Attire For Your Wedding Guests

Knottie02401131

I am not sure how to describe/define the attire at our wedding.  I have had a few guests ask how they should dress their husband/significant other.  We are getting married at the la jolla cover outside for a quick ceremony cliffside right along the beach but on grass.  No one in the wedding party will wear a tux, the ceremony is outside and the reception is 2 blocks away up a hill form the ceremony.  How do I describe wetting guest attire on our knot website???  

I was thinking formal but casual?  The men in the wedding will be wearing dark grey suits and a slate blue tie.  Anyone have suggestions?

climbingsingle

Formal but casual means literally nothing. If someone asks how to dress their husband (?? weird), explain the logistics and tell them what the groomsmen are wearing. 

ETA - otherwise, you should not be dictating attire to your guests. It's fine to answer questions if you're directly asked. 

Maggie0829

Yeah formal but casual, what the heck is that supposed to mean?

I would just tell any guests who ask that the BMs are wearing X and the GMs are wearing Y and that the ceremony is taking place cliffside.

JennyColada

If I read "formal but casual" knowing you're getting married on a beach, I'd genujnely think to have DH wear linen pants and a Hawaiian shirt. Then we'd be pissed when we got there and guys were in suits.

southernbelle0915

Don't describe anything. Dictating or suggesting attire is against etiquette.

Unless your guests have valets or servants, they've been dressing themselves for years and they can certainly handle it for your wedding.

jenna8984

My wedding was on the casual side at a restaurant. When my father, grandfather, brother asked me what they should wear I said "Whatever you want! Jacket and tie is not necessary". So I wasn't telling them exactly what to wear but I set the expectation that they wouldn't be out of place without a jacket.

lovemesomemonster

I have never understood why it is so hard for people to figure out what to wear to a wedding! If it states black tie then gown/tux, if it will be a casual affair on the beach, sundress/linen pants short sleeve button up. If it is none of the above I always just put FI in slacks, button up, tie and me in a cocktail dress (yes, I said put him in, he asks me to because he doesn't like dressing up). It amazes me how many brides on here say they have people asking what to wear to a wedding! 

aliwis000

lovemesomemonster said:

I have never understood why it is so hard for people to figure out what to wear to a wedding! If it states black tie then gown/tux, if it will be a casual affair on the beach, sundress/linen pants short sleeve button up. If it is none of the above I always just put FI in slacks, button up, tie and me in a cocktail dress (yes, I said put him in, he asks me to because he doesn't like dressing up). It amazes me how many brides on here say they have people asking what to wear to a wedding! 

I will add to this.

I have asked a couple what to wear. And do you know when I had to ask...give you a moment...

When the make up stupid attire guidelines that mean nothing! Ha, see what I did there.

Last wedding I went to said "formal attire". Ok if I see that I am thinking long gown, tux etc. Formal like as in a Formal Ball or something. I ask the groom, who is my friend, and he says "Oh cocktail attire is fine, we just didn't want the bride's family showing up in shorts."

WTF

If somebody shows up to your 6pm wedding at a posh hotel in shorts, they are going to look like idiots, the bride and groom will still look like a bride and groom. Shocker

RezIpsa

lovemesomemonster said:

I have never understood why it is so hard for people to figure out what to wear to a wedding! If it states black tie then gown/tux, if it will be a casual affair on the beach, sundress/linen pants short sleeve button up. If it is none of the above I always just put FI in slacks, button up, tie and me in a cocktail dress (yes, I said put him in, he asks me to because he doesn't like dressing up). It amazes me how many brides on here say they have people asking what to wear to a wedding! 

I only have problems when people mess up their invitation etiquette, which is sadly common. I have had extremely formal looking invitations for beach weddings where the appropriate attire was a sundress, and a ton of mixed messages on many invites. Most recently, a wedding with a pastel invite, very formal wording, taking place at bride's parent's house, where I know for a fact the groom is not wearing a tie or jacket, with the puzzling addition of "Formal reception to follow" at the bottom. WTF am I supposed to make of that? I'm guessing cocktail dress is safe, but I think that might be underdressed. Then again, that "formal reception" stuff might be on there to make sure no one wears shorts and flip flops.

This is why matching invitations to the formality of the event and using correct wording is so important.

lovemesomemonster

RezIpsa said:

lovemesomemonster said:

I have never understood why it is so hard for people to figure out what to wear to a wedding! If it states black tie then gown/tux, if it will be a casual affair on the beach, sundress/linen pants short sleeve button up. If it is none of the above I always just put FI in slacks, button up, tie and me in a cocktail dress (yes, I said put him in, he asks me to because he doesn't like dressing up). It amazes me how many brides on here say they have people asking what to wear to a wedding! 

I only have problems when people mess up their invitation etiquette, which is sadly common. I have had extremely formal looking invitations for beach weddings where the appropriate attire was a sundress, and a ton of mixed messages on many invites. Most recently, a wedding with a pastel invite, very formal wording, taking place at bride's parent's house, where I know for a fact the groom is not wearing a tie or jacket, with the puzzling addition of "Formal reception to follow" at the bottom. WTF am I supposed to make of that? I'm guessing cocktail dress is safe, but I think that might be underdressed. Then again, that "formal reception" stuff might be on there to make sure no one wears shorts and flip flops.

This is why matching invitations to the formality of the event and using correct wording is so important.

I can see how that gets confusing.. If people do the invites right then it shouldn't be an issue. I don't see why anything needs to be said unless it's a "theme" like black tie, beach, vampires etc. Adding extra wording just makes it confusing, without that you can usually tell by the venue but if you are adding shit like "formal reception" on a back yard wedding invite then you're causing confusion!

artbyallie

lovemesomemonster said:

RezIpsa said:

lovemesomemonster said:

I have never understood why it is so hard for people to figure out what to wear to a wedding! If it states black tie then gown/tux, if it will be a casual affair on the beach, sundress/linen pants short sleeve button up. If it is none of the above I always just put FI in slacks, button up, tie and me in a cocktail dress (yes, I said put him in, he asks me to because he doesn't like dressing up). It amazes me how many brides on here say they have people asking what to wear to a wedding! 

I only have problems when people mess up their invitation etiquette, which is sadly common. I have had extremely formal looking invitations for beach weddings where the appropriate attire was a sundress, and a ton of mixed messages on many invites. Most recently, a wedding with a pastel invite, very formal wording, taking place at bride's parent's house, where I know for a fact the groom is not wearing a tie or jacket, with the puzzling addition of "Formal reception to follow" at the bottom. WTF am I supposed to make of that? I'm guessing cocktail dress is safe, but I think that might be underdressed. Then again, that "formal reception" stuff might be on there to make sure no one wears shorts and flip flops.

This is why matching invitations to the formality of the event and using correct wording is so important.

I can see how that gets confusing.. If people do the invites right then it shouldn't be an issue. I don't see why anything needs to be said unless it's a "theme" like black tie, beach, vampires etc. Adding extra wording just makes it confusing, without that you can usually tell by the venue but if you are adding shit like "formal reception" on a back yard wedding invite then you're causing confusion!

Black tie is not a theme, though. It's a very specific style of event, characterized by a high level of service like valet parking, white-gloved multicourse dinner service, live band, top shelf open bar, etc. It is only appropriate to put on invites if the event is worthy of people renting/buying tuxes/gowns.

Expecting guests to dress to match a theme, on the other hand, is terribly rude.

JennyColada

jenna8984 said:

My wedding was on the casual side at a restaurant. When my father, grandfather, brother asked me what they should wear I said "Whatever you want! Jacket and tie is not necessary". So I wasn't telling them exactly what to wear but I set the expectation that they wouldn't be out of place without a jacket.

This is what I did. My mom asked me what to wear, and I told her "just wear what you'd wear to [restaurant that we frequent]". Although, I was a bit snarky and began my reply with "well I'll be in a dress..."

[Deleted User]

Another vote for "Well the parents will be wearing x, and the bridal party is wearing y."

Also as a guest I would love knowing that the ceremony is outside on a grassy area and there is a 2 block walk to reception area with an incline so I can wear approriate shoes.

Knottie92548810

You could always say its "Beach Formal." I would get the hint that I need my man to dress in a button up and dress pants. But not necessarily a tie and jacket.

southernbelle0915

Knottie92548810 said:

You could always say its "Beach Formal." I would get the hint that I need my man to dress in a button up and dress pants. But not necessarily a tie and jacket.

Unless it's a black tie event or the venue requires something like a jacket or no denim, it's against etiquette to put anything.

KnottiePine

I had an invitation say "Dressy Casual""...What is that???

lyndausvi

I actually do understand why it can be confusing.    I worked at a 5 star resort in the islands.    We did over 100 weddings a year.  Some of the weddings were black-tie.  Other weddings had the GM's in shorts and Tommy Bahama button down shirts.  Others were somewhere in between. 

At my own Saturday night wedding my DH flat out refused to wear a jacket or tie.  Was not happening.   However, both our families all weddings are in churches and all men wear suits.  That is just what they do.  We had a beach wedding and it confused the shit out of people. Didn't help we had a 4 course meal, open bar, etc. 
We did put on our FAQ cards that the wedding is on the actual beach.  There would be a shoe valet if they choose  to take off their shoes.   We also said that jacket and ties are not necessary.     
We didn't make some random dress code that would confuse everyone.  Just kind of let them know it's was on the more casual side of what they are use to.  If people asked about attire, I simple said  that DH wasn't wearing a suit or tie.   I think that alone gave them an ideal of the formality.




Knottie02401131 said:I am not sure how to describe/define the attire at our wedding.  I have had a few guests ask how they should dress their husband/significant other.  We are getting married at the la jolla cover outside for a quick ceremony cliffside right along the beach but on grass.  No one in the wedding party will wear a tux, the ceremony is outside and the reception is 2 blocks away up a hill form the ceremony.  How do I describe wetting guest attire on our knot website???  
I was thinking formal but casual?  The men in the wedding will be wearing dark grey suits and a slate blue tie.  Anyone have suggestions?

I'm giving pretty serious side-eye here.   I do not dress my DH.  That is his job.  He doesn't dress me either.   I get not knowing the formality, especially if the wedding is different they people are use to, but asking how they should dress their SO?    Yeah, no.

lovemesomemonster

lyndausvi said:

I actually do understand why it can be confusing.    I worked at a 5 star resort in the islands.    We did over 100 weddings a year.  Some of the weddings were black-tie.  Other weddings had the GM's in shorts and Tommy Bahama button down shirts.  Others were somewhere in between. 

At my own Saturday night wedding my DH flat out refused to wear a jacket or tie.  Was not happening.   However, both our families all weddings are in churches and all men wear suits.  That is just what they do.  We had a beach wedding and it confused the shit out of people. Didn't help we had a 4 course meal, open bar, etc. 

We did put on our FAQ cards that the wedding is on the actual beach.  There would be a shoe valet if they choose  to take off their shoes.   We also said that jacket and ties are not necessary.     

We didn't make some random dress code that would confuse everyone.  Just kind of let them know it's was on the more casual side of what they are use to.  If people asked about attire, I simple said  that DH wasn't wearing a suit or tie.   I think that alone gave them an ideal of the formality.

Knottie02401131 said:

I am not sure how to describe/define the attire at our wedding.  I have had a few guests ask how they should dress their husband/significant other.  We are getting married at the la jolla cover outside for a quick ceremony cliffside right along the beach but on grass.  No one in the wedding party will wear a tux, the ceremony is outside and the reception is 2 blocks away up a hill form the ceremony.  How do I describe wetting guest attire on our knot website???  

I was thinking formal but casual?  The men in the wedding will be wearing dark grey suits and a slate blue tie.  Anyone have suggestions?

I'm giving pretty serious side-eye here.   I do not dress my DH.  That is his job.  He doesn't dress me either.   I get not knowing the formality, especially if the wedding is different they people are use to, but asking how they should dress their SO?    Yeah, no.

Totally get what you're saying but I can tell you from experience I can't side eye this because of FI. He works in construction so even though he's in management his "dressy" is a polo and steel toe boots. For weddings he asks me to pick out his dress clothes because he just frankly doesn't care. He also works out of the state and summer is a busy time, I have all of his dress clothes at the house so I have to just bring them to him. Just saying I can understand this comment from one angle, but not from a "he can't dress himself so I make sure he looks good" one.

TheArtemisMoon

In my area we would call that "Sunday Best" which means basically your nice clothes that you save for church and other functions that you need to look nice for but without being extremely formal. For some that's a nice pair of slacks and a button down shirt. For others it might be a lightweight suit (especially in tan, light gray, etc)

JennyColada

 

Knottie92548810 said:

You could always say its "Beach Formal." I would get the hint that I need my man to dress in a button up and dress pants. But not necessarily a tie and jacket.

I point you to my previous reply in this same topic:

If I read "formal but casual" knowing you're getting married on a beach, I'd genujnely think to have DH wear linen pants and a Hawaiian shirt. Then we'd be pissed when we got there and guys were in suits.