Wedding Invitations & Paper

My parents V. FH parents

This may seem like a redundant question, but I can never get a solid answer:  My parents have contributed, FH parents have not.  The bulk of the cost will be on me and my FH.  How do you word an invite where only one side of the parents is helping and not both.  I am in my 30's and never expected my parents to contribute at all.  I feel like their generosity should be acknowledged w/o making his parents feel shunned.  Thoughts?  Thanks ladies!

Sincerely, 
Engaged and Confused ;-)

Re: My parents V. FH parents

  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    auoneal said:

    This may seem like a redundant question, but I can never get a solid answer:  My parents have contributed, FH parents have not.  The bulk of the cost will be on me and my FH.  How do you word an invite where only one side of the parents is helping and not both.  I am in my 30's and never expected my parents to contribute at all.  I feel like their generosity should be acknowledged w/o making his parents feel shunned.  Thoughts?  Thanks ladies!


    Sincerely, 
    Engaged and Confused ;-)
    An invite doesn't list who paid and who paid doesn't necessary need to be on the invite. The invite listing for the people HOSTING the wedding. So, if your parents are hosting (taking RSVPs, greeting people, making sure needs will be met/vendor relations etc.) then they need to be on the invite. There is no personal offense to be taken on an invite and who is announced on there. We used "Together with their families..." which was a nice all encompassing way but doesn't single out one set of parents. 

    image
    Knottie67053264
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Paying =/= hosting.  Are your parents hosting?  Such as are they going to act as point person the day of your wedding or the days leading up to your wedding?  Are they going to actively greet guests and such?  If so then they should be listed as hosts on your invite.  If not, then they do not have to be listed.

    But in all reality we all know that put the parents names on the invite have to do with more then just who is and who is not hosting.  Family politics (keeping people happy/not rocking the boat) comes into play.  So with that said, do both sets of parents feel that they should be listed on the invite?  If so then I would do it.  It is such a small thing that very few people will even notice, but it will keep the peace which is nice.

    Anyways, if you list just your parents then it should be noted as...

    Mr. and Mrs. John Smith 
    request the honor of your presence
    at the marriage of their daughter

    Bride Name

    to 

    Groom Name

    Day, date
    Year
    at Time

    Venue
    Address 

    If not getting married in a church or place of worship, then replace "honor of your presence" with "pleasure of your company."

    If you want to include your FI parents then after his name add in "son of Mr. and Mrs. Dave Jones

    CasadenaCMGragain
  • Contributing money and hosting an event aren't the same things. Hosts are there tending to guests, greeting them, thanking them for coming, answering questions, taking care of their needs, etc. Are either set of parents doing those things? If they are not, then neither of their names belong on the invitation and you would use generic wording:

    The honor of your presence/The pleasure of your company (church/non-church venue)
    is requested at the marriage of
    Bride Full Name
    and
    Groom Full Name
    Saturday, the eleventh of July
    at half after four o'clock
    Venue Name
    Venue City, Venue State

    If your parents are hosting, use Maggie's wording. If everyone is hosting, use "Together with their families...." wording.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    CMGragain
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Also, the way to acknowledge your parents contribution, monetary or other, is with a nicely worded thank you note, from each of you.
                       
    southernbelle0915CMGragain
  • It is nobody's business who is paying for your wedding, and it is vulgar to disclose this to your guests.  If your parents are hosting your wedding, their names are on the invitation as hosts.  Thank them for monetary contributions/gifts with a proper thank you note.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • CMGragain I never mentioned telling anyone who was paying for what, but, thanks for your input. 

    Thanks for your help ladies!  This was a great help.  
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    CMGragain said:

    It is nobody's business who is paying for your wedding, and it is vulgar to disclose this to your guests.  If your parents are hosting your wedding, their names are on the invitation as hosts.  Thank them for monetary contributions/gifts with a proper thank you note.

    I am always confused by this comment.  It isn't like people are writing Mr. and Mrs. John Doe are cordially inviting you to the wedding (that they paid for, by the way) of their daughter...



  • Some brides do seem to think that everyone who makes a financial contribution must be listed on the invitation, as if it were a playbill for contributions.  My point is that this is not so.  As others have pointed out, hosting is not the same as paying.  The invitation does not indicate who is paying - ever!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    CMGragain said:

    Some brides do seem to think that everyone who makes a financial contribution must be listed on the invitation, as if it were a playbill for contributions.  My point is that this is not so.  As others have pointed out, hosting is not the same as paying.  The invitation does not indicate who is paying - ever!

    I realize this.  But again, the couple isn't stating on the invite that so and so has paid by actually putting it as "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith are hosting and PAYING for the event."  So just because the couple may want to list everyone who contributed financially on the invite, the guests will have zero idea who gave money or who didn't.  So the comment of how it is vulgar to disclose who is paying for your wedding is kind of moot.

    kmmssgKnottie67053264
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited April 2015

    CMGragain said:

    Some brides do seem to think that everyone who makes a financial contribution must be listed on the invitation, as if it were a playbill for contributions.  My point is that this is not so.  As others have pointed out, hosting is not the same as paying.  The invitation does not indicate who is paying - ever!

    I realize this.  But again, the couple isn't stating on the invite that so and so has paid by actually putting it as "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith are hosting and PAYING for the event."  So just because the couple may want to list everyone who contributed financially on the invite, the guests will have zero idea who gave money or who didn't.  So the comment of how it is vulgar to disclose who is paying for your wedding is kind of moot.
    I think CMGragain's point is that listing people on the invitation whose only involvement is financial and who are not acting as point persons for the guests can confuse the guests and lead to runarounds if they make the perfectly logical assumption that anyone listed is a point person and contact that person regarding the wedding, only to be told that that person is merely funding some or all of the wedding and is not someone who can assist them. Whether or not the situation is vulgar, it's inconsiderate of the guests' needs and should be avoided by listing only the names of actual point persons as hosts.
    CMGragainRezIpsa
  • edited April 2015
    "Together with their families, She and He , request the pleasure of your company,  honor of your presence,whatever, blah, blah blah."  Always works for me.  I am an old southern woman (soon to be a MIL) and i certainly get the etiquette (been pounded into me).  But the only thing I make a note of is the date.  And I will not only side eye a registry with the invite, but probably will send my regrets. The "point" person should be whomever I am RSVPing . That's all I got.
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