Shower etiquette: When the registry is empty

flutteringinfl

My mom asked me this question last night because she knows I've been doing a lot of research on wedding-related etiquette for my own wedding. She's going to a bridal shower on Saturday, and when she checked the registry, everything had been bought. So she wanted to know if it would be appropriate to give a gift card for the bridal shower, and cash at the wedding itself.

I told her that was probably fine, but as showers are gift giving events, it might feel weird to watch the bride open a gift card in between actual physical gifts, and if she felt odd about it, maybe she could take another look at the registry. Maybe there's an appliance listed, and my Mom could buy related accessories for it. Or maybe there's products with the China pattern on them that weren't listed in the registry, like a tea set. So I was just wondering what y'all would say. Is it a faux pas to give a gift card for a shower gift, or just not as fun as a physical present?

pegasuskat

I usually give a physical gift, but I don't think I have ever been to shower where there were not at least a few cards containing GC's.  

I had this situation recently for a church shower, so I bought a nice cookie sheet, some cookie mixes, several kinds of sprinkles, heart cookie cutters and a cute kitchen towel set in the colors I saw on the registry.

I have also done a basket with good olive oil, pasta and pasta spoon and towels.  My favorite was a cute heart shape pancake form and some pancake mix and good spatula and kitchen towels.  I love doing baskets like that and they have always been well received!

blabla89

It's not a faux pas to give a GC but it's more fun to open boxed gifts. I love the idea of baskets too. An entertaining gift basket with a bunch of snacks and dips and a casual serving plate would be nice. Or a fancy breakfast basket with pancake/waffle mix, fancy syrups and jams, and champagne splits for mimosas. There are tons of possibilities.

Your ideas to give appliance accessories or additions to their china set are great, too.

TrixieJess

I usually look at what was on the registry and find something within a grouping. For instance, Baking Supplies: I'm a baker, if I see that someone had a lot of baking stuff on there and I know they like to bake, I'll buy them something that maybe they didn't think of, like a sifter or a sieve or a zester and then put together a small basket of supplies, muffin cups, parchment paper, sprinkles, etc, and a cookbook on how to make extravagant cupcakes. Mind you, this only really works if you know the person well. 

kvruns

Agree with the others - nothing wrong with a GC but if she wants to try something creative one of the basket ideas related to other registry items or something she knows the person is interested in (cooking, baking, a sports team, etc) would be nice.

I was afraid I would have that problem because we were doing a small registry since we don't need a lot and I was afraid it would be all purchased before the shower.  Well the shower is Sunday and I did my first registry stalk and only one item is gone so I guess I was wrong on that!

novella1186

I agree with PP. A gift card is fine but given the nature of the event, a boxed gift would be better. I love the ideas of the gift baskets. 

I've gotten a few gifts that were not on my registry and I loved them. Some of them were: a pretty wooden cutting board from a local shop, some really cute dish towels, a  fancy stoneware baking dish, serving bowls, a salad set (wooden bowl with matching salad servers), a hand-made pillow, a bottle of vodka with a bottle of vermouth and a jar of olives cuz I love dirty martinis, and so on. 

Even when it wasn't from the registry, I really appreciated the gift, especially since it was all very useful stuff. 

My favorite non-registry gift was from FSIL and seriously made me tear up; she gave us a big basket full of wine, and each wine had a tag attached. Each tag had a different milestone/event listed (wedding night, first anniversary, first fight, first New Years Eve, first house, etc) with a cute little hand-written message about that particular event. It was so sweet and so thoughtful, it trumped any registry gift by far. 

southernbelle0915

I side eye this a lot. Most people buy shower gifts a few days before the event, so your mom is probably not the only one invited to this shower who is having this problem. Why doesn't the bride have enough stuff on there?

Anyway, I'd give her a boxed gift. Mainly because I suspect she has a limited registry in an effort to get cash. So if her registry said fiesta plates in green, I'd just buy her another set of those. Or hotel collection towels in taupe? A couple sets of those. Sorrynotsorry.

littlepep

novella1186 said:

I agree with PP. A gift card is fine but given the nature of the event, a boxed gift would be better. I love the ideas of the gift baskets. 

I've gotten a few gifts that were not on my registry and I loved them. Some of them were: a pretty wooden cutting board from a local shop, some really cute dish towels, a  fancy stoneware baking dish, serving bowls, a salad set (wooden bowl with matching salad servers), a hand-made pillow, a bottle of vodka with a bottle of vermouth and a jar of olives cuz I love dirty martinis, and so on. 

Even when it wasn't from the registry, I really appreciated the gift, especially since it was all very useful stuff. 

My favorite non-registry gift was from FSIL and seriously made me tear up; she gave us a big basket full of wine, and each wine had a tag attached. Each tag had a different milestone/event listed (wedding night, first anniversary, first fight, first New Years Eve, first house, etc) with a cute little hand-written message about that particular event. It was so sweet and so thoughtful, it trumped any registry gift by far. 

FI's mom LOVES buying local gifts. For my last shower, she got me a beautiful, hand-carved cheese plate with a little matching spoon and knife. It's beautiful. I love hosting people so it was perfect for me. I think something unique like that is always a great gift idea. 

poodledoodleooo

I would probably find the gift card to be a bit awkward. I've never actually seen one given at a shower before. You can't oooh and aww over a gift card, ya know? I prefer  the others' idea of doing a basket type gift, or purchasing accessories for appliances already purchased, etc. Just make sure to include a gift recipet.

levioosa

I'd probably go with something related to a gift that had already been bought. 

For the last shower I attended, I bought the bride a stock pot, sauce pan and a pasta fork.  Then I bought some spaghetti sauce and noodles, and I wrote down my recipe for spaghetti.  If the pots and fork had already been bought, I could have easily still made a themed gift. 

Cookie Pusher

southernbelle0915 said:

I side eye this a lot. Most people buy shower gifts a few days before the event, so your mom is probably not the only one invited to this shower who is having this problem. Why doesn't the bride have enough stuff on there?

Anyway, I'd give her a boxed gift. Mainly because I suspect she has a limited registry in an effort to get cash. So if her registry said fiesta plates in green, I'd just buy her another set of those. Or hotel collection towels in taupe? A couple sets of those. Sorrynotsorry.

A friend of mine had nothing left on her registry by the time her shower rolled around - because her FMIL bought everything on it that was still left a month before the shower. It was a pretty good sized registry with items in various price-points. It sucked because she couldn't think of anything else to put on the registry. I ended up making her a basket of small kitchen stuff, but a lot of others ended up just getting her gift cards.

AprilH81

I received a few gift cards at my shower, mostly from people who sent gifts with others since the giver couldn't attend.

I opened the card, smiled and said "Aunt Mary sent me a gift card to Macy's and wishes she could be here."  I didn't state the amount.  A few gifts cards won't be an issue but a gift card shower would be horrible.

[Deleted User]

I gave a gift card when I was just out of college (45 days?). The other bridesmaids were doing an ABC theme (gag) since they and bride were all teachers. Everyone coming got assigned a letter. Bride to be's FH was also there and part of the gifting.

A lot of people talked about and/or emailed the BMs about what they were gifting- very weird. I don't know you, I don't care what you give.

That said I did notice that a lot of people were getting really girly things for her (saying, oh Jill will love this). There was no love for Larry so I decided to use P to gift them with power tools (they had just bought a new home). Except I didn't know what they had or didn't have so a gift card it was. He loved it, she told me later she too had fun cruising Home Depot.

artbyallie

I like the wine for different events idea. Similarly, if they had, say, martini or margarita glasses on their registry that were bought, gifting the ingredients and a cocktail shaker and other accessories would be cool.

...I like booze.

JoanE2012

That's poor planning on the bride's part.  I would try and get her some type of serving piece that matches her dinnerware/china.  Or, I'd get a nice frame and give a gift card with it.  I definitely wouldn't attend a shower without some sort of token gift that the bride could open.

huskypuppy14

It's not rude to give a gift card, it's rude to ask for them though.

Also, unless the bride didn't register for much, it's not her fault if the registry is bought out.

A registry is also not required to have a shower.Guests can always buy off registry anyway. All a registry is a guideline of gifts that one might want.

JennyColada

This is probably the main reason why I didn't register or have any showers, but...

I don't really need someone to buy me more stuff. I mean, yea, if I registered for a lot of entertaining things, a cheese plate or whatever would make sense. But I didn't register for it because I don't want/need it. Ditto on zesters, sifters, and all the other myriad of single-purpose items that clog up kitchen drawers.

Personally, I'd stick with consumables (food or gift cards).

JoanE2012

JennyColada said:

This is probably the main reason why I didn't register or have any showers, but...

I don't really need someone to buy me more stuff. I mean, yea, if I registered for a lot of entertaining things, a cheese plate or whatever would make sense. But I didn't register for it because I don't want/need it. Ditto on zesters, sifters, and all the other myriad of single-purpose items that clog up kitchen drawers.

Personally, I'd stick with consumables (food or gift cards).

I get that, and I would never buy off registry if there are things left on the registry.  But if the couple doesn't register for enough items to cover all their guests, then they probably shouldn't have a shower in the first place.   Kinda defeats the whole purpose.

indianaalum

I definitely received gift cards at my shower. IT is actually nice to be able to choose stuff. I don't think people think twice about it.

We get this questions here alot and this is my thought. Who on earth does NOT like to receive a gift card or cash?? unless it is a gift card to somewhere completely bizarre, everyone on the planet likes cash and gift cards where they pick their own gift.

People overthink this. It's totally fine

indianaalum

southernbelle0915 said:

I side eye this a lot. Most people buy shower gifts a few days before the event, so your mom is probably not the only one invited to this shower who is having this problem. Why doesn't the bride have enough stuff on there?

Anyway, I'd give her a boxed gift. Mainly because I suspect she has a limited registry in an effort to get cash. So if her registry said fiesta plates in green, I'd just buy her another set of those. Or hotel collection towels in taupe? A couple sets of those. Sorrynotsorry.

That wouldn't solve anything. The bride could just return the extra sets if she truly did it to get cash.

Although I am sure some do it to get cash, I think most brides do not. I think it is very hard to judge how much to put on a registry as you have no idea how to know what people will buy you. You have no idea how generous guests might be, so people might just have bought it all up. Some might buy more than 1 item on there, so it is hard to gauge I think. I don't think making a super large registry with things you don't really want is smart, either.

kvruns

Just got back from mine and we had a small registry (and small shower etc). I believe I received 8 gifts (some were group gifts) and 3 were cash or gift card and another was a registry item plus gift card. I talked to my mom later and her friend was one of the gift cards and she had told mom she looked at the registry but nothing jumped out so she went with gift card. Works for me because there are still some things on the registry that we didn't receive but I know I want to get so I will use it to purchase those items.

Sioux1986

I was at a shower recently with a limited registry and another guest gave an awesome off registry gift:

A big beach/pool bag with beach towels, sunscreen, towel clips, and a mini cooler. Smart gift, I thought. 

twitterbird

I got several gift cards for the store I registered at as shower gifts. I had no issues with it.