Wedding 911

Cancel wedding?

Hi All:

I need a little help here, hopefully someone will tell me it's fine and to calm down!  Ok, so my wedding is March 20, 2016.  Before I booked my venue I read tons of reviews online for all the venues we were going to see.  I wanted a venue with very good reviews and a great event coordinator as I have no idea how to plan a wedding and wanted some guidance.  After touring the venues and reading all the reviews we decided to book with the Mill as all the reviews were saying how helpful the event coordinator Amy was and how responsive etc.  I must say she has been great so far, always responds to my e-mails right away, very helpful with planning etc. everything is great so far!

Well, yesterday things took a turn for the worst.  I received a letter from the owner of the Mill stating that Amy is no longer with them, and there is a new event coordinator Kerry Anne.  I was a bit upset as Amy was so helpful, but I thought at least it happens now and not 2 months before my wedding.  This morning I googled the new lady and found her linkedin page.  She was an event coordinator/ sales manager at a restaurant in the area from 2006-2011 this restaurant has awful reviews for event etc. but not during the time she was there, I cannot find any reviews for the time she was there.  She then worked at a dr's office from 2013-2014 and most recently as of October 2014- present (I guess till she joined the Mill as of May 1st) was a catering manager at a local university. 

I am so worried!  It sounds as if she hasn't done weddings in 4 years!  How experienced can she be if she recently worked in a Dr's office and a university!  Sure, it is a large university, but there are many differences between weddings and university, let alone the standard of the food the atmosphere and all that.  Am I being to worried?  Should I just give the new girl a chance?  I am thinking of cancelling, I gave a $2,000 deposit already and have another $1,600 deposit coming up next week.  So I don't want to give them the second deposit if I am going to cancel as I will already be losing $2,000. 

Any insight if anyone has been through this before would be great.  Thanks!

Re: Cancel wedding?

  • MadHops21MadHops21 Buried in blankets member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer

    Hi All:

    I need a little help here, hopefully someone will tell me it's fine and to calm down!  Ok, so my wedding is March 20, 2016.  Before I booked my venue I read tons of reviews online for all the venues we were going to see.  I wanted a venue with very good reviews and a great event coordinator as I have no idea how to plan a wedding and wanted some guidance.  After touring the venues and reading all the reviews we decided to book with the Mill as all the reviews were saying how helpful the event coordinator Amy was and how responsive etc.  I must say she has been great so far, always responds to my e-mails right away, very helpful with planning etc. everything is great so far!

    Well, yesterday things took a turn for the worst.  I received a letter from the owner of the Mill stating that Amy is no longer with them, and there is a new event coordinator Kerry Anne.  I was a bit upset as Amy was so helpful, but I thought at least it happens now and not 2 months before my wedding.  This morning I googled the new lady and found her linkedin page.  She was an event coordinator/ sales manager at a restaurant in the area from 2006-2011 this restaurant has awful reviews for event etc. but not during the time she was there, I cannot find any reviews for the time she was there.  She then worked at a dr's office from 2013-2014 and most recently as of October 2014- present (I guess till she joined the Mill as of May 1st) was a catering manager at a local university. 

    I am so worried!  It sounds as if she hasn't done weddings in 4 years!  How experienced can she be if she recently worked in a Dr's office and a university!  Sure, it is a large university, but there are many differences between weddings and university, let alone the standard of the food the atmosphere and all that.  Am I being to worried?  Should I just give the new girl a chance?  I am thinking of cancelling, I gave a $2,000 deposit already and have another $1,600 deposit coming up next week.  So I don't want to give them the second deposit if I am going to cancel as I will already be losing $2,000. 

    Any insight if anyone has been through this before would be great.  Thanks!

    If the new event planner hasn't done anything wrong yet, then why freak out? It sounds like Amy handled most of it already, and if Kerry took this position, she should know what she's doing. I wouldn't worry unless Kerry has lost all your paper work and booked another wedding on the same day as you. She should have all of Amy's paper work about your wedding, so you can just make contact with her to make sure she's in the loop of everything, but thinking about cancelling is a huge decision just because you saw some reviews online at another business. Who knows, maybe Kerry will rock at this job and stay a long time. 
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  • Aaaaand, she gets like a year of practice weddings before yours even happens!  She'll completely screw up all the June weddings, make a couple big problems at all the September weddings, and only be making small little problems at the winter weddings.  By the time yours happens, she'll be perfect!
    MesmrEwefrenchiekinhellohkb
  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2015
    Listen, OK, planning weddings is not actually that hard. Most of the stressful things are things we do to ourselves that are totally unnecessary. Chill out. 

    Your wedding is WAY far out still and you haven't even met this woman and you're ready to just lose $2k on a totally unfounded suspicion that she might not be awesome? I could see where you're coming from if there were terrible reviews from the time she was at that restaurant, but there weren't. You don't know anything about her abilities. Give her a freakin' chance. 
    Kahlyla
  • NowIAmSypNowIAmSyp East Hanover, NJ member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    Since you mentioned you were hoping for it, here it is:

    CALM DOWN.  :)

    At least meet with the new coordinator FIRST- you are likely worrying for nothing.  If you meet her and still feel this way, then report back and we'll help you!  But I am pretty sure you will be just fine- give her a chance first, yikes
    [Deleted User]
  • How is planning a University Sponsor Dinner any different from a wedding - same vendors to coordinate though usually in-house, but you don't have brides ringing the phone every five minutes over details that really in the grand scheme of things don't need to be discussed until about a month before the event.  So the last wedding she did was four years ago - when's the last time you did one, wait - same vendors in 2015 as in 2010 except for a few who are new to the industry, that happens all the time.  Everyone would love to believe their wedding is unique, but really, even if she worked weddings 20 years ago it's still the same level of service as handling one today. 

    Really.  As the PP have so eloquently put it, have a margarita and CALM DOWN!  There's still time for your DJ to flake out on you in an elaborate lie two weeks before the wedding...  The seamstress to spill her Diet Coke on your wedding dress...  At least one vendor to completely go out of business...  Officiant to tell you all of the readings you thought of won't work because they don't fit with their beliefs/teachings...  It will all work out!!!


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  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Wow, you are way overreacting. 

    And, FWIW, my SO used to be part of USC's party planning department.  They planned events that would eat 99% of most weddings for breakfast.  We're talking multiple events a month at or over $100-200K.  So I think it's pretty unfair to assume that she didn't have any experience for four years, plus she hasn't done anything wrong and there aren't any negative reviews.  You need to relax.   


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    MesmrEweOliveOilsMomashley8918
  • Thanks for the advice everyone! I really do need to calm down, I am usually a very calm person but planning a wedding is turning me into a crazy person!  I will give her a chance I have to give the second deposit next Friday so I'm going to set up a meeting with her to give it to her in person, so I can meet her. 
    [Deleted User]
  • We have a planner, but the facility we booked at has hired a new site manager since we booked- NBD. Trust the management to make another good hire. Don't worry about this until/unless it becomes an issue.
    MesmrEwe
  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2015

    Thanks for the advice everyone! I really do need to calm down, I am usually a very calm person but planning a wedding is turning me into a crazy person!  I will give her a chance I have to give the second deposit next Friday so I'm going to set up a meeting with her to give it to her in person, so I can meet her. 

    I'll reiterate what I said before: most wedding stress is random, unimportant shit we do to ourselves. The "perfect" invitations are going to mostly end up in the trash. Basically nobody is going to remember your flowers. They're going to remember how they were hosted -- that they were well-fed, that they didn't have to sit through awkward gaps or pay for their drinks. Focus on hosting your guests well and don't sweat the rest of it! 

    If you end up married at the end of the day and you treated your guests well, that's a successful wedding! 
    [Deleted User]TheArtemisMoonMesmrEwe
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    Weddings are not that difficult to get this worked up over. Most people plan them just fine without a coordinator and without having ever done it before. It'll be FINE.

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    TheArtemisMoonesstee33
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    You understand to be hired for the job she had to prove she was qualified for the job, right?

    That's how employment works. They don't just stand on the street corner and holler "Job! We have a job! First one to come in gets it!", that's not how this works.
  • MagicInk said:

    You understand to be hired for the job she had to prove she was qualified for the job, right?


    That's how employment works. They don't just stand on the street corner and holler "Job! We have a job! First one to come in gets it!", that's not how this works.
    I think several people I work with have been hired this way.
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  • justsiejustsie member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited May 2015

    MagicInk said:

    You understand to be hired for the job she had to prove she was qualified for the job, right?


    That's how employment works. They don't just stand on the street corner and holler "Job! We have a job! First one to come in gets it!", that's not how this works.
    I think several people I work with have been hired this way.



    ETA***BOXES


    At first I misunderstood the bolded as someone looking for a job standing on a corner advertising they needed a job... I was going to point out that that is definitely how the oldest profession works....
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  • Who knows she might be fantastic. I wouldn't cancel and lose the deposits without at least meeting her first. Not to mention, you can't always go by what is online. Try to stay positive, don't do anything rash, and all will be fine in the end.
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    MesmrEwe
  • phiraphira Bahstin member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    My husband works at a university and does a ton of event planning. He didn't want to do wedding planning for our wedding because it was literally the same as his job, so it wasn't fun.

    It's nice having a wedding planner because that person can do all the coordinating for you so you don't have to. But when I say, "so you don't have to," I mean that you totally could. Anyone could. It's just that people getting married often are really stressed or they might not have event planning experience, or maybe they just don't want to have to deal with contacting vendors while they're getting dressed to go to their own wedding. Enter: coordinator/planner. They're not working magic; they're just about to focus 100% on planning and coordinating, so it's smoother than you doing it yourself.
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  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I also want to add that it's pretty BS to assume that universities have a different "standard of the food atmosphere."  If anything, the stakes are higher at the university level, because you add in the layer of bureaucracy and professionalism that weddings frequently lack.  Screwing up at a university event has potentially huge repercussions for your funding or job placement.  So yeah, you are completely overreacting. 


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    MesmrEwe
  • hellosweetie1015hellosweetie1015 Where the skies are so blue member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    This is like me, this one time.

    I was sitting outside, talking on the phone and smoking a cigarette. My car was right there across from me, my lovely wondrous new-to-me car.

    Then a cockroach crawled into it - through the closed, locked door.

    My first reaction? BURN THE MOTHERFUCKER. BURN IT AND THROW IT IN A HOLE AND BURN IT AGAIN.

    Thankfully, I did not do my first reaction. Mostly because I did not have a flamethrower, but also because it would have been expensive to replace the car.

    I do not think you need to do your first reaction here. Spend a minute hunting for the flamethrower, and then think about how much more difficult life would be after you torch it. :)

    You're all good. Weddings can be planned completely without a coordinator, so having one who's competent enough to run university events should be a cakewalk.
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  • jacques27jacques27 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments 5 Answers
    edited May 2015
    levioosa said:

    I also want to add that it's pretty BS to assume that universities have a different "standard of the food atmosphere."  If anything, the stakes are higher at the university level, because you add in the layer of bureaucracy and professionalism that weddings frequently lack.  Screwing up at a university event has potentially huge repercussions for your funding or job placement.  So yeah, you are completely overreacting. 

    QFT.

    My small-ish university has hosted dinners for:
    • Foreign dignitaries
    • Political figures
    • Multimillionaire university donors
    • Poet Laureates
    • World-renowned researchers from national research institutes
    • Professional Athletes

    Can your wedding venue claim that?


    Chill.  You're basically planning a big dinner party.  Trust that your venue has the smarts to read through resumes and hire qualified people for a job that you could do yourself if you wanted to put in the time and effort to do it.

    levioosaesstee33
  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited May 2015
    levioosa said:

    I also want to add that it's pretty BS to assume that universities have a different "standard of the food atmosphere."  If anything, the stakes are higher at the university level, because you add in the layer of bureaucracy and professionalism that weddings frequently lack.  Screwing up at a university event has potentially huge repercussions for your funding or job placement.  So yeah, you are completely overreacting. 

    This!!!  What they serve to students is different from when they're being paid real money for meals that are catered for an event/group.  When I was in college the Kansas City Chiefs came to town for training camp, my friends who worked in the kitchens pointed out the difference - they were spending A LOT more than the average student does to eat in the cafeteria for food that is a completely different nutritional need (think $5/meal vs. $15-20 what you could serve!)..  The same went for when it was a fundraiser or awards dinner with the alumni, the food was at a different level because the cooks actually got a budget to work with!  That doesn't change the coordinator's role in everything though.  The coordinator still needs to work with vendors regardless of the venue.  As the PP pointed out, and it really is the case, the stakes can be FAR higher working at the University than a private venue!  Donors in some cases with a million on the line to the University are a picky bunch, one simple detail can throw an entire endowment!!!
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  • Okay, I'm adding a personal experience maybe somewhat familiar.. kinda. 
    We booked our venue July of 2014, our wedding is October of 2015. We were working with Harrison, he was AMAZING! Ugh, so amazing. In January of 2015, we get an email saying he is no longer with the venue, yadda yadda. I was pissed. I mean of course, it's not his fault or the venues fault or whatever, I was being a bit selfish :( the thing that bugged me was that they said "if I had questions to email them." which I'm like "well, why don't the new person that will be taking care of me email ME, not me emailing THEM?" but anyways, I calmed myself down and my fiancé told me to calm down cause I'm overreacting - and I called the venue made an appointment to meet with the new person and you know what yes I overreacted .. he is just as lovely as Harrison, just as dedicated, and I have full trust of him - we spent time getting to know each other (sucked spending time getting to know Harrison then doing it again with someone else, but it happened, so moving on)

    BUT my point is, just meet with her with an open mind, see how it goes and you might find out that she is fantastic and better than who you had or just equally as good. :) Hope I helped, at least a tiny bit.

    Have a fantastic day and happy planning xoxo
    beachfitzy
  • This is like me, this one time.

    I was sitting outside, talking on the phone and smoking a cigarette. My car was right there across from me, my lovely wondrous new-to-me car.

    Then a cockroach crawled into it - through the closed, locked door.

    My first reaction? BURN THE MOTHERFUCKER. BURN IT AND THROW IT IN A HOLE AND BURN IT AGAIN.

    Thankfully, I did not do my first reaction. Mostly because I did not have a flamethrower, but also because it would have been expensive to replace the car.

    I do not think you need to do your first reaction here. Spend a minute hunting for the flamethrower, and then think about how much more difficult life would be after you torch it. :)

    You're all good. Weddings can be planned completely without a coordinator, so having one who's competent enough to run university events should be a cakewalk.

    Except in this case, you definitely should've gone with your initial reaction and procured a flamethrower for your car. Because noooo fucking way am I driving anywhere with a cockroach riding shotgun.
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