Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Wedding Etiquette Forum
The "I Do" BBQ - Day After Wedding - Appropriate to invite other guests?
Due to venue/budget constraints, we can't have more than 45 people at our wedding. I'm aware that inviting people to the "after party" after the wedding (that will not be hosted) would be in bad taste, but would it be in bad taste to have a big BBQ the next day?
No wedding dress, maybe a nice ivory looking dress but not the whole nine yards with a photographer and DEFINITELY NO GIFTS. Separate invitations for everyone inviting them to the BBQ and again, specifically stating no gifts. Very casual.
I would host this, with drinks/food for everyone. I would invite everyone who went to the wedding the day before, as well as probably an additional 30 people. Is this considered a tiered reception? It's just an idea. Thanks.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: The "I Do" BBQ - Day After Wedding - Appropriate to invite other guests?
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I'm confused. So budget is a factor in why you're only inviting 45 people to your wedding - how does it make sense to host that party, and then host ANOTHER party for MORE people? Why don't you just find another venue that can fit everyone the first time?
Also, full disclosure, I don't understand nor am I a fan of these "We're hosting another party to celebrate our marriage with people we couldn't invite due to reasons" parties. Usually these events are called AHRs and follow a destination wedding, but the premise is the same to me.
It sucks not to be able to invite everyone you want to due to budget issues, but you celebrate your wedding on the day of with whomever you can afford to invite and whomever makes it. having a second event, no matter how casual, to try and include other ppl in celebrating your wedding day just seems gratuitous and unneccessary to me.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Also put me in the camp of "I don't get why these parties exist." I will attend weddings for a lot of people, but even if my sibling got married and I wasn't able to be there for whatever reason, I would have no desire to attend a later party where the sole purpose was to celebrate his marriage.
I really truly do not understand why people who say "I can't afford to host everyone at the wedding" also throw a consolation party.
If the second party is of equal quality to the wedding, then yes, you could afford it, you just chose not to let everyone come see your wedding. (Why? The only reasonable excuse I've heard is social anxiety, and even then, you're going to be the center of attention at a celebration of marriage party.)
If the second party is of lesser quality, why would you not just throw the cheaper party for all and host everyone for your actual wedding? If you truly wanted to "include" everyone in celebrating your wedding day, it's really easy just to do it. I hate when there's some other reason (we've always dreamed of this venue, I love fancy flowers, I really want this dress, etc.) that gets put ahead of actually including everyone, and so some people are supposed to enjoy being part of the clearly second-tier group that doesn't get to see you commit your life to someone AND receives a shittier level of hosting.
It's the people who are important - or, if they're not, and you really want to choose X superficial elements of your wedding over inviting some people, don't pretend like you really care too much about celebrating with them.
/rant over
1st bolded: If this is really true, then just stop there and don't plan any more parties.
2nd bolded: It sucks that they're hurt, but they can be adults and get over it. If they really want to celebrate with you, they can take you out to drinks on their own time or something.
I've gone on a lot of similar rants about this on these boards time and time again, so I won't bother repeating myself and I'll just say: Your wedding is not The Event of the Century. (BTW these are all general "you's", not directed just to the OP). You are not royalty. You do not need multiple parties to "include" people or to keep "celebrating." You get one day- use it wisely.
Formerly martha1818
If the party is truly just to assuage other people's hurt feelings, there is no real reason to throw it. If you like throwing parties, throw a family barbeque at some point. Or a friend barbeque. Have the small wedding you want and don't connect any other parties to the fact that you got married.
Honestly, I wouldn't.
It's a fact of life that not everyone can be invited to a wedding. It will be asked, "If you can afford to host this, why couldn't you afford to host us at your wedding?" if you hold it the day after the wedding.