Wedding Etiquette Forum

NWR: Semi-Surprise Bday party for Hubby.

Hello Ladies,

I was wondering if you guys could help me out with a birthday party I am planning for my husband. We are going to a wine bar that serves sandwiches, appetizers, and other nibbles. 

I plan on hosting the event by paying for all beverages and food items. However, in order to accomplish this I need to have a small guest list of about 10 people. I want to invite one of my girl friends (which should be fine as she is engaged to one of my husband's friends) so that leaves a small list left to fill with his friends. Is this selfish? If I invite my girl friend, it will prevent me from inviting his brother and my brother whom his relationship with are similar to that of my girl friend's fiance. Since I am intending for this to be a bit of a surprise, I have not included my hubby in on the plans but told him to keep a day open so that we can celebrate his bday. My hubby suspects I am hosting a party for him.. would it be weird if I shared the guest list with him? 

Also, the venue has offered to extend their happy hour prices to me for the first hour of our event and I was wondering if it would be appropriate if I limited the bar menu to these options throughout the night? Sparkling water and fresh ginger beer are non alcoholic options available to those who prefer not to drink or don't like wine or beer. 

We will be seated in our own private area, but its a small venue and there is no way to block the bar from our event. As a result, there is a bar that can provide other options not on the menu that I would be paying for. Is there any way I can make this work without being rude to our guests?

Thanks fellow knotties. 

Re: NWR: Semi-Surprise Bday party for Hubby.

  • perdonamiperdonami member
    Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    edited May 2015
    scribe95 said:

    Honestly I would just expand the guest list by one or two. Your friend is part of social unit so if you are invited her boyfriend she is coming anyway. And I would never not invite the brothers. 

    I can't expand the guest list unless I separate the party into two separate groups due to space limitations. I'm concerned by doing this I will alienate part of the party. 


  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited May 2015
    perdonami said:

    scribe95 said:

    Honestly I would just expand the guest list by one or two. Your friend is part of social unit so if you are invited her boyfriend she is coming anyway. And I would never not invite the brothers. 

    I can't expand the guest list unless I separate the party into two separate groups due to space limitations. I'm concerned by doing this I will alienate part of the party. 


    Then I would find a different venue or way to celebrate your husband's birthday.  Obviously the space doesn't work for the number of people that you want to invite. 

    ETA - It's ok (and the right thing to do!) to invite your girlfriend as she is the SO of a friend of your DH.  I also wouldn't dream of not inviting his own brother and your own brother if he is close as well.  And don't forget, any SOs must also be invited.
  • If he's close with his brothers, I can't really see how inviting them is optional.  The only way I could see it being remotely ok is if his family is planning a party of their own and you keep this party to friends only, but even then I really can't imagine excluding them if they are close.

    Honestly, this is starting to sound like a complicated venue.  You're talking about hosting only certain drinks during certain time periods and is out of budget for the number of people you want to invite.  I personally would find another venue in your budget where you're able to host everyone near and dear.  Having thrown a couple of surprise parties, I can tell you that the venue is secondary to seeing people you love come together to surprise and celebrate you.  If this venue has some significance, I would go back there for a special dinner just the two of you at some point later.
  • Everyone is different in this.      I don't live near family, however if I did, I could not imagine having a b-day party for my DH and not invite his brothers or mine, if they have a relationship. 

    Sorry, I do not think inviting your GF is the problem, but your plan in general.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Choosing your friend over his brother makes it your party, not his. Expand the guest list or cut your friend. No amount of excuses or snowflake reasoning will change that.

  • afox007afox007 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Take you wanting your friend their out of the equation since its your H's party.Would you invite your H's friend over the brothers? If so your friend needs to be invited as well. If not then you need to cut your friend off the guest list. 

    As far as the happy hour menu, if you offer the same drinks, in this case those on the happy hour menu, for the duration of the event you should be in the clear. Just make sure everyone has a way of knowing what is hosted so there is no confusion. 

    I do think that if the guest list is too much of an issue you have a venue issue and should try to find somewhere else to host the party where you can fit everyone properly. 
    image
  • Agree with PPs. This venue doesn't seem to be big enough for you - you need to invite everyone's SO too.

    Formerly martha1818

    image


  • I think you should look for a venue where you can afford to host more people. Everyone's SO should be invited.

    To answer your other question, it's fine to host only a limited selection of drinks as long as your guests know what is hosted and what is not.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker



  • If my H planned me a birthday party and didn't invite my brother, I'd be pretty upset. I think you need to find a new venue. 
  • Thanks for answering the question regarding the limited menu list. 

    Ive decided as a result, I am going to invite 15 guests, and alas the brothers are not going to be included. I should have explained the level of his relationships with both my brother and his brothers are about the same as that of the other couple I chose to invite. 

    Also, of course I am inviting significant others. I'm assuming that was repeatedly reiterated for lurkers? 

    Anyway, thanks again ladies. 
  • So your solution to the problem of not being able to invite his brother & BIL is to add five more people to the guest list and still not invite his brother & BIL? What?
  • pegasuskatpegasuskat member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited May 2015
    That makes no sense at all, the "level of the relationship" is the same - but yet you choose friends over family.....  I bet your a real peach to be related to.
  • perdonami said:

    Thanks for answering the question regarding the limited menu list. 


    Ive decided as a result, I am going to invite 15 guests, and alas the brothers are not going to be included. I should have explained the level of his relationships with both my brother and his brothers are about the same as that of the other couple I chose to invite. 

    Also, of course I am inviting significant others. I'm assuming that was repeatedly reiterated for lurkers? 

    Anyway, thanks again ladies. 
    What?  No!  The brothers are STILL not invited?  

    Good grief.
  • scribe95 said:

    This is so weird. You were worried about not inviting the brothers but you added people and still left them off. 

    Yeahhhh, what the actual fuck? Why?
  • That makes no sense at all, the "level of the relationship" is the same - but yet you choose friends over family.....  I bet your a real peach to be related to.

    I agree!  That's just messed up OP!
  • Your solution....is not a solution.
  • What the hell?  

    That's a great way to alienate family, OP.  You came up with a super shitty solution.  


    image
  • jacques27jacques27 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited May 2015
    perdonami said:

    Thanks for answering the question regarding the limited menu list. 


    Ive decided as a result, I am going to invite 15 guests, and alas the brothers are not going to be included. I should have explained the level of his relationships with both my brother and his brothers are about the same as that of the other couple I chose to invite. 

    Also, of course I am inviting significant others. I'm assuming that was repeatedly reiterated for lurkers? 

    Anyway, thanks again ladies. 
    No...you did explain that part in the first post.  What you should have understood is that people aren't interchangeable

    How do you even explain that?

    "I was really torn on who to invite and I thought about inviting the man you grew up with (almost) your entire life and share familial ties, but I judged the closeness of your relationship to be about the same as this other dude who has a fiancee I happen to also like.  So I decided it was cool to exclude your brother and substitute with someone of equal value.  Cool?  Happy Birthday!"
  • Confirmed: This party is truly for OP because OP wants it, not for her husband.
  • Not to fret ladies, DH will have another dinner party with his dear family all included (though I doubt the brother in question will attend). 

    Both BILs declined. Did not ask DH's brother. 

    My space limitation was in response to not wanting to separate the parties into two groups but upon visiting the place I doubt this will be a concern. 

    FTR: there are rules on this board and using meme's to call someone a bitch because you think they are rude is against forum rules. I am familiar with how you "ladies" (and I use this word loosely) conduct yourself on this forum but you still need to follow the rules. 

    Thanks for your input, as always, I do appreciate it. 

  • perdonami said:
    Not to fret ladies, DH will have another dinner party with his dear family all included (though I doubt the brother in question will attend). 

    Both BILs declined. Did not ask DH's brother. 

    My space limitation was in response to not wanting to separate the parties into two groups but upon visiting the place I doubt this will be a concern. 

    FTR: there are rules on this board and using meme's to call someone a bitch because you think they are rude is against forum rules. I am familiar with how you "ladies" (and I use this word loosely) conduct yourself on this forum but you still need to follow the rules. 

    Thanks for your input, as always, I do appreciate it. 

    I just looked through the posts again.  I don't see anyone who used a meme to call you a bitch. 



  • perdonamiperdonami member
    Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    edited June 2015
    image

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    Viczaesar

    Perhaps I mistook the last meme as a reply to my comment when in fact it was a signature? Its been awhile since I have been back to this site since the upgrades. 
  • I have given a lot of consideration to some of the points that have been made, and honestly, the reason why I came here was because deep down I felt like I should invite my DH's brother and his fiance-though I had my doubts. 

    Despite the fact that they were extremely rude to us at our wedding, that they blatantly disrespected my in-laws regularly (and at the breakfast table of wedding day), were unthankful for the gifts we have provided them over the years, his fiance called me fat in my wedding dress and repeatedly reminded me that I needed to buy her a gift since she was in my bridal party (no other bridal party member did that), and the fact that my own brother (who also declined and introduced me to DH) said I should refrain from inviting them, deep down I know I should provide an invite.

    DH's brother will most definitely decline, but his fiancee might attend, and since they are a couple, I will accept them at the event. Although, my DH has complained about his brother's prior transgressions and is not fond of his SO, it is not my job to judge the validity of anyone's relationship.

    Either way, I suspect they will not be in attendance but just in case I will be prepared to host them.
  • perdonami said:
    image

    image

    Viczaesar

    Perhaps I mistook the last meme as a reply to my comment when in fact it was a signature? Its been awhile since I have been back to this site since the upgrades. 
    Yes, that is in her signature.  It was not directed at you.



  • Viczaesar said:


    perdonami said:

    Viczaesar

    Perhaps I mistook the last meme as a reply to my comment when in fact it was a signature? Its been awhile since I have been back to this site since the upgrades. 

    Yes, that is in her signature.  It was not directed at you.


    Good job. Thx.
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