What is the etiquette RE: BMs and optional make-up/hair artist?

primafaba15

I would really like to hire a hair/make-up artist for my wedding, as I am hopelessly incompetent when it comes to styling myself. I had not planned to hire someone for my entire party because I'm not asking any of the BMs to do anything specific, and while it would be nice to pamper them anyway I simply can't afford it. However, two of the BMs, friend and FSIL, have approached me individually a few different times to ask if I was hiring someone. They would really like to use whoever I hire. They are willing to pay for it themselves, and I think(?) I'm within etiquette to let them given that it's 100% optional and 100% their idea (honestly, they were the ones who sold me on hiring my own). 

The problem is, I haven't yet approached MOH, my younger sister. My guess is that she will not be interested because she does not need it and because my mother STRONGLY disapproves of me hiring someone even for myself (she said it would be "self-centered").  My parents are financing her participation in the wedding, so I don't believe finances would be a consideration other than on principle. It does not matter to me whether MOH uses the make-up artist or not, but that does of course mean that MOH will be left out while the rest of us are getting our hair and make-up done on the day. 

Do I have any obligations here -- to not hire the professional? To not hire someone onsite? To step up and book a package so that there's no question of MOH being left out? I will need to know this before I book, because paying for everyone is not an option -- if that's the obligation, then I will just have to suck it up and style myself. I realize that it's possible to DIY and that this is kind of a luxurious expense, but I am just so awful at doing my own hair and make-up and I'd really like to look nice. 

haleyk620

I don't think there is anything wrong with you hiring the professional and letting the BMs that want services done use this professional as well. Couldn't your sister still be present/socialize with you all while you are getting prepared for the wedding? I don't see how she would be left out. How young is she? Would she be able to pay to get her hair/makeup done if she wanted to? 

It's your wedding so if you really want your hair/makeup done professional then you should be able to do so. 

primafaba15

My sister would of course be there with us, but based on past experience, she would probably feel left out (and any bad feelings she had would be exacerbated by my mother harping on how I'm excluding her, which she would definitely do).  

She's 25, living on her own, and I believe she could pay for herself, but I can't say for sure; my sister buys herself very expensive designer items on a regular basis, but my mother also always carries on about how difficult my sister's life/work/finances are, so I don't know what her actual financial situation is. She and my mother are very close (at times in this process, I've felt a little like they're ganging up on me), so regardless of her financial ability to pay she likely would not because my mother disapproves. 

I know that I need to talk to my sister about this, but I am trying to get a rough game plan in place first, because once I tell my sister, my mother will find out I am doing this and sh*t will hit the fan. Frequently, my sister will say that something is okay /does not bother her, but then later I find out via my mother attacking me for insensitivity that it was in fact not okay and that my sister lied to me out of a sense of obligation. So I also cannot take her word on whether this is okay or affordable for her. 

ETA: Obviously, I am aware that this is my own wedding and one of the few things that I do get to put myself first on is my own hair and makeup. My concern at this point is not whether I need to be listening to my mother but whatever I need to do to be in the clear as far as any rational person goes). 

southernbelle0915

Etiquette is that if you ask BMs to get certain services (hair, makeup, nails....) you pay for it.

Since you're not asking them to get these services, you are not on the hook.

What I did with my BMs was to send then the pricing for the salon I was using and I asked them if they wanted to get anything done - that I would coordinate the schedule for our group. I explicitly said I didn't care whether they decided to do it or not. That way, they were aware that 1) I wasn't requiring anything and 2) I wasn't paying for it.

[Deleted User]

Just send out an email to everyone involved and say "I'm having my hair & makeup professionally done for the wedding. In case you are interested in having the same person do your hair and/or makeup the cost for hair is $x.xx and the cost for makeup is $x.xx. If you have your own stylist you would prefer to go to or plan to do things yourself, that is also fine. If you would like to book through the person I am using, please let me know by such and such date so that we can set up timing accordingly."

Also, enjoy the pampering of getting your hair & make up done on your big day. You deserve it!!!

larrygaga

Yeah I just texted all my girls and said there would be a hairstylist, if they wanted to use her it's X amount of money. I arranged a schedule for all of them, as well. That is optional! Our hairdresser is coming to the house we are getting ready in. If you are going to a salon, tell them what time you are going so they can plan!

I also told them where I was getting my nails done if they wanted me to make a group appointment. About 3 maids wanted their nails done but everyone wanted their hair done!