WR: Gifts

500days

Yesterday after school, I went to the outlets to shop for BM gifts. I have read up on how matchy-matchy gifts and personalized gifts are not good ideas. I planned on shopping for individual gifts. It was so hard to find things that were similar price range, but different. I ended up in Kate Spade because they were having an awesome sale (50%, then additional 20% off). I was trying to buy different wristlets or bangles. 

The salesgirl that was helping me kept on asking why they had to be different. I explained the reasoning and she said that I should still go with ones that are exactly the same. They had gold, silver, cream and black bangles. I did see what she was saying though, because I don't want to give something that would have to be exchanged since the outlets are far away from where my BMs live. I ended up getting all gold. I figured it would go with everything right? And it eliminates any potential gift jealousy. I know that my BMs should be mature enough to be happy with whatever gift they get...hopefully they will love them. I also plan on getting them giftcards and another gift. 

Buy anyway, do you all think I messed up by getting the same gift for each girl? And when did you give your BMs your gifts (or when did you receive your BM gift)?

bethsmiles

The gifts can be the same if it's something all the receivers would truly want. I think you are over thinking this. As long as it isn't expected that they wear in for the wedding and it's something you think they would like it's fine.

I've always heard that you give the WP gifts at the rehersal dinner.

ETA: Everyone I know who has been in a wedding got the same/similar gifts as the other wedding party members. The only time it was side-eyed was when it was something no one really wanted because it was just for the wedding.

eilis1228

I got all my BMs the same thing-- Coach wristlets. I did get two different colors, but they're the same style. I'm going to fill them with travel size makeup (I got sets from Sephora and Haute Look), and then I got them a mug with their initial on it ($8 from Anthropologie). Even though they're all the same, I think their still somewhat personalized and something all of the girls will like. As long as whatever you get is universally liked (which, I mean, who doesn't like Kate Spade?), you're fine. Also, as long as whatever you get them isn't for the wedding day only (i.e. jewelry they have to wear that day), then there shouldn't be a problem. And yes, @bethsmiles is right, you give the gifts during the rehearsal dinner.

KeptInStitches

I got my MoH a Camelbak All Clear UV water bottle (link). She's a hiker, so she'll love it. If your BMs will all like the bangles, not a problem. I'm planning to give my MoH her gift privately, perhaps the day of the rehearsal but not at the dinner. I know FI is planning to give his BM his gift the day of the wedding, perhaps the day before, but not at the rehearsal dinner. We'll give our parents their gifts in the same way.

GoldenPenguin

I can't talk details, because someone here is one of my bridesmaids, but they all got something similar, with individual pieces for each of them. PM me if you want more details, haha.

jenna8984

I think that's fine! One that I was in, she gave coach wristlets. I don't know if they were the same colors or different but I loved it and didn't care if the other girl's got the same thing. I got my girls the same bracelet that they had pinned on Pinterest (not to wear for the wedding) and then got them each something different to go along with it.

Loves2dream

When I was supposed to get married 463 years ago (OK, like 13 but still) I was giving all of them the same gift, jewelry. Every wedding I have been in I have gotten the same as the other BM's and it was usually jewelry to wear the day of the wedding. Once I did get a jewelry box with my initials on it. This is very common in my area.

Weddings are so expensive because we seem to be expected to overthink everything (and we do) which leads to over spending. If I were to be a BM today, I like the idea of a gift card to a favorite store of mine because I don't need you to spend 10 hours deciding what I would like as a thank you gift, I would rather save you the stress. And, I would never expect the bride and groom to spend a ton of money on me, I would be happy with a $25 gift card (if you could swing it so I drink free during the reception, cool) This is just me.

Good luck!

 

bethsmiles

Loves2dream said:

When I was supposed to get married 463 years ago (OK, like 13 but still) I was giving all of them the same gift, jewelry. Every wedding I have been in I have gotten the same as the other BM's and it was usually jewelry to wear the day of the wedding. Once I did get a jewelry box with my initials on it. This is very common in my area.

Weddings are so expensive because we seem to be expected to overthink everything (and we do) which leads to over spending. If I were to be a BM today, I like the idea of a gift card to a favorite store of mine because I don't need you to spend 10 hours deciding what I would like as a thank you gift, I would rather save you the stress. And, I would never expect the bride and groom to spend a ton of money on me, I would be happy with a $25 gift card (if you could swing it so I drink free during the reception, cool) This is just me.

Good luck!

 ***STUCK IN BOX***

Everyone should drink for free at the reception. But if the bride and groom can't afford to host alcohol, only paying for the WP would be rude as hell.

beanbot2002

I can't talk details either, since there are peoples here that are in my WP, but they are each getting something similar, from the same place, tailored to each of them.

Loves2dream

@bethsmiles I have never been in a wedding where all my drinks are paid for, I got two for free once and it had to be beer or wine (they had tickets for us). Seriously, my region is a bunch of party poopers!!

EDIT: I have never been to a fully hosted wedding party either, beer and wine max but even then it isn't terribly common up here! Boo!

lavenderfields13

This reminds me that me and FI need to think about WP gifts really soon!

Like PPs have said I think those gifts are fine if you think all the girls would really like that.

I'm lucky- I only have 2 BM. I was thinking of getting them both jewelry (not for the wedding day)- they both wear jewelry and I found a DIY jewelery dish that I'm planning on making for each of them. Then I remembered I also have my brother as a bridesman and I have no clue what to get him- he's hard to shop for.

I was going to give them their gifts the day before the wedding but I want to do it in private- not at the actual dinner.

speakeasy14

Didn't read anyone else's post yet so sorry if I repeat anything.

1. I've always received bridesmaid gifts either at the rehearsal or while we were getting ready.

2. I've only ever received matchy matchy gifts.  The only ones I did not like were the stuff that said bridesmaid, or the fake jewelry that I'm allergic to (and that only bothered me because each of those girls knew about my allergy).  My sister did matching gifts but personalized them by each girl's favorite color and wine preference (she did a beach bag filled with a towel, sunscreen, sunglasses, and a bottle of wine).  

bethsmiles

@TwoDimes - Maybe you could have some flowers delivered to her on the day of the wedding with a nice note?

eilis1228

@TwoDimes I'm making quilts for mine, but I also may put together a little basket for them with coloring books, a stuffed animal, etc to keep them occupied during the reception. If she doesn't come to the wedding, you could do something like a jewelry box? I loved those as a kid because of the ballerina inside. Does she like books/stories? You could get one of those personalized adventure books. I had a few of those as a kid that I really liked because my name was in the book. Something like THIS. 

jenna8984

@loves2dream Same in my area! I went to a wedding this past Saturday and the cocktail hour bar had a massive line so my husband and a few friends said "let's go to the bar downstairs and get drinks". The bride and I had shared a lot of planning details with each other so she had told me that the cocktail hour was hosted and the rest wasn't. I said "no don't go downstairs- they are free up here". And literally 6 people went "REALLY?!?!?" because that's just how uncommon hosted bars are in my area. I know it's not right, but it is what it is.

Loves2dream

@jenna8984 thanks for sharing! I was starting to think I was nuts going through all the weddings I have attended and still, nope! None were hosted! We must be rebels here and throw rules out the window or something, lol.

Peaseblossom55

I got all of my BM's kate spade wristlets, a gift of bath set from Lush and then something individual.  I did also get them shawls to have their shoulders covered during church,.  So I did a mix of the same and individual things.

labro

@TwoDimes We got our flowergirl (H's niece) a sterling silver necklace from James Avery. The front of the charm had her initials and the back of the charm had a heart inscribed on it with our first name initials inside the heart.

For BM gifts, each girl got a different piece of jewelry in their gift bags. Some girls got earrings, others bracelets, others necklaces but they were all in the a similar price point. They also got chocolates and a Starbucks gc.

buddysmom80

I got my MOH and BMs black totes with their first initial embroidered on it in red, a red pashmina, a personalized two wall tumbler (I made sure this was okay with everyone though first and FWIW they vinyl stickers fell off the first time I washed mine), a cute bracelet with a silver charm on it and something else (I can't remember). Then I spent most of the "budget" on personalized gifts for each of them. My MOH I got a librarian charm bracelet that she pinned on Pinterest. BM #1 I got her a silver butterfly necklace and BM #2 I got a custom great dane Christmas ornament.

Everyone loved their gifts, but I wouldn't go crazy on the personalized stuff, some people aren't into that, so just check with them first.

Hummingbird125

@500Days - I bought my BM's all robes from plumprettysugar.com. Same style but everyone got the color of their choice (well, they don't know what the color is FOR but I asked them each to choose a color and they all chose different ones!). I know we always say to choose individualized gifts, but for me I knew that my two sisters and my MOH would like the robes, and I have NO CLUE what the other BM would want as a gift, but I think she'll like it too, so I just went with those. I may add one more small gift to each one (with a larger extra gift for my MOH, because of everything she's done/planned).

500days

Thanks everyone for responding and helping me out! Yes, @bethsmiles I think I am over-thinking this. Especially since I recently read a couple threads regarding BM gifts on here. I just don't want to be cheap or risk having a couple of my BMs get jealous because they liked someone else's gift better....I know that's super immature but it has happened before! 

My MOH (FI's sister and my BFF from high school) is who I am truly worried about. I think it was @lavenderfields13 who said she's not giving the gifts at the rehearsal. I'm thinking I'll have to do it privately or the morning of the wedding to avoid any drama from gifts. I know that sounds crazy, but every Christmas she's gotten all pissy when opening gifts. If someone gets something nice she makes a comment and asks why she didn't get that too. I got the naked2 palette and she screamed when I opened it. Love her to death, but thinking of her makes gift buying so hard.

bethsmiles

@500Days - I think reading some of the threads on these boards can make a person paranoid! There are so many horror stories on here of bridezillas and crazy friends/family. It's hard to think anyone can make it through the wedding process without some sort of crazy happening after lurking on TK for long enough.

Dignity100

I only had my MOH, but another girl also helped and came to look at dresses with me, so I did get her a 'BM' gift.  I got my MOH a Disney crossbody Dooney & Bourke purse, the other girl I got a Disney Vera Bradley wristlet wallet/phone case (since I know she doesn't like carrying a bag with her).  I also got each a gift card (I don't remember where at this point though) - and I put a dollar in each purse because it's "bad luck to give an empty wallet" or whatever that superstition is.

phira

The philosophy is more like ... you don't want to get everyone in the wedding party the same thing if the gift is something that not everyone will like. If you have a groomsman who loves scotch and a groomsman who doesn't like scotch, you don't get both of them scotch. If you have a bridesmaid who wears makeup regularly and another who never does, you don't get both of them gift cards to Sephora.

So I wouldn't stress so much about the gifts being the same, unless you know for a fact that some of your bridesmaids would really never want what you got for them.

audrewuh

I went to charming charlie's and target to get things for my BM's and reader. I got them all a different color nail polish, along with a piece of jewelry that I know they liked (like, one of my girl's hated bracelets, but loved chunky necklaces; another loved delicate bracelets). I bought one girl a wall decor piece for her new apartment because I couldn't find any jewelry she liked. 

So yea, I shopped individually, but then also gave them something that was the same. As long as every one of your girls loves bangles, you're just fine.