Alexisa01 how are you

debbeau

Thought about you and hoping you are doing okay.

climbingsingle

Hope you're doing OK!

AlexisA01

Hey, I am great ladies. I've been working on some projects.  My younger sister bought me the new expansion pack to the sims 4, so I've been very preoccupied with that game. 

Condensed Story: I meet with him at a bar. I threw a drink in his face. He said he deserved it and he explained everything. He wanted a short break to deal with the loss of our stillborn from holidays. He took his clothes, his dogs, and laptop but left all of this stuff to go to the extended stay while we on a break because he wanted to stake a step back from the wedding talk and planning to deal with this issue. He believes that he used the wrong English word and wanted to be alone on a break.

I asked him why he took the photos and he made and organized all of our photos for something to do while he was away. I remember telling you ladies about how he had my SUV, well it was at his office with the keys in desk drawer. He is leasing a Toyota hybrid SUV because he didn't want to drive my vehicle while we were on break. My vehicle was where he left it when my FSIL and MIL went to retrieve it. 

I grilled and questioned him about why we needed to put a pause on everything. He never knew how to grieve because he was comforting me during that time and was doing everything for me. While I was on leave, he did everything and even his mother basically told him that he should cry because he wasn't dealing with a "mother's loss".  He wanted to speak to a grief counselor with me and was somewhat terrified to tell his friends, love ones, and others that he that our little baby's death was eating him. Now that I really processed this, whenever I brought up trying to get pregnant, he would choke up. Now it makes sense.

We stayed at the bar for a couple of hours rehashing everything. I said my peace and he said his after apologizing. It's been difficult and that is why I am playing video games because I still feel confused, hurt, and I wished he would have told me about this. I always noticed that he was told to be "strong" "not to cry" by his mother. 

ETA: I am working with fostering some of the kids from my parents charity. I was presented in potentially fostering to adopting one of the children from the organization. I never thought I would be good enough during this time to make a positive impact that I had what it takes to do this next step in my life.

Blergbot

Glad you are doing ok. I would get to couples counselling if I were you. Dealing with grief is huge by itself. Obviously he doesn't know how to do that WITH you. Not to mention the horrible way he chose to "take a break." Taking a break, to me, at the very least implies a discussion with your partner, even if it is not totally mutually agreed upon. He needs to work on communicating, gaining back your trust, and how to be there for you without losing himself.

So sorry for your loss.

AlexisA01

Blergbot said:

Glad you are doing ok. I would get to couples counselling if I were you. Dealing with grief is huge by itself. Obviously he doesn't know how to do that WITH you. Not to mention the horrible way he chose to "take a break." Taking a break, to me, at the very least implies a discussion with your partner, even if it is not totally mutually agreed upon. He needs to work on communicating, gaining back your trust, and how to be there for you without losing himself.

So sorry for your loss.

I totally agree. We always communicated but this is the first time there was a lack in it. My personal counselor was updated on this and told me that grief issues can result in similar behaviour but it's no excuse. I just sit and think about how he was there for me and he was expected to not feel this pain. We are separated still and seeing a counselor then within a month we are going to discuss again. I will add more tomorrow, I have a field tripso I'm very exhausted.

debbeau

I am glad to hear you are doing okay and were able to get some answers. Keep seeing your therapist and do things that make YOU happy!