Things that are meant to be a compliment but aren't...

KatieinBkln

princessofgenovia said:

When I tell people I'm Hispanic/native american on my dad's side they'll say "Wow you don't look Mexican at all!" or "Well you're lucky you take after your mom and can pass for white!" yeah thank God I don't look like a minority! 

But we're a post-racial society, guys! Racism is dead!

FiancB

I get asked my ethnicity a lot too. I'm white, but I could pass for something else, especially in the summer when I'm tan. I don't really care, but why do people think that's okay to ask? 

lovegood90

So this isn't a compliment, but I just remembered my SOs friend who always makes such clueless comments about weight.

One time a few years ago I had mono, but luckily after like 3 weeks I was better. I had lost a bit of weight but not that much- just the typical amount you get from having the stomach flu. After a few weeks I was back to my normal weight (that's what happens when you start eating again...) SOs friend said something like, "wow, you just had mono a few weeks ago? That's so weird, everyone I've known has always lost sooo much weight!" Like..thanks? You could have just..not commented on that?

Then a month ago we were all out at dinner and he said "Oh, I forgot you were a vegetarian! That's so weird, all the vegetarians I know end up losing tons of weight!"

SO said I was overreacting but seriously? Could you insinuate any harder that I haven't lost weight? I'm not even trying to lose weight, so what the hell?

doeydo

Add me to the list of people who hate strangers calling me names as if they know me intimately (such as sweetie, sweetheart, hun, etc.) simply because I appear to to be a woman/feminine.  Men do not greet other men like that so it bugs the shit out of me.  I'm just working, I don't want to talk to you, don't talk to me like that, buddy.

NowIamMrsKlein

emmaaa said:

I've been told that I'm such a pretty ginger, or that I'm actually really hott for a redhead. Thanks?

Ha! I've got similar ones too. "You know, you actually have really nice hair. I mean, for a ginger, your hair is actually really pretty"

Wtf??? For a ginger, my hair is pretty. 

Jen4948

kvruns said:

princessgracekelly said:

FUCKING THANK YOU on the "cute" thing. Also, "You look a lot younger than you are!" Yeah, yeah, I know, I'll be "thankful" that I look younger than I am when I'm older, but it comes off as backhanded when

a.) Alcohol-selling people and their managers have accused my very real ID of being fake

b.) I still get carded for R-rated movies

c.) I've been flat-out told by wedding industry people that I look too young to get married

Not bitter. Not bitter in the least.

I was at the post office last week and these two women came in to apply for passports.  One had a short hair cut w/ a backwards hat on and then woman working the desk said "how old are you honey", and the woman goes uhhhh 37.  The lady working must have thought it was a mother/daughter applying and the girl in the hat was like 16 or something.  I didn't get a good look at her face, but just from standing in line behind them I knew it was 2 adults!

I got carded once when I was 29 and with my dad. We were on a trip and decided to go to the lounge in our hotel for a drink. I had my ID on me and I thought it was funny, but I can accept that it can be annoying.

arrippa

doeydo said:

Add me to the list of people who hate strangers calling me names as if they know me intimately (such as sweetie, sweetheart, hun, etc.) simply because I appear to to be a woman/feminine.  Men do not greet other men like that so it bugs the shit out of me.  I'm just working, I don't want to talk to you, don't talk to me like that, buddy.

I was buying a muffin this morning at Pret and the guy serving me kept calling me sweetheart. It was very creepy. There was a male behind me and he got a "sir". I was like WTF. You call me sweetheart but him sir. I decided I won't be going back to that location.

[Deleted User]

Dittoing when people use "pet" names like "Honey."

Everyone usually thinks I am around 16-17 years old, so when I was 17 and legally able to drive, people would flip out if they saw me grabbing keys. One day at my barn I grabbed my keys off a table in the lounge area and this woman lost her shit. "OMG what are you doing!? Where is your mom? Whose keys are those?" and my mom turned the corner and just said "She's 17. She is running errands for me. Please calm down." Ugh. I also get a lot of the "You're so cute. Aren't you adorable?" comments. 

Annnndd, when I was in college, I went through a very bad eating disorder period that coincided with my grandmother having terminal cancer. I was extremely, extremely thin. One of my lovely roommates, who is a horrendous bitch, always loved to make comments on my weight. For example, she would barge into the apartment with some of our friends and loudly announce that she was "just grabbing her gym shoes, and don't bother ABCDevonn because she NEVER goes to the gym." Or "Don't even ask her to come with us, she doesn't work out." I always thought it was weird and hurtful, but I couldn't ever put my finger on why it felt that way.  For the record, I still don't go to the gym, and I FREAKING LOVE NOT GOING TO THE GYM! 

thisismynickname2

Ok.... so.... kind of the opposite side. When you stick your foot firmly in your mouth. Any advice on this scenario??

I am terrible at complimenting pregnant women and should just never compliment them. It never comes out right. I know my friends feel fat, or like a whale, or sick, or whatever, and I genuinely want to ensure them that they look beautiful and fabulous. Instead, it's like, "You look great for being 8 months pregnant!" In my head my brain is saying shutupshutupshutup. My good friend came to my wedding 6 weeks after giving birth and she looked very slim. "You look great for having just given birth! I mean, you always look great anyway. Well, you know what I mean."

Ugh. Any advice on good compliments that don't make the giver sound like an asshole?

princessofgenovia

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thisismynickname said:

Ok.... so.... kind of the opposite side. When you stick your foot firmly in your mouth. Any advice on this scenario??

I am terrible at complimenting pregnant women and should just never compliment them. It never comes out right. I know my friends feel fat, or like a whale, or sick, or whatever, and I genuinely want to ensure them that they look beautiful and fabulous. Instead, it's like, "You look great for being 8 months pregnant!" In my head my brain is saying shutupshutupshutup. My good friend came to my wedding 6 weeks after giving birth and she looked very slim. "You look great for having just given birth! I mean, you always look great anyway. Well, you know what I mean."

Ugh. Any advice on good compliments that don't make the giver sound like an asshole?

"You look great" is a complete sentence. So just stop talking after telling them "You look great". Or if you must keep talking "You look great, I love the way your hair looks today!" would be fine.

For just having given birth, for being 8 months pregnant, says "You don't look as good as you normally do, but you also don't look like death, so good for you". You don't need to qualify it. Would you ever say "You look great for a fat girl", god I hope you wouldn't. Same idea here.

amelisha

thisismynickname said:

Ok.... so.... kind of the opposite side. When you stick your foot firmly in your mouth. Any advice on this scenario??

I am terrible at complimenting pregnant women and should just never compliment them. It never comes out right. I know my friends feel fat, or like a whale, or sick, or whatever, and I genuinely want to ensure them that they look beautiful and fabulous. Instead, it's like, "You look great for being 8 months pregnant!" In my head my brain is saying shutupshutupshutup. My good friend came to my wedding 6 weeks after giving birth and she looked very slim. "You look great for having just given birth! I mean, you always look great anyway. Well, you know what I mean."

Ugh. Any advice on good compliments that don't make the giver sound like an asshole?

Just eliminate the "and" or the "but" and stick with things like "You look great!" without the added justification etc. I also like to focus on things the person I compliment CHOOSES, like a new hair colour or outfit, rather than something inherent to him or her. 

I have two very pregnant coworkers at the moment and I try to stick with stuff like "You are such a rock star, still wearing heels!" or "How long now? I love that top, by the way." Both of them do look great and I don't think they need me to remind them that they've got babies hanging off their torsos, so...

princessofgenovia

So...I know a lot of you are annoyed at being called "cute" and "adorable" but I can remember being like 12 or 13 and wishing I could just be "cute" like my friends. I developed really early and I've alwas had an hour glass figure. So when I was like 12 I had older guys (and creepy really old men) telling me how I was "sexy" and "hot". While all my friends were "cute".

I've learned to live with it now, but it used to bug me big time. I didn't want to be sexy at 12! 

littlepep

FiancB said:

I get asked my ethnicity a lot too. I'm white, but I could pass for something else, especially in the summer when I'm tan. I don't really care, but why do people think that's okay to ask? 

Me too. One time I actually had someone walk up to me and start speaking Spanish to me. I was like 

wandajune6

For years, everyone told me that I looked so young and that they could never believe my age. Once I hit 34, that slowed down a lot. It's not that I suddenly looked older, it's more that I stopped looking so incredibly young that it was worthy of comments. Or at least that's what my aunt says. While it's annoying, it's much more annoying when it stops.

I've been told as a compliment that I don't look Jewish. That pisses me off. Not appearance-related but I was just asked if I didn't want to change my name because I didn't want to be mistaken for Mexican (besides DH's clearly Mexican last name, my first name is common in many languages). Clearly a post-racial society...

thisismynickname2

princessofgenovia said:

.

thisismynickname said:

Ok.... so.... kind of the opposite side. When you stick your foot firmly in your mouth. Any advice on this scenario??

I am terrible at complimenting pregnant women and should just never compliment them. It never comes out right. I know my friends feel fat, or like a whale, or sick, or whatever, and I genuinely want to ensure them that they look beautiful and fabulous. Instead, it's like, "You look great for being 8 months pregnant!" In my head my brain is saying shutupshutupshutup. My good friend came to my wedding 6 weeks after giving birth and she looked very slim. "You look great for having just given birth! I mean, you always look great anyway. Well, you know what I mean."

Ugh. Any advice on good compliments that don't make the giver sound like an asshole?

"You look great" is a complete sentence. So just stop talking after telling them "You look great". Or if you must keep talking "You look great, I love the way your hair looks today!" would be fine.

For just having given birth, for being 8 months pregnant, says "You don't look as good as you normally do, but you also don't look like death, so good for you". You don't need to qualify it. Would you ever say "You look great for a fat girl", god I hope you wouldn't. Same idea here.

Yeah.... I try to shut up but my mouth keeps blurting....

princessofgenovia

thisismynickname said:

princessofgenovia said:

.

thisismynickname said:

Ok.... so.... kind of the opposite side. When you stick your foot firmly in your mouth. Any advice on this scenario??

I am terrible at complimenting pregnant women and should just never compliment them. It never comes out right. I know my friends feel fat, or like a whale, or sick, or whatever, and I genuinely want to ensure them that they look beautiful and fabulous. Instead, it's like, "You look great for being 8 months pregnant!" In my head my brain is saying shutupshutupshutup. My good friend came to my wedding 6 weeks after giving birth and she looked very slim. "You look great for having just given birth! I mean, you always look great anyway. Well, you know what I mean."

Ugh. Any advice on good compliments that don't make the giver sound like an asshole?

"You look great" is a complete sentence. So just stop talking after telling them "You look great". Or if you must keep talking "You look great, I love the way your hair looks today!" would be fine.

For just having given birth, for being 8 months pregnant, says "You don't look as good as you normally do, but you also don't look like death, so good for you". You don't need to qualify it. Would you ever say "You look great for a fat girl", god I hope you wouldn't. Same idea here.

Yeah.... I try to shut up but my mouth keeps blurting....

Practice.

Or stop trying to compliment people if you have to insult them to do it. Just talk about how nice the weather is.

blabla89

In college a guy told me that my small breasts were alright with him because "a handful is all you really need."

I proceeded to make out with him, get him to take his pants of for a beej and then walk out of the room.

princessgracekelly

blabla89 said:

In college a guy told me that my small breasts were alright with him because "a handful is all you really need."

I proceeded to make out with him, get him to take his pants of for a beej and then walk out of the room.

Or how about when guys talk like their opinions on women's bodies/appearances are the final say? Like the One Direction song where this nebulous girl they're all singing to "doesn't know [she's] beautiful" and "that's what makes [her] beautiful"? Oh, so if she suddenly became confident in her looks, you wouldn't be interested?

No wonder Zayn left your asses.

littlepep

blabla89 said:

In college a guy told me that my small breasts were alright with him because "a handful is all you really need."

I proceeded to make out with him, get him to take his pants of for a beej and then walk out of the room.

This is amazing. 

littlepep

princessgracekelly said:

blabla89 said:

In college a guy told me that my small breasts were alright with him because "a handful is all you really need."

I proceeded to make out with him, get him to take his pants of for a beej and then walk out of the room.

Or how about when guys talk like their opinions on women's bodies/appearances are the final say? Like the One Direction song where this nebulous girl they're all singing to "doesn't know [she's] beautiful" and "that's what makes [her] beautiful"? Oh, so if she suddenly became confident in her looks, you wouldn't be interested?

No wonder Zayn left your asses.

Yeah, I know I'm awesome. FI is always sarcastically like oh you're so modest. I'm like well whatever modesty is overrated. I can be confident without being arrogant. I know what shit I'm good at and I don't think there's anything wrong with saying so. If you aren't confident in yourself, how you can you expect other people to be?

ohannabelle

Yes, the compliment/slap.  Why do people do this?

I was at the dentist, and the receptionist says, "Oh, that's a cute shirt. Most people couldn't  wear that, but you can pull it off. It looks good on you."

What the fuck?

I was not wearing anything weird (that day.) I was wearing a little floral top in purples and rose and spring green under a purple cardigan. Ann Taylor, I think. Probably one of the most uninteresting and conventional things I own. A going to work at the office kind of thing. I liked the floral. 

What? I almost put it on today, but I keep looking at it and wondering why the hell "most people couldn't wear it."  Am I missing something? What was I "pulling off?"  I'm so confused.

princessofgenovia

princessgracekelly said:

blabla89 said:

In college a guy told me that my small breasts were alright with him because "a handful is all you really need."

I proceeded to make out with him, get him to take his pants of for a beej and then walk out of the room.

Or how about when guys talk like their opinions on women's bodies/appearances are the final say? Like the One Direction song where this nebulous girl they're all singing to "doesn't know [she's] beautiful" and "that's what makes [her] beautiful"? Oh, so if she suddenly became confident in her looks, you wouldn't be interested?

No wonder Zayn left your asses.

Well yeah, girls who actually like themselves won't bend over backwards to please any guy who gives them any kind of attention ever at all. 

Low self esteem is hottt yo!

I had a guy tell me I was too "intimidating" for him. And that I needed to "slow down" in career and goals or I'd never find a husband. He is not the guy I am marrying. The guy I'm marrying loves that I work hard and am driven. 

I've also been told the handful thing. And that I have "more then a handful" and it's "really too much". Well if you don't like my big tits then I better go have a reduction done right now! Must please man!

novella1186

blabla89 said:

In college a guy told me that my small breasts were alright with him because "a handful is all you really need."

I proceeded to make out with him, get him to take his pants of for a beej and then walk out of the room.

Ugh this reminds me of a guy I dated in high school. I met up with him to hang out, and he was clearly staring at my chest. It was really weird. The next day we were talking on the phone and out of the blue he says, "It's ok that you have really small tits because then they won't sag when you get old." Uh... thanks? Back then they were an A. I think I was like 16. Now they're a D. So I guess his "compliment" has become irrelevant anyway. 

[Deleted User]

In college a guy told me that my small breasts were alright with him because "a handful is all you really need."

I proceeded to make out with him, get him to take his pants of for a beej and then walk out of the room.

A ) That is so badass 

B ) Same evil roommate told me my then-boyfriend (now FI) only said he liked small boobs because I had them, and in reality all men only  like large ones. JFC I hate her still. 

littlepep

princessofgenovia said:

blabla89 said:

In college a guy told me that my small breasts were alright with him because "a handful is all you really need."

I proceeded to make out with him, get him to take his pants of for a beej and then walk out of the room.

Or how about when guys talk like their opinions on women's bodies/appearances are the final say? Like the One Direction song where this nebulous girl they're all singing to "doesn't know [she's] beautiful" and "that's what makes [her] beautiful"? Oh, so if she suddenly became confident in her looks, you wouldn't be interested?

No wonder Zayn left your asses.

Well yeah, girls who actually like themselves won't bend over backwards to please any guy who gives them any kind of attention ever at all. 

Low self esteem is hottt yo!

I had a guy tell me I was too "intimidating" for him. And that I needed to "slow down" in career and goals or I'd never find a husband. He is not the guy I am marrying. The guy I'm marrying loves that I work hard and am driven. 

I've also been told the handful thing. And that I have "more then a handful" and it's "really too much". Well if you don't like my big tits then I better go have a reduction done right now! Must please man!

I will never understand this. It's the most sexist thing to me. It's like that whole Lean In campaign. Why do women have to be the ones focused on family and men focused on career?? And can't I want a family and have career goals. Men NEVER get asked how do you balance family and work. It ridiculous. Sorry to go off on a tangent but this makes me ragey. 

bethsmiles

doeydo said:

Add me to the list of people who hate strangers calling me names as if they know me intimately (such as sweetie, sweetheart, hun, etc.) simply because I appear to to be a woman/feminine.  Men do not greet other men like that so it bugs the shit out of me.  I'm just working, I don't want to talk to you, don't talk to me like that, buddy.

I get called sweatheart, sweetie, hun, all of that crap at work all the time. It drives me nuts. Today a guy called me kiddo. I'm 24, I'm not a child. That one especially annoyed me.

plainjane0415

princessofgenovia said:

princessgracekelly said:

 

littlepep said:

princessofgenovia said:

blabla89 said:

In college a guy told me that my small breasts were alright with him because "a handful is all you really need."

I proceeded to make out with him, get him to take his pants of for a beej and then walk out of the room.

Or how about when guys talk like their opinions on women's bodies/appearances are the final say? Like the One Direction song where this nebulous girl they're all singing to "doesn't know [she's] beautiful" and "that's what makes [her] beautiful"? Oh, so if she suddenly became confident in her looks, you wouldn't be interested?

No wonder Zayn left your asses.

Well yeah, girls who actually like themselves won't bend over backwards to please any guy who gives them any kind of attention ever at all. 

Low self esteem is hottt yo!

I had a guy tell me I was too "intimidating" for him. And that I needed to "slow down" in career and goals or I'd never find a husband. He is not the guy I am marrying. The guy I'm marrying loves that I work hard and am driven. 

I've also been told the handful thing. And that I have "more then a handful" and it's "really too much". Well if you don't like my big tits then I better go have a reduction done right now! Must please man!

I will never understand this. It's the most sexist thing to me. It's like that whole Lean In campaign. Why do women have to be the ones focused on family and men focused on career?? And can't I want a family and have career goals. Men NEVER get asked how do you balance family and work. It ridiculous. Sorry to go off on a tangent but this makes me ragey. 


Preach.

KatieinBkln

littlepep said:

princessofgenovia said:

blabla89 said:

In college a guy told me that my small breasts were alright with him because "a handful is all you really need."

I proceeded to make out with him, get him to take his pants of for a beej and then walk out of the room.

Or how about when guys talk like their opinions on women's bodies/appearances are the final say? Like the One Direction song where this nebulous girl they're all singing to "doesn't know [she's] beautiful" and "that's what makes [her] beautiful"? Oh, so if she suddenly became confident in her looks, you wouldn't be interested?

No wonder Zayn left your asses.

Well yeah, girls who actually like themselves won't bend over backwards to please any guy who gives them any kind of attention ever at all. 

Low self esteem is hottt yo!

I had a guy tell me I was too "intimidating" for him. And that I needed to "slow down" in career and goals or I'd never find a husband. He is not the guy I am marrying. The guy I'm marrying loves that I work hard and am driven. 

I've also been told the handful thing. And that I have "more then a handful" and it's "really too much". Well if you don't like my big tits then I better go have a reduction done right now! Must please man!

I will never understand this. It's the most sexist thing to me. It's like that whole Lean In campaign. Why do women have to be the ones focused on family and men focused on career?? And can't I want a family and have career goals. Men NEVER get asked how do you balance family and work. It ridiculous. Sorry to go off on a tangent but this makes me ragey. 

All of the above falls into the "NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR STUPID BONER" category. Why dudes think their opinion on women's bodies is important or even relevant is beyond me. Like, why should your opinion of what's fuckable/how much tit you "need" in your hand make even the remotest difference to me? Do you think I walk around hoping to be deemed fuckable by every swinging dick that walks by? 

Because I don't. And if being confident enough not to care about some Random Dude's opinion of my breast size makes me "intimidating" or "too confident for the 'she don't know she hot'" phenomenon, then I guess I'm STILL WINNING, because it means I don't have to fuck your stupid ass.

ashley8918

bethsmiles said:

doeydo said:

Add me to the list of people who hate strangers calling me names as if they know me intimately (such as sweetie, sweetheart, hun, etc.) simply because I appear to to be a woman/feminine.  Men do not greet other men like that so it bugs the shit out of me.  I'm just working, I don't want to talk to you, don't talk to me like that, buddy.

I get called sweatheart, sweetie, hun, all of that crap at work all the time. It drives me nuts. Today a guy called me kiddo. I'm 24, I'm not a child. That one especially annoyed me.

Askjklsdjgoirejom I have a coworker who calls everyone "young lady" or "young man". STAHP.

hellosweetie1015

...I am actually okay with being called kiddo, honey, etc. Possibly because I'm likely to be a person calling people kiddo, honey, etc myself, but also Bossman does it, and he does it to EVERYONE. One of the judges is "Judge Princess". He is indiscriminate with the pet names, and I think that makes it not as bad FOR ME.

Random dudebros on the street? Call me honey, kiss the pavement. Bossman? Eh...

I do feel like I need to apologize to the people who don't like being called those things, though, since I'm really bad about using pet names like that with people, so: I'm sorry! If I'm calling you a stupid "generic" pet name, it's only cus I like you and am a dodobird with expressing that I like people who are not SOs (and kind of even people who ARE SOs) so it's my best way of expressing affection for those people.