Pre-wedding Parties

Money and Bachelorette Pary

Hello all,  I'm looking for some guidance in cohosting my SILs bachelorette party with her MOH (her younger sister, my other SIL).  

We have started coming up with ideas, based on the bride's interests and I think we have a few good ideas going.  There are 8 bridesmaids, and the bride thinks she will probably invite 3-5 more people to join us, so a total between 12-15.  She wants a whole weekend thing (not a fan of these but whatever), that includes hiking, and also going out in a city. So we are looking at probably renting a house or a cabin, either via AirBNB/homeaway, or through another website.  A lot of places have pricing based per person.  We are getting everyone's budget information as we speak, so I can't quite gauge what everyone is thinking.  The problem is, that I'd have to put the total amount on my credit card, probably months in advance, before I know how many are coming. I'm not thrilled about having to carry a balance for a few months, but whatever.  For example, a home on AirBNB for 8 people will cost $134 per person, but it would cost $103 per person if there would be 11 people.  I'm stilling looking into a few other sites, but it would still mean that the overall costs per person depend on how many people are coming. 

I think I can probably negotiate the final number with the host OR book for fewer people and pay the host for the extra people once it's confirmed.  I'm not sure how to go about getting the money from the attendees though.  Should I say it's going to cost ~$135 per person for two nights, and then use any extra money for food and drinks?  Or give them the difference back?  What if someone only wants to come for one night? Should I just cough up the rest for the difference? 

As it stands, the co-hosts are going to cover dinner night 1, and food for breakfasts, and miscellaneous snacks and drinks (but will probably ask everyone to bring her favorite beverage to share with 10 other people, is that okay?), and everyone will be responsible for lunch, dinner and drinks on day 2.  So if there is extra money from the total, is it tacky to apply it to the food the cohosts were going to cover? Or use it to pay for the lunch/dinner on day 2?

I'm looking for some advice, I know it's already been discussed how these sorts of things are frustrating, hard to plan, and a drain on the hosts wallets. I don't know any of the other women besides my SILs and a cousin, so I'm trying extra hard to make sure I don't piss anyone off. 


Re: Money and Bachelorette Pary

  • lovegood90lovegood90 Ontario member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper

    You seem to be taking all the right steps so far. However, if you're not comfortable putting it all on your credit card (I know I wouldn't be, especially if I don't know anyone else), is it possible to find a nearby hotel instead of sharing a house, and just tell everyone that if they're interested in coming they can book and pay for their own rooms?

    That way the cost won't fall on you if people back out, you don't have to worry about strangers paying you back, etc.

    If you do decide to put it all on your card and collect money from everyone, I would just pay them back the difference if it ends up being cheaper.

    Formerly martha1818


  • I am in the same situation right now. I am MOH in my friend's wedding in November. I am organizing the bachelorette party now. She wants a weekend getaway at the beach. There are 11 girls and we are also renting a house through VRBO or AirBnB.

    I am not in a position to financially pay for the accommodations up front, so this is what I'm doing. It's worked out wonderfully and everyone has been very cooperative.
    1) I asked everyone going for their budget range for the entire weekend.
    2) I researched a few properties and found ones that would accommodate our group size and budget.
    3) One month ago, I emailed everyone asking for a definite yes or no answer if they could attend for the weekend and also quoted them the price for the house.
    4) After I received a final headcount of who was committed to going, I sent another email detailing the cost for the house and asking to please send in their portion by X date.
    5) Everyone turned in their money on time and without complaint. They could send it PayPal or by check.
    6) I gave them ample time and notice of what the cost was, obviously gave them an option if they wanted to come or not, and said money is due ahead of time because I cannot cover the deposit for the house. And once your money is in, you are committed.
    7) This was the best way to do it because then I was not on the hook for the whole cost of the house, and worrying if people would back out last minute and I'd lose money.

  • This is how planning disasters happen, just FYI.

    Scrap Air B&B and whatever else where you'd have to front money and have people pay you back. Nope. It doesn't usually work out well in the end and someone ends up bitter and/or screwed. Find a near by hotel and get a 'courtesy block' of rooms. Email everyone on the guest list to let them know you have a room block at such-and-such, so if they want to book rooms, they need to do it by XX date. 

    This takes the financial and camp counselor responsibilities off you and puts it on the individual guests - where it belongs.  If they want to share rooms with other guests, fine - let them sort it out among themselves.

    [Deleted User]
  • abt87abt87 member
    Sixth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Thanks for the suggestions.  I agree, the easiest thing would be the suggestion from @southernbelle0915.  I'm going to meet with the other cohost and the bride to discuss my reservations about the whole upfront $$ issue.  Maybe it will be that we can do a mixture of everyone's suggestions, in that I don't have to make the house reservation until I have everyone's money, and set a tentative amount for people, and if it ends up being less, I'll give them money back.  Or I can persuade the bride to make this a 1 night in town, and 1 night out of town (everyone is responsible for their own hotel room in the block), since we have people traveling and/or new moms who may not be able to be away a whole weekend.  Me and the other cohost are very money conscious for different reasons, and I don't want to be taking a chance on hurting my credit score, even a few points, when my husband and I are going to buy a house soon.  I don't know how people manage these sorts of weekend events without problems, especially if people only come one night, or can't commit months away from the party.  Maybe it depends on the people in the group, if they are all the same group of friends/in town/etc. 

    (MOB also offered at one point to pay for the bachelorette party accommodations so that she can feel involved in the wedding process, but I'm not comfortable bringing this up again bc A) she's my MIL, not my mom  B) I'm not the bride)

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Absolutely don't agree to anything where you have to pay upfront and wait for people to pay you back. That always ends up being a cluster somehow. 

    It sounds like you are on the right track, but I want to remind you that a bach-party is a gift to the bride. You shouldn't have to "persuade" her to go with a reasonable option. If one night away from home is the extent of your budget/time/whatever, that is what it is. She has absolutely no right to insist on a weekend long event or anything. If she wants something you aren't offering, put your foot down. That's bridezilla behavior on her part, and you don't have to take it. 
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