Why You Should Always, Always Count on 100% Attendance...

KnightsNurse

Thank you wise Knotties for sharing this advice with me. I'm a bit of a Knot paradox, one common piece of knowledge is always count on 100% of your guest list coming, while another is expect lots of declines with a weekday wedding. 

FI and I are getting married on a Thursday so I mostly expected the tail end of that advice to apply to me as more than half of our 200 loved ones invited are OOS. The last of the RSVPs came in this week and guess who got a 95% acceptance rate? Only one family declined due to it being on a weekday. Thank GOD we budgeted for it. Feeling very happy and loved; can't wait to celebrate with (almost) everyone we wanted in just 23 days!!

ETF: I put "95% percent" and could not resist correcting...

littlepep

I keep trying to tell FI this. Hope your wedding is amazing!!!

monkeysip

Yay!

Someone called in the radio station the other day about how they invited more than they could afford, and now everyone was RSVPing yes.  "How can we uninvite people from our wedding?"

YOU DON'T, STUPID.  Pull out a credit card, cut some other expense from your wedding or honeymoon, start eating Ramen noodles every night, OR get ready to lose some friends and look like a jackhole.

chibiyui

mikenberger

Yay! Have fun!

My friend invited 180 to a 140 maximum capacity venue. I giggle. And feel sorry for those that do not fit in the room. Another friend invited 380 to a 320 capacity venue. I invited 235 to a 300 maximum capacity. What a novel concept!

larrygaga

I invited 195 to a 200 max venue. I am the biggest wedding my venue owner has seen. It took a lot of work to figure out how many people we could comfortably fit. She says the max period is 230 but it's pretty cramped. I don't like cramped.

I do have people I know will say no (like my 6 person family that is part of a cult and aren't allowed to leave) , and I had some declines already. I was still terrified of going over.

Boy was that a fight with the mothers. I'm happy I stood my ground, but it was a hell of a battle.

littlepep

larrygaga said:

I invited 195 to a 200 max venue. I am the biggest wedding my venue owner has seen. It took a lot of work to figure out how many people we could comfortably fit. She says the max period is 230 but it's pretty cramped. I don't like cramped.

I do have people I know will say no (like my 6 person family that is part of a cult and aren't allowed to leave) , and I had some declines already. I was still terrified of going over.

Boy was that a fight with the mothers. I'm happy I stood my ground, but it was a hell of a battle.

Ugh this is how we are. I realize that you great aunt that is physically incapable of traveling won't come. But we can't assume someone won't want to travel to come. We actually had a friend of Fi's cancel a backpacking trip so he can come. 

larrygaga

littlepep said: larrygaga said:I invited 195 to a 200 max venue. I am the biggest wedding my venue owner has seen. It took a lot of work to figure out how many people we could comfortably fit. She says the max period is 230 but it's pretty cramped. I don't like cramped.
I do have people I know will say no (like my 6 person family that is part of a cult and aren't allowed to leave) , and I had some declines already. I was still terrified of going over.
Boy was that a fight with the mothers. I'm happy I stood my ground, but it was a hell of a battle.

Ugh this is how we are. I realize that you great aunt that is physically incapable of traveling won't come. But we can't assume someone won't want to travel to come. We actually had a friend of Fi's cancel a backpacking trip so he can come. 

And you always have to account for those that bring dates with no warning.

dolewhipper

flutteringinfl

Good for you! We have 103 on our guest list for a venue with a max of 125. There are buffers in case single guests start dating someone they wish to bring, or if we want to extend +1's to single guests. I think it will be very comfortable. I've been told 125 guests would be pretty cramped.

minttobemrsb

We invited 118 to a max 130 space. That included SO, plus 1's, and kids so I don't really know who else would try to bring someone that we didn't count for, but I'm still worried. 

Plus we have a couple that we KNOW won't come. Like, this person does not travel...at all. His daughter had to move the wedding closer to him so he would be there. Not going to make a cross country trip for me, although we would love if he did. 

littlepep

larrygaga said:

littlepep said:

larrygaga said:

I invited 195 to a 200 max venue. I am the biggest wedding my venue owner has seen. It took a lot of work to figure out how many people we could comfortably fit. She says the max period is 230 but it's pretty cramped. I don't like cramped.

I do have people I know will say no (like my 6 person family that is part of a cult and aren't allowed to leave) , and I had some declines already. I was still terrified of going over.

Boy was that a fight with the mothers. I'm happy I stood my ground, but it was a hell of a battle.

Ugh this is how we are. I realize that you great aunt that is physically incapable of traveling won't come. But we can't assume someone won't want to travel to come. We actually had a friend of Fi's cancel a backpacking trip so he can come. 

And you always have to account for those that bring dates with no warning.

I know. This was quite the battle with FI. And in fact one of his GMs has since got a girlfriend. Luckily I talked him into not inviting these friends, especially since he hasn't spoke to them in years. 

pinkcow13

Awesome! We want to have 125, but invited 156 (ish) and the max at the venue is I believe 230. Regardless, we are prepared to host the full amount, if we get 100% attendance.

FI's cousins wedding is this weekend. Last I heard they invited I think 275 which was above either the venue limit, or what they can host, I forget which one. Maybe even both. So they have been hoping for a bunch of declines. I will report back afterwards.

hellosweetie1015

I think we're at 35 including us, our photog and his GF, the officiant and his wife, and every person without an SO a +1. Our likely reception restaurant has a minimum of 45 for their private room (and possibly a maximum of 45 as well? Not sure) but the coordinator said it worked out essentially that it was $XXX food minimum, so as long as we met THAT we were good.

So... I'm more terrified of declines than I am acceptances, haha...

larrygaga

littlepep said:

larrygaga said:

littlepep said:

larrygaga said:

I invited 195 to a 200 max venue. I am the biggest wedding my venue owner has seen. It took a lot of work to figure out how many people we could comfortably fit. She says the max period is 230 but it's pretty cramped. I don't like cramped.

I do have people I know will say no (like my 6 person family that is part of a cult and aren't allowed to leave) , and I had some declines already. I was still terrified of going over.

Boy was that a fight with the mothers. I'm happy I stood my ground, but it was a hell of a battle.

Ugh this is how we are. I realize that you great aunt that is physically incapable of traveling won't come. But we can't assume someone won't want to travel to come. We actually had a friend of Fi's cancel a backpacking trip so he can come. 

And you always have to account for those that bring dates with no warning.

I know. This was quite the battle with FI. And in fact one of his GMs has since got a girlfriend. Luckily I talked him into not inviting these friends, especially since he hasn't spoke to them in years. 

~~~~~~~box~~~~~~~~~~

It's weird how it never seems to be people that are close to you and you actually care about. It's always the weird high school friend or your mom's cousin's daughter. I mean if my sister asked to bring a random friend or date I would be okay with that, but if you are only coming to my wedding because free drinks you need to come alone or with your other. 

I specifically mean finding a date specifically for a wedding, and not telling anyone. If the B+G gave you a plus 1, by all means bring someone!

TrixieJess

We are at 35 for a 40 person venue. We are contemplating not inviting 2 couples. We haven't sent out anything or said anything to anyone about our wedding plans so none of this is an issue. 

 

littlepep

larrygaga said:

littlepep said:

larrygaga said:

littlepep said:

larrygaga said:

I invited 195 to a 200 max venue. I am the biggest wedding my venue owner has seen. It took a lot of work to figure out how many people we could comfortably fit. She says the max period is 230 but it's pretty cramped. I don't like cramped.

I do have people I know will say no (like my 6 person family that is part of a cult and aren't allowed to leave) , and I had some declines already. I was still terrified of going over.

Boy was that a fight with the mothers. I'm happy I stood my ground, but it was a hell of a battle.

Ugh this is how we are. I realize that you great aunt that is physically incapable of traveling won't come. But we can't assume someone won't want to travel to come. We actually had a friend of Fi's cancel a backpacking trip so he can come. 

And you always have to account for those that bring dates with no warning.

I know. This was quite the battle with FI. And in fact one of his GMs has since got a girlfriend. Luckily I talked him into not inviting these friends, especially since he hasn't spoke to them in years. 

~~~~~~~box~~~~~~~~~~

It's weird how it never seems to be people that are close to you and you actually care about. It's always the weird high school friend or your mom's cousin's daughter. I mean if my sister asked to bring a random friend or date I would be okay with that, but if you are only coming to my wedding because free drinks you need to come alone or with your other. 

I specifically mean finding a date specifically for a wedding, and not telling anyone. If the B+G gave you a plus 1, by all means bring someone!

Oh yeah. I already had one girl who said she wants to bring a date. I was like uh.. we're not giving plus ones to single people. Also the person she wants to bring is my ex's bff. Like what makes you think that's a good idea??

novella1186

We have about 120 guests with max capacity for 300. 

I wanted to keep the guest list in check since FI and I are paying for most of the wedding, plus I didn't want to be surrounded by tons of strangers. That sucks. 

It was an epic battle for about a year-- with both sets of parents-- and I had to keep putting my foot down while they kept adding people to our guest list (or trying to). 

FI's mom kept saying "oh just send so-and-so an invite. They won't actually come!" Well, every single person that she swore wouldn't come has RSVPd yes. Thanks to TK, I was expecting that. 

littlepep

novella1186 said:

We have about 120 guests with max capacity for 300. 

I wanted to keep the guest list in check since FI and I are paying for most of the wedding, plus I didn't want to be surrounded by tons of strangers. That sucks. 

It was an epic battle for about a year-- with both sets of parents-- and I had to keep putting my foot down while they kept adding people to our guest list (or trying to). 

FI's mom kept saying "oh just send so-and-so an invite. They won't actually come!" Well, every single person that she swore wouldn't come has RSVPd yes. Thanks to TK, I was expecting that. 

ALWAYS. It's always like this. My friend's MIL did the same thing. She added all these people saying that they wouldn't come and of course, they did. Luckily, they were prepared like you, but I will never believe that. 

Unless you are physically incapable of traveling, I'm assuming you're coming. 

Junebug2015

Also, know exactly what your venue means by "max capacity". Does that include all waitstaff, photog, etc.? Is going one person over going to cause a fire code issue, or does it just make it cramped? What are the consequences of going over? The answers to these questions make a huge difference for what the cutoff for your guest list should be.

badbnagdway

We invited about 145. I've seen our venue set-up for 200 people with room for a good sized dance floor (but the buffet had to be in another room) so we'd have plenty of space even with 100% attendance. We also budgeted for 100% attendance and I purchased votives, etc. with the max number of tables in mind. 

It's coming down to the wire (our RSVP deadline is today) and so far we are only at 86 confirmed. We could be anywhere between 86 or 114 after we track down the non-responders. What I did when we started to get declines is I went ahead and upgraded our meat entree from a brisket on the buffet to a beef tenderloin with its own carving station which was a few dollars more per person. I also went pretty whole hog on our bourbon choices. 

Edit: just to say, way to go OP, 95% accept on a Thursday is impressive. 

lyndausvi

I had 2 cousins (different families) that had not attended a family function in YEARS.   One was OOT from the majority of the extended family.  So I get her reasoning.  The other was local to the extended family.   

My wedding was OOT from everyone.  Pretty far from the OOT one.  3 hours from the one who is local to most of the extended family.

I would have put money down that neither would attend.    Of course, both of them (plus their SOs) attended the wedding.   Which was awesome. 

My 93-year old great-aunt also attended my OOT wedding. She passed away a few months later.   You just never know who it going to come or not.

flyingfoxes

Our dinner space is tight - I think we have 117 (including photog and DJ).  FI only had 2 people decline - everybody else on our lists said yes. They have to take 4 tables out to make a little spot for a dance floor, but luckily we have 4 tables in another room plus the fire pit and seating outside to make space for people who may want to get away from noise or to smoke.  I bet our venue's max space for their "ball room" is probably 125.

I'm already kind of terrified of the amount of people that are coming - let alone thinking about more.  Standing up and speaking in front of people scares the ever-loving shit out of me. 

loveislouder

Our max capacity was 220 I think. Our minimum was 150, which is what we wanted. We invited 180 and had 58 people decline. That was wayyyy more than we expected.

Bubblegum5586

anjemon

littlepep said:

novella1186 said:

We have about 120 guests with max capacity for 300. 

I wanted to keep the guest list in check since FI and I are paying for most of the wedding, plus I didn't want to be surrounded by tons of strangers. That sucks. 

It was an epic battle for about a year-- with both sets of parents-- and I had to keep putting my foot down while they kept adding people to our guest list (or trying to). 

FI's mom kept saying "oh just send so-and-so an invite. They won't actually come!" Well, every single person that she swore wouldn't come has RSVPd yes. Thanks to TK, I was expecting that. 

ALWAYS. It's always like this. My friend's MIL did the same thing. She added all these people saying that they wouldn't come and of course, they did. Luckily, they were prepared like you, but I will never believe that. 

Unless you are physically incapable of traveling, I'm assuming you're coming. 

My Mother was actually right. Most of her OOT family who we just had to send an invitation (apparently it's what we do with her family) did decline. We were good either way, it's just nicer to have fewer people I barely know and FI doesn't know at all. But Mom was pretty much 100% right on the family who declined.

But yeah, nobody can plan for that. I know a bunch of that family made it to my sister's wedding. It was a summer wedding and they worked it into a big trip, but still. It could happen.

annathy03

novella1186 said:

We have about 120 guests with max capacity for 300. 

I wanted to keep the guest list in check since FI and I are paying for most of the wedding, plus I didn't want to be surrounded by tons of strangers. That sucks. 

It was an epic battle for about a year-- with both sets of parents-- and I had to keep putting my foot down while they kept adding people to our guest list (or trying to). 

FI's mom kept saying "oh just send so-and-so an invite. They won't actually come!" Well, every single person that she swore wouldn't come has RSVPd yes. Thanks to TK, I was expecting that. 

This is how MIL and FIL were about FILs cousins, since that side of H's family has an expectation that you invite the ENTIRE family and it was making interactions with the few he saw pretty awkward.  And of course they didn't want to invite just the 2-3 they spend time with because they thought it would be more family drama to some cousins than none.

Fortunately the pressure dropped a little bit when 3 of the 5 couples we did agree to (their friends) accepted, as MIL and FIL hadn't expected any of them to make the trip.

KnightsNurse

We definitely had a few family members request "oh please invite them to be nice...they'll never come".....ALL of them are coming lol. Now it's evolved to the classic "well at least they'll get you a nice gift" lol. I love it

julieanne912

Ugh this makes me want to puke.  Our max venue capacity is 198 (the venue owner told me it was more when I first called, but the paperwork says 198).  We have 196 on our guest list, FI kept adding people and didn't understand why it was a big deal.  After figuring out table configurations etc., I'm not sure how we can fit more than 180 comfortably. I'm hoping since it's during the school year, and probably 75% of the guest list is from out of state and many have school aged kids, we'll get some declines.  I've already had one cousin (I have 13 first ones just on my mom's side) tell me her husband can't come, so there's one!  My invites don't go out til July so crossing fingers... if they all come, well, we'll figure it out I guess.  Cost isn't an issue at all, just space.  

larrygaga

novella1186 said:

We have about 120 guests with max capacity for 300. 

I wanted to keep the guest list in check since FI and I are paying for most of the wedding, plus I didn't want to be surrounded by tons of strangers. That sucks. 

It was an epic battle for about a year-- with both sets of parents-- and I had to keep putting my foot down while they kept adding people to our guest list (or trying to). 

FI's mom kept saying "oh just send so-and-so an invite. They won't actually come!" Well, every single person that she swore wouldn't come has RSVPd yes. Thanks to TK, I was expecting that. 

My FMIL was like that as well. She didn't learn her lesson when she planned her daughters wedding and they were 30 people over capacity. It was in a restaurant with outdoor tables so she was reallllly lucky there were still places to sit and they had extra food.

larrygaga

loveislouder said:

Our max capacity was 220 I think. Our minimum was 150, which is what we wanted. We invited 180 and had 58 people decline. That was wayyyy more than we expected.

The minimum you had to have at the wedding per catering?