hubby and I paid and planned for the entire wedding ourselves. This should make me feel proud that was even capable of handling and hosting an event of that size but I almost feel embarrassed…How can I make “light” of these???? I want to get over it so bad so I CAN go to weddings and not feel miserable about my own. I think my perfectionism came back and bit me in the butt and it just plain sucks.