No unity traditions

minttobemrsb

So in talking to a friend this week I mentioned that FI and I are meeting with the chaplain tonight. He said he wanted to go over the ceremony wording and finish up with a counseling session and prayer. In our conversation, she started asking about all the unity traditions and she is actually confused as to why we aren't having them. 

"Are you having a unity candle?"  no

"Are you doing the unity sand?"  no

"Are you doing the knot tying?"  no

"You aren't doing any unity ceremony at all!".....um except the whole vows and promises and legally binding paperwork. 

We are keeping the ceremony as it, but now I'm honestly curious. How many people did/did not do these? Any reasons? 

climbingsingle

We did no unity thing. Just our vows and exchanging of rings. 

Jen4948

They're redundant. The wedding ceremony is itself a "unity ceremony." There's no need to tie things together or mix them together because they don't make you "more married" if you do them or "less married" if you don't.

minttobemrsb

Jen4948 said:

They're redundant. The wedding ceremony is itself a "unity ceremony." There's no need to tie things together or mix them together because they don't make you "more married" if you do them or "less married" if you don't.

That was my point to her. I even told her, "I don't need a unity ceremony within my unity ceremony." I guess maybe for her it's just the norm at weddings? 

ETA and thanks @climbingwife. Glad to know we aren't the only couple ditching them altogether. 

Jen4948

minttobemrsb said:

Jen4948 said:

They're redundant. The wedding ceremony is itself a "unity ceremony." There's no need to tie things together or mix them together because they don't make you "more married" if you do them or "less married" if you don't.

That was my point to her. I even told her, "I don't need a unity ceremony within my unity ceremony." I guess maybe for her it's just the norm at weddings? 

ETA and thanks @climbingwife. Glad to know we aren't the only couple ditching them altogether. 

Maybe so. If she didn't give it up after that, I'd tell her, "I already told you we're not doing a " unity ceremony, and you already told me how flummoxed you are. Our positions aren't changing, so please consider the subject closed."

minttobemrsb

Jen4948 said:

minttobemrsb said:

Jen4948 said:

They're redundant. The wedding ceremony is itself a "unity ceremony." There's no need to tie things together or mix them together because they don't make you "more married" if you do them or "less married" if you don't.

That was my point to her. I even told her, "I don't need a unity ceremony within my unity ceremony." I guess maybe for her it's just the norm at weddings? 

ETA and thanks @climbingwife. Glad to know we aren't the only couple ditching them altogether. 

Maybe so. If she didn't give it up after that, I'd tell her, "I already told you we're not doing a " unity ceremony, and you already told me how flummoxed you are. Our positions aren't changing, so please consider the subject closed."

Oh no. Thankfully, she's a good friend and isn't the type to keep badgering about it. She was just really taken aback by it. That's why I was curious to see how "normal" it was. 

mikenberger

We're not doing anything unity related. I figured taking his last name and making this whole thing legal was unity enough for me.

flantastic

The Catholic Church actually makes the same point in its guidelines for weddings - it's basically, "We won't stop you if you feel this tradition is super important to you, but really? The whole vows and rings bit, where everyone knows the point is for the two of you to become unified, isn't enough unity symbol for you?"

We didn't do it either.

banana468

We did this crazy thing where we exchanged vows and then put rings on our fingers.   

I understand that in some cases there can be cultural traditions added but I wasn't going to add things for the sake of being all, "Look!  We're SO MARRIED!"  

We just filed taxes and I'm pretty sure that the refund is the same without the  addition of sand on my mantle. 

littlemushroom

We did a sand ceremony. We look at it as a visual representation of what we are working toward in having a happy marriage. We each chose a color that represented the values we each hoped for in our marriage, like trust and patience, and have it displayed in our bedroom.

It is often said that having a visual representation of a goal you are working toward is beneficial. Whether it is in business or for a personal goal, having that visual reminder helps you stay focused on your goal even in trying times. That is what our unity sand can be for us throughout the years, especially given the deeper meaning of the colors.

It is also just a visually pleasing reminder of one of the happiest days of our life. I love our vase of unity sand more than my dress or bouquet. It is a wonderful memento of the day that I wouldn't trade for anything.

Dreamergirl8812

We did a sand ceremony because it was included for free by our officiant. It sits on a shelf in our kitchen. It still makes me smile.

But we could easily have gone without it.

cupcait927

We weren't planning on doing any unity ceremonies because I also think it's redundent. We met with our officiant and she had a wine unity thing that she incorporated into the ceremony. I figured why the hell not do it since a) we got married at a winery and b) I got to drink during the ceremony. It also tied in our moms and we both thought it was a very sweet way to include them. Had it been anything other than wine, like candles or sand, I would've nixed it.

artbyallie

We didn't really have a 'unity' ceremony within our ceremony, per se. We took communion together but I consider that more of a 'Jesus' ceremony than 'unity,' lol.

AddieCake

We didn't do any. I considered a sand ceremony, but my husband thought it was weird, so we didn't.

theartistformerlyknownas

Crap, we must not be married enough. All we did was exchange rings, make vows to each other, kiss, and sign a marriage license.

We held hands a lot. Oh yeah and we high-fived at the end. Does that count?

iloveu4ever

We will do sand. My fiancé hates candles.

CMGragain

Even exchanging rings is a recent custom.  Wedding rings for men became popular in WW II.  Before that time, generally wedding rings were worn by women only.  Prince William doesn't wear one.  I think everybody knows he is married.

TrixieJess

I've been to over 30 weddings since i was 5 years old in different denominations and this past one was the first one that I had seen a "Unity" cermony (candle lighting). Then I hear about all these other ones on here. Umm, no, getting married is our Unity Cermony. The rest is just pageantry.

minttobemrsb

lolo883 said:

Crap, we must not be married enough. All we did was exchange rings, make vows to each other, kiss, and sign a marriage license.

We held hands a lot. Oh yeah and we high-fived at the end. Does that count?

The high five is what made it official!

Glad to see the responses are mostly mutual on skipping it. Sand seems to be next. Our meeting went great and the officiant was relieved to hear we weren't doing them. We talked vows and order and went on our way. Thanks for the input!

swiftsticks

I agree with most PP's that a marriage ceremony doesn't always need an accompanying unity ceremony. We're not doing anything other than a traditional vows and signing the license. I'm uncoordinated and would  break the vase for a sand ceremony or light myself of fire with a unity candle.

I had friends that had a Nerd ceremony during the reception. They dumped two different flavours of Nerds candy into a vase, like a sand ceremony, then visited the tables offering the candy to people to "eat their love". It was very cheeky and appropriate for their geeky wedding.

TrixieJess

swiftsticks said:

I agree with most PP's that a marriage ceremony doesn't always need an accompanying unity ceremony. We're not doing anything other than a traditional vows and signing the license. I'm uncoordinated and would  break the vase for a sand ceremony or light myself of fire with a unity candle.

I had friends that had a Nerd ceremony during the reception. They dumped two different flavours of Nerds candy into a vase, like a sand ceremony, then visited the tables offering the candy to people to "eat their love". It was very cheeky and appropriate for their geeky wedding.

The bolded almost happened at the last wedding that I went to. The entire church who knew how clumsy the bride was, was waiting for it to happen and then stifled their laughter when it did.

ejpentecost

I'm not doing any of that. I consider a wedding plenty unifying enough on its own.

minttobemrsb

TrixieJess said: swiftsticks said:I agree with most PP's that a marriage ceremony doesn't always need an accompanying unity ceremony. We're not doing anything other than a traditional vows and signing the license. I'm uncoordinated and would  break the vase for a sand ceremony or light myself of fire with a unity candle.
I had friends that had a Nerd ceremony during the reception. They dumped two different flavours of Nerds candy into a vase, like a sand ceremony, then visited the tables offering the candy to people to "eat their love". It was very cheeky and appropriate for their geeky wedding.

The bolded almost happened at the last wedding that I went to. The entire church who knew how clumsy the bride was, was waiting for it to happen and then stifled their laughter when it did._______________________________________________________________

I would have cried! Our ceremony is outside so it would be my luck I big gust of wind would come by and blow out our unity candle...and then we wouldn't be as married

ETA disappearing boxes

spglsp

I've been to nine weddings in recent memory, only one included a "unity" anything. I'm not having it because quite frankly I hate attention and want to include as few things to potentially screw up as possible

notdoingitbythebook

Unity ceremonies certainly seem popular these days. Every wedding I've been to lately does them. I just don't see the point and I can't find one that I like because they all seem cliche. I did find a lego heart one that would make sense, but decided against it. We'll be unified enough with our ceremony, I don't feel the need to add yet another element to coordinate.

minttobemrsb

notdoingitbythebook said:

Unity ceremonies certainly seem popular these days. Every wedding I've been to lately does them. I just don't see the point and I can't find one that I like because they all seem cliche. I did find a lego heart one that would make sense, but decided against it. We'll be unified enough with our ceremony, I don't feel the need to add yet another element to coordinate.

Legos?? Don't tell MrB. He would surely tr to put that in our ceremony! 

sheknows6

We had originally said we were not going to do a unity ceremony, and then we found an alternative that we both loved. So we're doing glass crystals that are later blown into a glass sculpture for us to keep. It's called Unity in Glass if anyone is interested in checking it out.

We're both artsy and love the idea of a conversation piece so we're going with it, but it in no way makes us any more unified than the actual marriage. Honestly, we sort of needed something to help make the ceremony last at least a few minutes longer because as it stands our whole ceremony read aloud is about 3 minutes long once I get down the aisle.

I like the idea personally, but to each their own.

fyrchk

cupcait927 said:

We weren't planning on doing any unity ceremonies because I also think it's redundent. We met with our officiant and she had a wine unity thing that she incorporated into the ceremony. I figured why the hell not do it since a) we got married at a winery and b) I got to drink during the ceremony. It also tied in our moms and we both thought it was a very sweet way to include them. Had it been anything other than wine, like candles or sand, I would've nixed it.

Ummmm...I wasn't planning on a unity thing...but wine? Please elaborate. For those of us who are curious. And possibly alcoholics. lol

fyrchk

sheknows6 said:

We had originally said we were not going to do a unity ceremony, and then we found an alternative that we both loved. So we're doing glass crystals that are later blown into a glass sculpture for us to keep. It's called Unity in Glass if anyone is interested in checking it out.

We're both artsy and love the idea of a conversation piece so we're going with it, but it in no way makes us any more unified than the actual marriage. Honestly, we sort of needed something to help make the ceremony last at least a few minutes longer because as it stands our whole ceremony read aloud is about 3 minutes long once I get down the aisle.

I like the idea personally, but to each their own.

I've seen this, also. I also like that you can have ornaments made and give them to your parents, etc.

ohiobride78

My FI and I are doing to unity glass too.. We are getting ready to order our beads for our july wedding!

BrinkyDink16

We're doing a joke unity candle.  When we go to light the middle candle the clip from "Young Frankenstein" will play that says "Put ... the candle ... back" and we'll put our candles back.  We are doing a hand fasting instead of traditional vows though.  I'm making six binding cords and we chose six promises to make to each other.  We're also exchanging rings, and naturally signing the paperwork!