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Snarky Brides

On a scale of 1-10, how PPD is this?

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Re: On a scale of 1-10, how PPD is this?

  • You  need to realize that this isn't a wedding. So expecting gifts and/or checks isn't realistic. I never attend a party empty handed, but forjust a party, I usually bring a bottle of wine or a little basket with edible goodies. 


    It would be super awkward for me to bring a check to some gathering that's just a party. I mean, what?
    But how else do you pay for the burgers, brats, and beer you consume when your friend invites you over to their backyard pool party?  Bringing over a six pack of some craft brew is not going to cut it, you need to cover your plate.  So estimate the price of beef this year, guess what kind of potato salad the hosts will have, and consider wear-and-tear on their home and how much toilet paper you'll use to come up with a proper number to write a check.
    redoryxlnixon8
  • I'm not even spending half that on my actual wedding!

    I'll be truthful and say that your party could pay off my undergrad student loans







    UGH
    THIS. Totally agree with that amount of money being able to pay off student loans. 
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    MrandMrsMCO
  • You  need to realize that this isn't a wedding. So expecting gifts and/or checks isn't realistic. I never attend a party empty handed, but forjust a party, I usually bring a bottle of wine or a little basket with edible goodies. 


    It would be super awkward for me to bring a check to some gathering that's just a party. I mean, what?


    I completely see what you mean. And I appreciate all of whats been said in terms of what I can do so it's not a 'wedding'. I've gotten rid of the registry and will probably change a few other details.

    But at the end of the day, the guests know why I am throwing the party. Regardless of what I do or say, I think many/most guests will see this as somehow related to a wedding. Our marriage is the reason for the party.

    Again, I don't care if they bring gifts or nothing but themselves. However, just from knowing my guests I can guarantee that there will be gifts or checks. I think it is unrealistic to think that they won't show up with gifts/money.




  • Thanks for the additional thoughts. They were helpful.


    Spending over 30,000 on a party and getting nothing in return is a hard pill to swallow, but I guess I might have to. I know its poor form to be gift grabby, but it is only natural to think about the quid pro quo in these situations. 

    For example, when you are a guest it is proper etiquette to bring a gift that would cover the cost of your meal. I guess that all goes out the window since I am in an unusual situation.

    Thanks!

    Just no. Not sure why so many people have this mentality. You don't have a wedding/ party for gifts or to make a profit. You have a wedding because you want to. The amount of money or gifts you get will not come close to what you spent and that's not the point. If I hear one more "oh but you'll have wedding gifts" from family members I will rip my hair out. I'm still out $30k and could care less what we get for gifts ;)

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    image

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  • You  need to realize that this isn't a wedding. So expecting gifts and/or checks isn't realistic. I never attend a party empty handed, but forjust a party, I usually bring a bottle of wine or a little basket with edible goodies. 

    It would be super awkward for me to bring a check to some gathering that's just a party. I mean, what?


    I completely see what you mean. And I appreciate all of whats been said in terms of what I can do so it's not a 'wedding'. I've gotten rid of the registry and will probably change a few other details.

    But at the end of the day, the guests know why I am throwing the party. Regardless of what I do or say, I think many/most guests will see this as somehow related to a wedding. Our marriage is the reason for the party.

    Again, I don't care if they bring gifts or nothing but themselves. However, just from knowing my guests I can guarantee that there will be gifts or checks. I think it is unrealistic to think that they won't show up with gifts/money.






    But it is unrealistic. Or do you routinely show up to parties with check in hand?
    image
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Yes, I'm sure some people will bring you gifts, mainly because they didn't before at your wedding and don't really understand the role of this party, and to be safe/generous/whatever will bring a gift.

    However, I wouldn't, and I'm also sure a lot of people won't. Nixing the registry was a good idea, because if anyone is trying to figure out whether they should be getting you a gift based on the occasion, the answer is no, and a registry will merely confuse them further. You don't need to encourage gift-giving.

    redoryxlovegood90chibiyui
  • KatWAG said:

    haleyk620 said:

    I'm not even spending half that on my actual wedding!

    I'll be truthful and say that your party could pay off my undergrad student loans







    UGH
    THIS. Totally agree with that amount of money being able to pay off student loans. 
    So what? Maybe the OP doesn't have student loans. Lets stop judging how she spends her own money.


    I'm not judging how she spend her money. I think a better explanation of my comment would be I'm envious of her being able to spend that much on her party. She is very lucky to be able to do so. No harm meant. 
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  • I must admit, at first read I was furious with your comment, then I read it again and realized that there was no negativity or judgement.


    haleyk620
  • ashley8918ashley8918 Chicago Suburbs member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer

    I must admit, at first read I was furious with your comment, then I read it again and realized that there was no negativity or judgement.



    Who are you talking to? Use the quote button.
  • I was going to give you a 1 on the PPD scale, especially since you removed the registry, but this thread just got more bizarre as I read on.


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    madamerwin
  • I just want to add I don't think wearing a white dress to the party is a big deal. Many say that its ok if a guest wears a white dress to a wedding so why can't OP wear a white dress to her party? A big ballgown with a veil may be too much... but there's so many options out there,
    image


    Anniversary
    hellohkblaurad75
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I just want to add I don't think wearing a white dress to the party is a big deal. Many say that its ok if a guest wears a white dress to a wedding so why can't OP wear a white dress to her party? A big ballgown with a veil may be too much... but there's so many options out there,

    I mean, I don't think anyone would really side-eye a simple white dress for a PPD. It also won't affect a bride if a guest wears a white dress to her wedding, so in that sense it's "okay." You don't have any control over that, so why worry. But just as I would side-eye any guest who wears something obviously wedding-dress like, wondering if she was trying to act like a bride, I would understand people having the same feeling for the wife at a PPD. "She's a wife, and has been for a while - is she trying to act like a bride?"
  • spglspspglsp member
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    KatWAG said:

    haleyk620 said:

    I'm not even spending half that on my actual wedding!

    I'll be truthful and say that your party could pay off my undergrad student loans







    UGH
    THIS. Totally agree with that amount of money being able to pay off student loans. 
    So what? Maybe the OP doesn't have student loans. Lets stop judging how she spends her own money.


    Thank you. I get a little exhausted with the wedding race to the bottom. Like I'm just not a chill enough bride if I'm not getting married in a garage and making my centerpieces out of reclaimed cardboard.
    Just Married!

    image
    themosthappy91NotTheOnlyOne[Deleted User]khugs15
  • spglsp said:

    KatWAG said:

    haleyk620 said:

    I'm not even spending half that on my actual wedding!

    I'll be truthful and say that your party could pay off my undergrad student loans







    UGH
    THIS. Totally agree with that amount of money being able to pay off student loans. 
    So what? Maybe the OP doesn't have student loans. Lets stop judging how she spends her own money.
    Thank you. I get a little exhausted with the wedding race to the bottom. Like I'm just not a chill enough bride if I'm not getting married in a garage and making my centerpieces out of reclaimed cardboard.

    Reclaimed cardboard.  Sorry, that made me smile.  I wonder what pinterest would have me do with reclaimed cardboard.  I mean, I'm totally the kind of person you're kinda mocking (I want my centerpieces to be paper flowers in brown beer bottles.)  But I don't think reclaimed cardboard is a thing.  Though, of course, I did "reclaim" the amazon boxes in my recycle bin to line the raised bed in my garden.  So there's that.
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