Moms and Maids

MOB chooses dress colour???

My mom and I have been discussing what she's wearing to the wedding. To make my position clear, I don't care what she or the MOG wear as long as it's comfortable for them and it makes them happy. However, in discussions apparently the MOG has told the MOB that the MOB is supposed to choose the colour of their dresses? My mom is confused since she's never heard of that and doesn't really want that responsibility. She's in the "wear whatever the hell you want" camp.

I'm wondering if anyone else had heard about the MOB being responsible for the choice of dress colour for both of them? It seems weird and strangely demanding that my mom has to now be responsible for another woman's dress colour when she's got her own outfit to deal with.

Re: MOB chooses dress colour???

  • Blue_BirdBlue_Bird Bawlmer member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer

    My mom and I have been discussing what she's wearing to the wedding. To make my position clear, I don't care what she or the MOG wear as long as it's comfortable for them and it makes them happy. However, in discussions apparently the MOG has told the MOB that the MOB is supposed to choose the colour of their dresses? My mom is confused since she's never heard of that and doesn't really want that responsibility. She's in the "wear whatever the hell you want" camp.

    I'm wondering if anyone else had heard about the MOB being responsible for the choice of dress colour for both of them? It seems weird and strangely demanding that my mom has to now be responsible for another woman's dress colour when she's got her own outfit to deal with.

    Tell your FI's mom to relax.

    This is a very old tradition dating back to the times when mothers planned the entire wedding with little to no input from their daughters. This was the MOB's event, therefore, she called the shots. Your FI's mom can wear whatever she likes.
    MairePoppy
  • I've told my mom that she needs to relax and I think my mom told her pretty much that (though probably nicer than I would have put it). I just think it's odd and I was curious if this was a norm of if the MOG was being super intense... overly intense.

    I'll just keep reiterating that whatever they both wear will be lovely. I just want them to be happy and comfortable day of.

    [Deleted User]Blue_Bird
  • Hahahaha! I just might do that! Well, maybe.

    I know mom and I are going shopping for her dress when she's here for the shower so maybe I'll suggest that mom tell the MOG that she'll probably wear one of a certain set of colours just so that the MOG can make her own decisions.

    Dunno. This is not the first traditional versus sane dispute that's happened with the MOG. I bet it won't be the last.

  • I'm pretty sure your mom is wearing a ruby gown with a cathedral train and a tiara, and your future mother in law should find the same dress in plum.  They should look like royalty, right?
    lachattefatale
  • adk19 said:

    I'm pretty sure your mom is wearing a ruby gown with a cathedral train and a tiara, and your future mother in law should find the same dress in plum.  They should look like royalty, right?


    Absolutely!
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Yeah, just tell both mothers they'll look beautiful in whatever color and style they choose to wear. My MIL was a bit tense about it too and I just kept repeating, "Whatever you want! Sounds great! Really, whatever you want. Sounds great. Go for it."
    ________________________________


  • I think I'm going to offer to go shopping with the MOG and her daughters and see where that goes. Then that way it's a fun outing for everyone. 

    But it's a little amusing how stressed out she is about colour. My mom wouldn't care two flips if she (MOG) bought the colour that my mom was thinking of. She'd just go to plan B or a different shade.

    But the differences between the way our families handle things is very different. We're very much "all good..." and they are very hell bent on tradition without a thought about practicality or reality. So I suppose I shouldn't be surprised she's playing this by the book.
  • I think I'm going to offer to go shopping with the MOG and her daughters and see where that goes. Then that way it's a fun outing for everyone. 


    But it's a little amusing how stressed out she is about colour. My mom wouldn't care two flips if she (MOG) bought the colour that my mom was thinking of. She'd just go to plan B or a different shade.

    But the differences between the way our families handle things is very different. We're very much "all good..." and they are very hell bent on tradition without a thought about practicality or reality. So I suppose I shouldn't be surprised she's playing this by the book.
    Shit, all three of our moms wore blue. Didn't matter one bit. They all looked great.

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    thespeshulestsnowflakeesstee33
  • And the sun went on rising and setting despite everyone wearing the same colour... Awesome pics by the way.
    [Deleted User]southernbelle0915
  • Q. When the mother of the bride buys her dress, is it her duty to then politely "inform" the groom's mother? What happens?

    A. Yes. She is expected to notify the
    mother of the groom (presumably to prevent overdressing, clashing
    colors, and other fashion faux pas.)

    https://www.theknot.com/content/mother-of-the-bride-attire

    Your FI's mom just wants a little communication and a little help.  She doesn't want to go ahead and get a long dress if your mom is wearing tea length or cocktail or whatever.  She wants your mom to choose a color first, and then she'll pick a complimentary color - like if the bridesmaids are wearing light blue and your mom wants to wear teal, the MOG could go with navy but not bright red, etc.
    Knottie67053264
  • Q. When the mother of the bride buys her dress, is it her duty to then politely "inform" the groom's mother? What happens?

    A. Yes. She is expected to notify the
    mother of the groom (presumably to prevent overdressing, clashing
    colors, and other fashion faux pas.)

    https://www.theknot.com/content/mother-of-the-bride-attire

    Your FI's mom just wants a little communication and a little help.  She doesn't want to go ahead and get a long dress if your mom is wearing tea length or cocktail or whatever.  She wants your mom to choose a color first, and then she'll pick a complimentary color - like if the bridesmaids are wearing light blue and your mom wants to wear teal, the MOG could go with navy but not bright red, etc.



    Or... she could just wear whatever she wants. There's no need for matchy matchy. She can wear whatever colour she wants to, what ever length she wants to... basically there's no need for guidance because it's a "wear whatever makes you feel fabulous for that night that is comfortable and doesn't break your bank". My mom has no idea what she's going to wear yet and may not decide for a while (she's buying off the rack), and she doesn't want the MOG to miss out if there's a dress she wants to buy right now. If she really wants to know what colours we're looking at for the wedding she could ask me to see the 10 colour palette we're working with in.

    It just seems silly really. I thought I got away with not having to deal with girly dress issues by doing away with bridesmaids and just having a Man of Honour. Apparently I still get to enjoy that special circle of hell but on a mom level.

    [Deleted User]southernbelle0915OliveOilsMom
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Q. When the mother of the bride buys her dress, is it her duty to then politely "inform" the groom's mother? What happens?

    A. Yes. She is expected to notify the
    mother of the groom (presumably to prevent overdressing, clashing
    colors, and other fashion faux pas.)

    https://www.theknot.com/content/mother-of-the-bride-attire

    Your FI's mom just wants a little communication and a little help.  She doesn't want to go ahead and get a long dress if your mom is wearing tea length or cocktail or whatever.  She wants your mom to choose a color first, and then she'll pick a complimentary color - like if the bridesmaids are wearing light blue and your mom wants to wear teal, the MOG could go with navy but not bright red, etc.
    Ugh.  Just stop it.  The Knot sucks at advice and is wrong 99% of the time.


    image
    [Deleted User]OliveOilsMom
  • Denise40Denise40 Montgomery County, Tx member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    My sons wife's family went old school. The wedding colors they chose were LSU colors, purple and yellow/gold. The MOB wore purple as did the BM. The grooms side got yellow. I hate that color. For our wedding, I told them they could wear anything.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Denise40 said:

    My sons wife's family went old school. The wedding colors they chose were LSU colors, purple and yellow/gold. The MOB wore purple as did the BM. The grooms side got yellow. I hate that color. For our wedding, I told them they could wear anything.

    The bolded is how it should be done. Not only is it rude and patronizing to tell adults what to wear, but their wardrobe choice doesn't even matter anyway. I will never understand this way of thinking.
    *********************************************************************************

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  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited April 2015
    Honestly, most appropriate MOB dresses that come in sizes bigger than an 8 are navy, white (?), tan and weird green and purple. 

    I just spent so much time trying to help the moms find a dress in plus sizes. They don't offer a great variety really anywhere for a reasonable amount of money. Sure, you can spend 700 bucks on a swanky evening gown but both the mom's are in their early 60's and want to be more modest. We settled on taupe for MOG and lavender for MOB. 

    Anyway, she can choose her own dress. However, why don't you two go shopping together? My mom has no sense of what really looks good so I just wandered around stores and picked things up for her to try on. She ended up falling in love with her dress herself, and I just supported it. MOG found her own dress online, but tried on things with me to see what we all liked. 

    Just like a bridesmaid, they could choose their own dress with a little bit of guidance from you. If you have specific wedding colors, the mom could try and line up with that. Or if she has a color that looks really great on her! She probably doesn't want to step on your toes. As a fellow laidback bride, I find that people get super worried for no reason what you think. So just pick out some dresses you think she would love and see if that helps her find her own dress. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • In a completely messed up update to this stupid unnecessary problem, I offered to go shopping with my FMIL for her dress and was met with a snarky "are you buying it and that's why you want to come with me to pick it out?" Ummm... no. I thought it would be a nice gesture and something fun to do.

    So with that, I wash my hands of this stupidity. Maybe his family won't show up. I'm so over their bullshit (this is only a tiny sample).

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