Spinoff: Families pushing for baby names

southernbelle0915

Have y'all experienced this? Now that we've announced the sex, we already have the peanut gallery weighing in on names.

DH is a "IV" (kind of because it's his middle name, not his first name). His dad is obviously pushing for his name. Its not going to happen. His dad has done several super dickhead things over the years (just one example: trying to get DH to move home and leave me after we moved in together). So yea, there's no way that's happening.

But in the other thread, it sounds like family names are a big deal. So would you use a family name? Have you/did you get pressured to use one?

flutteringinfl

I'm sure that when I get pregnant, there will be pressure, particularly from my dad and uncle. We've lost a lot of relatives in the past few years and I know they'll want my kids to be named after them. My uncle has already said that any and all girls I have should be named "Pearl," after their sister who passed from cancer three years ago.

emmaaa

My mom wants a daughter named after her, Dawn. I'm not a fan and laugh it off.

Obviously, you should be able to name your child whatever you want to. I think if you use a family name, then you should have good associations with the name. It doesn't sound like that's the case with FIL.

FTR, DH and I decided that if we have a son we want him to be a III after DH and FIL for many reasons and because we would have good thoughts of the people that he would be named after

hellosweetie1015

If I did, it would be my grandmothers' names - Lola and Tera. They're beautiful, I think. Or perhaps Lee, my maternal grandfather's middle name, for either a boy or a girl.

But likely no, I won't. There are too many lovely names out there to limit myself even in just the middle space to names my family has chosen. 

chibiyui

I'm lucky in that family names are not a big thing in my family, and don't seem to be in H's family. 

I'm tempted to use maybe Faye or Jaqueline as a middle name, grandma and great aunt who babysat my sister and I, should we have a daughter. But then I'm afraid that my grandfather or uncle would feel slighted if we didn't do similar for them.

dolewhipper

There was pressure before I was even married. Everyone that I know loved my dad (Luis), and have "reserved" his name for me or my sister out of respect. My cousin named his daughter Lucia after him. I don't think H wants our child to be a Jr, persay, but I would love to give my child the same name as my dad, as I love it, and loved my father. I would check with my sister first of course (I know not necessary) to make sure she didn't have her heart set on it. I would go with something similar, like Luca/another L name.

For a girl I'm unsure why but I love the name Evelyn. It's my mom's middle name, and I've always loved it.

I like family names. No idea why. Maybe because I enjoy the connection and "honor"?

lyndausvi

That is not something that happened in my family, but I've heard of it happening in others.

Although my dad and SIL's dad are both named Paul.   My brother and his wife were going to name their son the Croatian equivalent of Paul.  My dad wasn't impressed. Apparently her Croatian dad wasn't either.  In the end they picked a completely different name, but I'm not sure if it was because the dads didn't feel it an honor or they just choose a different name. 

I know my mom wasn't thrilled with some of her grandkids' names at first. Mostly because 3 of them have names spelled a way that have different pronunciations. I.e   Jana - pronounced "Ya-na", but most people see Jana and think "Jan-na".   Doesn't help there is a close family cousin with the name "Jana" pronounced "Jan-na".   Kind-of annoying, but not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. 

They were hands off when it came to names (except for the above when bro and SIL asked for their opinion).   

larrygaga

We will have a family name on his side of we have a boy. Because we want to not because other people said so!

However, listen to other people's opinions that generally have good advice. A name is a huge deal and honestly shouldn't be taken lightly!

JennyColada

My mom's name is Shelley, and I like the idea of naming a future daughter Michelle kind of after her (I like the name anyway though), DH's mom's name is Carol so maybe Caroline Michelle Lastname? I dunno, DH doesn't feel like it's important to name any future children after anyone, and I have to admit I don't really either.

DH would want any some to have the middle name John, since that's a family name, so that is important to him.

Casadena

I would never use a family name just BECAUSE it's a family name.  But if it's a name I genuinely like already, then it wouldn't stop me from using it. 

photokitty

When dating SH I asked him if he was into trendy baby names. 

 He straight-faced said, "I prefer family names. Like Clyde, Phylo and Lester."

I almost stopped seeing him, until I realized he was kidding. Well not about then names, they really are family names, but he has no interest in passing them on. No way I'm naming a kid Lester - can you hear the taunts on the playground already? (lester the molester)

hellosweetie1015

photokitty said:

When dating SH I asked him if he was into trendy baby names. 

 He straight-faced said, "I prefer family names. Like Clyde, Phylo and Lester."

I almost stopped seeing him, until I realized he was kidding. Well not about then names, they really are family names, but he has no interest in passing them on. No way I'm naming a kid Lester - can you hear the taunts on the playground already? (lester the molester)

JEEZ. Poor Lester. Clyde isn't so so bad (although it hasn't quite hit its "just old enough to be cool again" point), but Lester is AWFUL. 

blabla89

There are family names in my family, not so much in DH's. I don't feel any obligation to give my children a family name, though. If I have a daughter I want to name her after my Grandma because she's the most amazing, badass lady in the world. If I have another daughter I want to name her after my other grandmother just because I love her name.

I'm sure when I'm pregnant or stressed out with the adoption process, I'll have no problem telling anyone who gives an opinion to step off.

luckya23

I don't have names I like in my family, and FI's family is worse, IMO. 

He realllllllly wants to pass on the name Thorwaldsen!!

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flyingfoxes

Our family uses my dad's middle name as the middle names of their kids (so far) - Lee.  So if I were to have a kid, probably Lee or Leigh would be in there somewhere.  DH isn't a fan of Jr.s or the III or IV, so we won't be naming any kids after him. 

labro

Family names have only become a "thing" in my generation in my family. Half of my cousins have a middle name that either references an older or deceased family member's first name or last name. So there really hasn't been a lot of pressure. My sister is pregnant and I think the pressure for her and her H was trying to find a balance between choosing middle names that would make both families happy (three families actually since his parents are divorced and he is close to both families of his step parents). Luckily they plan on having multiple kids so they have a few names selected that equally borrow from both sides. We don't have any Jr's or III's or IV's in our family so there has never been pressure to continue that either. I think the expectation more than anything is that you'll use a family name as a middle name for a child.

jacques27

I actually have the opposite issue - my family is very opposed to having repeat names and that mentality is just ingrained in me now.

I'm starting to warm up to the idea of a repeat name, only because I would seriously consider naming a girl after my grandmother (now that she's dead and can't yell at me for it), but she's the only one I would name my child after. I'm also not a fan of the sr/jr/III thing. It always struck me as finding yourself just a little too self-important. Plus, it tends to get left off and I worry that maybe my kid will grow up to be an @sshole or a criminal orsomethingand then people get him or her confused with my SO OR myself.

photokitty

On a side note...

I am leaning towards giving any and all kids my maiden name as a middle name. I didn't change my name and I like the idea of having a name in common with them. I don't want to hyphenate their names. I think it's cool if you decide to hyphenate and think it's an individual decision. I just don't want to saddle my kid with a super long, complicated last name. Also if I have a girl and she wants to hyphenate one day, where does that leave her?

Growing up I only kew 2 kids with hyphenated last names, and neither of them liked it. The female was looking forward to getting married one day and dropping her long hyphenated name. She hasn't gotten married, but dropped her mom's last name for everyday use.

doeydo

Family names/passing on names is not a thing in my family and it always seemed weird to me.  So, no I don't think I'd get any of that kind of pressure if I had decided to have kids.  It's possible though that sisters would say "So, are you going to name your baby after me?" in more of a teasing/don't mean it at all way.  

kvruns

there won't be any pressure from family members, although I can see having a disagreement if we were to have a boy. FI wants his name to be a boy's middle name since his middle name is his dad's. To me I think that since the boy already gets his last name it would be nice to incorporate something from my family as a middle name.  So really we will just have to have a name that doesn't incorporate any family to make it work best!

KatWAG

My grandma pushed hard for a family name. We blew off that request and names our son Alexander.

Luckily she was able to find an Alexander way way way up in our family tree, she has accepted the name.

theartistformerlyknownas

I love names with significance, whether or not that's directly using a family member's name. The name we have chosen for Tidbit combines parts of two family members' names into one name, and her MN is shared across multiple people on H's side. One of the boy's names I love is actually the name of the street my family lived on. Thankfully though, we haven't gotten any pressure from family members except to "not pick a weird name."

One thing I do hate is the "Anne of Green Gables" scenario where all the babies are named after only the mother's/one parent's side of the family. What the crap is the deal with that? Like, I get having names in your head when you're single and only have one family to base your choices off of but I want to evenly represent both sides of my kids' lineage. So many people like "my kids will be named after my two grandmas and my aunt and my great-uncle's pet turtle. Sorry spouse."

tpwkalyn

My FIL is John Robert, and FI is John Blake, so I really want our son (if we have one) to be John-something (I really like John Benjamin), but not because our families have demanded it.

And it just so happens that both of our mothers' middle names are Jean - so we *might* incorporate that if we have a girl.

JennyColada

photokitty said:

On a side note...

I am leaning towards giving any and all kids my maiden name as a middle name. I didn't change my name and I like the idea of having a name in common with them. I don't want to hyphenate their names. I think it's cool if you decide to hyphenate and think it's an individual decision. I just don't want to saddle my kid with a super long, complicated last name. Also if I have a girl and she wants to hyphenate one day, where does that leave her?

Growing up I only kew 2 kids with hyphenated last names, and neither of them liked it. The female was looking forward to getting married one day and dropping her long hyphenated name. She hasn't gotten married, but dropped her mom's last name for everyday use.

As someone who did all of the on-boarding, new hire orientation, and new hire paperwork...hyphenated names are SO annoying. Half the time just one of the names is put into the system (and I never know which name it will be until my forms bounce back as "incorrect name"), the other have they only have a portion of the name. Not only does this mess with my paperwork, but also with ID badges, emails, and business cards. UGH.

flantastic

It's been a thing in my dad's family to make the middle name of the oldest girl be my great grandmother's first name. It's my grandma's middle name, my aunt's, mine, and 2 of my cousins'. H likes the name - almost too much. He likes it as a first name, and doesn't want to "waste" it as a middle name for the other girls' name we like in case we have another girl.

I could push "this is our tradition and what I've been planning forever, so we're doing it," especially since he's kind of for it (likes that name combo) but I don't want to issue any ultimatums on names. It's his kid too. We may still end up doing it "my" way, but we have to decide that mutually.

ETA: As for other's input, no, we don't have any pressure there. My dad is a "III" but they already made the decision not to do it to my brother and make him "IV." H's side of the family already has a boy who is the "V" of FIL and previous' names. Even if there were pressure, "Thank you, we'll consider, bean dip" is all we'd do.

flantastic

photokitty said:

On a side note...

I am leaning towards giving any and all kids my maiden name as a middle name. I didn't change my name and I like the idea of having a name in common with them. I don't want to hyphenate their names. I think it's cool if you decide to hyphenate and think it's an individual decision. I just don't want to saddle my kid with a super long, complicated last name. Also if I have a girl and she wants to hyphenate one day, where does that leave her?

Growing up I only kew 2 kids with hyphenated last names, and neither of them liked it. The female was looking forward to getting married one day and dropping her long hyphenated name. She hasn't gotten married, but dropped her mom's last name for everyday use.

My aunt did this. Didn't change her name and all three of her kids have her maiden name as their middle name. Works really well for them. H kind of likes that idea as a connection to my family (I made it my second middle name), but I doubt we'll do it.

theartistformerlyknownas

photokitty said:

On a side note...

I am leaning towards giving any and all kids my maiden name as a middle name. I didn't change my name and I like the idea of having a name in common with them. I don't want to hyphenate their names. I think it's cool if you decide to hyphenate and think it's an individual decision. I just don't want to saddle my kid with a super long, complicated last name. Also if I have a girl and she wants to hyphenate one day, where does that leave her?

Growing up I only kew 2 kids with hyphenated last names, and neither of them liked it. The female was looking forward to getting married one day and dropping her long hyphenated name. She hasn't gotten married, but dropped her mom's last name for everyday use.

My mom did this with my brother - she had no brothers and she and her sisters all changed their names, so this was her way of "carrying on the family name." And my friend from Brazil said it's very common to do there, too.

Blergbot

I like for names to have meaning to me. That doesn't necessarily mean it HAS to be a family name, but choosing a name just because I like it isn't enough for me. 

My dad was raised Catholic, so he and his brothers were named after apostles. His sister was named after a saint. On my mother's side it's very important to be named after a family member. My brother was named after his two grandfathers. I was named after my great grandmother and my middle name is a family name (though no one is sure where it originally comes from--it was my grandmother's middle name, too).

Before we knew the sex we decided on two names with no problem. One five minute discussion and H pretty much just liking the names I'd had in mind and problem solved. If it was a girl she would have been Eliza after Elizabeth Bennett in Pride and Prejudice (my parents were both English professors, so naming your child after a literary character is acceptable), my favorite female literary character. I really wanted the middle name to be Jane, after my mother, but Liza Jane is a song, so that was out. We picked William to honor both of our fathers (FIL's first name--though he goes by Bill, not Will, and my dad's middle name). It was win-win.

I had no idea for a middle name. I really wanted to hyphenate our last names, but H was dead set against it. I compromised and my last name became the middle name and I will hyphenate my name (I grew up with my mom having a different last name and it was a pain in the ass. She always had to explain that she was my mother). So that issue kind of solved itself. 

The plan was always to just have one kid--though we have since become more open to the idea of a second. No idea what I would do if we had another boy, but he would definitely be named after someone.

ETA: We told people the names we were considering and got no push back whatsoever from family. Maybe because we had already made the decision?

falsara

We've barely talked about names since offspring are far in the future for us.  Both families know this and therefore have not started in on the pushing for babies, or pushing for names. 

My family has always been against naming kids after family members as they don't want to show favoritism or anything.  This probably come from the fact that dad has four sisters, but only two daughters.    

If we ever have a boy, FI wants to use either his dad's first or middle name for the kid's middle name.  I like that idea since FI's dad is gone and what not.  I don't particular care for any of the girl names in my family so we'll steer clear of those.  

lurkergirl

We haven't had pressure to pick specific names (lemme get KU first, people), but we made the mistake of mentioning names we liked to FILs and now they refer to our future, nonexistent kids by name, e.g. "We can't wait for Forrest and Jenny to come spend weekends with us."  Yeah, no.

wandajune6

My grandmother has demanded that I name any daughter after her. She tried that with my sister and it didn't work. I'm not naming a daughter after her while she's alive (it seems strange to me). She's older (in her mid-90's) but healthy so I hope she will be around to meet any child. Also, I don't love her name so I probably wouldn't give the child the exact same name.

Neither of my parents are particularly fond of their own names so they wouldn't want me to name kids after them. The Kid was named after DH's father so that's taken. He will not name a child after MIL.