Engagement Drama - NOT mine

hlvonb

So 1 of my friends recently got engaged. YAY! 

Well it turns out she no longer loves / likes the ring that she was given.... Why? Because her FI's ex-girlfriend helped him pick it out. 

I personally do NOT see the issue with it because my friend and the ex are FRIENDS. They hang out together all the time so I personally see it as understandable that the FI would bring her with to look at rings....

Am I mistaken in thinking it's not a big deal?

AlexisA01

I could see how she could feel that way. She might rather he seek advice from someone else she is close with rather than the ex. It's not a big deal but maybe an ego thing to her.

larrygaga

I think that's crossing some boundaries that I wouldn't be comfortable with. Why didn't he ask one of her friends or family for help?

kvruns

are the FI an the ex-gf also friends?  Was your friend friends with the ex while they were together or was it just one of those small world connections that they all know each other?

FI and ex still being friends is the only place I could see her getting a little upset, not liking that her FI and the ex hung out together.  BUT since it sounds like she and the ex are genuinely friends then I would assume FI and ex cross paths in social situations it shouldn't be that big of a deal.  My guess is your friend still has issues with the fact that her FI and this girl dated and while she is ok to be friends with her, she doesn't want him to be.

arrippa

Honestly, I think she is being a little silly. If the ring was bought FOR the ex, then I could see being upset. But if OP's friend's Fi bought they ring for OP's friend with the ex helping to pick it out because they are friends, then I don't see an issue with it.

flutteringinfl

If this is bothering her, I'm sure this isn't the last time something of this nature will get in the way. I think she needs to put her problems with the ring aside and focus on the real issue: the fact that it bothers her so much that her FI is still friends with his ex.

redoryx

I find it odd. Not so much the fact that the person he took is his ex-girlfriend, but the person he took is one of his friends. He's shopping for a ring for her, why wouldn't he take one of her friends? 

Edit to add: unless your friend and the Ex-GF are friends and the Ex would have a good idea of her taste. Then I don't see the big deal. 

novella1186

redoryx said:

I find it odd. Not so much the fact that the person he took is his ex-girlfriend, but the person he took is one of his friends. He's shopping for a ring for her, why wouldn't he take one of her friends? 

Edit to add: unless your friend and the Ex-GF are friends and the Ex would have a good idea of her taste. Then I don't see the big deal. 

Agree with this. If engaged girl and ex-gf are friends and close enough that ex-gf would have some good input into what engaged girl would like, then it seems pretty normal that guy would take ex-gf to help give him input. 

If they're friends but engaged girl is upset about the circumstances surrounding her ring, then it seems like she has some issues with her guy being friends with his ex. Deciding not to like the ring anymore isn't gonna solve that issue. 

hellosweetie1015

To me - this girl IS your friend's friend, right? That's what your OP said. He took the ex because the ex and your friend are friends. They're good friends, supposedly, if they hang out all the time.

I mean, yes, it crosses some boundaries that I probably wouldn't be comfortable with either way, but I can see his potential reasoning - this ex is someone he's comfortable with, and your friend is good friends with her as well. He knows he can have an enjoyable time shopping for a ring for his soon-to-be fiancée with someone who knows her taste.

If the only thing she doesn't like about it is that the ex helped choose it, my personal thought is she needs to do some introspection. She needs to figure out why that bothers her, and exactly how much. If it bothers her enough that she doesn't want to wear the ring because of it, I think she and her FI need to have a discussion about it, probably framed as a boundary rather than a ring talk.

I don't think it's out of line for him to have taken the ex, myself, but I do think it's not unreasonable for your friend to be bothered by it. I would probably be bothered as well. But I'd do what I advised above, in trying to find the root of my "botheredness" and address it, either on my own, if it's a "me" issue, or with my FI.

flutteringinfl

hellosweetie1015 said:

To me - this girl IS your friend's friend, right? That's what your OP said. He took the ex because the ex and your friend are friends. They're good friends, supposedly, if they hang out all the time.

I mean, yes, it crosses some boundaries that I probably wouldn't be comfortable with either way, but I can see his potential reasoning - this ex is someone he's comfortable with, and your friend is good friends with her as well. He knows he can have an enjoyable time shopping for a ring for his soon-to-be fiancée with someone who knows her taste.

If the only thing she doesn't like about it is that the ex helped choose it, my personal thought is she needs to do some introspection. She needs to figure out why that bothers her, and exactly how much. If it bothers her enough that she doesn't want to wear the ring because of it, I think she and her FI need to have a discussion about it, probably framed as a boundary rather than a ring talk.

I don't think it's out of line for him to have taken the ex, myself, but I do think it's not unreasonable for your friend to be bothered by it. I would probably be bothered as well. But I'd do what I advised above, in trying to find the root of my "botheredness" and address it, either on my own, if it's a "me" issue, or with my FI.

Yeah now that I re-read the OP this makes even less sense. He probably took her because she's his FI's friend and he thought she might know her taste, not because she's his ex.

littlepep

Yeah I'm kind of confused. If your friend and the ex-gf are actually friends who hang out, I can see why he would take her. Unless they really aren't super close and then I feel like it's weird. 

I do think she probably has a jealousy issue that she needs to address outside of the ring. If that's the only thing she doesn't like about it, she needs to figure out why it bothers her so much. 

redoryx

Yeah, re-reading the post now I'm even more confused because I don't see the big deal. Her FI took one of her friends to shop for rings and that friend just happens to be the FI's ex. 

It sounds like your friend has bigger issues to deal with then who went ring shopping.

hlvonb

@AlexixA01   I suppose it could be an ego thing but the exgirlfriend  and my friend ARE friends.

@larrygaga    I am not sure why he didn't ask someone else. I would assume it is because the 2 girls are friends and they (the girls) spend A LOT of time together.

@kvruns   @redoryx   @novella1186   @hellosweetie1015  @littlepep   Yes the FI and the ex are friends. My friend met the exgirlfriend before that relationship was over. I am not 100% sure how they met but I know the 2 girls knew each other before my friend and her FI started dating and I believe the 2 girls hang out more than the FI and the ex do.

@arrippa       I agree with you. That was my thought when she told me this.

@flutteringinfl  @novella1186  @hellosweetie1015   @littlepep  That's a good point. She's (my friend) is very head strong so good luck telling her that could be an issue. haha.

littlepep

Definitely sounds like she is just being silly then. They are obviously friends so it would make sense that the FI would take her. He clearly wants to be with your friend since he, ya know, proposed. 

Maggie0829

Your friend has some jealousy issues.  Her FI took his ex-GF, your friends friend, ring shopping because the ex and your friend are friends. So I am assuming your friends FI thought that getting input from someone who hangs out with a lot and is friends with his SO on the type of ring to buy would be a good idea.

Your friend needs to realize that this girl is an ex for a reason.  And that her FI proposed to her with a ring that her friend helped to choose.  She needs to forget the whole ex thing and just concentrate that her FI asked one of her close friends to help pick out a ring that she would love.  To now hate the ring because this friend of hers happened to be her FI ex is just immature.