If inviting children, should we invite the parents too?

Knottie1430025803

This might be a very dumb question, so I apologize in advance. My fiancé has a daughter from his previous marriage who is 9. We are wanting a small wedding at a small, fancy venue. Stepdaughter has two best friends, one of whom lives across the street from us and we know her parents well. The other friend is in her class at school, lives down the block from ex wife, and we are not close with. We have met her parents a few times and they seem like really nice people.
SD would like to invite both girls. Fiancé and I are inclined to go ahead with this, however should we invite both of their parents as well? We were keeping our guest list at 20 people but we could invite four more? SD has only been to one wedding once before and hated it because she was the only child attending except for a newborn.
Fiancé now thinks we should get SD to just invite the girl that lives across the street, instead of two friends. I'm also wondering if the meals will be kid friendly (I don't think they will). If they aren't that will be a predicament because SD is very vocal about foods she doesn't like.

Now I'm just scratching my head bc I feel like I'm planning a sweet sixteen.

Jen4948

Well, when you invite minors, they generally do need to be accompanied by adults. Some venues require it, and in most cases, they'll need transportation to and from the wedding and the reception.

That said, I think it's reasonable to limit your SD-to-be guests to one girl and her parents.

huskypuppy14

Knottie1430025803 said:

This might be a very dumb question, so I apologize in advance. My fiancé has a daughter from his previous marriage who is 9. We are wanting a small wedding at a small, fancy venue. Stepdaughter has two best friends, one of whom lives across the street from us and we know her parents well. The other friend is in her class at school, lives down the block from ex wife, and we are not close with. We have met her parents a few times and they seem like really nice people.
SD would like to invite both girls. Fiancé and I are inclined to go ahead with this, however should we invite both of their parents as well? We were keeping our guest list at 20 people but we could invite four more? SD has only been to one wedding once before and hated it because she was the only child attending except for a newborn.
Fiancé now thinks we should get SD to just invite the girl that lives across the street, instead of two friends. I'm also wondering if the meals will be kid friendly (I don't think they will). If they aren't that will be a predicament because SD is very vocal about foods she doesn't like.

Now I'm just scratching my head bc I feel like I'm planning a sweet sixteen.

Are you and your almost husband going to be able to look after your SD's friends if you don't invite the parents? You will be this girl's chaperone, which is sometimes hard if you are also the guest of honor. How are they getting home? 

Can't help you on the food. I never ate off the children's menu, and certainly not at age 9.

Knottie1430025803

Very fair point.

I'm thinking of telling her to pick one friend, and we will invite her parents as well.

hyechica81

you also need to work with the venue on the food that your sd can and cant eat if she is picky you need to let them know. my venue did not offer children meals, but offered regular meals at half price for the children and the portions would be smaller.

as sd what she would or likes to eat and see if the venue can accommodate them. we had vegetarians and people with severe allergies and our venue accommodated them  

southernbelle0915

Yes, I think you should invite the parents. 

As a parent, I would not be comfortable sending my 9 year old to a wedding "alone". I say "alone" because it's not like the bride and groom are going to supervising like they would if it was a play date at their home. 

As the B&G, I wouldn't let my kid bring friends as if the wedding is a play date. It'd be one thing if you were having a huge wedding and adding a few guests was no big deal. But you're having a small, intimate affair. If you do this at all, I'd just say one friend + parents. Kid's choice.

Rachel2017

If you invite the 2nd girl, then yes I would think her parents should be there. But I really think 1 friend is more then sufficient for your small wedding.

lachattefatale

I would only invite one girl, and I'd invite her parents as well. As others have said, it will be difficult to supervise the kids when you're the focus of the party. The other reason is that it's usually best to keep kid things to even numbers; if these three girls often play together all at once, it might be fine to have both (and both sets of parents), but odd-numbered groups often leave one of the kids a little bit left out. Also, I would lean toward inviting the girl whose parents you already know...y'know, since it's your wedding and all and inviting strangers might be a little awkward.

If you have menu options already, I'd show them to your SD and ask her if any of it looks good. I'm sure your venue will be accommodating, but why bother them if it turns out SD will actually eat one of the normal options?

delujm0

Well, when you invite minors, they generally do need to be accompanied by adults. Some venues require it, and in most cases, they'll need transportation to and from the wedding and the reception. That said, I think it's reasonable to limit your SD-to-be guests to one girl and her parents.

This.  There's no reason why she would need TWO friends there to kee her company at a 20 person wedding (where i assume she would know at least half of the other guests by virtue of being related to them).

 

Let her pick one friend, and invite that friend's entire family.  It would be kind of weird, for example, if the friend had a younger brother, and you invited only the friend and her parents but not their other child.

artbyallie

What does your fiancé say when his daughter gets vocal about not liking what's put in front of her? That sounds like a discipline problem unless she has legitimate sensitivity/texture issues. I had some picky stages as a kid but I was always corrected if I tried whining about food in public. Or hell, in private, for that matter.

TheArtemisMoon

It would have never occurred to me to invite his daughter's friends in the first place unless you're very familiar with the kids AND their parents! By not inviting their parents as well, you take on the responsibility of being their chaperone.

MandyMost

At 9 years old, I think this is so dependent on the girls and both your relationship with your daughter, her friend, and her family, as well as your other guests. If they are mature 9 year olds, I think it's reasonable you can talk to one or both of their parents about the situation, and if acceptable with them then just invite the kids and not their parents. In that situation, I would expect you would have someone else essentially "responsible for" the kids...the daughter's aunt or grandparent, perhaps. Maybe even someone the daughter's friend knows as well. 

But really, it's something you can have a conversation about. "Hey, Mr.and Mrs. Smith, as Jane may have told you, I'm getting married to Bob in the Fall. Joan would love to invite Jane to come, if that's alright with you. Joan's aunt Judy, who you've met a few times, has agreed to make sure they're supervised, and then drive them home at 10pm. Let me know if that's alright with you. If not then no worries. We can assure you it will be totally appropriate fun!".

SP29

I agree with MandyMost.

If there is someone to supervise the children (besides you and your FI), then I think it's fair to send an invitation for the child only, letting the parents know what is going on. But if there isn't a designated person who is willing to chaperone them, then yes I think you need to invite the parents.