All the negativity....sheesh.

Biogirl2010

Ok, so I will start this post by saying that I am new to this site. I made 2 previous posts and received so much negativity on what I thought was supposed to be a welcoming and supportive community. The posts were made at around four in the morning when I was awake with stress of an upcoming meeting between the groom's parents and mine. (That is right people...excuse me if I do not paragraph to your standards at four in the morning) There are plenty of issues causing stress for both the groom and myself that I came to maybe get some helpful advice on and to be honest 90% of my responses were bitching and completely missing the point of things. 

     First off yes, I am young and married. We have known each other since high school and he is in the military. That is why we eloped and are now having our wedding. Our legal marriage was simply to satisfy the military so we could move in together and no longer be long distance. The intention of everyone involved was to have the ceremony at a later time. I do not need the negativity of people who don't think we should have the full wedding, my posts are always about other things concerning the wedding. 

     If there are any understanding and civil people not looking to be a bitch, by all means let's talk. Even better, any soon to be military spouses or people going the same route with their wedding go ahead and reply. If you are simply on here to cause trouble, belittle, or give your unwanted opinion on the set up of our marriage please take your negativity elsewhere. 

climbingsingle

He is not a groom. You are not a bride. You are husband and wife. You are already married. You already had a wedding.

momofbride530

climbingwife said:

He is not a groom. You are not a bride. You are husband and wife. You are already married. You already had a wedding.

Exactly! You already had a wedding. You made a choice to not wait to get married. There is no such thing as a full wedding. You get one day.

blabla89

Biogirl2010 said:

Ok, so I will start this post by saying that I am new to this site. I made 2 previous posts and received so much negativity on what I thought was supposed to be a welcoming and supportive community. The posts were made at around four in the morning when I was awake with stress of an upcoming meeting between the groom's parents and mine. (That is right people...excuse me if I do not paragraph to your standards at four in the morning) There are plenty of issues causing stress for both the groom and myself that I came to maybe get some helpful advice on and to be honest 90% of my responses were bitching and completely missing the point of things. 

     First off yes, I am young and married. We have known each other since high school and he is in the military. That is why we eloped and are now having our wedding. Our legal marriage was simply to satisfy the military so we could move in together and no longer be long distance. The intention of everyone involved was to have the ceremony at a later time. I do not need the negativity of people who don't think we should have the full wedding, my posts are always about other things concerning the wedding. 

     If there are any understanding and civil people not looking to be a bitch, by all means let's talk. Even better, any soon to be military spouses or people going the same route with their wedding go ahead and reply. If you are simply on here to cause trouble, belittle, or give your unwanted opinion on the set up of our marriage please take your negativity elsewhere. 

amelisha

I'm gonna quote @jenna8984 here...



If you haven't been on here before you're probably wondering where all the snark is coming from. I will break it down for you-



Your post was long and hard to read without paragraphs



You are super young, and got married super fast (not usually a problem if you are one or the other but both combined is usually bad news)



You expect your mom to help pay for things



You want to have a re-do because you think your elopement wasn't good enough. Which is ridiculous- you get one wedding and yours has passed.



So please before you get all "Why are you mean bitches, I hate you all" please think about these items and how it makes you sound. Congrats on getting married.

huskypuppy14

Biogirl2010 said:

Ok, so I will start this post by saying that I am new to this site. I made 2 previous posts and received so much negativity on what I thought was supposed to be a welcoming and supportive community. The posts were made at around four in the morning when I was awake with stress of an upcoming meeting between the groom's parents and mine. (That is right people...excuse me if I do not paragraph to your standards at four in the morning) There are plenty of issues causing stress for both the groom and myself that I came to maybe get some helpful advice on and to be honest 90% of my responses were bitching and completely missing the point of things. 

     First off yes, I am young and married. We have known each other since high school and he is in the military. That is why we eloped and are now having our wedding. Our legal marriage was simply to satisfy the military so we could move in together and no longer be long distance. The intention of everyone involved was to have the ceremony at a later time. I do not need the negativity of people who don't think we should have the full wedding, my posts are always about other things concerning the wedding. 

     If there are any understanding and civil people not looking to be a bitch, by all means let's talk. Even better, any soon to be military spouses or people going the same route with their wedding go ahead and reply. If you are simply on here to cause trouble, belittle, or give your unwanted opinion on the set up of our marriage please take your negativity elsewhere. 

The bolded does not make sense. You eloped, therefore you were married. You cannot get married again without getting divorced first. It's insulting to people who eloped to say it's not a real wedding.

You also can't tell people how to post. We are a welcoming community, but if you haven't lurked first you might not get that. 

Also read the sticky about PPD on the etiquette page.

VulgarGirl

Those who think it's just a piece of paper have never been denied the right to have one.

If you want support buy a bra.

Biogirl2010

@amelisha  I have already addressed the paragraph issue I had a damn bad day everyone please stop harping on that. Yes. I am young and we did marry fast but we are very happy. It has been a huge learning experience for us about each other and we love it. I do not expect her to do anything, she always promised she would as tradition states "Brides parents pay". It upsets me that she is now backing out because she is a lapdog to her bf who tries to make sure I don't interfere with what he wants. 

 It is not that the elopement wasn't good enough but as I said it was the plan between all of us to do it this way. This is for multiple reasons that benefit everyone involved. One reason being that we had a planned wedding...and then work things came up for him and we had to regroup. If you do not understand or agree that is fine. Thank you for the congratulations.

esstee33

ohannabelle

JIC

Ok, so I will start this post by saying that I am new to this site. I made 2 previous posts and received so much negativity on what I thought was supposed to be a welcoming and supportive community. The posts were made at around four in the morning when I was awake with stress of an upcoming meeting between the groom's parents and mine. (That is right people...excuse me if I do not paragraph to your standards at four in the morning) There are plenty of issues causing stress for both the groom and myself that I came to maybe get some helpful advice on and to be honest 90% of my responses were bitching and completely missing the point of things. 

     First off yes, I am young and married. We have known each other since high school and he is in the military. That is why we eloped and are now having our wedding. Our legal marriage was simply to satisfy the military so we could move in together and no longer be long distance. The intention of everyone involved was to have the ceremony at a later time. I do not need the negativity of people who don't think we should have the full wedding, my posts are always about other things concerning the wedding. 

     If there are any understanding and civil people not looking to be a bitch, by all means let's talk. Even better, any soon to be military spouses or people going the same route with their wedding go ahead and reply. If you are simply on here to cause trouble, belittle, or give your unwanted opinion on the set up of our marriage please take your negativity elsewhere. 

I'm understanding and civil. 

If you eloped, you already had a wedding. Congratulations on your wedding.  

Have you gotten divorced since then? Otherwise, you're not having a wedding. You can't get more married. You either are or you aren't. 

My daughter married a military man. Multiple overseas tours. They didn't get married quickly to get housing or health benefits, and then have a re-enactment. Even when one of his friends suggested it, because my daughter needed damned expensive oral surgery. My son in law said, "What? Get married and then pretend to get married again? That's stupid." 

(He's a young man of few words, but he knows what "married" means.)

And yes, why pretend to get married when you already got married? Why not have a gorgeous anniversary party? 

(Also, probably not very nice to start a conversation by telling other people how awful you think they are and how they should respond to you.  That's not how the internet works. You put it out there, then you deal with honest opinions.)

VulgarGirl

Omg a thing came up? Plans got changed? Shit hit the fan? Omg gurl. I did not realize. No one else has ever experienced shit happening in life. Naw gurl you do you. You. Do. You.

Man I miss being 20 smarter than everyone.

novella1186

Here's the thing. Or just one thing that stuck out to me from your post. Some people elope because it's what they truly want, and that's how they choose to unite and celebrate, and it means everything to them, and it's incredibly romantic and special and significant, and it's a huge event because now they are married.

You eloped and you're referring to it like it was just some stupid insignificant thing you did for convenience and now you're entitled to an "actual wedding." Do you know how much that undermines and insults anyone else who eloped?

Do you know how much that undermines and insults all the loving couples in this country who don't have the same rights? Do you know how awful that sentiment is?

Jells2dot0

If you are married and happy, I really don't see the need or reason to make any more big of a deal of the situation. Just enjoy being married and move on with life.

That being said, if you just HAVE to have a party because it's what makes you feel so speshul inside, do just that- have a party! There is no need to pretend to have a wedding. You are married. Just have a kick ass anniversary party with a hosted dinner, booze, cake, dancing, and even hire a photographer if you want to have photos of the deal. Just don't pretend it is something it's not. 

FWIW I eloped. I intended on eloping from Day 1, never planned on having any type of redo or party, and have never changed my mind about it. I'm still very married and quite happily so!

Biogirl2010

I am not saying an elopement is any less real I am saying that it is just not the way he and I wanted to go. I fully believe that anybody should be able to have the wedding that they want be it an elopement or a million dollar affair. 

  I refer to him as my husband because we are married. We just chose from the start to celebrate differently. One is not more or less than the other. If it comes across as anything else than I am truly sorry @novella1186

jenna8984

Biogirl2010 said:

I am not saying an elopement is any less real I am saying that it is just not the way he and I wanted to go. I fully believe that anybody should be able to have the wedding that they want be it an elopement or a million dollar affair. 

  I refer to him as my husband because we are married. We just chose from the start to celebrate differently. One is not more or less than the other. If it comes across as anything else than I am truly sorry @novella1186

Exactly. If you chose one and do that. You get one. You are trying to have both and that's not how it works. You could have made your choice to have a larger wedding in the first place so cut the shit with using military as your excuse. There are plenty of military families who don't do this.

VulgarGirl

Let talk about my fathers in law. My wife's two dads.

They got together 20 years ago. 1995. That was a different time. DOES was a thing. Gay marriage was an unheard of concept. My word Ellen was not even out yet. ELLEN. Imagine that world.

Five years into their relationship my wife's dad was in a bad car accident. At the time he'd just lost his job and had no health insurance. This was 2000. No gay marriage rights existed. Bush the second was in office. They couldn't even get domestic partner benefits.

So while this man laid in a hospital bed racking up bills he couldn't pay his partner of 5 years sat in the hallway alone. Because they didn't have the luxury of having a quicky wedding because shit hit the fan. They didn't have the rights you're taking for granted.

And let's talk about military spouses. Let talk about my friend Joan who has proudly served her country for 12 years. And let's talk about her partner of 7 years. Who was a military spouse without any benefits. Not even the right to be open about their relationship. And even with all the changes they have still had to fight for rights you cheerfully take for granted.

But no. You totes deserve a big white wedding to fulfill all of your little girl fantasies.

ohannabelle

I am not saying an elopement is any less real I am saying that it is just not the way he and I wanted to go. I fully believe that anybody should be able to have the wedding that they want be it an elopement or a million dollar affair. 

  I refer to him as my husband because we are married. We just chose from the start to celebrate differently. One is not more or less than the other. If it comes across as anything else than I am truly sorry @novella1186

Yes. And yes, you had the wedding you wanted. That's the way you wanted it. You wanted to get married quickly, you wanted the legal benefits, you did it, and you're married.

If you want a celebration, than have a party. An anniversary party is a great idea. 

But it isn't a wedding. That's what you seem to have trouble grasping. You already made the adult decision to get married. Very few people have the wedding of their dreams. Budgets have to be considered, travel has to be arranged, in laws need to be accommodated, guest lists have to be cut, you can't afford steak and lobster, so you serve cake and punch, whatever. 

But that's part of being an adult. You don't just say, oh, I'll just keep having weddings till I get one I like. Grown ups don't play make pretend wedding. 

It's done. You made the choice. If it wasn't "the way you wanted to go" you wouldn't have. Nobody put a gun to your head and forced you. 

 Have a party, if you want a big party. But do it like an adult, and not a child playing make believe wedding. If you truly respected your own marriage, you'd be happy with what you have. 

JoanE2012

Biogirl2010 said:

Ok, so I will start this post by saying that I am new to this site. I made 2 previous posts and received so much negativity on what I thought was supposed to be a welcoming and supportive community. The posts were made at around four in the morning when I was awake with stress of an upcoming meeting between the groom's parents and mine. (That is right people...excuse me if I do not paragraph to your standards at four in the morning) There are plenty of issues causing stress for both the groom and myself that I came to maybe get some helpful advice on and to be honest 90% of my responses were bitching and completely missing the point of things. 

     First off yes, I am young and married. We have known each other since high school and he is in the military. That is why we eloped and are now having our wedding. Our legal marriage was simply to satisfy the military so we could move in together and no longer be long distance. The intention of everyone involved was to have the ceremony at a later time. I do not need the negativity of people who don't think we should have the full wedding, my posts are always about other things concerning the wedding. 

     If there are any understanding and civil people not looking to be a bitch, by all means let's talk. Even better, any soon to be military spouses or people going the same route with their wedding go ahead and reply. If you are simply on here to cause trouble, belittle, or give your unwanted opinion on the set up of our marriage please take your negativity elsewhere. 

I think you should post this on the Military Brides board.  They'll totally understand your reasoning!

flbride2015

Biogirl2010 said:

I am not saying an elopement is any less real I am saying that it is just not the way he and I wanted to go. I fully believe that anybody should be able to have the wedding that they want be it an elopement or a million dollar affair. 

  I refer to him as my husband because we are married. We just chose from the start to celebrate differently. One is not more or less than the other. If it comes across as anything else than I am truly sorry @novella1186

Then you should have had the wedding you wanted from the get go. My fiance is military too. He was moved across the country and overseas, which left us with 3 choices:

1 - Break-up. (We didn't).

2 - Get married right away so the military would pay to move both of us and raise his financial benefits to make up for some of the lost income I might have if I couldn't find a new job; oh and cover me under his health insurance. (I considered this. I even considered lying to our friends and family so I could still have my "big wedding". Because "all the military people do it" and what our "friends and family didn't know wouldn't hurt them." Oh, plus "it's just the paper part" it's not the "real wedding." Luckily, between my fiance being horified at the thought of playing pretend bride and groom, and lurking on this forum, I realized what an absolutely terrible and stupid idea that was. And I'm still embarassed about it to this day.) 

3 - Be a grown up and move with him on my own so we could have the wedding we actually want later this year. (This is what we did. I acted like an adult and I paid for my flight, I got a new job, and my fiance and I are together and still very much in love. We didn't need to get married to be together. We're also getting to have the wedding we want, that's the decision we made. We decided having our big wedding with our family and friends was more important than eloping for the benefits, even if it was the harder decision to make financially and logistically.)

You can choose to celebrate your marriage. A everyone's said, have a party! Invite people! Host them properly (which means a seat for every butt, food and drinks appropriate for the time of day, and your gursts don't open their wallets for anything)! Hire a photographer! \

BUT, it's not a wedding because you're already married. Don't have another ceremony just so you can play pretend. Stop calling yourselves bride and groom. It's silly. You're married.

CMGragain

Let's talk about what a wedding actually is.  A wedding is when two people, who are legally able to do so, change their status from two single people and become a married couple.   That is all.  You have done this.  Congratulations.
It is not possible to do this twice unless you are widowed or divorced from the first partner.  

Being married is about changing your life to become a couple.  It has nothing to do with white dresses, parties, family members, gifts.  If you are truly a grown up person, as you claim to be, then you don't need a big party to be married.

Many people in my family have eloped.  You insult them by implying that an elopement isn't enough.  It has been enough for thousands of couples.

Just because you know others who have done something that is against etiquette does not mean that it is OK to do the same.  I know people who pick their noses in public.  That doesn't make it OK.  I know that the military discourages PPDs, like you are planning.  Getting married just for military benefits can be considered fraud.  The ladies on the military board will agree with this.

I suggest that you plan a big welcome home party for your husband, with dinner and dancing.  Do not wear a wedding dress.  You will look like an attention-seeking fool if you do.  You can have your special dance, toasts, and receive cards of congratulations.  Wear a beautiful formal dress. Invite your friends and family.  Having this event on your wedding anniversary would also be a good idea.

There!  See?  You can have your big party without looking like a little girl playing pretend wedding.  You can celebrate your marriage.  Just don't try to turn it into something that it is not - a wedding.

beethery

Biogirl2010 said:

If you are simply on here to cause trouble, belittle, or give your unwanted opinion on the set up of our marriage please take your negativity elsewhere. 

If you are simply on here to talk out of your ass and boss the regs who are none-too-impressed by you, baby you might not be ready to do life.

You can barely handle internet criticism of your fuckup, how do you leave the house every day?

ohannabelle

I have a cat. 

I would like to have a dog, but that involves buying a new fence, more food, more time commitment, and I don't want to wait till those things happen.

So from now on, I am going to call my cat a dog. That's how I roll. She's a dog to me. 

I expect all my friends and family to look at my cat, and say, what a nice dog. I want them to support me in my decision to pretend that something is what it isn't. I am hereby redefining the meaning of the word "dog."

(This would never happen, because it would be frikking nuts.)

Adults deal with reality.  They use the right word for what something is. They call a wedding a wedding. They don't indulge in false behavior and contrived re-dos of reality to fulfill their childish fantasies. They love their scruffy cat, even if she isn't a basset hound. 

A wedding where nobody is getting married is not a wedding. 

Why is this so hard to understand, FFS?

levioosa

Oh honey, you are truly acting your age, and that's not a good thing. No one is entitled to a fancy party. Your mom is doing nothing wrong by refusing to pay for the wedding. You made a choice, as an adult, to elope. That was your wedding. Own it. You're going to learn quickly that life doesn't always go to plan, and shit hits the fan sometimes. We have military spouses here, we've had posters whose mothers have been diagnosed with terminal illness, we've had so much real life shit hit the fan it's not even remotely funny. Not one of them had a PPD. They dealt with life, as adults do, and made the most out of their situations. They made the hard call to either quickly plan a wedding they could afford, or to cancel it and wait. That's life.

We would be more than happy to help you plan a kick ass anniversary party or celebration of marriage party, but what you are trying to do is belittle the true wedding you had that so many are denied. Calling us bitches won't win you any points, or help you in the long run. You're not in high school any more. It's time to grow up.

FiancB

Biogirl2010 said:

I am not saying an elopement is any less real I am saying that it is just not the way he and I wanted to go. I fully believe that anybody should be able to have the wedding that they want be it an elopement or a million dollar affair. 

  I refer to him as my husband because we are married. We just chose from the start to celebrate differently. One is not more or less than the other. If it comes across as anything else than I am truly sorry @novella1186

Hey, I would love to be so rich that I could blow a million dollars on my wedding. I would've flown all my loved ones to some exotic island and flown out my horse too and rode her down the aisle. I would've paid my favorite band to play our wedding.  And I would have given out pet sloths for favors.

But my dreams were dashed. I am not a millionnaire and instead had a pretty run-of-the-mill country club wedding for a few thousand bucks. Because that's what we could afford and that's what worked for us. We were not entitled to our dream wedding. 

Had something come up where we felt the need to elope, we would've done it and been done with it. Hell, we were considering it just because of cost and family dramas. Either way, we would be just as married. 

That's what happens when you're an adult. Sometimes you have to make choices that may not be your ideal but they make the most sense at the time. You don't get take-backsies. 

But okay, keep telling yourself you're the only person everrrr that had something difficult happen in your life. 

southernbelle0915

I'm a wife, too. Wives don't plan weddings for themselves. I support you as the wife you are.

So, yes. This IS a supportive community. It's just not a community that supports people faking their marital status so taxpayers can fund their generous benefits while they don't consider themselves married because zomg they want to dress up like a pretty princess. Fuck. That.

If you don't like it, leave. And be swift about it since its pretty clear no one if very impressed you anyway.

Blergbot

Look, you are not the first person to come on these boards with the same arguments. We get this stuff a lot (mostly on the Etiquitte board. Go take a look). Your situation is not special. We've heard pretty much every excuse in the book regarding the do-over wedding.

But, truly, go ahead with your plans. I am not personally affected by your plans, and I really don't care one way or the other. You are also free to continue posting on this site. But the answers you get won't change. For awhile we even had a regular poster on here who had the kind of "wedding" you're describing (except actually even worse--she lied about it to her loved ones). She never made any friends on TK, and who knows why she kept coming back. Eventually she was banned for calling other posters names (you might also want to check out the Terms of Use before calling anyone a bitch). Just something to keep in mind when posting here.

MobKaz

Biogirl2010 said:

Ok, so I will start this post by saying that I am new to this site. I made 2 previous posts and received so much negativity on what I thought was supposed to be a welcoming and supportive community. The posts were made at around four in the morning when I was awake with stress of an upcoming meeting between the groom's parents and mine. (That is right people...excuse me if I do not paragraph to your standards at four in the morning) There are plenty of issues causing stress for both the groom and myself that I came to maybe get some helpful advice on and to be honest 90% of my responses were bitching and completely missing the point of things. 

     First off yes, I am young and married. We have known each other since high school and he is in the military. That is why we eloped and are now having our wedding. Our legal marriage was simply to satisfy the military so we could move in together and no longer be long distance. The intention of everyone involved was to have the ceremony at a later time. I do not need the negativity of people who don't think we should have the full wedding, my posts are always about other things concerning the wedding. 

     If there are any understanding and civil people not looking to be a bitch, by all means let's talk. Even better, any soon to be military spouses or people going the same route with their wedding go ahead and reply. If you are simply on here to cause trouble, belittle, or give your unwanted opinion on the set up of our marriage please take your negativity elsewhere. 

Allow me to introduce you to a civil and understanding military mom........calling @kmmssg.

mrsdee15

So yes, PPs already covered (and you know) why you're already married.  But here's the thing about this community:  it is extremely supportive, and that includes people not pulling punches with reality.  Being supportive also involves giving real advice.  It's the truth, no one here is going to sugarcoat it for you.  But that is because we expect everyone on this site who is old enough and mature enough to get married to also be mature enough to handle information that they may or not be doing something that would come off poorly.  

This happens all the time.  All. The.  Time.  Someone comes in with a woe-is-me story, and they are the special one who gets to have a PPD.  Except it's the same as all the others that come through.  They call a courthouse wedding "just" a legal thing.  They have special circumstances which required the marriage, but they totally just want to also have the big party later.  It's the same story over and over.  

They all get flamed for it.  All of them.  But some of them actually listen to what's being said, and do a 180 on their attitude and become a usual and valuable member of this site.  Your attitude is what is gross.  That's the problem.  You're saying people are tearing you down and you aren't really listening to what's being said.  People are telling you that you are undercutting couples that elected to go to the JOP, or who were denied those rights, by saying it's "just" your marriage.  That's not a cool thing, The elopement WAS your marriage.  Putting on the whole pomp and circumstance is not what makes a wedding and, more importantly, a marriage.  You just want that but can't deal with the fact that you made an adult decision and now have to live with the results.  You already said you're happy in the marriage, so why do you want it?  I'd be willing to bet it's so you get to be a textbook "bride" and do the whole big pretty dress, first dance, cake-cutting shebang.  It is unnecessary to the marriage part of the wedding, and really comes off as AW and gift grabby.   Throw a party (but no ceremony, big dress, whatever), or wait a few years and have a vow renewal at a suitable time.  

If you don't like it fine, you do you, but people will be put off by it and the regs here will never think it is okay.   

YogaSandy

Just a quick story. I had the big, pretty wedding day. It was perfect. However, wedding planning is awful and stressful, especially if you're a perfectionist who likes to do everything yourself and not delegate. I've told people all the time, if I had it to do over again, I would have eloped. Because all the really matters is DH and I are married. I also believe it's partly because society makes you think you want a big beautiful wedding. DH always laughs at me because I'm always at war with society over something.

Besides being married to DH, the only wedding-y thing that mattered to me was the dress. I could have eloped and still had a beautiful wedding dress. At one point with the planning being stressful and my mom being difficult, I did tell my dad that was it, we were eloping. He told me no I wasn't because I wanted my grandpa there and if I eloped grandpa couldn't be there. I knew at the time he was right so agreed to continue the plans. Now, I still would have eloped.

I advocate eloping to people all the time. But I also know that you might not be able to know that you don't want the big wedding unless you do it. Hindsight being 20/20 and all.

Just some background. I know some people will say wedding planning doesn't need to be stressful, and yes, some of it was fun, but I gave myself ulcers from it. I cried every day for three weeks before because I was so stressed and overwhelmed. Now, these things are a part of my personality. I a complete perfectionist and I don't delegate or ask for help, because if I do it, I know it will be done exactly as I want it.

Now, my wedding was perfect and amazing. I did love it. I'm not discounting what I had in anyway. But experience has shown me, that for us, eloping would have been a much better idea.

drunkenwitch

So between giggling and and happy dancing over your made up martyr drama, I just want to address one point. Once, I was new here. I lurked, I lurked for months. I got the vibe of the boards and introduced myself.

I didn't come in guns blazing and saying "omgeez and stuff like I'm totally like speshul and you alls are like mean and stuff". I was welcomed.

We're awesome, we're blunt and we don't suffer fools. Basically, RUN..

And I love that a lot of posters will get that reference

KatieinBkln

So many understanding posts in this thread. Firm, but ultimately understanding. Good for all y'all, but I'm taking a different tack.

You don't like "negativity," OP? You don't like it when people bring Real Talk to your fantasy world? That's okay. You're allowed to have whatever feelings you want about people who tell you you're acting a fool. You can hate my guts, you can throw a tantrum, you can delete your previous posts (in which you were quoted, so, uh, that deletion means nothing). You can pretend like the moral high road is a thing reserved for people who unreservedly blow sunshine up immature, entitled asses. You'd be deeply incorrect, but you could think that.

What you can't do? Is tell a bunch of free-thinking people on an internet forum to  "take [our] negativity elsewhere" and expect it to work. Baby child, I bring my opinions (asked for, unasked for, I don't give a fuck) wherever I want. I don't call names and I don't make personal attacks, so I'm free to do so.

What you can't do is post on a forum asking for advice and then get pissy when people express opinions and, ya know, ADVISE YOU, and expect that we'll pat your head, reverse our stances, and apologize for daring to rain on your precious parade.

What you can't do is pop onto a forum without having done even a modest amount of lurking, then act surprised when people respond with snark, or irritation, or mockery, when you have asked for advice and described a situation that is A. distressingly common, and B. already addressed in a sticky on the etiquette board. You don't respect our community enough to even read the posts; why on earth should we respect your need for "positive" responses?