GoFundMe: Ever okay?

flutteringinfl

So I'm sure we can all agree that GFM's for honeymoons or other non-important things are not okay. But I was interested in starting a discussion on when, if ever, you consider them okay.

Recently a FB friend posted a GFM for a girl I knew in college but am not friends with. Her GFM is asking for money so that she can move out of her town and escape the cycle of poverty. I wasn't sure how I felt about this, especially the part where the girl's friend is asking people who don't know her to give her money. She's not in danger or sick, as far as I know. She's just having a rough time finding a job that will allow her not live paycheck-to-paycheck. I feel bad for her, and I know being in that cycle means it's not as simple as saying, "Just get a job, you lazy moocher!" but it also makes me feel kind of weird.

So, what's your thoughts? When is a GFM okay? Is it ever?

mikenberger

For me, I think GFM is perfect for needing money for medical, unexpected huge expenditures (house fire, severe car accident etc) or other large life changing events.

I don't think "I want to move and get out of here" qualifies. I had a friend pass along a similar GFM. She was passing along a GFM that was set up by a single mom (I know her from HS) who wants to take off a year to be with her children. She is a single mom, so she constantly has to work and she's asking for 50k to stay at home for a year to really help her kids adjust to having a single mom. 

Yeah. Sure. Let me write you that blank check straight away.

chibiyui

It entirely depends on what it is.

I kickstart a shit ton of art and comics projects on Kickstarter (Indiegogo as well, I can't recall if I've ever done a gofundme, Kickstarter is the big one) Right now if you're a webcomic creator, the best/most conventional way to go about printing a volume of your work is to put it on kickstarter. It's a great way to gauge interest and how much to print and get capital before actually printing. In just the last month I've contributed to a print volume of a webcomic I follow, a start up monthly romance comic anthology, and an illustration collection. One of my college friends works on the Puppet Doctor stop motion shorts, and they had a campaign for their Christmas special, mainly so they could pay a guy to do music for it.

There is risk involved in these, but I haven't had any issues yet, in large part because the sort of projects I'm funding need happy people to continue functioning. But I pretty much only contribute to things where I get a tangible object. I don't contribute to the charity/donation/givememoney ones. Some of it's because I'm a heartless bitch, and some of it is because I don't go looking for them. I have plenty of organizations to donate towards as it is.

missdelilah

Alright in some situations, although this one sounds a little iffy.  Does she have a job lined up somewhere else?  If so, that might have an impact on how I feel about this, but I'd still not be sure that I'd donate to it.

GFMs are, to me, acceptable in the following situations:

- when someone has a serious illness and can't afford medical treatment.

- when someone with a terminal illness wants to fulfill a lifelong wish.

- for business purposes.

- people creating things that will benefit their communities (museums, memorials, education programs, etc.).

- if people are in immediate danger and need to get out of their current situation (although why you'd make a GFM for that I'm not sure, surely it would be antagonizing) as soon as possible.

- whenever I need new sewing equipment.

I'm joking on the last one, of course, but to me, there are so few GFMs that I'd donate to.  I don't even donate to the medical ones unless it's someone I know (even vaguely, or friend of a friend, etc.) because I've heard too many stories of people using fake illnesses to rip others off.  I have donated to many community projects though, and am happy to do so.  I've put a bit in to business ventures that didn't end up getting off the ground, but I was really hoping they would.

I'm curious as to what other people think.  I'm sure there will be a whole lot of circumstances in which I'd get involved in a GFM that haven't even come to mind.

hellohkb

I think sometimes they are fine. Medical bills or other emergencies: Go ahead, make a GFM. You need a computer, plastic surgery, or a wedding? Gtfo.

novella1186

mikenberger said:

For me, I think GFM is perfect for needing money for medical, unexpected huge expenditures (house fire, severe car accident etc) or other large life changing events.

I don't think "I want to move and get out of here" qualifies. I had a friend pass along a similar GFM. She was passing along a GFM that was set up by a single mom (I know her from HS) who wants to take off a year to be with her children. She is a single mom, so she constantly has to work and she's asking for 50k to stay at home for a year to really help her kids adjust to having a single mom. 

Yeah. Sure. Let me write you that blank check straight away.

Seems like that would hurt more than help. What's she gonna do when she's ready to find a job after a year off and employers are asking about that gap in her resume? 

I mean I would love a year off too. I could get back to writing full time. I deserve that, right? Since I'm a wrtier? Other people should pay for that. Because being an adult means getting to do whatever you want and having strangers fund it for you if it's not financially feasible on your end. Or not. 

littlepep

GFM because you live paycheck to paycheck?

I lived paycheck to paycheck for a long time. I worked my ass off to save money. There are plenty of people with the same or worse situations. What makes you think you are more special than they are??

mikenberger that is only seems appropriate to me for unexpected major things like a house fire, cancer, etc. 

levioosa

mikenberger said:

For me, I think GFM is perfect for needing money for medical, unexpected huge expenditures (house fire, severe car accident etc) or other large life changing events.

This.  Shit happens.  And sometimes it's unrealistic to expect that people be completely prepared for it.  For example, the first night my brother's girlfriend was in the hospital after the accident, she racked up over a million dollars in medical bills.  That's unrealistic to expect anyone to prepare and save for.  Hell, most people don't have that in retirement after saving for forty years.  And that was just her first night.  She spent three months in a coma and had another six of rehab and over a dozen surgeries. I can only imagine what her medical bills were at the end.  If her parents had decided on a GoFundMe, I doubt anyone would have judged.

But I sure as hell am not pitching in to your GoFundMe for your spring break.  GTF over yourself and pay for your own vacation. 

Maggie0829

The only time I would give to a GFM is if I know the person well.  If I don't know who the money is going towards then I am sorry, but they are not getting my money.  How do I know that their reason is legit if I don't know them?

As for the example in the OP, sorry but that is not a good enough reason for a GFM.  Many people are in the same position as this person.  Many people live paycheck to paycheck.  Does it suck? Sure, but does it qualify to set up a GFM?  Eh, I don't think so.  If it did then there would be a shit ton of similar GFMs out there.

For me, personally, it would need to take an extreme circumstance to setup a GFM or ask for money from others.

flutteringinfl

Another GoFundMe project I saw: A transgendered friend of a friend wants money for his top surgery. Lots of friends were posting about how deserving he is, how wonderful, etc. And I felt like a total bitch for thinking, "This isn't lifesaving surgery...it's cosmetic."

littlepep

novella1186 said:

For me, I think GFM is perfect for needing money for medical, unexpected huge expenditures (house fire, severe car accident etc) or other large life changing events.

I don't think "I want to move and get out of here" qualifies. I had a friend pass along a similar GFM. She was passing along a GFM that was set up by a single mom (I know her from HS) who wants to take off a year to be with her children. She is a single mom, so she constantly has to work and she's asking for 50k to stay at home for a year to really help her kids adjust to having a single mom. 

Yeah. Sure. Let me write you that blank check straight away.

Seems like that would hurt more than help. What's she gonna do when she's ready to find a job after a year off and employers are asking about that gap in her resume? 

I mean I would love a year off too. I could get back to writing full time. I deserve that, right? Since I'm a wrtier? Other people should pay for that. Because being an adult means getting to do whatever you want and having strangers fund it for you if it's not financially feasible on your end. Or not. 

Agreed. I want a year off. Hell, I'd like to retire and be a stay at home cat mom. That is not realistic. 

climbingsingle

I don't know. I'm so conflicted on this. I don't really think it's ever OK. I would maybe donate if it was a sick kid or something like that. But I've had three pop up in my news feed on FB in the past two weeks for: 

Medication for a cat 

Funeral arrangements for someone's father that died (he drank himself to death and had been ill for a very, very long time)

A trip to Hawaii for someone with cancer 

And there's no way I'm donating to any of those for various reasons. The one with the cat - it was a one time medication that cost only $2000. I'm sorry but you if you are an adult and have pets and you can't come up with $2000, you're doing something wrong. 

This begging for money shit just drives me crazy. I have been living on my own since I was 20. I didn't make a lot of money, and I worked my fucking ass off to get what I have. I scrimped and saved and put away what I could. I went without. I ate fucking ramen noodles and pierogies. I didn't get to buy new stuff. My furniture was all hand me downs. And if during those times, I needed $2000 to care for my dog, I would have gotten a third job or sold something. I wouldn't have been asking my friends for money. 

Cookie Pusher

There are very few GFM's that I'd support. Most of the time, I see them and just...

TrixieJess

I have a lot of friends and family involved in the Arts community. A lot of film, visual, theatre and dance art are done by Indiegogo and Kickstarter projects. These I will fund. I will not fund someone else's life.

Casadena

Although I understand GFM for things like major accidents, etc.  I still feel like it is not my responsibility to pay for it (or anyone else's who's not involved).  

Maybe that makes me a bitch.  

[Deleted User]

flutteringinfl said:Another GoFundMe project I saw: A transgendered friend of a friend wants money for his top surgery. Lots of friends were posting about how deserving he is, how wonderful, etc. And I felt like a total bitch for thinking, "This isn't lifesaving surgery...it's cosmetic."
ETA: Boxes


I was going to ask about that too. I see things like that all the time on Tumblr and I feel like a total asshat when I scroll by, because I know that it is seriously important to some trans people, but...I just...I don't know. One could even make the argument that it is lifesaving, but it still makes me hesitant. Maybe I am an asshole.

I have zero problems with GFMs for major illnesses/emergencies/etc. but like PPs have said, I have to know the person.

classicalandedgy

Only acceptable for BIG things i.e. cancer, car accidents, rare illness, raising money for a good cause that is not your pocket/ self serving...etc  Otherwise, just no. 

mikenberger

littlepep said:

novella1186 said:

For me, I think GFM is perfect for needing money for medical, unexpected huge expenditures (house fire, severe car accident etc) or other large life changing events.

I don't think "I want to move and get out of here" qualifies. I had a friend pass along a similar GFM. She was passing along a GFM that was set up by a single mom (I know her from HS) who wants to take off a year to be with her children. She is a single mom, so she constantly has to work and she's asking for 50k to stay at home for a year to really help her kids adjust to having a single mom. 

Yeah. Sure. Let me write you that blank check straight away.

Seems like that would hurt more than help. What's she gonna do when she's ready to find a job after a year off and employers are asking about that gap in her resume? 

I mean I would love a year off too. I could get back to writing full time. I deserve that, right? Since I'm a wrtier? Other people should pay for that. Because being an adult means getting to do whatever you want and having strangers fund it for you if it's not financially feasible on your end. Or not. 

Agreed. I want a year off. Hell, I'd like to retire and be a stay at home cat mom. That is not realistic. 

Yeah. She's a piece of work. She has 2 kids with 2 guys who clearly do not take care of their other responsibilities. And now she wonders why she has no money? She's infuriating. She's one of those "The world owes me. I wouldn't be so fucked up if everybody else hadn't done me wrong."

And the title of her GFM? "Ain't no shame in my single mom game." No, there's no shame in being a single mom. My mom was a single mom. But you should have shame. SO MUCH SHAME.

sarahufl

A girl just posted this in the NYC group for my sorority on FB:

Hey again! I posted yesterday (sorry for being super annoying) but I
wanted to reach out again about the GoFundMe link raising money for my
unpaid summer internship in Washington, DC.

I have been actively involved in <redacted>
for a while, both as an undergrad and an alumna. But now I need your
help. If everyone in this group donates just $10 (~the same as Chipotle,
depending on what you order), then I will have reached my goal OVER
THREE TIMES! So I am asking, as a sister, for help because I cannot
pursue my dreams without it. I am happy to pay-it-forward when I am out
of school and able to give for others.

I asked the admin for the group to delete it and make a no-GFM policy for the group. I am sorry, but I didn't take unpaid summer internships in college for this very reason. I could not afford them. And asking perfect strangers to pay for it is absurd.

Also, I like Chipotle and I would rather put my funds toward extra guac than the rent of a perfect stranger.

Just. No.

stefuhknee

I have donated to GFM's on two occasions:

1. A friend's mother passed and she asked for donations towards a headstone for her mother's grave.

2. A friend's 5 year old niece was suffering from leukemia and her parents were struggling to keep afloat with all the bills.

In my mind, these were valid causes where it made sense that the family's needed assistance because they were dealing with things that were completely unexpected.

While I appreciate this girls goal "to escape the cycle of poverty" I think she can do this by getting a decent job and saving a down payment to move out without the help of strangers.

kns1988

GFMs usually rub me the wrong way unless they're for legitimate emergencies. Even the pet ones kind of bug me because you should be able to afford your own pet. A guy I know posted one about needing 6K for his two dogs to have emergency surgery because he gave them Aleve to relieve body aches, and the Aleve made them really sick. Don't give your dogs meds that aren't prescribed to them!

Going against everything I just said, this story amused me... It's still strange and I wouldn't donate to it, but it was a funny story:

http://itheedread.jezebel.com/guy-accidentally-gets-invite-to-bachelor-party-raises-1693366909

mikenberger

sarahufl said:

A girl just posted this in the NYC group for my sorority on FB:

Hey again! I posted yesterday (sorry for being super annoying) but I
wanted to reach out again about the GoFundMe link raising money for my
unpaid summer internship in Washington, DC.

I have been actively involved in <redacted>
for a while, both as an undergrad and an alumna. But now I need your
help. If everyone in this group donates just $10 (~the same as Chipotle,
depending on what you order), then I will have reached my goal OVER
THREE TIMES! So I am asking, as a sister, for help because I cannot
pursue my dreams without it. I am happy to pay-it-forward when I am out
of school and able to give for others.

I asked the admin for the group to delete it and make a no-GFM policy for the group. I am sorry, but I didn't take unpaid summer internships in college for this very reason. I could not afford them. And asking perfect strangers to pay for it is absurd.

Also, I like Chipotle and I would rather put my funds toward extra guac than the rent of a perfect stranger.

Just. No.

I am a part of a plus sized clothing swap on Facebook and someone posted their GFM me on there for her husband who had essentially eaten himself to the brink of death (She SAID this on her GFM page -- what?!) and needs to have gastric to get the weight off. But medicaid will not cover the extras that he needs like nutritional shakes etc.

Y'know, walking is free. I know the Y will give a free membership to workout and he can water walk. There are FREE things to do to lose weight. Hell, I should put up there "I really like beer and food. But my ass is HUGE. I don't want to work out and I don't want to give up drinking and food. Please contribute to my gofundme that will allow me to have gastric bypass and I can drink my calories. xoxo"

amelisha

I don't even click. I just...if it's someone I know well enough to feel comfortable giving them money, I can do it without a website. And otherwise, why am I doing it?

I had an acquaintance lose her leg very tragically a few years ago and she had a couple of these set up for her. But between her bills and the price of prosthetics (as well as unexpected things like having to sell her standard transmission vehicle and buy something she could drive) and the extremely traumatic nature of the event, I thought it was understandable. That was one of the only ones I've ever really been okay with, and I probably wouldn't have been if I didn't know exactly how horrible the situation was.

novella1186

sarahufl said:

A girl just posted this in the NYC group for my sorority on FB:

Hey again! I posted yesterday (sorry for being super annoying) but I
wanted to reach out again about the GoFundMe link raising money for my
unpaid summer internship in Washington, DC.

I have been actively involved in <redacted>
for a while, both as an undergrad and an alumna. But now I need your
help. If everyone in this group donates just $10 (~the same as Chipotle,
depending on what you order), then I will have reached my goal OVER
THREE TIMES! So I am asking, as a sister, for help because I cannot
pursue my dreams without it. I am happy to pay-it-forward when I am out
of school and able to give for others.

I asked the admin for the group to delete it and make a no-GFM policy for the group. I am sorry, but I didn't take unpaid summer internships in college for this very reason. I could not afford them. And asking perfect strangers to pay for it is absurd.

Also, I like Chipotle and I would rather put my funds toward extra guac than the rent of a perfect stranger.

Just. No.

Maggie0829

Casadena said:

Although I understand GFM for things like major accidents, etc.  I still feel like it is not my responsibility to pay for it (or anyone else's who's not involved).  

Maybe that makes me a bitch.  

Not at all.

I would only give to people I know well and that would really depend on what extreme circumstance they were going through.  A close friends house burned down?  Here are some clothes and some money to buy some food/hold you over until your insurance comes through. You got into a car accident and now have medical bills?  Sorry, but you are on your own.

charcoalandblush

I donate to pretty much any pet-related one that I see floating around. Pet medical bills can be really burdensome, and I can't bear the thought that someone might have to give up/put down their pet because it needs a treatment/surgery/wheelchair/whatever that's too expensive.

Same with human medical ones, especially for friends or friends-of-friends. To me, GoFundMe is the digital equivalent of the "special collections" we used to do at church for families in situations like that, or like the penny jar at the gas station for the kid with cancer. Both are extremely common where I'm from, and I don't frown on either of those, so I don't think GoFundMe is any different.

flutteringinfl said:

Another GoFundMe project I saw: A transgendered friend of a friend wants money for his top surgery. Lots of friends were posting about how deserving he is, how wonderful, etc. And I felt like a total bitch for thinking, "This isn't lifesaving surgery...it's cosmetic."

I would absolutely donate to this - to me, even though it's "cosmetic," it's a quality-of-life thing for a transgendered person. I cannot imagine how emotionally debilitating it would be to be in a body that so fundamentally doesn't match who I am as a person. It's not like a nose job or a tummy-tuck.

But to me that's the beauty of things like GoFundMe - if you disagree with it, you can ignore it. If I want to give, I can.

littlepep

mikenberger said:

novella1186 said:

For me, I think GFM is perfect for needing money for medical, unexpected huge expenditures (house fire, severe car accident etc) or other large life changing events.

I don't think "I want to move and get out of here" qualifies. I had a friend pass along a similar GFM. She was passing along a GFM that was set up by a single mom (I know her from HS) who wants to take off a year to be with her children. She is a single mom, so she constantly has to work and she's asking for 50k to stay at home for a year to really help her kids adjust to having a single mom. 

Yeah. Sure. Let me write you that blank check straight away.

Seems like that would hurt more than help. What's she gonna do when she's ready to find a job after a year off and employers are asking about that gap in her resume? 

I mean I would love a year off too. I could get back to writing full time. I deserve that, right? Since I'm a wrtier? Other people should pay for that. Because being an adult means getting to do whatever you want and having strangers fund it for you if it's not financially feasible on your end. Or not. 

Agreed. I want a year off. Hell, I'd like to retire and be a stay at home cat mom. That is not realistic. 

Yeah. She's a piece of work. She has 2 kids with 2 guys who clearly do not take care of their other responsibilities. And now she wonders why she has no money? She's infuriating. She's one of those "The world owes me. I wouldn't be so fucked up if everybody else hadn't done me wrong."

And the title of her GFM? "Ain't no shame in my single mom game." No, there's no shame in being a single mom. My mom was a single mom. But you should have shame. SO MUCH SHAME.

flutteringinfl

charcoalandblush said:

I donate to pretty much any pet-related one that I see floating around. Pet medical bills can be really burdensome, and I can't bear the thought that someone might have to give up/put down their pet because it needs a treatment/surgery/wheelchair/whatever that's too expensive.

Same with human medical ones, especially for friends or friends-of-friends. To me, GoFundMe is the digital equivalent of the "special collections" we used to do at church for families in situations like that, or like the penny jar at the gas station for the kid with cancer. Both are extremely common where I'm from, and I don't frown on either of those, so I don't think GoFundMe is any different.

Another GoFundMe project I saw: A transgendered friend of a friend wants money for his top surgery. Lots of friends were posting about how deserving he is, how wonderful, etc. And I felt like a total bitch for thinking, "This isn't lifesaving surgery...it's cosmetic."

I would absolutely donate to this - to me, even though it's "cosmetic," it's a quality-of-life thing for a transgendered person. I cannot imagine how emotionally debilitating it would be to be in a body that so fundamentally doesn't match who I am as a person. It's not like a nose job or a tummy-tuck.

But to me that's the beauty of things like GoFundMe - if you disagree with it, you can ignore it. If I want to give, I can.

That's what made me feel like a bitch, honestly. I totally agree that people can choose to donate or not, but I also think that it's not polite to ask complete strangers for money. If it had just been shared among his friends, that's one thing, but his friends were sharing it on their walls and asking their own friends to donate. That bothered me more than any other part of it.

lyndausvi

I'm a bitch and do not give to any of those funds.   None.

I have my own shit to pay for

Casadena

Maggie0829 said:

Although I understand GFM for things like major accidents, etc.  I still feel like it is not my responsibility to pay for it (or anyone else's who's not involved).  

Maybe that makes me a bitch.  

Not at all.

I would only give to people I know well and that would really depend on what extreme circumstance they were going through.  A close friends house burned down?  Here are some clothes and some money to buy some food/hold you over until your insurance comes through. You got into a car accident and now have medical bills?  Sorry, but you are on your own.

SIB:

Exactly.  I just can't get on board with people blatantly asking for money, for any cause.  I'm happy to bake cookies for a bake sale fundraiser, or contribute to a "gift card shower" (we did this for a coworker whose house burned down and who lost all her clothes, personal items, etc).  But to just ASK for money, especially from strangers, really rubs me the wrong way.  In a lot of these cases, that's what insurance is for. 

P.S. I understand that insurance of all kinds maybe doesn't cover every expense, but don't ask me to supplement.  

thisismynickname2

I'm a bitch and do not give to any of those funds.   None.

I have my own shit to pay for

Same here. I have a bleeding heart for my friend right now who is about to be a single mom with no help from the father. She has no family here, and her job doesn't pay her enough to live and afford childcare (at least through traditional methods- I don't know if she's going to pursue government assistance). I would rather run some errands for her, babysit her child for free in the evenings, or buy some more supplies for her baby than donate to a GFM (she hasn't set one up; I'm just making a point). Plus since I'm preparing to plan for my own child, I feel like I need to save all the money I can for my own situation! 

Another poster has an interesting point that Churches have collections or you can throw small change into a jar at some point. I do donate to charity, honestly. I also volunteer my time. It just goes back to asking for money than doing something tangible to help someone out of the situation they're in, or at least make the situation more bearable.