Would YOU Want to Know?

climbingsingle

Dreamergirl8812 said:

And if she sees this thread?

I think it's condescending and dismissive to assume this woman already knows. She woman may be getting exposed to STDs, but hey, ya wouldn't want to look like a busybody.

They've already broken up once because he was cheating on her. OP said she posts things to FB, calling her H out in regards to cheating. 

littlepep

climbingwife said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

And if she sees this thread?

I think it's condescending and dismissive to assume this woman already knows. She woman may be getting exposed to STDs, but hey, ya wouldn't want to look like a busybody.

They've already broken up once because he was cheating on her. OP said she posts things to FB, calling her H out in regards to cheating. 

Agreed. She knows he did before and clearly has considered the possibility that it is happening/could happen again. 

Dreamergirl8812

littlepep said:

climbingwife said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

And if she sees this thread?

I think it's condescending and dismissive to assume this woman already knows. She woman may be getting exposed to STDs, but hey, ya wouldn't want to look like a busybody.

They've already broken up once because he was cheating on her. OP said she posts things to FB, calling her H out in regards to cheating. 

Agreed. She knows he did before and clearly has considered the possibility that it is happening/could happen again. 

If he has this many women wrapped around his fingers, he's probably very manipulative. Regardless, I just this line of thinking blames the victim.

climbingsingle

Dreamergirl8812 said:

littlepep said:

climbingwife said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

And if she sees this thread?

I think it's condescending and dismissive to assume this woman already knows. She woman may be getting exposed to STDs, but hey, ya wouldn't want to look like a busybody.

They've already broken up once because he was cheating on her. OP said she posts things to FB, calling her H out in regards to cheating. 

Agreed. She knows he did before and clearly has considered the possibility that it is happening/could happen again. 

If he has this many women wrapped around his fingers, he's probably very manipulative. Regardless, I just this line of thinking blames the victim.

Please tell me where I blamed her for her husband cheating on her. I'll wait.

Dreamergirl8812

climbingwife said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

littlepep said:

climbingwife said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

And if she sees this thread?

I think it's condescending and dismissive to assume this woman already knows. She woman may be getting exposed to STDs, but hey, ya wouldn't want to look like a busybody.

They've already broken up once because he was cheating on her. OP said she posts things to FB, calling her H out in regards to cheating. 

Agreed. She knows he did before and clearly has considered the possibility that it is happening/could happen again. 

If he has this many women wrapped around his fingers, he's probably very manipulative. Regardless, I just this line of thinking blames the victim.

Please tell me where I blamed her for her husband cheating on her. I'll wait.

Again, I believe, the "she must know she's being cheated on" line of thinking places blame on her for being with a cheater.

doeydo

Yes, I would want and need to know.  

beethery

Dreamergirl8812 said:

climbingwife said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

littlepep said:

climbingwife said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

And if she sees this thread?

I think it's condescending and dismissive to assume this woman already knows. She woman may be getting exposed to STDs, but hey, ya wouldn't want to look like a busybody.

They've already broken up once because he was cheating on her. OP said she posts things to FB, calling her H out in regards to cheating. 

Agreed. She knows he did before and clearly has considered the possibility that it is happening/could happen again. 

If he has this many women wrapped around his fingers, he's probably very manipulative. Regardless, I just this line of thinking blames the victim.

Please tell me where I blamed her for her husband cheating on her. I'll wait.

Again, I believe, the "she must know she's being cheated on" line of thinking places blame on her for being with a cheater.

The lady has been cheated on before, and probably has an idea of the signs. It's a thing when you get cheated on repeatedly, you usually know.

All CW said is that she probably knows. Please chill the fuck out on this shit.

southernbelle0915

beethery said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

climbingwife said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

littlepep said:

climbingwife said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

And if she sees this thread?

I think it's condescending and dismissive to assume this woman already knows. She woman may be getting exposed to STDs, but hey, ya wouldn't want to look like a busybody.

They've already broken up once because he was cheating on her. OP said she posts things to FB, calling her H out in regards to cheating. 

Agreed. She knows he did before and clearly has considered the possibility that it is happening/could happen again. 

If he has this many women wrapped around his fingers, he's probably very manipulative. Regardless, I just this line of thinking blames the victim.

Please tell me where I blamed her for her husband cheating on her. I'll wait.

Again, I believe, the "she must know she's being cheated on" line of thinking places blame on her for being with a cheater.

The lady has been cheated on before, and probably has an idea of the signs. It's a thing when you get cheated on repeatedly, you usually know.

All CW said is that she probably knows. Please chill the fuck out on this shit.

Yea, I had a boyfriend like this in HS. Major flirt and makeout nomad. As much as I never wanted to believe it, you know the signs.

Plus it would appear that this dude is prolific and obvious about it.

VulgarGirl

Wait...since when does flirting=cheating and STDs? I flirt. I do not bang everyone I flirt with l.

larrygaga

I would send a little facebook message. I would want that small kindness myself. 

MagicInk said:

Wait...since when does flirting=cheating and STDs? I flirt. I do not bang everyone I flirt with l.

I'm super flirty too and I have only even kissed 1 man in my entire life.

Wait I think I kissed a girl in high school. 

So 2. 

I must be riddled with the herp from all the flirting I do.

For many people, flirting is fun and harmless.

novella1186

southernbelle0915 said:

beethery said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

climbingwife said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

littlepep said:

climbingwife said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

And if she sees this thread?

I think it's condescending and dismissive to assume this woman already knows. She woman may be getting exposed to STDs, but hey, ya wouldn't want to look like a busybody.

They've already broken up once because he was cheating on her. OP said she posts things to FB, calling her H out in regards to cheating. 

Agreed. She knows he did before and clearly has considered the possibility that it is happening/could happen again. 

If he has this many women wrapped around his fingers, he's probably very manipulative. Regardless, I just this line of thinking blames the victim.

Please tell me where I blamed her for her husband cheating on her. I'll wait.

Again, I believe, the "she must know she's being cheated on" line of thinking places blame on her for being with a cheater.

The lady has been cheated on before, and probably has an idea of the signs. It's a thing when you get cheated on repeatedly, you usually know.

All CW said is that she probably knows. Please chill the fuck out on this shit.

Yea, I had a boyfriend like this in HS. Major flirt and makeout nomad. As much as I never wanted to believe it, you know the signs.

Plus it would appear that this dude is prolific and obvious about it.

Ditto this. Everyone knew my boyfriend was cheating on me (with one of my best friends) but no one wanted to tell me. Finally, someone I wasn't super close with let me know. I was extremely humiliated that this person knew but I didn't, and that this person had to tell me because none of my close friends would. It just sucked. 

But we got back together and he kept cheating on me, and then I always knew. For me, after it happened once, the signs were so obvious. I could tell by his facial expressions or the way that he glanced at a particular girl that he was cheating, and I was never wrong. 

Why I stayed with that piece of shit is a whole different story. 

kmmssg

I agree that this is a slippery slope but since I've been on that slope - yes I would want to know and under very exacting circumstances I would get involved and tell a friend their SO/spouse is cheating on them.

I married the first time in 1980.  We worked opposite shifts, I was 20 he was 30 and I was the most naive thing walking the Earth.  He became a serial cheater.  If it had a vagina and he could convince her to say yes, he did her.  ALL of my friends knew because all of their husbands worked with mine (keep in mind I  had just moved to Michigan so it was a smaller circle but probably 6-8 women).  No one said anything and I found out later a couple of they guys had actually seen the action going on.

Next thing I know I am requiring medical attention for his indiscretions.

I would not go to someone based on heresay and second hand stories, but if I have indisputable absolute proof I am speaking up - even if he/she never speaks to me again.  Even if they don't believe me, I am still speaking up.  finding out you need medical treatment is emotionally devastating and incredibly embarrassing. I won't turn a blind eye and keep quiet. 

pinkcow13

This is tricky. I would want to know. But, I don't think I would want to know from someone that works with my FI. I'm FB friends with a couple of FI's female coworkers. If any of them told me that FI was cheating on me, I would need proof. I don't know these girls outside of a few happy hours with FI, who is to say that they are not lying to me, or who knows, trying to break us up?

If I were in your place, I would do the same thing, and not tell her. It's not your place. Maybe she knows, maybe she doesn't. But like another poster mentioned, you work with this guy and it could have implications on your professional life. 

I mind my own business about these things, because while most of us would want to know, you never know how the couple will come out of it. And if they work it out, then you're the asshole that got involved. Last year my friend was cheating on her then fiance. She had been cheating on him for over a year with several different men. I felt terrible for him because he is a sweet guy. He even spoke to one of the guys once (she confessed, and he called one of the guys in front of her) and the guy said "Yea, I smashed your girl while she had her ring on." He was devastated. They broke up, he moved out. Fast forward to today, he's living back in the apartment and they are back together and "in love." Not re-engaged yet, though. Imagine I had told him? My friend would not have forgiven me, but even if I was HIS friend and not hers, it would have maybe ended the friendship or at the least, made for a lot of awkwardness. 

LondonLisa

This sounds heartless, but I feel like there is no situation where it turns out OK for you and you wouldn't be sucked into a whole bunch of drama at work, which could affect your career.

Look, this guy is a dog and I do feel for his wife. I'm not defending him at all.  But you have hearsay, and you aren't that good of friends with the wife. Maybe she knows and they have a different sort of relationship. 

Personally, I would want to know, however, I would want to know from a close friend. I feel like if you aren't close enough to talk about sex in general with this person you should just mind your own business. 

This could blow up in your face and affect your career. 

beachyone15

LondonLisa said:

This sounds heartless, but I feel like there is no situation where it turns out OK for you and you wouldn't be sucked into a whole bunch of drama at work, which could affect your career.

Look, this guy is a dog and I do feel for his wife. I'm not defending him at all.  But you have hearsay, and you aren't that good of friends with the wife. Maybe she knows and they have a different sort of relationship. 

Personally, I would want to know, however, I would want to know from a close friend. I feel like if you aren't close enough to talk about sex in general with this person you should just mind your own business. 

This could blow up in your face and affect your career. 

So much this. I would want to know from someone I trusted. If I heard from my BFF, I'd believe her more so than a colleague. I think it would be harder to trust that what the colleague says vs someone truly involved in your life and concerned with your well-being.

Dreamergirl8812

I don't know if I would believe a stranger or acquaintance, but I would hope someone would say something before I started a family.

princessofgenovia

Dreamergirl8812 said:

I don't know if I would believe a stranger or acquaintance, but I would hope someone would say something before I started a family.

They're already a family. They got married. Boom. Family. No where did the OP state they were having kids. And not everyone who gets married has kids. 

I've been on the receiving end of this "helpful" information before. My FI is a flirty guy. He has a lot of female friends, often goes out to lunch with them, hangs out with them, hugs them, ect, ect. I have never once thought he was cheating on me. This is just how he is.

I have received FB messages from "concerned" women who just want to let me know "I saw your FI go to lunch with Jane she was all over him! I just thought you should know", know what? That he talks to other females? Ok. Look if you catch with his dick up her pussy feel free to let me know. But otherwise, you're trying to start something where there ain't nothing. 

If you want to tell her he's flirting with you, fine. That's something you actually have experienced. But last time I check, men and women could dine together without fucking each other.

littlepep

princessofgenovia said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

I don't know if I would believe a stranger or acquaintance, but I would hope someone would say something before I started a family.

They're already a family. They got married. Boom. Family. No where did the OP state they were having kids. And not everyone who gets married has kids. 

I've been on the receiving end of this "helpful" information before. My FI is a flirty guy. He has a lot of female friends, often goes out to lunch with them, hangs out with them, hugs them, ect, ect. I have never once thought he was cheating on me. This is just how he is.

I have received FB messages from "concerned" women who just want to let me know "I saw your FI go to lunch with Jane she was all over him! I just thought you should know", know what? That he talks to other females? Ok. Look if you catch with his dick up her pussy feel free to let me know. But otherwise, you're trying to start something where there ain't nothing. 

If you want to tell her he's flirting with you, fine. That's something you actually have experienced. But last time I check, men and women could dine together without fucking each other.

psiloveyouu

Again. I am not telling her. I was never going to tell her. I will never change my mind about telling her.

I did not mean to imply going to lunch/flirting/texting was cheating. Fucking several other people and openly admitting it loud enough for other people in the room to hear? Sorry, that's cheating.

climbingsingle

psiloveyouu said:

Again. I am not telling her. I was never going to tell her. I will never change my mind about telling her.

I did not mean to imply going to lunch/flirting/texting was cheating. Fucking several other people and openly admitting it loud enough for other people in the room to hear? Sorry, that's cheating.

So he's told people in front of you that he's having sex with these women? 

PrettyGirlLost

Dreamergirl8812 said:

climbingwife said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

littlepep said:

climbingwife said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

And if she sees this thread?

I think it's condescending and dismissive to assume this woman already knows. She woman may be getting exposed to STDs, but hey, ya wouldn't want to look like a busybody.

They've already broken up once because he was cheating on her. OP said she posts things to FB, calling her H out in regards to cheating. 

Agreed. She knows he did before and clearly has considered the possibility that it is happening/could happen again. 

If he has this many women wrapped around his fingers, he's probably very manipulative. Regardless, I just this line of thinking blames the victim.

Please tell me where I blamed her for her husband cheating on her. I'll wait.

Again, I believe, the "she must know she's being cheated on" line of thinking places blame on her for being with a cheater.

And?

She knows he has a history of cheating, she married him, so if she now knows he's cheating again and doesn't want to be with a cheater. . . then yeah, it is on her for staying with him.

She has control of her own actions.  She cannot control his.  So if she doesn't want to be with a cheater, then it's within her ability and control to leave him.

This is all assuming she actually does know that he's sleeping around on her again.

KatieinBkln

I am with others that I would want to know, but it would need to come from someone close to me, who had real proof.

When my sister's husband was cheating on her (in their home, while she was working the night shift) a neighbor told her that a strange woman was coming to her house and not leaving till late. Well, the woman in question was also the ex-H's study buddy, which my sister knew about. She was furious with the neighbor for being a busybody.

And when it turned out the neighbor was right? All it did was make my sister feel even more humiliated. 

So, yeah. Hearing it from someone who isn't close to you isn't so great.

princessofgenovia

psiloveyouu said:

Again. I am not telling her. I was never going to tell her. I will never change my mind about telling her.

I did not mean to imply going to lunch/flirting/texting was cheating. Fucking several other people and openly admitting it loud enough for other people in the room to hear? Sorry, that's cheating.

That might be cheating in your relationship. But that is not true for every relationship.

Though it is tacky as fuck regardless of your relationship rules or status.

ohannabelle

And this is just another layer of shit that cheaters and liars inflict on people.

They force their friends into becoming liars with them. 

It is completely a no win situation. 

If you tell, odds are that he will lie his way out of it, and make you into a crazy jealous troublemaking bitch. You lose a friend.

If you don't tell, when the friend eventually learns the truth, you're one of the people who smiled to her face and protected the person betraying her. You lose a friend.

So it's a losing situation. You just have to pick which evil person you want to be remembered as- the evil destructive one, or the betraying false friend. I wouldn't put myself into either role unless I was 100% absolutely certain that this was happening.