Fiancé and wedding band from previous marriage

Knottie1430025803

I realize this is an odd question, but hang with me.

Fiancé and his ex wife divorced 8yrs ago. They were married for a year and a half. After the divorce, she kept her ring and he kept his wedding band. No idea what she did with the ring; I assume it's in a drawer somewhere. Frankly, I'm happy she kept it because I know fiancé would have proposed with that ring.
Now, I have decided just to wear my engagement ring and not get a band. When fiancé and I were discussing this, he brought up that he still kept the tungsten wedding band from his previous marriage and he could wear that. He doesn't see it as a reminder of her, he just genuinely likes the band. It's also a thousand dollar band. My fiancé is very "cost driven analysis" and doesn't see the point in buying a new ring when he has a perfectly good one already.

I agreed, because hey-free ring. Its also gorgeous and he likes it. I know he holds no feelings towards her. But the more I think about it, the more I think this is not a good idea. If ex wife were on another continent, I would be fine with it. But she's in the same town and snarky/high conflict as ever. She paid for the ring, so I could see her noticing it at stepdaughters soccer game and making comments, or straight up telling her daughter it is rightfully her ring, and he needs to give it back.

So how do I go about doing this? I think the best option is to sell the ring and buy a new one. How do you sell wedding bands with no paperwork? Craigslist? I know it's my fiances decision, but I don't think he will be upset to sell it?

I know this is a weird situation. Nobody would know know except him, myself and ex wife. I guess the only thing that bothers me is that ex wife would know and either constantly hold it over our heads or involve their daughter.

classicalandedgy

IMO it is a bad idea for him to wear his wedding ring from his previous marriage regardless of whether or not he sees it as a reminder of her. That ring was given to him as a symbol of their marriage. Legally, it is not her ring BTW she can not demand that he give the band back. Sell the ring and get another ring that sybolizes your marriage, or he doesn't need one at all if it's just about the money. Tungsten bands do not cost nearly as much as they did then, and I am sure you could get something comprable in style at a reasonable price point if you choose to go that route.

climbingsingle

Wearing the old ring wouldn't sit right with me. New marriage = new ring. 

He can see if a jewelry store will let him trade it in for a new band. Or try to sell it on Craigslist. 

emmaaa

I would not like this.

southernbelle0915

I don't like it, personally. I don't care how much it originally cost... it's a direct symbol of another marriage. Nope nope nope.

If I were you, I would buy him a wedding band. Give it to him as a gift and as a symbol of YOUR marriage. You can get nice tungsten bands for $100. 

ashley8918

I wouldn't care, but we can't tell you how to feel.

theartistformerlyknownas

Sell it or trade it and get a new one. 

And PP is right, she has no legal right to his ring, even if she paid for it. Engagement rings with a broken-off engagement are sometimes a different story, but wedding bands are gifts and cannot be demanded back.

Jen4948

I agree with you. The emotional costs of his keeping and wearing this ring outweigh whatever financial benefits he got from keeping it after an unamicable divorce from the ex who gave it to him. I'd stand firm: that ring has to go.

Knottie78458946

I personally say no to anything pertaining to the ex. No invites to the wedding nor
re-using a ring. As stated in another post it was presented as a symbol of love to his ex wife. I would urge him to get a new ring. You should discuss with him and let him know how you feel.

Maggie0829

Yeah, this would just not sit right with me either.  And I am not one who ties a lot of emotion to inanimate objects.  But the fact that this ring was bought specifically for a previous marriage and I am sure something along the lines of "I give you this ring as a symbol..." was probably stated, eh that ring has got to go.

And I know that this didn't happen, but if I had found out that my FI proposed to me with the same ring that he proposed to his ex-wife and who then wore for however many years would seriously piss me off.

KatWAG

I realize that its just a piece of metal but I think its bad juu-juu.

blabla89

I think you should sit down and have a heart to heart with your FI about your feelings and concerns. He should be willing to listen and, while he may have a different point of view on spending money on a new ring, he should respect your feelings.

Could you and your FI go shopping for a new ring just to see if there's anything he likes? Then when he finds one, you could talk to the jeweler about your options for the ring. They might also be able to give you an appraisal to sell it somewhere else.

spglsp

I'm going to join the chorus of sell the ring. It represents his unhappy marriage to a woman that isn't you. Buying a new one shouldn't be too expensive and then you don't have to worry about what happens if the ex finds out (which probably wouldn't bother me but seems to bother you). Some jewelers will buy pieces to resell so check in your area. Otherwise, there's always ebay.

[Deleted User]

My husband used the wedding band from his first marriage to help pay for my e-ring. The jewelry store gave him a good deal on credit for it since he was purchasing items from them. Had he just gone in & said hey, how much will you give me for this ring, he probably wouldn't have gotten as much. To be honest I loved that he got rid of it because I hated when I would come across it putting laundry away. It served as a reminder of her. They had no kids so that was the only thing around to remind me.

Only time ok to re-use if item is a family heirloom.