Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Anything in place of garter toss and bouquet toss?

OK, so the span of our guests taht are coming to our wedding are:  aunts and uncles who are in their 50s and married; cousins that are married in their 40s; college and coworker friends who are in their 30s;  and like 5 people who are in their 20s and 6 folks in their teens and 3 5-year olds.  There are a couple of folks on each of our sides that are single, but... doesn't seem like there's much place for the garter and bouquet tosses. 

But did anyone do anything in its place?  I'm fine with us dancing the whole night through.  Just curious.  Please don't flame me for asking.  hahahaha!  I'm at the "details" part of the planning (23 days to go!) so going over things with a fine-tooth comb now!
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Re: Anything in place of garter toss and bouquet toss?

  • I wouldn't even bother doing something in its place. Just skip it and keep dancing!
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    poodledoodleooozitiqueen
  • We didn't do it at all. Nothing in its place. No one asked us if we were doing it or why we didn't.

    Personally, I prefer wedding that doing do it. The bouquet toss singles out single women and the garter hunt/toss is just...gross IMHO. Plus you have to break up the party to do it. Not a fan of the loss in momentum.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • We didn't do it at all. Nothing in its place. No one asked us if we were doing it or why we didn't.

    Personally, I prefer wedding that doing do it. The bouquet toss singles out single women and the garter hunt/toss is just...gross IMHO. Plus you have to break up the party to do it. Not a fan of the loss in momentum.



    I was thinking the exact same thing.  And I was thinking the garter toss is gross too...  I started shuddering just now.

    Yes, we will keep the party going! 

    southernbelle0915MairePoppylittlepepzitiqueen
  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher Looking over your shoulder member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    We skipped the tosses at our wedding. We watched my parents' wedding video a few years ago - they did do both tosses. It was SO awkward. After one of the ladies caught the bouquet, the dudes all took a step back so her boyfriend could catch the garter. Everyone looked really uncomfortable.
    ~*~*~*~*~

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I haven't seen the bouquet/garter toss at weddings in recent years. My DD/SIL didn't do them and no one missed them. Glad you've decided to keep your guests on the dance floor.
                       
    futuremrshp
  • vmj23vmj23 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 250 Love Its 5 Answers

    We skipped and didn't substitute for anything else.  The night is going to FLY by, so just have fun an enjoy it

    futuremrshpMairePoppy
  • We just didn't do one. I kept and preserved my bouquet. I haven't seen one in years, except for one friend that did it last year. It was weird, and no one wanted to participate, so she was begging guys to get out there. Super awkward. I'd skip it too.
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
    futuremrshp
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    We skipped both and didn't do anything in its place. 

  • blabla89 said:

    In place of a bouquet toss? This, obviously.

    image

    OMG, please tell me this is real.  LOL.  My FI and I have a cat.  But the cat would not be very pleased.  :)  LOLOL!
  • blabla89blabla89 Atlanta member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    @futuremrshp I should hope they didn't actually throw a cat. Brides throwing cats is an internet meme :)
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  • We're doing a sweetheart dance in place of the icky tosses to honour the married couples at our wedding. We'll (eventually) choose a song and will ask all married couples to the floor and after a minute or so start eliminating couples by length of marriage (1 year, 2 years, 5 years, 10 years, etc) until one couple is left standing as the longest married couple in attendance. It will probably be the grandparents. We'll then present them with a bouquet of red roses.

    When discussing this with our DJ, he mentioned that fewer and fewer clients are doing this. So glad, I think it's just gross.

  • yeah--- because when you really think about it, especially the garter toss, it's like his friends are holding an intimate part of your clothing.  I don't want to think about this everytime I see his childhood friend!  gah!
  • I mean, at Chinese weddings it's popular to do stuff like work an
    egg up one leg of the groom's pants and down the other without breaking
    it, so this is nothing. In fact, it seems like one of the few worldwide
    constants in marital traditions is the presence of something slightly
    raunchy to make sure that the couple is capable of taking a joke and
    laughing at itself.

    yeah--- because when you really think about it, especially the garter toss, it's like his friends are holding an intimate part of your clothing.  I don't want to think about this everytime I see his childhood friend!  gah!


  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    We opened the tosses to everyone, gave a bottle of booze as the prize and tossed a companion cube instead of a garter.
    image



    Anniversary
    futuremrshplachattefatale
  • littlepeplittlepep South Carolina member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    blabla89 said:

    In place of a bouquet toss? This, obviously.

    image

    The only appropriate substitution. Although I might fight people for the cat. 
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    image
    chibiyuiblabla89
  • Hi there! 

    I'm not sure if you've definitely decided on not doing anything in place of the garter/bouquet toss but I also ran into this dilemma in the planning process. I decided that I would do a cake pull (http://southernweddings.com/2011/07/21/uncovering-southern-traditions-cake-pulls/). My fiance is from South Carolina and I was trying to find ways to incorporate a few elements for him and thought this was a nice alternative to my friends getting into a brawl over some flowers. I was able to get a GREAT deal on charms from an Etsy dealer and it's one of the things I'm really looking forward to for my wedding in 32 days!! :D I hope everyone participating likes the twist on something traditional.

    Probably not doing a garter toss as I agree with the previous posts. Not really a fan of my new hubby going up my dress in front of my grandparents and boss :-/

    Good luck with everything! 

  • Do an anniversary dance!  It's almost like a musical chairs ideal. Have the D.J. play a song. The D.J. will say " Everyone that's been married 10 or less, sit down"  The D.J. will keep upping the number by 3 to 5 year increments until the longest married couple is left standing on the dance floor.  The woman gets the bouquet and the man gets the (second) garter.  This way another couple gets a very nice recognition and flowers and there is no groping on the dance floor.  If the bride wants to keep her bouquet then she has a second one made; the same as if she were throwing it
    Have fun and good luck.
  • My husband and I complete omitted it and it wasn't missed! We danced all night.
    image
    knottie57c3572e768bc3fb
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited April 2015

    Do an anniversary dance!  It's almost like a musical chairs ideal. Have the D.J. play a song. The D.J. will say " Everyone that's been married 10 or less, sit down"  The D.J. will keep upping the number by 3 to 5 year increments until the longest married couple is left standing on the dance floor.  The woman gets the bouquet and the man gets the (second) garter.  This way another couple gets a very nice recognition and flowers and there is no groping on the dance floor.  If the bride wants to keep her bouquet then she has a second one made; the same as if she were throwing it

    Have fun and good luck.
    This can be hurtful to singles who won't get to dance as well as widow/ers and guests who are divorcing or recently divorced. And the "longest together couple" might be having relationship problems or just not want to do this. Why would you want to make other guests uncomfortable, or even take a chance on that?
    ohannabelle
  • Jen4948 said:

    Do an anniversary dance!  It's almost like a musical chairs ideal. Have the D.J. play a song. The D.J. will say " Everyone that's been married 10 or less, sit down"  The D.J. will keep upping the number by 3 to 5 year increments until the longest married couple is left standing on the dance floor.  The woman gets the bouquet and the man gets the (second) garter.  This way another couple gets a very nice recognition and flowers and there is no groping on the dance floor.  If the bride wants to keep her bouquet then she has a second one made; the same as if she were throwing it

    Have fun and good luck.
    This can be hurtful to singles who won't get to dance as well as widow/ers and guests who are divorcing or recently divorced. And the "longest together couple" might be having relationship problems or just not want to do this. Why would you want to make other guests uncomfortable, or even take a chance on that?
    Doesn't the tosses hurt and single out the singles more than an anniversary dance?  I know everyone I've talked to thinks the anniversary dance is more fitting to a wedding because it celebrates marriage instead of saying HAHAHA LOOK AT THE PATHETIC SINGLE PEOPLE... which is how it's always been interpreted by everyone I know. And I honestly hadn't thought about a couple dancing if they had problems and being offended that we honoured them and their marriage. Though I guess no matter what you do, someone will be offended if they want to be.
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer

    Jen4948 said:

    Do an anniversary dance!  It's almost like a musical chairs ideal. Have the D.J. play a song. The D.J. will say " Everyone that's been married 10 or less, sit down"  The D.J. will keep upping the number by 3 to 5 year increments until the longest married couple is left standing on the dance floor.  The woman gets the bouquet and the man gets the (second) garter.  This way another couple gets a very nice recognition and flowers and there is no groping on the dance floor.  If the bride wants to keep her bouquet then she has a second one made; the same as if she were throwing it

    Have fun and good luck.
    This can be hurtful to singles who won't get to dance as well as widow/ers and guests who are divorcing or recently divorced. And the "longest together couple" might be having relationship problems or just not want to do this. Why would you want to make other guests uncomfortable, or even take a chance on that?
    Doesn't the tosses hurt and single out the singles more than an anniversary dance?  I know everyone I've talked to thinks the anniversary dance is more fitting to a wedding because it celebrates marriage instead of saying HAHAHA LOOK AT THE PATHETIC SINGLE PEOPLE... which is how it's always been interpreted by everyone I know. And I honestly hadn't thought about a couple dancing if they had problems and being offended that we honoured them and their marriage. Though I guess no matter what you do, someone will be offended if they want to be.
    Yeah, gotta admit. The bouquet toss was the WORST when I was single. Because some asshole DJ would always get told by the bride "YOU NEED TO FIND... SHE'S SINGLE!!" And they'd call me out over the speakers and someone would find me (typically by the bar) and drag me to the dance floor.

    We're omitting all that bullshit. Dancing and drinks only, please!

    image
  • Jen4948 said:

    Do an anniversary dance!  It's almost like a musical chairs ideal. Have the D.J. play a song. The D.J. will say " Everyone that's been married 10 or less, sit down"  The D.J. will keep upping the number by 3 to 5 year increments until the longest married couple is left standing on the dance floor.  The woman gets the bouquet and the man gets the (second) garter.  This way another couple gets a very nice recognition and flowers and there is no groping on the dance floor.  If the bride wants to keep her bouquet then she has a second one made; the same as if she were throwing it

    Have fun and good luck.
    This can be hurtful to singles who won't get to dance as well as widow/ers and guests who are divorcing or recently divorced. And the "longest together couple" might be having relationship problems or just not want to do this. Why would you want to make other guests uncomfortable, or even take a chance on that?
    Doesn't the tosses hurt and single out the singles more than an anniversary dance?  I know everyone I've talked to thinks the anniversary dance is more fitting to a wedding because it celebrates marriage instead of saying HAHAHA LOOK AT THE PATHETIC SINGLE PEOPLE... which is how it's always been interpreted by everyone I know. And I honestly hadn't thought about a couple dancing if they had problems and being offended that we honoured them and their marriage. Though I guess no matter what you do, someone will be offended if they want to be.
    Yeah, gotta admit. The bouquet toss was the WORST when I was single. Because some asshole DJ would always get told by the bride "YOU NEED TO FIND... SHE'S SINGLE!!" And they'd call me out over the speakers and someone would find me (typically by the bar) and drag me to the dance floor.

    We're omitting all that bullshit. Dancing and drinks only, please!



    That happened to me as well. It was so humiliating. I stood in the crowd with my arms crossed and refused to participate. Then as soon as they let me go, I left the wedding and never spoke to those friends again. They couldn't grasp why I was so insulted. Idiots.

    We thought it would be nice to honour the married couples at our wedding with the anniversary dance, but if we didn't have that we'd skip the whole thing together. Thankfully this gross practice is dying and fewer couples are doing it.

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    Jen4948 said:

    Do an anniversary dance!  It's almost like a musical chairs ideal. Have the D.J. play a song. The D.J. will say " Everyone that's been married 10 or less, sit down"  The D.J. will keep upping the number by 3 to 5 year increments until the longest married couple is left standing on the dance floor.  The woman gets the bouquet and the man gets the (second) garter.  This way another couple gets a very nice recognition and flowers and there is no groping on the dance floor.  If the bride wants to keep her bouquet then she has a second one made; the same as if she were throwing it

    Have fun and good luck.
    This can be hurtful to singles who won't get to dance as well as widow/ers and guests who are divorcing or recently divorced. And the "longest together couple" might be having relationship problems or just not want to do this. Why would you want to make other guests uncomfortable, or even take a chance on that?
    Doesn't the tosses hurt and single out the singles more than an anniversary dance?  I know everyone I've talked to thinks the anniversary dance is more fitting to a wedding because it celebrates marriage instead of saying HAHAHA LOOK AT THE PATHETIC SINGLE PEOPLE... which is how it's always been interpreted by everyone I know. And I honestly hadn't thought about a couple dancing if they had problems and being offended that we honoured them and their marriage. Though I guess no matter what you do, someone will be offended if they want to be.
    Don't do ANYTHING that will make someone feel excluded based on their relationship status. Just skip the tosses without substituting an anniversary dance. There's no need for any of them.
    blabla89ohannabelle
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    My reaction to a bouquet toss: 

    image

    Nobody misses these. We did the first dance and parent dances and then opened the floor the rest of the night. 
    ________________________________


    Jen4948
  • ohmrs2014ohmrs2014 Dirty Jerz mod
    Moderator 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary

    We're doing a sweetheart dance in place of the icky tosses to honour the married couples at our wedding. We'll (eventually) choose a song and will ask all married couples to the floor and after a minute or so start eliminating couples by length of marriage (1 year, 2 years, 5 years, 10 years, etc) until one couple is left standing as the longest married couple in attendance. It will probably be the grandparents. We'll then present them with a bouquet of red roses.

    When discussing this with our DJ, he mentioned that fewer and fewer clients are doing this. So glad, I think it's just gross.

    We did this as well, but we called it an anniversary dance.  The couple that was married the longest received the toss garter and toss bouquet, as well as a bottle of champagne that we purchased.
    Anniversary



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  • chibiyui said:

    We opened the tosses to everyone, gave a bottle of booze as the prize and tossed a companion cube instead of a garter.

    This is the most amazing thing I have ever heard. I think I want your wedding.
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  • louxnoellelouxnoelle #patriotsnation member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Apologies that this is a few days late, and I completely agree that garter-hunting is gross, bouquet-tossing is awkward, and anything that stops the momentum of the party is probably unneeded - BUT, I saw the cutest thing the other day (probably on Pinterest, let's be real).

    As many people as it takes for there to be one for each kid - in your case three, so maybe you, groom, and MOH - toss a teddybear for the littles to catch! I would suggest making all the bears the same so nobody freaks out, but otherwise I just think it's the sweetest. I want to do it at my wedding but we don't really have enough kids of the right age to justify it.
    image
  • We aren't doing them and we're technically not substituting anything.  But we are having Karaoke so omitting the time it takes to do the bouquet and garter will increase the time we can spend on Karaoke.  Win!
  • chibiyui said:

    We opened the tosses to everyone, gave a bottle of booze as the prize and tossed a companion cube instead of a garter.

    I love it. We're thinking about doing something similar, with gift cards and koosh balls.
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