People Feel So Entitled

themosthappy91

The thing that the most blew me away about the wedding planning process was how entitled people feel to be invited, without a second thought.  

Between my FI and I we are now up to FIVE "friendships" apparently ended over not being invited to our wedding.  All five people in question were casual friends (in all but one case, people that one or the other of us would have considered a "best friend" at a previous point in our lives- mostly high school- but who we now see only 2-3 times a year and rarely keep up with) who indicated that they were expecting to be invited and who, despite many attempts to reach out to them, have not spoken to us since finding out they weren't.  

It just BLOWS MY MIND that people take this kind of thing so personally- especially considering that we only invited 50 people to our wedding so it's not like we included everyone in the world but them.  Anyone else have a major fall-out over failing to invite someone?

larrygaga

I think my abusive uncle is mad at me. The one who punched my solider cousin on his first day back from tour at Christmas.

My cousin got drunk and my uncle didn't like that. Give him a damn break!

My uncle has no real way to contact me but he told my dad that I'm disowned. My dAd was all "ok asshole".

littlepep

There are a few people we aren't inviting who I think will be upset that we aren't inviting them. Tough shit. If we haven't even spoken to you in the past year, we definitely are not inviting you. Not even a little bit sorry. 

I agree it seems ridiculous that people feel so entitled to be invited to weddings. I just don't get the fuss. I know weddings are expensive and people can't invite everyone. It doesn't mean I don't like you personally; I just have people that I'm closer too. 

NotTheOnlyOne

I am still 6 months away, but I had a very distant family acquaintance ask my mother for my shower and wedding dates as soon as I got engaged.  She wanted to make sure she didn't make other plans.  We hoped she'd forget and then when we ran into her a few months later she asked again.  It makes me rage that people are so fucking entitled. 

[Deleted User]

I was living with a relative when I got engaged. The kooky (nice) lady across the street asked me when I moved out if she should expect an invite to the weedding.

I told her we were going small and family only and then was like, wow, it's getting dark better get on the road!

I lied on both counts. We have 110 people on the guest list and while almost every one is family, we technically each invited 3 friends and their SOs/spouses.

God it was awkward. When I mailed the STD to my relative I called her and asked her not to mention it to neighbor in hopes she'd forget the whole thing and not ask again or put my relative in an awkward situation.

EFC.

d&bbride2015

I recently had someone who I haven't seen or spoke to in over 7 years message me on Facebook randomly to ask what we wanted for a wedding gift? I sat and stared at the message for a few mins thinking is this girl serious?? Then I responded with "that's so nice of you to think of us but you don't have to buy us a gift" she then messaged me back saying "ok! well here is my address so you can send me a wedding invite" WHAT??? Then when my STD's went out a few friends posted they received them. She then messaged me saying "didn't you get my address? I didn't get a STD" CRAZY!!! lol 

It's so awkward when people just come out and ask why aren't I invited? Or So you didn't ask for my address am I not invited to the wedding? 

sheknows6

My mom's neighbor has been subtly pushing for an invite since she found out I was engaged....every time she messages me or my mother we're both:

"Yea I'm/she's really excited about it, thanks for the congrats! Bean dip?"

spglsp

We had a decent amount of friends of family guests, people we don't actually know but are inviting as a gesture to our families. One of them threw a tantrum after receiving his invitation because his adult son and said son's wife were not included in the invitation. All I could think was 'jerk, you're barely invited yourself'.

madamerwin

My sister is dealing with this too! One friend of hers, who she is really only friends with through two other friends (they never hang out just the two of them), recently cornered my sister at a group event asking why she has not received a save the date or an invitation yet. She was apparently pretty hostile about it, since my sister is invited to her wedding. My sister had no intention of inviting her.

I told my sister she shouldn't be inviting people to her wedding unless she wants them there. I also explained what bean dipping is. I really hope she doesn't give in.

MollyandD

There's a girl who was ridiculously rude to me for a year before my wedding, because of drama that didn't even involve either of us! (Her boyfriend quit the band my husband is in, and they had issues, but it didn't involve me or her at ALL.)

Now, she's pissed off to the point of complaining to anyone who will listen that I didn't invite her to my wedding. She cut our friendship off, and is just mad that she didn't get to go to the wedding so she could get more pictures of herself with mutual friends for her Instagram. 

drunkenwitch

It baffles me too.  There have been plenty of people in my circle of friends who didn't invite me to their weddings.  Know what I said to them? "Congratulations on your engagement!".  That's it.

I have never been whiny and butt hurt over getting left off a wedding invite list, it would never dawn on me to be butt hurt and whiny.  You simply can't invite everyone you know and have ever met, the line has to be drawn somewhere.  In all the situations where I was not invited they were people I knew, people I was friendly with, but not friends.

Although, if my BFF I have known for almost 30 years (we met in 7th grade) got married and didn't invite me, I would probably call and say "Bitch?! WTF?!".  Because 1) 30 year friendship and we still talk at least once a week 2) I can totally call her a bitch.  3) Okay yeah, I would feel entitled to be invited to her wedding, but that's about it.

louxnoelle

The people I've experienced this with fall into one of two categories. Either a) they're not married and don't quite understand how the logistics of weddings work yet, or b) they invited me and/or FI to their wedding, which admittedly kind of sucks.

charlotte989875

Yup, definitely experiencing the same thing. I finished my PhD last year and moved out of state. I've stayed close with some friends from grad school, wedding is in the same city and they're invited. There are other people who I'd get drinks with in school, but haven't spoken with at all since I moved and they're not invited. So when I met up with my friends a few weeks ago at a conference they told me these other people were SUPER pissed they weren't invited! I'm like "seriously, I haven't spoken to you in a year!" and when I have been back in town I've invited them to drinks, but they don't even respond. Yah, you're not invited. Sorry, not sorry.

frenchiekin

I was at my last job for about 3 years, and had a few (like, three) good friends there who I'd actually hang out with outside of the office.  When we first made our guest list, FI and I decided we couldn't include work friends due to budget.  So I avoided wedding talk at all costs at work ("So, Frenchiekin, how's the wedding planning going??" "It's good!" *Silence, dejected look on coworkers face* "Welp, see ya later!")

I left the company about 6 months ago, and grabbed drinks with a couple of those friends shortly after I left.  Towards the end of the night, randomly, my guy friend was like... "So you're not going to NOT give us plus ones to your wedding, are you?  Ugh I fucking hate when people do that."  Uhh, you're not even invited, nevermind your date (both of these friends are truly single).  I love them both but we just can't afford it.  I didn't know what to do in the moment so I just kept silent and changed the subject.  Luckily my other friend who was with us was like "Dude, you can't just ask people that."  ....Bartender..................!

thisismynickname2

There was this chick who fits the definition of "frenemy" whom I met in college. Can't trust her as far as I can throw her. In our late 20's she moved out of state and about a year later or so, got engaged, and invited me to her wedding. She was tacky throughout the planning process and I finally figured this was a good time to distance myself from her permanently. I attended her wedding, genuinely wished her well, and had no intention of inviting her to mine the following year nor of continuing our friendship. 

About 9 months or so before my wedding I got this long, drawn out Facebook message from her saying that, more or less, she was planning her trips for the year and wanted to finalize details for my wedding. Her 30th birthday was the day before, and she assumed a mutual good friend was a bridesmaid (nope), so she wanted to plan her party while ensuring this girl could come not withstanding my rehearsal dinner (which we weren't having anyway.) I told her not to worry about planning her 30th birthday and that was about it. 

A few weeks later she e-mailed again asking about wedding plans and I fed her the "small wedding, can't invite everyone" bean dip and..... haven't heard from her since! Hallelujah!! Oh, and our mutual friends definitely attended my wedding rather than fly to Vegas to attend her 30th birthday party. 

flutteringinfl

One of FI's coworkers asked when the wedding was. We told him. He sighed and said, "Well, I guess I won't be able to go, since it's during sweeps."

We weren't going to invite him anyway, but good to know!

pennydl

I had a few people ask me this too. It was in the early stages of our planning so I was able to say we haven't finalized the guest list yet. We're now 4 1/2 months out from our wedding, if I anyone asks me at this point, and if they're not on our list, I'll just politely say due to budget we're not able to invite everyone we'd like. 

KLM7386

I don't like how some people feel entitled to bring a plus 1. Even worse,  my sister felt that I HAD to invite her ex husband (nice guy I"m just not close to him) while she brings her current boyfriend... I said "I'm sorry but my FI and I aren't too close with your ex husband". Then my mom wanted me to invite my former future sister in law ( as in not marrying my brother anymore which is for the best) and I said "hell no!" My mom was shocked, and I didn't get why she was shocked. 

randomslove

It's annoying. I have people who I kinda know who started sending me FaceBook messages when I got engaged asking if they would be invited and saying they were glad we still lived close, etc, because that meant they could make it. Ummm... we lived in the same barracks for like a year and hung out a grand total of four times. I keep you on FaceBook because I think your animals are cute, not because we're BFFs. Why would I invite you to my wedding?

Knottie1426704856

Figuring out who to invite has been THE WORST part of wedding planning. I've gotten in SO MANY fights with my mom over this. I wish I could invite everyone, but budget and venue limitations mean that I can't. I wish we went small like I wanted (my whole life!), but my fiance has his heart set on a big hulabaloo

julieanne912

FI has a friend who recently got divorced.  We found out when FI asked him for his address for the STD.  He said "Don't worry though, I'll be able to find a date".  Uhh we weren't planning on giving single people plus ones.  Except for this guy now apparently. 

weddingcactus

Yep we've definitely ruffled some feathers with doing a tiny destination wedding. And people who I wouldn't even consider inviting to a local wedding have come to us with the expectation or pressuring us to invite them. It's ridiculous. I try to remember the times that I haven't been invited to weddings and how it hurt me to try to understand where they're coming from. It certainly doesn't excuse the entitled attitudes, but at least it helps me cope with them with a little sympathy.

luckystraw

How would y'all handle a situation in which you vocally (as in, no physical invite, just a "You're invited!" over Facebook some months back) invited a friend, but you are no longer friends? Are you still required to invite them? If not, how would you recall that invitation?

FI and I are having a wedding at a winery, and can fit our guest list in just half of the building (leaves more room for dancing and walking about, plus there will be kids and I'm setting up board games and coloring pages). Some months back, I invited a friend over Facebook with her father, but have not spoken to either since then. Am I still required to send her an invite?

So far I haven't gotten messages from people expecting invites; in fact, one of my aunts denied my invitation twice due to family drama (which sucks because she's ultra sweet). The most I've gotten is my grandmother telling me that [the aunt who denied my invite]'s children should be invited because they're family. Due to the family drama thing and having not seen them in years, they are not invited.

themosthappy91

luckystraw said:

How would y'all handle a situation in which you vocally (as in, no physical invite, just a "You're invited!" over Facebook some months back) invited a friend, but you are no longer friends? Are you still required to invite them? If not, how would you recall that invitation?

FI and I are having a wedding at a winery, and can fit our guest list in just half of the building (leaves more room for dancing and walking about, plus there will be kids and I'm setting up board games and coloring pages). Some months back, I invited a friend over Facebook with her father, but have not spoken to either since then. Am I still required to send her an invite?

So far I haven't gotten messages from people expecting invites; in fact, one of my aunts denied my invitation twice due to family drama (which sucks because she's ultra sweet). The most I've gotten is my grandmother telling me that [the aunt who denied my invite]'s children should be invited because they're family. Due to the family drama thing and having not seen them in years, they are not invited.

I think you need to invite this person. I'm not sure why you invited her verbally and haven't spoken to her since, but I would be offended if someone told me I was invited and then didn't invite me.

IceQueenSupreme94

I tried avoiding telling too many people about it except close family. My cousin demanded to be a brides maid although I rarely see her and I already had my 5 reliable bridemaids. I had to put my foot down and tell her no because she is not reliable and rarely talks to me. She is not longer talking to me. However,my mother has a big mouth and decided to begin asking distant cousins to be IN MY WEDDING and now I have a 9 year old flower girl who has been practicing walking down the isle since she was asked and an 8 year old ring barer who is asking when he gets to get to carry the pillow.

DarthV8r

IceQueenSupreme94 said:

I tried avoiding telling too many people about it except close family. My cousin demanded to be a brides maid although I rarely see her and I already had my 5 reliable bridemaids. I had to put my foot down and tell her no because she is not reliable and rarely talks to me. She is not longer talking to me. However,my mother has a big mouth and decided to begin asking distant cousins to be IN MY WEDDING and now I have a 9 year old flower girl who has been practicing walking down the isle since she was asked and an 8 year old ring barer who is asking when he gets to get to carry the pillow.

</blockquote

you are
bitching a lot. You know getting married isn't hard. Go to the courthouse. All your problems are solved. You're welcome.

IceQueenSupreme94

ibarfburlapandlace said:

I tried avoiding telling too many people about it except close family. My cousin demanded to be a brides maid although I rarely see her and I already had my 5 reliable bridemaids. I had to put my foot down and tell her no because she is not reliable and rarely talks to me. She is not longer talking to me. However,my mother has a big mouth and decided to begin asking distant cousins to be IN MY WEDDING and now I have a 9 year old flower girl who has been practicing walking down the isle since she was asked and an 8 year old ring barer who is asking when he gets to get to carry the pillow.

ibarfburlapandlace said:

I tried avoiding telling too many people about it except close family. My cousin demanded to be a brides maid although I rarely see her and I already had my 5 reliable bridemaids. I had to put my foot down and tell her no because she is not reliable and rarely talks to me. She is not longer talking to me. However,my mother has a big mouth and decided to begin asking distant cousins to be IN MY WEDDING and now I have a 9 year old flower girl who has been practicing walking down the isle since she was asked and an 8 year old ring barer who is asking when he gets to get to carry the pillow.

Bitch, if you don't want to see someone "bitching" then go somewhere else. You're in the wrong place.

IceQueenSupreme94

Btw, its easy to say its not hard when you still have over 11 months left.

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mrscomposer

IceQueenSupreme94 said:

Btw, its easy to say its not hard when you still have over 11 months left.

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My entire engagement was less than five months.  It's not hard.

DarthV8r

IceQueenSupreme94 said:

Btw, its easy to say its not hard when you still have over 11 months left.

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If you are this upset over planning a wedding I can't imagine how you handle real problems. Buck up buttercup.

TrixieJess

ibarfburlapandlace said:

IceQueenSupreme94 said:

Btw, its easy to say its not hard when you still have over 11 months left.

***Removed for TOS Violation***

If you are this upset over planning a wedding I can't imagine how you handle real problems. Buck up buttercup.

Hey now, she's only 20, her real problems are miles ahead of her...