Proposal ideas/help

cnick95

Okay, so here is the deal. I just started making payments on the ring for my wonderful soon to be fiance (hopefully) I plan to have it all paid off by the fourth of July which is her birthday. I was just in Washington state where she grew up as we live together in Arizona. While i was there, I asked her dad for permission to marry his daughter and he told me yes! SO now I have to come up with the perfect proposal so I am here for ideas. Every year on the fourth of July we take a trip to Washington, where her family has a house right on the river. We spend the weekend playing games on the grass and lighting fireworks off of the docks on the river as well as all of the other neighbors around. So this is the setting I am thinking of, now I need help from a creative mind to make this perfect. Please someone help me! 

AddieCake

Say something nice about how she enriches your life, take out the ring, and ask. Sorry, I just don't get "perfect" proposals.

lilacck28

I answered on the NEY board. 

But, also, agree with @addiecake . There's no such thing as a perfect proposal-- accept that, and you'll be much better off! My FI brought me to a rooftop overlooking the Whitehouse and he was so nervous... he told me he loved me and wanted to be with me forever AFTER he proposed. He just got down on one knee and popped the question without any type of preamble.

 I had been imagining he would give me a pretty little speech one day on our couch, so his actual proposal was very different than my fantasy proposal. 

But seriously, the only thing I needed for the "perfect proposal" was him asking me. And not doing it in front of a crowd. I made that pretty clear. 

morphemes

I don't have any specific advice for you in terms of what you should do, but I will say that you shouldn't over think this. The most important thing is that you ask her to marry you, not how you do it. 

I would steer away from planning anything over the top unless you KNOW that she would love that. If she's dropped hints that she would love her family/friends around to see it, then fine. Otherwise I would assume that she doesn't want that. I think most women would prefer a more private, intimate proposal than something flashy for the sake of being flashy. I can't imagine anything better than a cozy night at home (or maybe a nice dinner first) and bf asking me when it's just the two of us. 

Maggie0829

You know what makes a perfect proposal?  You asking your GF to marry you.  That is what will make it perfect in her eyes.  All the fanfare is just fluff.  So don't stress yourself out on making it perfect, because nothing is ever perfect.

southernbelle0915

The "perfect proposal" means different things to different people. I would feel super pressured and uncomfortable being proposed to in front of other people or a crowd. Some people think its the greatest thing ever... Know what I mean?

What's your girlfriend like? And what does she like? Has she dropped hints about things? How does she talk about others' proposals?

My DH proposed when we were on vacation together. Alone. We didn't tell anyone for a few days - just enjoyed our new 'status' together. That was perfect for me.

ETA: also, we were just sitting on a deck watching the sunset. There was no fanfare. Just him on one knee saying sweet stuff from the heart.

amelisha

I'm with these ladies. Keep it small and private, tell her a bit about how much you love her, and skip all the elaborate stuff. It's just stress for you and awkward for everyone else, truthfully. I had a big elaborate proposal and I would have been happier without it. Seriously.

Jen4948

If someone got on "bended knee" or otherwise felt the need to "pop the question" to me with lots of fanfare and ceremony, especially if it involved manipulating me into going to some particular place that I wouldn't normally go to, involved "surprising" me, took place in public, involved third parties, or was otherwise really theatrically elaborate, I would not be happy. And it would make me not want to accept the proposal.

Just ask her in private, without surprises or theatrical gestures. If she accepts, you'll have made the "perfect" proposal.

climbingsingle

This is something that's so subjective. My proposal was very simple and perfect. We were hiking, he ran up ahead of me and when I caught up to him, he was kneeling with the ring. It was just the two of us, and it was such a special moment. 

jlowery28

I don't want to play devil's advocate here, but I will. If you think she will enjoy a little fanfare, surprise, or the extravagance of the proposal, the go with it. I wanted my proposal caught on camera, and I thought someone sneaking in the bushes would be a little too stalker-ish. So, I booked us a couple's photography session at a place a couple hours away and presented it to my girlfriend as a "Valentine's" gift so it wouldn't seem out of the ordinary. And I wouldn't have wanted it any other way, because the scenery was beautiful, she was beautiful, and it was all captured. 

amelisha

Notice that the only person who thinks this is a good idea is the one man that posted?

Just saying.

Maggie0829

jlowery28 said:

I don't want to play devil's advocate here, but I will. If you think she will enjoy a little fanfare, surprise, or the extravagance of the proposal, the go with it. I wanted my proposal caught on camera, and I thought someone sneaking in the bushes would be a little too stalker-ish. So, I booked us a couple's photography session at a place a couple hours away and presented it to my girlfriend as a "Valentine's" gift so it wouldn't seem out of the ordinary. And I wouldn't have wanted it any other way, because the scenery was beautiful, she was beautiful, and it was all captured. 

I'm sorry to point this out but you decided to do something extravagant because YOU wanted it. In your post you never once said that your FI wanted it.  No one ever said that he shouldn't do something big IF that is what his GF may want or like.  What we are trying to get across is that in the end it is the fact that you are asking someone to spend the rest of their life with you that is most important.  Not a marching band, or fireworks, or the Queen making her princess for the day.  So to stress over making something perfect like you see in the movies is just not worth it, because the fact that you asked will be the stand out moment.

jlowery28

"the only person who thinks this is a good idea is the one man that posted?" so because I'm a man, my opinion is useless? Someone should notify the OP about that, it'd save him a lot of time. There are some very intolerant people on here. 

I realize that I may not have worded it correctly in my post, so some of the blame is mine. So to clarify: I wanted it because I knew that would make her happy, and that's supposed to be the goal right? I had to plan it about 2 months out, and that definitely isn't something done on a whim if I didn't think she would love it.  So to say that this was what I wanted is incorrect. Ultimately, OP, you know your girlfriend better than any of us, and you should do something that will make you both happy.

Maggie0829

jlowery28 said:

"the only person who thinks this is a good idea is the one man that posted?" so because I'm a man, my opinion is useless? Someone should notify the OP about that, it'd save him a lot of time. There are some very intolerant people on here. 

I realize that I may not have worded it correctly in my post, so some of the blame is mine. So to clarify: I wanted it because I knew that would make her happy, and that's supposed to be the goal right? I had to plan it about 2 months out, and that definitely isn't something done on a whim if I didn't think she would love it.  So to say that this was what I wanted is incorrect. Ultimately, OP, you know your girlfriend better than any of us, and you should do something that will make you both happy.

No, what she meant was that the people who have been proposed TO have commented to say that fanfare and fluff is not necessary but the fact that you want to spend the rest of your life with that person is whats important.

Wouldn't the OP want to take advice from people who have been proposed TO since they are the best ones to say what is and is not the most important in a proposal?

amelisha

Maggie0829 said:

jlowery28 said:

"the only person who thinks this is a good idea is the one man that posted?" so because I'm a man, my opinion is useless? Someone should notify the OP about that, it'd save him a lot of time. There are some very intolerant people on here. 

I realize that I may not have worded it correctly in my post, so some of the blame is mine. So to clarify: I wanted it because I knew that would make her happy, and that's supposed to be the goal right? I had to plan it about 2 months out, and that definitely isn't something done on a whim if I didn't think she would love it.  So to say that this was what I wanted is incorrect. Ultimately, OP, you know your girlfriend better than any of us, and you should do something that will make you both happy.

No, what she meant was that the people who have been proposed TO have commented to say that fanfare and fluff is not necessary but the fact that you want to spend the rest of your life with that person is whats important.

Wouldn't the OP want to take advice from people who have been proposed TO since they are the best ones to say what is and is not the most important in a proposal?

This, exactly. What I was implying is that a lot of men (or whoever is doing the proposing) think it has to be this big THING, whereas most of those who were the recipient of said proposals say that it's unnecessary and sometimes even detrimental and that something more intimate and heartfelt without the fluff is maybe more meaningful.

It has nothing to do with being "intolerant" and everything to do with the fact that a lot of people planning proposals get really caught up in the production aspect of it when every single woman/proposed-to person here said that that stuff just isn't important. And they're the ones who actually have the experience.

It's not that it's not a nice thing to want to do for your girlfriend and all (goodness knows I thought it was very sweet and thoughtful that my fiance went to all the trouble that he did), it's that it didn't really make it a "better" proposal for me. All I needed (and it sounds like all the other ladies on this thread needed) was to hear how much he loves me, not a surprise party and champagne and whatever, you understand what I mean?

jlowery28

amelisha said:

Maggie0829 said:

jlowery28 said:

"the only person who thinks this is a good idea is the one man that posted?" so because I'm a man, my opinion is useless? Someone should notify the OP about that, it'd save him a lot of time. There are some very intolerant people on here. 

I realize that I may not have worded it correctly in my post, so some of the blame is mine. So to clarify: I wanted it because I knew that would make her happy, and that's supposed to be the goal right? I had to plan it about 2 months out, and that definitely isn't something done on a whim if I didn't think she would love it.  So to say that this was what I wanted is incorrect. Ultimately, OP, you know your girlfriend better than any of us, and you should do something that will make you both happy.

No, what she meant was that the people who have been proposed TO have commented to say that fanfare and fluff is not necessary but the fact that you want to spend the rest of your life with that person is whats important.

Wouldn't the OP want to take advice from people who have been proposed TO since they are the best ones to say what is and is not the most important in a proposal?

This, exactly. What I was implying is that a lot of men (or whoever is doing the proposing) think it has to be this big THING, whereas most of those who were the recipient of said proposals say that it's unnecessary and sometimes even detrimental and that something more intimate and heartfelt without the fluff is maybe more meaningful.

It has nothing to do with being "intolerant" and everything to do with the fact that a lot of people planning proposals get really caught up in the production aspect of it when every single woman/proposed-to person here said that that stuff just isn't important. And they're the ones who actually have the experience.

It's not that it's not a nice thing to want to do for your girlfriend and all (goodness knows I thought it was very sweet and thoughtful that my fiance went to all the trouble that he did), it's that it didn't really make it a "better" proposal for me. All I needed (and it sounds like all the other ladies on this thread needed) was to hear how much he loves me, not a surprise party and champagne and whatever, you understand what I mean?

Yeah, I understand what yall are saying, maybe I got a little too defensive about it. But I really don't think mine was over the top. There was no band, there was no crowd. Just me, her, & a photographer. And after I proposed, I pulled some props and stuff out of my trunk so we went ahead and knocked out our engagement pictures while we couldn't wipe the smile off our faces. I don't want to hijack the thread, but yall are welcome to look at the pictures so you can understand that it took some planning but it was still simple and elegant in my opinion.

http://karleeblairphotography.pixieset.com/lowery/