Illinois-Chicago

Picking Bridesmaids is Driving Me Crazy! Help?

Hi everyone - this is my first post! :)

My fiance and I are getting ready for our wedding next year, but I am having such a hard time determining who to pick as bridesmaids. The church is asking for their names, our wedding is a year away, so I feel like I really have to start deciding who to ask. I have my idea of who I would pick if no one's feelings would be hurt, but then I also feel like I have to pick certain people based on etiquette and obligations....so I wanted to find out what everyone here thinks.

I've already picked my maid of honor (my best friend). I also picked my two sisters (one is 14 years old and the other is a 25). We are having 130 guests (or less) so I don't want to go crazy on the number of bridesmaids. My groom is going to have 3-4 groomsmen (I'm not worried about having the same number as he is though). Anyway, here are the other girls I was considering asking and my reasons for being uncertain:

1. My fiance's oldest sister. We used to be pretty close while my fiance was deployed to Afghanistan. She and I aren't as close as we used to be because she's has a baby now, but I think she "expects" to be a bridesmaid because she already created a Pinterest wedding board for me (I didn't ask her to do this) and was emailing me wedding themes and ideas. I feel obligated to pick her since she's my fiance's sister and was there for me while he was gone, but I am also terrified to pick her because she definitely doesn't have the same tastes/style as me and it gets frustrating because she's emailing me all these things that aren't my style at all. She's very DIY / crafts-y, which is cool, but I don't want mason jar candles or DIY stuff...(you get the idea). She also lives far away so won't really be able to help with traditional wedding stuff (stuffing invitations, dress fittings). This sister's daughter will be our flower girl.

2. My fiance's other sister. I don't really know my fiance's other sister that well, but she and I get along fine. We just haven't really hung out a lot because she lives on the east coast and is in the army. She's also going to Korea for six months, but should be back in the six months before our wedding. When I tried to ask her mom about whether this sister would even want to be a bridesmaid, my fiance's mom got kind of cold with me and said "ask her and she'll tell you if she's too busy" (but I don't know a single girl who would turn down the chance to be a bridesmaid!). I also feel like if I ask the older sister, I have to ask this sister to be a bridesmaid too so neither one feels left out.

3. My step-cousin. I'm not super close with my cousin (we don't hang out outside of family functions) but she's been a part of my life growing up since I was 5 years old. We always talk one-on-one at family parties and have similar values. She lives close to me too so could possibly help out with wedding stuff. I want to ask her because she is part of my family, even though she's my step-cousin by marriage.

4. My friend from Texas. I have a girlfriend who I went to law school with - she was my best friend for 3 years of law school and my best friend while I lived in Texas. We would go to dinner once a week almost every single week, text and email each other every week. I've known her for 5 years and I feel like she has been really supportive of my relationship and just a great friend all around. What makes me nervous to ask her is that I plan on moving out of Texas so I won't be able to see her or continue our weekly lunches, so I'm worried about falling out of touch after the wedding. I know that stuff is hard to predict, but that's what makes this one tricky for me. She's my best friend in Texas, but once I leave Texas, how will our relationship change?

So that's where I'm at right now. My "ideal" wedding party would consist of of my best friend, my two sisters, and my friend from Texas (4 bridesmaids), but I feel as though I should also include everyone else I mentioned (that would be 7 bridesmaids for a smaller wedding with 130 people!?!?! eek!). I know "someone has to be a reader" though...I just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I wish I could just post a "sign up" sheet and let them all sign up if they want to...

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Re: Picking Bridesmaids is Driving Me Crazy! Help?

  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    1. Your church does not need the names of your wedding party. So I would just ignore their request.
    2. Don't pick your WP until 6-9 months before. Relationships change and you can not un-ask someone.
    3. Who would you call to help you bury a dead body at 3am? Those people are your BP. You can have none or ten, as long as they are your nearest and dearest.
    4. It doesn't matter how many people your Fi chooses. Sided don't need to be equal.
    5. You do not have to have a reader.
    6. Your Fi's sisters can stand on his side if he would like them included.

     

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Thanks so much KatWAG. That is really great advice. How far out did you wait before picking your bridesmaids? 6-9 months is quite a range.

    I want to clarify that I'm not concerned about having the same number of bridesmaids/groomsmen. I'm sorry if that was unclear from my post. :)
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I was only engaged for 9 months. I picked my BP around 7 months because that was when I knew the details of our wedding. The when, where, etc.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • That makes sense. Because we are having a holiday wedding (Memorial Day) with a lot of out of state guests, we started planning a year out and have already secured the "when and where" (ceremony and reception site). Do you think that would change the timing for selecting bridesmaids?
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    It depends. I think you are probably pretty safe asking your sisters and best friends. Where knotties try to caution people is when you start asking friends. Relationships can change dramatically in a year. You might not be close to the same people.

    The bottom line is if you are confident in your choice of bridal party, ask away. From your original post, it doesn't sounds like you are confident in who you want standing next to you.

    And if you ask some people now and other in a few months, it will make those asked later feel like they are an after thought

    BabyFruit Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards