Father is Officiant, Parents Are Divorced

klhowell219

I was pretty bummed when I learned my pastor does not travel outside my city since my ceremony is about an hour drive. I really wanted someone I know to run my ceremony. When I told my dad about my dilemma, he volunteered himself and took all the necessary steps to be a legal officiant for me. I LOVE that my dad is doing this, but I am having trouble scripting the ceremony. To add to the dilemma, my mom and dad are divorced, so I can't just have my mom say, "Her father and I" to give me away because they don't even speak to each other and I would find that kind of odd. I know it's been discussed before, but it would be really helpful if someone could give me a link to an example ceremony script. I've heard about the families giving their blessings instead of the father "giving the bride away". I don't have any problem with my father not being asked to give me away - but I am writing the ceremony script so I am just looking for some options! TIA!!

Jen4948

Just skip the "giving away."

artbyallie

I guess this ship has sailed, but why would you book a ceremony venue before confirming that you could have the officiant you originally wanted if your pastor is important to you?

climbingsingle

Skip the giving away part. My dad just walked me down the aisle, hugged me, hugged my H and then sat down. Then our officiate started. 

Also, one of my H's best friends married us. He wrote the entire ceremony himself. Does your dad have any ideas on what he'd like to say?

klhowell219

My pastor is "not that important" to me. I go to an extremely large church, so I don't even know the pastor personally. But he is the only pastor I have known for the past 5 years. My childhood pastor now lives out of state and was not willing to make the trek.

I've written the whole ceremony, just trying to get past the awkward entrance. I am toying around with the idea of having both families come forward after the entrance , then having the father's each say their blessing for the union, then continue with the ceremony.

STARMOON44

Could she not say "her family and I do".

Or just "I do." Why can't she be the one who "gives" you away all by herself.

klhowell219

Who is "she"? You mean, my mother? I guess I was just looking for a way to involve both families/sets of parents.

STARMOON44

klhowell219 said:

Who is "she"? You mean, my mother? I guess I was just looking for a way to involve both families/sets of parents.

Yeah, your mother. If your father would have traditionally been the one to give you away, but he can't because he's officiating, just substituting in you mother makes sense to me. And idk why, if you want to involve everyone, only the fathers would be giving their blessings. That's actually not involving the mothers at all.

klhowell219

STARMOON44 said:

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klhowell219 said:

Who is "she"? You mean, my mother? I guess I was just looking for a way to involve both families/sets of parents.

Yeah, your mother. If your father would have traditionally been the one to give you away, but he can't because he's officiating, just substituting in you mother makes sense to me. And idk why, if you want to involve everyone, only the fathers would be giving their blessings. That's actually not involving the mothers at all.

That's why I am looking for OPTIONS. I'd like to incorporate his parents and my parents into the ceremony somehow. We are not doing a unity candle, we are doing a handfasting ceremony, but don't want them involved in the handfasting part as I've already nailed that part of the ceremony down and I love it. So, I am looking for a way to begin the ceremony, with both sets of parents, but keeping in mind that my father is also the officiant. Clear as mud??

OliveOilsMom

Skip the giving away part.  Perhaps your dad could start the ceremony by speaking for your FI's parents and your mom.  "On behalf of Groom's parents, Bride's mom, and myself, we would like to welcome you all to the wedding of our children. [Speaking to you & FI] We are all so happy that you have found each other and are starting your lives together as husband and wife on this day."  Then start the rest of the ceremony script.  Or ask your dad about it, since he is performing the ceremony.  He may have some ideas of his own.

artbyallie

"Who supports this woman in her decision to marry?"

Mom: "Her family does."

CMGragain

"Her family does."  This covers everybody.  I used it, myself.

VulgarGirl

My wife's dads walked her down the aisle, gave her a kiss and took their seats. Then my mom and dad walked me down the aisle, kissed me high fived, and took their seats. No one said anything. Marriage still legit.

MairePoppy

You don't have to be given away. Skip it.

If you want to involve all the parents, your fi's parents could walk him down the aisle, your mom could walk you. Your dad can be waiting up front to officiate.

At my daughter and SIL's wedding, the JOP invited the parents to the 'altar' to lay our hands on the bride and groom's hands as she read a blessing.

princessleia22

We had all our parents (my mom & dad and grooms mom & dad) stand up and officiant asked something along the lines of "who supports this couples decision to marry?" and all our parents said "we do".  Being in my mid-30's and having lived 2000 miles away from my parents for a decade, it didn't really feel right to have dad "give me away" and we really wanted to include all our parents in the ceremony, not just my dad, so this option worked great for us.

madamerwin

My dad is officiating at my wedding (I am the third of four daughters to marry, and he has/will officiate at all of our weddings). Here's how he does it:

1. He and FI will walk up to the front together at the beginning of the ceremony.

2. While the bridal party enters and walks down, my dad will sneak to the back to meet up with me (I know it sounds conspicuous, but NO ONE noticed him leave at my sisters' weddings, everyone was focusing on the bridal party walking in).

3. He walks me down the aisle, and then "hands me off" to FI. He resumes his place between us as the officiant.

So, there's no "Who is giving this bride away?" statement, but honestly, I really dislike that part anyway and don't see any value in stating it. He will physically hand me over to FI, but with no proclamation. I don't really get why the question even needs to be asked; isn't it safe to assume that whoever is walking you down the aisle/your parents/etc. are the ones "giving you away"?

Side note: The whole giving-the-bride-away is an antiquated tradition anyway... It makes me feel a little funny.