Address format: Unmarried couple living together where boyfriend is a doctor

dresdendoll

I'm in the process of finalizing the addresses for our guest list and I have a somewhat unusual case. One of my close female friends is living with her boyfriend and he is a doctor but she is not. Now I know that normally for unmarried couples living together you would list the woman first but in this situation he outranks her. In which order should I put their names on the envelope (we're only doing one envelope)?

Ms. Jane Doe

Doctor James Smith

or

Doctor James Smith

Ms. Jane Doe

I'm leaning toward the former because I'm much closer to her than I am to him but I don't want to commit a big etiquette faux pas by doing so.

Jen4948

As far as I know it is

Dr. James Smith

Ms. Jane Doe.

I looked on Crane's but it doesn't list how to address doctors or when the couple isn't married.  Maybe @CMGragain knows.

Maggie0829

I am not sure of the 100% correct way, but I feel like you can never go wrong listing the woman first.

I think more people will find offence to having their titles/names spelled incorrectly as opposed to if they are listed first or second.

dresdendoll

Jen4948 said:

As far as I know it is

Dr. James Smith

Ms. Jane Doe.

I looked on Crane's but it doesn't list how to address doctors or when the couple isn't married.  Maybe @CMGragain knows.

I've been using this Crane's blog post to figure out the address format but it only lists cases where the couple is married and one or both are doctors. I followed that post's guideline on spelling out the doctor title.

dresdendoll

Maggie0829 said:

I am not sure of the 100% correct way, but I feel like you can never go wrong listing the woman first.

I think more people will find offence to having their titles/names spelled incorrectly as opposed to if they are listed first or second.

That's kinda what I was thinking too.

Jen4948

dresdendoll said:

show previous quotes

Maggie0829 said:

I am not sure of the 100% correct way, but I feel like you can never go wrong listing the woman first.

I think more people will find offence to having their titles/names spelled incorrectly as opposed to if they are listed first or second.

That's kinda what I was thinking too.

So was I.

bellefemme12

I would list the woman first because that is who you are close to…For my STDs, I did not use any titles.  I'm dreading having to use titles for the formal invitations, b/c I have a lot of doctor friends who live with their significant others and married doctor couples where the woman hyphenated her last name.  

CMGragain

bellefemme12 said:

I would list the woman first because that is who you are close to…For my STDs, I did not use any titles.  I'm dreading having to use titles for the formal invitations, b/c I have a lot of doctor friends who live with their significant others and married doctor couples where the woman hyphenated her last name.  

The bolded is irrelevant.  I would list the woman first because it is customary.  To address a letter (or invitation) to an unmarried couple, this is the usual form:

Ms. Jane Smith
Doctor John Jones
Address
City, State Zip

For couples where both are doctors, and have hyphenated their surnames,
"The Doctors Smith-Jones" is correct.

For a married couple with hyphenated last names, "Mr. and Mrs. Smith-Jones".

For most marries couples, it is either Mr. and Mrs. John Jones (traditional), or
 "Ms. Jane Jones and Mr. John Jones" (non-traditional).

The title "Doctor" can be easily substituted for either Mr., Mrs. or Ms.

Jen4948

Does "Doctor" have to to be spelled out?

I've always seen it abbreviated.

CMGragain

It should be spelled out on a formal wedding invitation and on the outer envelope, but it is no big deal to abbreviate it on the outer envelope.  It must be written out on the inner envelope, if you are using one.

[Deleted User]

I'm going to go with listing her first. The reason why is she is your friend, he is being invited because he is a SO. If they were to break up, she would still be invited and my guess is, he wouldn't be.

bellefemme12

Nowadays, I feel like people list the person they are closest to first when they address an invitation to a couple.  Be it correct, etiquette wise, I do not know, but I see it more and more…and I understand why.