Thanking FILs for ridiculous generosity

chloe97

My FILs are well off and very generous towards us. They let us use their professional sports team season tickets, pick up every check when we go out, and are contributing a lot to our wedding. We just got back from an all expense paid trip to a Caribbean island which his parents paid for and wouldn't hear of us spending a dime. I feel awkward because we are so broke right now paying for our wedding and waiting for FIs commission checks to come in that I could not have picked up a check on this trip if I wanted to and even though I said thank you at the end, I feel like it's not enough. What can I do to let them know I really appreciate their generosity?

Also I never once heard FI or his sister thank his parents once on this trip (or in general). My family is not super well off, so I have no way of knowing if this is normal or not. And now that I am becoming a part of their family, is it weird that I am thanking them so much? It all just feels awkward to me. I want to do the right thing, but not make people feel weird.

larrygaga

I'm marrying into the same kind of family. It is weird not hearing the kids not thank their parents! 

I once cleaned my FMIL's entire home. Another time I made them a beautiful picture collage of all their kids. I try and do a lot of favors for them as a thank you. I bake his father a crap ton of goodies.

There are lots of ways to thank a person, but a thank you note is always a good option. If they weren't happy to do it and thought you weren't grateful, they wouldn't keep being generous.

chloe97

Oooh I like these ideas. I'm so not creative and my FILs have a cleaning service. I am good at organizing and planning. Maybe I plan their anniversary party? FSIL said she was going to do it though and I don't want step on toes.

blabla89

Same here. (Well, FI is very gracious - FSIL not so much)

Anyway, I'm sure they would love a nice, heartfelt note about how much you enjoyed the trip and appreciated being included.

STARMOON44

Just because their kids are rude doesn't mean you need to be! They send you on a trip/give you tickets/buy you dinner = they get a written thank you note, post card, or small souvenir as appropriate.

JennyColada

If you want to really go above-and-beyond to thank you, you could maybe put together a small photo album from the trip!

novella1186

STARMOON44 said:

Just because their kids are rude doesn't mean you need to be! They send you on a trip/give you tickets/buy you dinner = they get a written thank you note, post card, or small souvenir as appropriate.

This. 

When kids grow up with that kind of privledge, I think they're just used to it, so it's not special. It's normal. ya know? So maybe they don't realize it's appropriate to say thank you. 

My parents take us to really expensive places and I've never heard my sister say thank-you to them for it. I always thank them for picking up the check (no idea why my sister and I have such different standards for manners, since we were raised in the same house) because I appreciate the nice dinner, regardless of whether I'm "used to it" and I have a habit of saying thank-you no matter who it is I'm thanking. 

hellosweetie1015

I always, always, always send FILs a thank-you card. I sent one after the weekend we took e-pics, and I sent one from London for their Christmas gifts (which... wasn't ideal, because it took WAY longer than the Royal Mail website said it would, but I thought it would be freaking cool anyway), and I sent one after the hockey games they took us to this winter. I try to make it a point to ensure they know I appreciate the things they do.

knottie9c5ed33df4bbd226

novella1186, my sister and I are like that as well. I am very appreciative of everything my parents do and try to get them to spend less money. My sister just expects everything and she thanks them but more is better with her. My mom always questions how this happened since we have the same genetics and were raised the exact same way!

OliveOilsMom

I think a nice handwritten thank you note and maybe a plate of cookies will go over well in this situation.

climbingsingle

I'm in a similar situation. My MIL is very well off and has been very generous to us. H did not grow up with this money; it was left to her by her second husband who passed away. So H and I express to her often how grateful we are for her help. From knowing her these years, I know what's important to her. So we send cards and flowers for her birthday and mother's day (she's big into getting cards) and when she's visiting, we spend a lot of time with her. I call and check in with her often too, because again, I know that means a lot to her. 

Bubblegum5586

JennyColada said:

If you want to really go above-and-beyond to thank you, you could maybe put together a small photo album from the trip!

This was my thought or a nice framed pic of the whole family from the trip?

lyndausvi

My parents are well off.   Although growing up we didn't really know that because me parents were pretty frugal.  

 Anyway, we always thank them often.  It's hard to give them physical gifts so we just make sure we help in other ways.  We always jump in to help clean. My mom has bad RA, so if we are at their place we will make most of the meals so she can rest.

 My brother is an IT guy so he setup their electronics, wifi, stuff like that.   My dad always has a project going on so DH will help him with whatever project Dad is working on.   

We will be sneaky and pick up the check.  Sure it's mostly at the less expensive places, but it's appreciated.     I know you said you don't have money now, but when things get a little better you can do that.

Send cards, bake something.    Do not underestimate the power of inviting them over for dinner or any other meal.

anjemon

I'm going to echo PP's in saying the kids just might not think about saying thank you. 

My parents are very generous to us still, and sometimes when they take us out for dinner I forget to say thank you. They've been paying for stuff for so much of my life, that sometimes going out just falls back into older patterns when they paid because they were raising us and we didn't have any of our own money. I actually like when FI says thank you because it reminds me that that they didn't need to do this and I should thank them as well.

And if your FILs are like my parents (or my FILs) they don't let you pick up checks even if you want to. So I usually try for small things like thank you cards. Or bringing home something special when I go visit. Or even just running errands when I'm around. But I'm sure they'd love a nice thank you note and a small token of your affections. Just show you were thinking of them.

kvruns

my mom really likes making the Mixbooks which are like digital scrapbooks.  You could take pictures from the trip and make small book from that or make them a family photos book. I know my mom wait til they have 1/2 off sales and stuff so she gets them pretty cheap - or sometimes with a groupon too.

Your thankyou doesn't have to be expensive, just heartfelt.  You probably notice their generosity more because you didn't grow up with all of that and your FI and siblings are more used to it and unfortunately don't make as big of a deal about that stuff.  You can change that and I bet since they often don't get a lot of Thanks from the kids it would mean a lot to them