Argh. PSA: Please feed your guests

badbnagdway

I just have to get this off my chest. Posted a couple weeks back on CC that we never received an invite to a wedding we were told several times we were invited to. Groom is someone FI works with and he assured us we were invited. FI still really wanted to go because a lot of other co-workers were going, including some big bosses. 

So we go to this lovely venue that is clearly geared towards the outdoors. Only problem is it has basically rained non-stop the past 7 days, including that morning, so everything is wet and muddy. Cars were getting stuck in the "parking lot" (a field) even before the ceremony. Whatevs, we have a compact SUV and were fine. 

Someone up there does love this couple because the rain held off for the 30 minute ceremony, although all the guests' shoes have gotten pretty muddy from being on the lawn. Yuck. We are told reception is immediately to follow. So we all find seats (no seating chart) and FI's co-workers manage to snag a couple of the few indoor tables that are not reserved for family and WP - the other tables are out on the patio, which is covered, but the outdoor people basically cannot see anything that is happening inside except glimpses through windows. 

We go to the food and booze area and are told no food yet -- food at x time, which is in about 20 minutes. Ok, well so we get some wine and go back to our tables and wait. And wait. And wait. We knew probably 14 or so people at the wedding other than the b&g and every single one of them was famished and kept asking us if it would be like this at our upcoming wedding. 90 minutes later the bride and groom come in and they go through the buffet, followed by the WP and family. Everyone else had to wait an additional 15-30 minutes to get a chance at food. The food was pretty good, but it was all hors d'veours with a heavy emphasis on fruit, cheese, veggies and a few slightly heavier things like mini-quiches. The ceremony was at 4pm and it was 7 pm by the time all the guests actually had food. 

It was all completely unacceptable. Please feed your guests and do so in a timely manner. Even during your cocktail hour your guests need something to munch on. It won't matter to your guests how your wedding looks but they will be miserable and leave early if you make them wait for food. Also, if you want an evening or other mealtime wedding, you need to provide a meal and not just a variety of appetizers. If you can't afford to host everyone properly, invite fewer people or have a non-mealtime wedding. 

There were a million faux pas (bride and groom never did table visits) but the worst, by far, was keeping everyone hungry. 

ChemFanatic25

badbnagdway said:

I just have to get this off my chest. Posted a couple weeks back on CC that we never received an invite to a wedding we were told several times we were invited to. Groom is someone FI works with and he assured us we were invited. FI still really wanted to go because a lot of other co-workers were going, including some big bosses. 

So we go to this lovely venue that is clearly geared towards the outdoors. Only problem is it has basically rained non-stop the past 7 days, including that morning, so everything is wet and muddy. Cars were getting stuck in the "parking lot" (a field) even before the ceremony. Whatevs, we have a compact SUV and were fine. 

Someone up there does love this couple because the rain held off for the 30 minute ceremony, although all the guests' shoes have gotten pretty muddy from being on the lawn. Yuck. We are told reception is immediately to follow. So we all find seats (no seating chart) and FI's co-workers manage to snag a couple of the few indoor tables that are not reserved for family and WP - the other tables are out on the patio, which is covered, but the outdoor people basically cannot see anything that is happening inside except glimpses through windows. 

We go to the food and booze area and are told no food yet -- food at x time, which is in about 20 minutes. Ok, well so we get some wine and go back to our tables and wait. And wait. And wait. We knew probably 14 or so people at the wedding other than the b&g and every single one of them was famished and kept asking us if it would be like this at our upcoming wedding. 90 minutes later the bride and groom come in and they go through the buffet, followed by the WP and family. Everyone else had to wait an additional 15-30 minutes to get a chance at food. The food was pretty good, but it was all hors d'veours with a heavy emphasis on fruit, cheese, veggies and a few slightly heavier things like mini-quiches. The ceremony was at 4pm and it was 7 pm by the time all the guests actually had food. 

It was all completely unacceptable. Please feed your guests and do so in a timely manner. Even during your cocktail hour your guests need something to munch on. It won't matter to your guests how your wedding looks but they will be miserable and leave early if you make them wait for food. Also, if you want an evening or other mealtime wedding, you need to provide a meal and not just a variety of appetizers. If you can't afford to host everyone properly, invite fewer people or have a non-mealtime wedding. 

There were a million faux pas (bride and groom never did table visits) but the worst, by far, was keeping everyone hungry. 

I'm a little confused, you went to a wedding that you did not receive an actual invite for?

badbnagdway

ChemFanatic25 said:

badbnagdway said:

I just have to get this off my chest. Posted a couple weeks back on CC that we never received an invite to a wedding we were told several times we were invited to. Groom is someone FI works with and he assured us we were invited. FI still really wanted to go because a lot of other co-workers were going, including some big bosses. 

I'm a little confused, you went to a wedding that you did not receive an actual invite for?

We were orally invited and told that the b&g had sent our physical invitation via mail, but we never got it. They insisted it was actually sent and said they had a lot of trouble with people getting their invitations. Honestly I was inclined not to believe them and just not go but the groom insisted to FI that we were invited and that it was a postal snafu and that they hoped we would come. A ton of other people from the groom's work were there as well so it seems like they did intend to invite everyone. I don't know. If it were me I would have given people another physical invitation if it got lost but maybe they didn't have extra or had used them all up because of the many many people who also didn't get theirs. 

Edited for clarity. 

littlepep

Not having enough food is the worst. If you don't feed me, I will get hangry and leave early to find food. 

Cookie Pusher

If I had to wait that long for food, I would have ordered a pizza long before the buffet opened up. Sorrynotsorry.

redoryx

Cookie Pusher said:

If I had to wait that long for food, I would have ordered a pizza long before the buffet opened up. Sorrynotsorry.

Fuck that noise, I would have left. 

Although it would have been funny to have the pizza delivered TO the reception to prove a point.

badbnagdway

redoryx said:

Cookie Pusher said:

If I had to wait that long for food, I would have ordered a pizza long before the buffet opened up. Sorrynotsorry.

Fuck that noise, I would have left. 

Although it would have been funny to have the pizza delivered TO the reception to prove a point.

I don't know specifically if people left because of the food, but some people we know did leave prior to the food arriving. They said they had to take care of their kid, but they may have just decided to take their dressed-up selves to a restaurant instead of continuing to wait. It seemed to me that by the time food was out only about 70% of guests remained. It started to torential rain again and we jetted out early - which hopefully left those out on the covered patio some room to come inside because they were getting drenched. I don't think more than 50% of the guests were still there when we left - which was before the cake was cut. 

It was overall the opposite of fun. 

JCbride2015

Yep, I was hungry during FBIL's wedding and it made me grouchy all night-- it's still the main thing I remember about the wedding.  Their photographer was totally disorganized so all the family members missed cocktail hour, since they insisted on everyone being present while all the family pictures were being taken, instead of getting people in and out.  The dinner was plated but very small portions, and the wait staff took my main course the moment I turned my back even though over half the food was left.  Then dessert was only wedding cake and strawberries, which, you guessed it, were removed from the table before we were finished.  Grrrrrrr.

flantastic

JCbride2015 said:

Yep, I was hungry during FBIL's wedding and it made me grouchy all night-- it's still the main thing I remember about the wedding.  Their photographer was totally disorganized so all the family members missed cocktail hour, since they insisted on everyone being present while all the family pictures were being taken, instead of getting people in and out.  The dinner was plated but very small portions, and the wait staff took my main course the moment I turned my back even though over half the food was left.  Then dessert was only wedding cake and strawberries, which, you guessed it, were removed from the table before we were finished.  Grrrrrrr.

Ugh. Yeah. My mom told the story (more in the sense of "make sure your photographer has some damn sense and consideration") about one of my dad's sibling's weddings. Because they made the whole family stick around the whole time pictures were happening (they planned the large group picture for the end of the shot list instead of the beginning), my little sister (under a year old at the time) had a diaper blowout, which got all over my mom. She had to go back to my grandma's house and get all that taken care of, and even though she only showed up half an hour late to the reception, all the buffet food was already gone. Best day ever.

Cookie Pusher

JCbride2015 said:

Yep, I was hungry during FBIL's wedding and it made me grouchy all night-- it's still the main thing I remember about the wedding.  Their photographer was totally disorganized so all the family members missed cocktail hour, since they insisted on everyone being present while all the family pictures were being taken, instead of getting people in and out.  The dinner was plated but very small portions, and the wait staff took my main course the moment I turned my back even though over half the food was left.  Then dessert was only wedding cake and strawberries, which, you guessed it, were removed from the table before we were finished.  Grrrrrrr.

I told you to come to my wedding instead. Our caterer made so much food that we went home with six trays after everyone left! We made sure family/WP pictures got done very quickly (less than 15 minutes) so they could go to cocktail hour since there was an amazing cheese spread.

Penguins1987

I flew from New York to South Carolina just after graduating college for a friends' wedding. My boyfriend at the time was invited as my date, and did not know the bride. After the round trip flights, renting a car and staying in a hotel for the weekend, we got to the reception which was beer-wine + cash bar for liquor. Food served was cheese and crackers, crudites, etc. This was at dinnertime after a 2-3 hour gap between the ceremony. It was the first wedding I had been to without my family, and was so blown away by how inappropriate this was! We ended up going back to the hotel and getting room service, since restaurants had closed by the end of the reception! 

FEED YOUR GUESTS, and feed them well!!!

GeekyBride87

Not having food at weddings is pretty common around where I now live - Bible Belt Hell. It's all get married in a church and head to the basement for cake and punch. Then everyone leaves. It's super weird.

I think most of the friends' weddings that we've been to like that have been because the couple pretty much let their parents plan and handle everything. Which is also super weird.

One wedding that we went to (FI was the best man) had some food, but not much. The bride's parents actually kidnapped the bride and groom in-between the ceremony and reception to take them out to eat at a restaurant. Seriously... The groom was really confused, but went along with it for his new wife and in-laws. They told him that they deserved better food than what they were serving at the reception!

Then we went to a wedding (FI was the best man again) that had a "dessert only" reception. The wedding was at 4 pm and the reception lasted until 10 pm. We were all starving and wanted to leave. All anyone talked about was where they were going to get food after the reception. I swore this would not happen at our wedding. We want people to want to stay!

badbnagdway

GeekyBride87 said:

Not having food at weddings is pretty common around where I now live - Bible Belt Hell. It's all get married in a church and head to the basement for cake and punch. Then everyone leaves. It's super weird.

I think most of the friends' weddings that we've been to like that have been because the couple pretty much let their parents plan and handle everything. Which is also super weird.

One wedding that we went to (FI was the best man) had some food, but not much. The bride's parents actually kidnapped the bride and groom in-between the ceremony and reception to take them out to eat at a restaurant. Seriously... The groom was really confused, but went along with it for his new wife and in-laws. They told him that they deserved better food than what they were serving at the reception!

Then we went to a wedding (FI was the best man again) that had a "dessert only" reception. The wedding was at 4 pm and the reception lasted until 10 pm. We were all starving and wanted to leave. All anyone talked about was where they were going to get food after the reception. I swore this would not happen at our wedding. We want people to want to stay!

The bolded is just... gross. And it perfectly expresses the way some people seem to feel about weddings - your guests will "understand" that you are treating them like crap because, it's your day! No thanks. 

I get that cake and punch receptions are a thing. And they can be done in a way that is etiquette approved as long as they are done at a non-meal time (like, ceremony at 2pm, reception at 3pm, everyone out the door by 5 pm, at the latest). I also think the dessert only reception would be fine in the same approximate time frame. Obviously that's not fine for an evening reception. It's clear in the example you gave that the b&g wanted an evening reception with dancing, etc, but didn't want to actually pay for people to be fed. Yuck. 

levioosa

Ugh, that happened at the last wedding I was in.  Ceremony was at 5, the venue was unprepared and ran out of food, and people still hadn't eaten at 9. 

SepiaTone

We have a family phrases for this: Godzilla eat cheese and Toy food.

My dad is rather tall, especially compared to everyone on my mom's side, and most of the weddings have been tiny affairs in church social halls. This has usually meant tiny canapes, cheese cubes, jordan almonds, etc for the first hour after the wedding when everyone is hangry (Hungry-Angry). My dad would pick up each tiny thing and eat it individually - "Godzilla eat cheese. Godzilla eat little pickle." etc - to try and distract from the fact that none of us were getting read food. My mother refers to a lot of wedding food as toy food because "It looks cute, but you can't really say you ate afterwards."

It got to the point that, when there was a Mom-side family wedding, and since they were always in one of two small towns, we would just go to Sonic afterwards because it was the first fast-food place off the highway. To this day, cheddar-peppers remind me of weddings for that reason alone.