So this is a weird questions don't know if anyone has the answer.

ccosta0125

So I'm getting married and I'm a lesbian. I'm trying to plan out my wedding party and I really want my ex to be part of my wedding party. My fiancé is good friends with her but I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. Even though she is my ex we are still great friends she is one of my closest friends. My maid of honor is not very fond of her and I'm scared that my maid of honor will be upset that she is part of my wedding party. I know its my day and I should do what I want but I don't want to cause any problems that aren't necessary. Please any input would be great. Thanks

jacques27

I'm not really sure your question is one that has an answer that anyone can answer except for you and maybe your MOH.

I think it's great that you're still friends with your ex (regardless of your sexual orientation) and that your fiancée is both comfortable with that and friends with her as well.  The wedding party is for honoring your closest friends.  If she is a very close friend and you want her up there, then have her up there. 

Unless your ex has propensity for violence and has a history of causing physical, mental, or emotional harm to your other friend, there's really no reason to exclude her.  Merely being "not very fond" isn't a good reason.  Assuming you're all adults, you should all be capable of being appropriately cordial together and both your ex and your MOH should have enough respect for you to recognize that the other person is also important to you and act accordingly.  I have friends who don't care for each other, but when we go out for drinks on my birthday they are all perfectly capable of socializing with each other.  Being a decent respectful human isn't that hard.  There's no requirement that the wedding party be BFFs, they just have to be decent respectful human beings long enough to walk down an aisle and stand there for awhile.

Maggie0829

If your FI is comfortable with you including your ex in your wedding party then her opinion is the only one that matters.  Now if your FI was uncomfortable with this then I would definitely reconsider, but if she isn't then if you want to include your ex then do so.

So what if your MOH doesn't like your ex?  She doesn't have to.  If she doesn't feel comfortable with your ex being in YOUR wedding party then that is her problem to deal with, not yours.

The people you pick for your wedding party should be one's that you feel the closest to.  If the people you pick don't like each other or get along well that shouldn't be a factor in who you choose.  Hopefully your friends can act like adults for one day and be cordial to one another.  If they can't then they will look like the immature brats that they are and there will be zero bad reflection on you.

flutteringinfl

My mother is gay and at her wedding, her wife's attendant was an ex (of her wife). They are still friends. I think the answer is the same whether you're talking about a gay or straight wedding: you get to pick who you want for your side. Now if your FI had a huge problem with it then I'd at least have a dialog with her, but the only person you mention having an issue with it is your MOH, whose opinion does not matter at all in this scenario.

levioosa

ccosta0125 said:

So I'm getting married and I'm a lesbian. I'm trying to plan out my wedding party and I really want my ex to be part of my wedding party. My fiancé is good friends with her but I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. Even though she is my ex we are still great friends she is one of my closest friends. My maid of honor is not very fond of her and I'm scared that my maid of honor will be upset that she is part of my wedding party. I know its my day and I should do what I want but I don't want to cause any problems that aren't necessary. Please any input would be great. Thanks

I think what matters is that both you and your FI are okay with it.

southernbelle0915

levioosa said:

ccosta0125 said:

So I'm getting married and I'm a lesbian. I'm trying to plan out my wedding party and I really want my ex to be part of my wedding party. My fiancé is good friends with her but I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. Even though she is my ex we are still great friends she is one of my closest friends. My maid of honor is not very fond of her and I'm scared that my maid of honor will be upset that she is part of my wedding party. I know its my day and I should do what I want but I don't want to cause any problems that aren't necessary. Please any input would be great. Thanks

I think what matters is that both you and your FI are okay with it.

This. If you're both ok with including your ex as a bridesmaid, who cares what anyone else thinks. When your MOH gets married, she can pick her own wedding party, but she should keep any comments to herself about your wedding party.

ccosta0125

Thank you for all of the replies. It was very helpful. I just didn't know how to handle everything.

ohannabelle

ccosta0125 said:

Thank you for all of the replies. It was very helpful. I just didn't know how to handle everything.

Yes, ask the people who are important to you. If MOH gets pissy about it, you tell her: Love you dearly, love other friend as well, and knew that I could count on my friends to put their own differences aside and behave like adults for a few hours.

Subject closed. You owe MOH no excuses or explanations.  If she can't take being a grown up and being graceful to her best friend for a day, she can remove herself from the wedding party, and that's sad, but not your fault.