So I have come the conclusion that weddings make people fucking crazy.
FI was a groomsmen in a friend's wedding last year with this guy that we've met a handful of times only when we've been around said friend. Well, this guy (let's call him Tim), heard the groom say to FI that he was looking forward to our wedding the following year. "Tim" then proceeds to corner us at the gym to ask us what he needs to wear when he's a groomsmen in our wedding. Like, seriously dude? We're not even Facebook friends. FI actually had to have an incredibly awkward conversation with "Tim" about how he's not a groomsmen and, in fact, not even invited to the wedding.
I was kind of hoping that would be our one "WTF?" moment with other people when planning this wedding, but alas, it was not to be.
My papa's sister (my great aunt) saw our STD on my great-grandmother's fridge when she was visiting for a funeral of a family member. She proceeds to freak the fuck out at the funeral and yell at my papa because she was not invited. He told her it was a STD, not an invitation. She then told him that she had "better be getting an invitation."
I was never planning on inviting my great aunt. We're the ones paying for this wedding and I haven't even spoken to this woman since I was, like, 5 years old. Wouldn't even be able to pick her out of a line-up.
My aunt told me that she pulled the same thing when my aunt got married and to just send her an invitation to "keep the peace" for my papa. Everyone is telling me that she won't come (she didn't come to my aunt's), she just wants to be invited.
I'm more in the camp of saying, "Bitch, I don't even know you and it wasn't like I was invited to your kids' weddings or something." Who the fuck yells at someone at a funeral because they weren't invited to a wedding of a person they haven't talked to in twenty years?
I really, really want to put my foot down and tell this lady to shove it. But I don't want to make my papa's life a living hell at the next family reunion.
I'm more tempted to push all etiquette aside and send her an invitation a couple days before the wedding. Like, "here's your fucking invitation. Good luck driving across the country on two days notice."
I know... I know... I can't do that. I'm just sooo tempted.
This same woman hates my nana because my papa and nana got married after my nana got pregnant. So this aunt thinks that my nana "trapped" my papa. (They've been married 50 years now, I think you can let this one go.) She's also super uptight and "religious" and can't get over the fact that my nana was pregnant before she was married.
So after fuming about her behavior for a while, I fantasized about an imaginary invitation just for her. Thought I'd share: (This may offend delicate sensibilities.)
GeekyBride87 and Fiance would like to invite you to their wedding at ____ at 4 p.m. on September 26th, 2015. After nine years of living in sin, they've decided to tie the knot before GeekyBride87's gender reassignment surgery. After the ceremony, the bride and groom will release a wild boar for the guests to hunt down and kill to sacrifice to the old gods and the new. This is what we will be serving at the reception so please let us know if you have any specific allergies to sacrificial herbs. Then the guests will stand outside the house beating on pots and pans while the newlyweds copulate to make their marriage official - we do request that you bring your own pot or pan for this. We will also need you to bring a blood test to prove that you have no blood-borne diseases if you plan to participate in the blood bonding ceremony. In lieu of gifts, the couple asks that you make a donation to Planned Parenthood.
I think this would do nicely to make sure she doesn't show up.
At the very least, it will give her something to talk about and clutch her pearls over.
Now to realistically think of a way to get out of this one...