Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

No Wedding Band?

I need some advice here! 

My wedding is this August. While my fiancé and I were at dinner the other night the subject of wedding bands came up. We both went together and tried on bands and picked them out, but at dinner that night my fiancé claimed that he had no idea whatsoever that he or his family are responsible for buying my wedding band. I guess I was under the assumption that we each bought each others, and while I am ready to purchase his, he says he absolutely cannot buy mine and that I should buy my own or ask my dad to buy it for me. I don't see the meaning of buying my own wedding band or my dad buying it, so I was upset! I told him that I didn't need a band and that maybe down the road we can buy one, but now we don't know what to do. 

Any advice on the subject? I thought everyone knew who bought the rings! 

Thanks! 
Rachel 
KnotRiley
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Re: No Wedding Band?

  • Walmart sells lovely gold wedding bands.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    Vivandiere8MesmrEweMasconloveSP29
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Yeah. You buy your rings. Tradition is pretty much out the window when it comes to wedding planning anymore. 


    What would bother me is the " he says he absolutely cannot buy mine and that I should buy my own or ask my dad to buy it for me." Yeah, when you're married, you don't just call Daddy to bail you out. And offering your Dad's wallet for the ring for YOUR/OUR marriage, frankly, is bullshit. This is a purchase that should be made between the two of you. My FI and I, he bought my band (came with the set) and he actually purchased his own rings. I didn't buy them. 

    To hell with traditions. It only leads to exactly what you're experiencing: hurt feelings.
    This. Buy your own rings. You two are adults, yes? Create a budget that you're comfortable spending on each other's bands. They don't have to be expensive. 

    PrettyGirlLostashley8918lurkergirl
  • emmaaaemmaaa North Carolina mod
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    He is not "obligated" to buy your band. However, tradition is that your buy each other's wedding bands. DH and I bought our bands together and just paid with our joint banking account. This shouldn't be something that is hard to come to an agreement on.

    If y'all can't afford an expensive wedding band right now, don't buy an expensive one. You could find a very nice white/yellow gold band at Wal Mart like @CMGragain suggested. You could also buy a sterling silver one on Etsy or Amazon for a very low price.

    If you prefer to wait until the two of you (not your Dad) can afford the wedding band you really want, that's fine too! Plenty of people forego wedding bands all together or may buy one later. I think @LarryGaga decided to do this because she likes her e-ring by itself. 

    PrettyGirlLost
  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I bought my own band, and FI bought his.  NBD.
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  • I need some advice here! 


    My wedding is this August. While my fiancé and I were at dinner the other night the subject of wedding bands came up. We both went together and tried on bands and picked them out, but at dinner that night my fiancé claimed that he had no idea whatsoever that he or his family are responsible for buying my wedding band. I guess I was under the assumption that we each bought each others, and while I am ready to purchase his, he says he absolutely cannot buy mine and that I should buy my own or ask my dad to buy it for me. I don't see the meaning of buying my own wedding band or my dad buying it, so I was upset! I told him that I didn't need a band and that maybe down the road we can buy one, but now we don't know what to do. 

    Any advice on the subject? I thought everyone knew who bought the rings! 

    Thanks! 
    Rachel 
    No one is responsible for paying for any part of your wedding (including the rings) except for the two people getting married.  It's not your father's marriage.  It's not his family's marriage.  It is YOUR marriage (the two of you, together).  You take responsibility for any and all parts of that - the decision to marry, the decision to have a party, the cost of the party, where you will live and how you conduct your lives together as a married couple after the party is over - that's all you.

    If other people OFFER to pay for things, you have the option of accepting that money - but the two of you and the two of you alone are the only two responsible for it.

    So, sit down and have a discussion about money.  Not just for your party and all the accessories that go with it, but for everything to come ahead because it seems like you maybe haven't had that discussion before or you would have known ahead of time what his financial situation was in terms of buying you a ring.  Then, go pick out rings within your budget and make a plan for how to pay for them.
  • Are you seriously complaining that you have to buy yourself a ring?
    mikenbergerhuskypuppy14redoryx
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I need some advice here! 


    My wedding is this August. While my fiancé and I were at dinner the other night the subject of wedding bands came up. We both went together and tried on bands and picked them out, but at dinner that night my fiancé claimed that he had no idea whatsoever that he or his family are responsible for buying my wedding band. I guess I was under the assumption that we each bought each others, and while I am ready to purchase his, he says he absolutely cannot buy mine and that I should buy my own or ask my dad to buy it for me. I don't see the meaning of buying my own wedding band or my dad buying it, so I was upset! I told him that I didn't need a band and that maybe down the road we can buy one, but now we don't know what to do. 

    Any advice on the subject? I thought everyone knew who bought the rings! 

    Thanks! 
    Rachel 
    The only people responsible for planning and paying for the wedding are you and your FI.  Pps have it covered.

    On a related note, there are no such thing as BM/GM "duties."  Their only "duty" is to show up on time, sober, and in the dress/suit on the day of the wedding. 


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    PrettyGirlLost
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Rings are not required.   My dad never got one.  My parents have been married for almost 47 years.  A good friend of my mom HATES rings.   Never got one the the wedding.  She has 5 kids and has been married for 50 years.   Rings do not make you married.

    Who pays it up to you.   DH paid for both rings.   He bought his one day out shopping without me.   Mine was picked out together.   

     There is no right or wrong way to acquire a ring that is optional anyway.

    I would love to know why he "absolutely" can not buy you a ring?  That is such an odd comment.  I get not being able to for an expensive ring, but none at all?   Again, it's not required, but it's a very strange response to the question.   I feel like there is more to this then wedding bands.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    huskypuppy14ohannabelle
  • No matter what you two decide, your parents are certainly not responsible for buying your wedding bands. And you shouldn't ask them to. You're adults - buy them yourselves.

    What kind of wedding band are you wanting? Because you can get a basic gold wedding band from Zale's for less than $85. Probably cheaper elsewhere. Maybe don't go out to dinner a few times and BOOM, wedding band = paid for. If you want something more expensive, pay for it yourself. 

    Instead of being mad at your H for not being able to afford a wedding band, you should be looking for a solution (not mommy and daddy). That's how successful adult relationships work.
    *********************************************************************************

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    PrettyGirlLosthuskypuppy14
  • mrscomposermrscomposer Mani-snow-ba member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    I can kind of understand how he can 'absolutely' not buy you a ring - IF it were a knee-jerk reaction to 'holy heck, I'm paying for this whole wedding and now I need to pay for another ring, too?!  I totally didn't know I had to do that!!'  However, it doesn't sound like that's where he's coming from - and the fact he suggested getting your dad to buy it?  Uh uh.  Nope.

    For us, I picked out and paid for J's ring (within his taste guidelines).  He wanted me to pick it out, since he had picked out my engagement ring.  Like PP's stated, though, at that point wedding expenses were pretty much coming out of the same pot, so we basically paid for it together.  If I had wanted a wedding band, I would have ordered and paid for it at the same time.  I don't have a wedding band.  My engagement ring is a knockout on its own.
    **The OMH formerly known as jsangel1018**
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    DH bought my bands and his. . . I guess his marriage isn't legit, but mine is?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • I think you may have other issues to talk about besides just the bands. For now, pick out a simple gold or silver band from Walmart or another department type store. You can upgrade it down the road when you are in a better place finacially. My sister actually wears her basic gold band every day instead of her actual wedding band due to her job. She is a surgical scrub nurse so wearing her wedding band that has her engagement diamond in it isn't an option. So she has a simple gold band for everyday wear.

    My husband paid for the e-ring, I paid for both bands, it just worked out that way. To be honest, I was the one that saved up the money & paid for 80-90% of the wedding. Now a days, families have no responsibility to pay for anything for kids weddings. Yes there are traditions, but pretty much most couples get away from the financial traditions so that they can have total say of their wedding.

     

  • I was pretty upset about how rude some of these comments are. I was looking for some constructive criticism, not judgements about my relationship. After all, I did post this under 'Customs and Traditions", because I really thought it was traditional for the groom to buy the wedding band. I have only been to 2 weddings in my whole life and everything else I've 'learned' about weddings is from movies. I also should have provided more details, because the whole thing really was just a misunderstanding between us. We both adore our relationship, obviously. But, after thinking about it a little more I do agree with some of you that it doesn't really matter who buys the ring. So, I will buy it myself. And every time I look down at my beautiful rings I will be reminded of the fact that we are a team, a great team! Thank you all for giving me a little insight on what is 'modern' these days. :) 
  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer

    Two of my friends just eloped, and she has an "engagement ring" as her "wedding band" (the two were not openly engaged prior to marriage, so she did not get an e-ring in the traditional sense).

    Even when I was engaged and did not have the wedding band, people would constantly ask me "are you married?" when I was just engaged. My dad also does not have a wedding band.

    DH bought both of our wedding bands (and my e-ring). I originally wanted to buy his wedding band, but he got it on Amazon and it didn't make sense to wait to purchase just so that the shipping box would have my name on it.

    I think that you've started thinking about this the right way, and I can see where your original feelings may have come from. But I also agree that they are silly emotions and it's great that you were able to look at the situation from a logical point-of-view!

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Who cares who buys it?  It's not like it means any less if your fiance doesn't pay for your band. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I am sorry, but if your FI can't afford a simple wedding band, I don't think you are a financial position to get married.  Save up some money and get your finances stable before you get married.   JMHO.
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    STARMOON44MesmrEwe
  • tojaitojai member
    10 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary
    edited April 2015
    I bought H's band but we had pretty much merged our finances in theory if not in practice, so it didn't really feel like I was buying it "for him," we were buying it with money that we both agreed was ours.  He didn't buy me a wedding band, but I asked him not to because I loved my e-ring so much that I thought a band would only take away from it.  Even the band I have now is so understated a lot of people don't notice it at first! 

    Him saying he "can't" buy the ring for you isn't necessarily a red flag for me but the fact that he suggested your dad buy it is really weird.  It does make me wonder if it's a financial issue.
    CMGragain
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    I was pretty upset about how rude some of these comments are. I was looking for some constructive criticism, not judgements about my relationship. After all, I did post this under 'Customs and Traditions", because I really thought it was traditional for the groom to buy the wedding band. I have only been to 2 weddings in my whole life and everything else I've 'learned' about weddings is from movies. I also should have provided more details, because the whole thing really was just a misunderstanding between us. We both adore our relationship, obviously. But, after thinking about it a little more I do agree with some of you that it doesn't really matter who buys the ring. So, I will buy it myself. And every time I look down at my beautiful rings I will be reminded of the fact that we are a team, a great team! Thank you all for giving me a little insight on what is 'modern' these days. :) 

    Well movies are wrong wrong wrong on many wedding things. So maybe stop getting your ideas from movies. There are no rules on traditions, and many traditions are actually tacky and against etiquette (head table, anyone.)

    Like others said, just buy your own. I bought the wedding bands. I figured that was fair, since his was less expensive than mine, and he bought my e-ring.
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  • I was pretty upset about how rude some of these comments are. I was looking for some constructive criticism, not judgements about my relationship. After all, I did post this under 'Customs and Traditions", because I really thought it was traditional for the groom to buy the wedding band. I have only been to 2 weddings in my whole life and everything else I've 'learned' about weddings is from movies. I also should have provided more details, because the whole thing really was just a misunderstanding between us. We both adore our relationship, obviously. But, after thinking about it a little more I do agree with some of you that it doesn't really matter who buys the ring. So, I will buy it myself. And every time I look down at my beautiful rings I will be reminded of the fact that we are a team, a great team! Thank you all for giving me a little insight on what is 'modern' these days. :) 

    Your OP sure didn't make it sound like he sees you two as a team.

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    STARMOON44
  • lurkergirllurkergirl ATL member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    Well shit I bought both our bands.  Guess our marriage won't be valid.  My parents aren't paying him a dowry either!




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    lnixon8MrsBGonnaB
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