I'm trying not to let my sisters get to me...

mellartime

Both of them are quite full of themselves.  I did everything I could to help make their day special when they were married.  Both are divorced now.  I have been with my love for 15 years and am so excited to marry him next week!!  However, my sisters both blew me off when I would start to talk about their dresses.  I let them know a color range, anything from beige to a lighter brown, any style they wanted as I don't like matchy matchy.  They wait until 2 months before the wedding to start looking.  We are in a small northern canadian town, and they had been to the city, but didn't bother looking then.  So now had to order something online, sight (and fit) unseen and are complaining how much they don't like them.  How the color is horrible.  Everything they could complain about.  I'm trying to just laugh about it as they could have chosen any dress they wanted, but it's hard with so many other things going on, I just feel stressed about it.  Just venting I guess.  Any suggestions for dealing with this?  AND, I wore ugly dresses in BOTH of their weddings that I had no say in.  I zipped my lips and enjoyed the day.  I want to strangle both of them.

novella1186

mellartime said:

Both of them are quite full of themselves.  I did everything I could to help make their day special when they were married.  Both are divorced now.  I have been with my love for 15 years and am so excited to marry him next week!!  However, my sisters both blew me off when I would start to talk about their dresses.  I let them know a color range, anything from beige to a lighter brown, any style they wanted as I don't like matchy matchy.  They wait until 2 months before the wedding to start looking.  We are in a small northern canadian town, and they had been to the city, but didn't bother looking then.  So now had to order something online, sight (and fit) unseen and are complaining how much they don't like them.  How the color is horrible.  Everything they could complain about.  I'm trying to just laugh about it as they could have chosen any dress they wanted, but it's hard with so many other things going on, I just feel stressed about it.  Just venting I guess.  Any suggestions for dealing with this?  AND, I wore ugly dresses in BOTH of their weddings that I had no say in.  I zipped my lips and enjoyed the day.  I want to strangle both of them.

Two things we always say here that I think will help you not stress so much: 1. Weddings are not tit-for-tat, so it doesn't matter what you did for their weddings. Those are separate things that are in the past and have no bearing on your current wedding. 

2. No one will be as excited about your wedding as you and your FI. They don't need to get crazy excited over dress shopping and jump on it right away. Some people are just procrastinators anyway. 

Stop talking to your sisters. If they know when and where the wedding is, they can manage to show up. There's no need for you to keep talking to them and letting them stress you out. 

Jen4948

I assume they agreed to be bridesmaids for you and you got their budgets before you started looking for dresses?

Otherwise, stop talking with them about it and stop being available to listen to them complain. If they try again in the future, just respond, "I gave you guidelines for what dress to get. I'm not asking you for anything else and I'm no longer open to discussing it." Then change the subject.

littlepep

They are of course not going to be as excited about your wedding as you are so it's unrealistic to expect them to be. 

That said, it's annoying that they are complaining to you about the color and fit of a dress you let them pick out. I would just not engage in wedding conversation with them. 

kvruns

Let it go. You're getting married in a week and don't need anything else to worry about. If they look bad that's on them

MairePoppy

Ignore them. Some people just like to complain. If they don't like the dresses they picked out themselves, it's their own fault. Let them figure out a solution or just wear the dresses.

madamerwin

novella1186 said. They presumably know where and when the wedding is, and you gave them parameters for their dresses. That's all you need to do. Your sisters are adults, and if they want to wait until the last minute to get their dresses, that's their deal.

If it makes you feel better, I have seven bridesmaids (three are my sisters), and I am pretty sure most of them haven't gotten their dresses yet. My wedding is in less than two months. I'm not stressing about it, though, since they are grown ups and they are capable of finding dresses for themselves. (I asked them to wear black knee-length dresses of their choosing, so same kind of situation as yours).

Side note: I get it sucks that they are complaining about the color, but I am genuinely curious as to why you chose beige. I know that beige and brown look HORRENDOUS on me; maybe they're just not happy about the color?

larrygaga

Jen4948 said:

I assume they agreed to be bridesmaids for you and you got their budgets before you started looking for dresses?

Otherwise, stop talking with them about it and stop being available to listen to them complain. If they try again in the future, just respond, "I gave you guidelines for what dress to get. I'm not asking you for anything else and I'm no longer open to discussing it." Then change the subject.

Does she still need to ask them a budget when she only asked for a general color scheme and let them find literally anything?

Jen4948

larrygaga said:

Jen4948 said:

I assume they agreed to be bridesmaids for you and you got their budgets before you started looking for dresses?

Otherwise, stop talking with them about it and stop being available to listen to them complain. If they try again in the future, just respond, "I gave you guidelines for what dress to get. I'm not asking you for anything else and I'm no longer open to discussing it." Then change the subject.

Does she still need to ask them a budget when she only asked for a general color scheme and let them find literally anything?

No, but my point was merely that she is making sure she is not asking them for anything outside their budgets. And she isn't, so she's fine. The rest of what I said stands.

mellartime

You guys are so right, I know I have to quit talking about it with them.  I also know and understand that no one cares as much about this day as I do, and I really don't expect anything and am trying to laugh about it, but it's just overwhelming.  Just thought possibly my sisters could simply be happy for me and suck it up for me, but I was wrong hahahahah.  It's all good.  I expected there to be drama and I'm sure there will be a lot more  

One week!!!!  Cheers guys, thank you for your honest input

novella1186

mellartime said:

You guys are so right, I know I have to quit talking about it with them.  I also know and understand that no one cares as much about this day as I do, and I really don't expect anything and am trying to laugh about it, but it's just overwhelming.  Just thought possibly my sisters could simply be happy for me and suck it up for me, but I was wrong hahahahah.  It's all good.  I expected there to be drama and I'm sure there will be a lot more  

One week!!!!  Cheers guys, thank you for your honest input

If your sisters always act like assholes, they're not going to suddenly change and be nice just because it's your wedding. It sucks that they can't be nice, but some people are just like that. There's nothing you can do about it, so there's no point in worrying about it. 

As for the drama, there doesn't have to be any. They say something negative? Either ignore it, or kill them with kindness and say something sweet back. 

Example: 

Asshole sister says, "This dress is so ugly. You picked a shitty color. I hate it." 

You respond with, "Really? I think it looks great on you!" And then change the subject. 

They start acting up, you walk away. Go to a different room, or go to a different area and engage in a conversation with someone who knows how to be nice to you. There will be a LOT of people around, so it will be easy for you to just go talk to someone else. Keep walking away and keep ignoring your sisters till they settle down. 

If they get a rise out of you and you get upset and/or end up engaging in some sort of fight with them, what are you going to gain from that? 

Maggie0829

novella1186 said:

You guys are so right, I know I have to quit talking about it with them.  I also know and understand that no one cares as much about this day as I do, and I really don't expect anything and am trying to laugh about it, but it's just overwhelming.  Just thought possibly my sisters could simply be happy for me and suck it up for me, but I was wrong hahahahah.  It's all good.  I expected there to be drama and I'm sure there will be a lot more  

One week!!!!  Cheers guys, thank you for your honest input

If your sisters always act like assholes, they're not going to suddenly change and be nice just because it's your wedding. It sucks that they can't be nice, but some people are just like that. There's nothing you can do about it, so there's no point in worrying about it. 

As for the drama, there doesn't have to be any. They say something negative? Either ignore it, or kill them with kindness and say something sweet back. 

Example: 

Asshole sister says, "This dress is so ugly. You picked a shitty color. I hate it." 

You respond with, "Really? I think it looks great on you!" And then change the subject. 

They start acting up, you walk away. Go to a different room, or go to a different area and engage in a conversation with someone who knows how to be nice to you. There will be a LOT of people around, so it will be easy for you to just go talk to someone else. Keep walking away and keep ignoring your sisters till they settle down. 

If they get a rise out of you and you get upset and/or end up engaging in some sort of fight with them, what are you going to gain from that? 

I would probably respond with, "Well I gave you a color range to pick from and the opportunity to buy whatever dress you wanted.  So if you hate the dress so much that is your fault, not mine."

But that would just make things worse, so don't say that.