Growing guest list

Knottie31052159

My fiance and I are getting married in June and we are having a destination wedding.

When we return, we are having a drop-in/open house BBQ celebration at my parents' house for friends and family that is completely casual. It's going to be chicken, ribs, potato salad, coleslaw, lemonade, beer with nothing formal, just some music, hanging out and enjoying friends and family.

My parents are hosting and paying for the BBQ and have encouraged DF and I to invite anyone we want to invite. I worked out a preliminary guest list with DF and then got my mom's list of who my parents would like to invite and the total came to around 100 people. 

I just finished printing invitations and am in the process of addressing them, so I approached my dad to get addresses for some family members. He asked to see the guest list and ended up adding about 50 more people to it, mostly old friends, old business partners and old neighbours that I've never met. 

There were already a significant number of family friends and parents' friends who I have met on the original guest list, but this list has kind of overwhelmed me. I realize my parents are paying for this and I'm not really in a position to exclude anyone from the guest list, but I feel like this becoming more of an opportunity for a friends and family reunion with old college friends and distant relatives than celebration. (.... also, maybe I just dread a full day of small talk with people I've never met)

Anyways, I'm basically hoping for any advice as to how to handle this. Is it appropriate to bring up with my parents? Or am I just acting spoiled? Honest feedback is honestly appreciated, because if I'm just being a jerk then a reality check is likely exactly what I need!

lilacck28

I think it's fine to gently bring up your concerns with your parents, as long as you know that they have the final say and not to push your opinions too hard. They're paying, it's their deal. 

ETA: plus, you already had "your" event, which is your wedding ceremony. 

ashley8918

lilacck28 said:

I think it's fine to gently bring up your concerns with your parents, as long as you know that they have the final say and not to push your opinions too hard. They're paying, it's their deal. 

ETA: plus, you already had "your" event, which is your wedding ceremony. 

Agreed. I dont think there is anything wrong with bringing up your concerns. But do so in a non-confrontational way, and if you are met with opposition you should probably just drop it,

chibiyui

It sounds like your parents want to throw a party, and they're using you getting married as an excuse.

Since this ISN'T your wedding or wedding related event, you can just talk and mingle with friends and family that you know. You don't have to go out of your way to make small talk with friends of your parents that you've never met.

huskypuppy14

This sounds like your parents event. Why are you sending the invitations? It would be different if it were your wedding, but it's just a party your parents want to throw.

MountainBliss2016

I asked my mother if she had 'requests' for my wedding hoping to get some of her usual drama out of the way at the very beginning. I had told her I wanted to have a 100 person or less wedding and not only does her side of family take up half the guest list (she has 12 siblings and she says I need to invite everyone. fine.) but one of the things she wanted was to invite 'a few' friends. She sent me a list of 25 people. I feel pretty comfortable telling her that anyone on that list that I don't personally know or have a relationship with won't be invited. My recommendation is to do the same. 

southernbelle0915

MountainBliss2016 said:

I asked my mother if she had 'requests' for my wedding hoping to get some of her usual drama out of the way at the very beginning. I had told her I wanted to have a 100 person or less wedding and not only does her side of family take up half the guest list (she has 12 siblings and she says I need to invite everyone. fine.) but one of the things she wanted was to invite 'a few' friends. She sent me a list of 25 people. I feel pretty comfortable telling her that anyone on that list that I don't personally know or have a relationship with won't be invited. My recommendation is to do the same. 

As long as you're paying for the wedding, this is a great approach. If mom is paying, though, she gets a say.

novella1186

I agree with PP, it's fine to be honest with your parents and let them know how you feel about this guest list. But if they really want to invite all these people, they can, since they're paying. 

My parents do this crap too so I get the frustration. For my college graduation they wanted to host a party. I recommended a small, casual backyard bbq with close family and friends, so about 20 people. 

It ended up being a huge catered event with 150 people, mostly my parents' friends and a lot of people I had never met before. Fine. Whatever. I said hi to everyone but spent most of my time talking with the people I actually knew, and it was no big deal. A little over-whelming, but at the end of the day I had to realize that the party was really for my parents, and my job was to just sit back and have fun.