I have a sticky wedding party situation that I need help with.
I have a best male friend who has been like a brother to me for over 15 years. We even refer to each other as "brother and sister" or "adopted brother/sister" because we are that close and actually feel related. In fact he is more like a brother to me than my biological brothers. You know that saying about sometimes true family is not related by blood? Yeah, that totally describes us. And I wanted to honor him by asking him to be involved in the wedding party somehow.
My real sister, though, is my Maid of Honor and is my closest biological sibling and best female friend. Trouble is... she used to be engaged (more than ten years ago) to my aforementioned best male friend.
When I asked him how he would feel if I invited him to the wedding, knowing that she, her husband and son would be there, he was very gracious about it. He said it had been so many years past that it was water long since under the bridge, and he could be courteous as the situation called for. However, my sister had the opposite reaction.
"Oh my God. No way would I have any fun at your wedding if he is in the room", she said, with her cheeks turning red with immediate stress. She was also worried about how her jealousy-prone husband might react with one of her exes in the room. (And for the record, my best male friend is also married). Nevermind being in the wedding party, she doesn't even want him in the room.
While she has herself been very gracious towards my decision to remain his close friend after their breakup, evidently this is fine as long as she (and/or her husband) is never in the same room with him. But he IS my closest friend, truly like a brother, and while he lives on the other side of the country, I was about to fly him out to my wedding because his being there would be one of those things that just makes my wedding day.
So, Knotties..... Is blood really thicker than water? Who needs to suck it up, here -- my sister, because as others have told me "It's your wedding and you can invite whomever you want to be there"? Or do I suck it up that he simply can't be here for my wedding because my sister will freak? Naturally I don't want to be selfish about this and am trying to be sensitive to everyone's feelings who are involved. I don't want to cause chaos because I want him there, but also it's not my fault that their relationship didn't end well. And our friendship predates his relationship with my sister by several years. Still, I don't want to hurt my sister.
I really need a clue before I send out official invitations! Thank you! xoxo
PS, If this post needs to be removed to the Etiquette board, feel free to do so and I apologize if I have posted this on the wrong board.