Gifts sent before the shower

JCbride2015

I'm not sure if I'm the one who has no idea how this is supposed to be done, since there haven't been any recent weddings in my family, or if FMIL is suggesting something tacky.

Several of Fi's relatives cannot attend my shower next week, and gifts are already starting to arrive at the house.  Like I've read on TK, I opened the shipping boxes, ooh and aaahed over the gifts and made sure nothing was dropped/broken during shipping, and am writing TY cards now.

Fi mentioned this to FMIL and she became upset that we opened the shipping boxes and now I know what the gifts are.  She thinks Fi should wrap them and bring them to the shower so I can open them there "so everyone can see the gift."  I think it's weird.  I already know what the gifts are, and the giver will not be there for me to thank.  Should I placate FMIL by re-opening these gifts at the shower?  Or is that weird/ rude?

Casadena

My MIL wanted me to do this too. I thought it was super weird and didn't do it. I think I just told her "oh crap I totally forgot with all the business, picking up gma....etc.". Plus my shower was 6 hours away and I wasn't dragging presents 12 hours round trip so people could see me reopen a present.

Maggie0829

No, that is just weird.  If you did that it would look like you were trying to show off or something.

JCbride2015

Maggie0829 said:

No, that is just weird.  If you did that it would look like you were trying to show off or something.

I think that's at least part of what was going on here.  These were some of the big ticket items on the registry and I think FMIL wants to show off how generous her family is.

theartistformerlyknownas

No. If people wanted the gifts wrapped and brought to the shower, they'd have sent them to the host, not you.

Maggie0829

JCbride2015 said:

Maggie0829 said:

No, that is just weird.  If you did that it would look like you were trying to show off or something.

I think that's at least part of what was going on here.  These were some of the big ticket items on the registry and I think FMIL wants to show off how generous her family is.

Ugh, why do people feel the need to show off?  No one is going to be impressed that her family members bought big ticket items.

And so if you do re-wrap them will you then have to feign surprise since you already know what they are?  Your FMIL is being ridiculous.

JCbride2015

lolo883 said:

No. If people wanted the gifts wrapped and brought to the shower, they'd have sent them to the host, not you.

Yes.  I actually told Fi that if it's so important to her, she can tell people to ship the gifts to her and she can bring them.  If it's sent to my house, I'm opening it and writing a TY card.

@Maggie0829 Yeah, she wants me to feign surprise.  Ugh.

Okay, so this is definitely not happening.  I just needed to do a gut check because I have basically zero experience with showers.  Thanks ladies.

[Deleted User]

Besides, why would you fill up your car with gifts that are already at your house just to get to the shower to put MORE gifts in your car to take to your house.  It doesn't even work space-wise.

lilacck28

lolo883 said:

No. If people wanted the gifts wrapped and brought to the shower, they'd have sent them to the host, not you.

Except my grandma who I'm pretty sure sent her shower gift to me by accident (though I don't think she realizes that she should have shipped it to herself....) I didn't open the pretty wrapping because based on something my dad told me, I thought this might happen. She was probably confused by the default "send to bride and groom" thing that we had set up for the registries. But that was for wedding gifts, not shower gifts. 

She IS going to the shower. I'm going to have my parents double check with her what she wants me to do, but I imagine I'll be driving her gift to the shower with me. 

@JCbride2015 If these guests aren't going to the shower, then I would not bring them with you. If some of the gifts you got are from people who ARE going to the shower, maybe check with them? 

southernbelle0915

I think it's weird and I agree with lolo that if they wanted the gifts opened at the shower, they should have sent them to the host(ess).  

But is this a "thing" in your future in-laws' families? And they're hosting the shower? If so, I might do it as a peace keeping move.. I wouldn't fake being surprised, though. 

charcoalandblush

lolo883 said:

No. If people wanted the gifts wrapped and brought to the shower, they'd have sent them to the host, not you.

Exactly. Some people did this at my shower. Others sent them directly to me. It would have been weird to lug those back and forth just to basically brag about them.

littlepep

charcoalandblush said:

lolo883 said:

No. If people wanted the gifts wrapped and brought to the shower, they'd have sent them to the host, not you.

Exactly. Some people did this at my shower. Others sent them directly to me. It would have been weird to lug those back and forth just to basically brag about them.

Same for me. My MOH can't come to my first shower so she sent a gift directly to the host. 

JCbride2015

Im on mobile and quoting is being weird. Nope, these people aren't coming to the shower. And FMIL is not the host, my sister is. Yeah, my FMIL was also upset she was not listed on the invitation for the shower she is not hosting. The show-off gene is strong with this one.

[Deleted User]

lilacck28 said:

No. If people wanted the gifts wrapped and brought to the shower, they'd have sent them to the host, not you.

Except my grandma who I'm pretty sure sent her shower gift to me by accident (though I don't think she realizes that she should have shipped it to herself....) I didn't open the pretty wrapping because based on something my dad told me, I thought this might happen. She was probably confused by the default "send to bride and groom" thing that we had set up for the registries. But that was for wedding gifts, not shower gifts. 

She IS going to the shower. I'm going to have my parents double check with her what she wants me to do, but I imagine I'll be driving her gift to the shower with me. 

@JCbride2015 If these guests aren't going to the shower, then I would not bring them with you. If some of the gifts you got are from people who ARE going to the shower, maybe check with them? 

Shower gifts ARE wedding gifts.  They're giving you a gift because you're getting married, not merely because someone is throwing you a shower.  

lilacck28

adk19 said:

lilacck28 said:

Shower gifts ARE wedding gifts.  They're giving you a gift because you're getting married, not merely because someone is throwing you a shower.  

Yes, I know.  All gifts are wedding gifts, but not all wedding gifts are also shower gifts. Necessary vs. Sufficient! woo!