Long Engagement... What can I plan NOW?!

[Deleted User]

Hi all,

My soulmate proposed in March of this year, but we decided on 07/10/17 for our wedding date so I can finish school and so we can save the money up... We agreed to not start planning until 07/2015 [though I haven't kept my side since I've been spending all my free time searching for ideas ] ... but I am wondering what I can actually DO and PLAN this early on? 

I am a major planner, while my FI is not [he's more of the "we'll see" type]  but I want to start having solid plans in place to ease the amount of planning I need to do during school time, especially since I will not have a bridal party so I, along with my mother and mother-in-law will be doing all the DIYs. All of the wedding planners are MAX 12 months.. so what can I do early and what should I wait for?

Thank you!

aliwis000

Congratulations! What happy news!

My first thoughts to answer your question focused more on what NOT to do then what you can do. We see so many posts on this site about people jumping the gun on things way early and then trying to find a non-friendship ending way to get out of them. Unfortunately there are not many options for that.

So, I would avoid the following:
1. Picking a wedding party. (Relationships change, people change. No need to pick now anyway. If your theoretical wedding party is still the same 9 months before the wedding as it is now then awesome, no problem. Why rush?)

2. Buy a dress. (Styles change from season to season. And with well over a year before you even need to maybe start looking picking something now might be an issue. So many times on this site we see people who have purchased dresses early and now hate them because their style/venue/wedding type/date etc has changed. Now they have a dress they hate and are out that money.)

3. Book venders. (Ok I know that in some parts of the country some venues book 2 years out but I do not believe this is the norm. Locking yourself into something now could be an issue. You mention school and I assume this is college. Once done you have no idea where new job offers might take you etc. Locking yourself into something now could cause problems down the line.)

SO...what CAN you do. I would say the following:

1. ENJOY BEING ENGAGED! This is a new time in your life. So exciting. Enjoy having this time.

2. Talk to your FI about what type of wedding you would like. (Big ballroom blow out VS small beach wedding etc) This can just be in general terms, what are each of you thinking. Get on the same page.

3. Figure out what you think your budget will be. Remember, nobody is required to pay for your wedding except you and your FI. What will you both be able to save between now and when you will start putting deposits down? (Probably 12-15 months before 7/2015)

4. Start a very DRAFT version of a guest list. This will help you start seeing numbers. (Example: Your family that you cannot see getting married without inviting totals 50 people and his is 25. Right there you are looking at a minimum of 75 people. Go ahead and make your dream list of every person you would like and then mark it down in groups. Must haves highlight in GREEN, maybes highlight in YELLOW, first to go if numbers are tight RED. There are a lot of complexity in guest lists so read topics on this site about who you need to invite and other rules but this is a draft and will start to just give you a sense of numbers.)

5. Start reading the forums on this site. You will VERY quickly see the repeated mistakes people make and how/why you should avoid them. You will learn etiquette you did not know existed and even pick up tips/tricks on how to save money and time during this process. 

Overall I do not think you need to start laying out money and signing on dotted lines just yet. Give yourself time to enjoy this moment in life!

Good luck!

[Deleted User]

aliwis000 said:

4. Start a very DRAFT version of a guest list. This will help you start seeing numbers. (Example: Your family that you cannot see getting married without inviting totals 50 people and his is 25. Right there you are looking at a minimum of 75 people. Go ahead and make your dream list of every person you would like and then mark it down in groups. Must haves highlight in GREEN, maybes highlight in YELLOW, first to go if numbers are tight RED. There are a lot of complexity in guest lists so read topics on this site about who you need to invite and other rules but this is a draft and will start to just give you a sense of numbers.)

[Deleted User]

I love this idea of highlighting to distinguish
between groups of priority for invites. Thank you! I've just been doing tons of
research and building ideas upon ideas, so I'll just keep doing that until the
time gets nearer. My FI isn't much of a picture taker, so I'm also going to
take the time to slowly get a good amount of pictures taken of us in bit-sized
chunks to not make him go too crazy
Thanks!
 

lachattefatale

You can also start gathering info from vendors; if they don't have prices listed online, email them and ask. Prices will probably change before your wedding, but you'll have good ballpark figures to compare when you start talking seriously about the budget and guestlist. Google's wedding spreadsheet has a pretty good setup for comparing vendors as you start gathering information.

AddieCake

Congratulations!