I can't even deal with this kind of drama...

chloe97

The invitations haven’t even gone out and the drama has started and my cousin ”Krissy” sent me an email asking me to please not sit her at the same table as her mom and sister at my wedding because she wasn’t speaking to either.

Krissy has what I would term an “on again/off again” relationship with her mother and sister. It’s a long story why that I don’t really need to get into. My aunt is my dad’s sister, and he and I both want her there. She’s not easy to deal with, but my dad and his siblings have learned to deal with their sister like adults. My cousin, on the other hand, I can do without. She has a history of causing drama and RSVP-ing no to weddings and not showing up. I am deathly afraid that she is going to RSVP yes and then not show up.

Unfortunately, save the dates went out in December and they both received them, so there is no pulling of invitations at this point. How does one respond to a pre-invitation request like this?

chibiyui

I mean, I'd probably just ignore it, and if possible sit her at a different table. When is your wedding?

sarahufl

I would ignore her message, or just respond with something pretty generic "looking forward to seeing you!"

But I would go ahead and sit her at a different table to avoid a mess.

bethsmiles

Ditto PPs. I'd ignore her or send back a generic response and then just seat her at a different table.

southernbelle0915

"Hi Krissy - We'll try to accommodate your request if we can. Looking forward to seeing you there."

OR

"Hi Krissy - Why are you acting like such a drama hungry whiner? If you're sitting at the same table as your mom and sister, just eat the food and quit'yer'bitchin. It's called being an adult."

OliveOilsMom

I would respond with "I'm not even thinking of table assignments yet!  Can't wait to see you at the wedding!"

I wouldn't respond to her specific request now, but would honor that request to keep the peace at the wedding.

banana468

This is annoying but look at the bright side - it may help avoid drama.

kvruns

OliveOilsMom said:

I would respond with "I'm not even thinking of table assignments yet!  Can't wait to see you at the wedding!"

I wouldn't respond to her specific request now, but would honor that request to keep the peace at the wedding.

I vote for this one! 

lovegood90

I do agree with PPs. It's way too early for her to be worrying about this and I'd respond in the same way PPs have said.

That being said though- I dunno, my family has drama at times too, every family does. Ie my sister and I haven't spoken in almost 8 months. So if I had a simple request to not sit at her table and someone thought I was "stirring drama" and ignored my request just to teach me a lesson or something, I'd be pretty pissed. At the end of the day no one can know everyone's full family dynamics. Is this a request that's really that hard to honor, if it means your guests will be more comfortable?

I totally get that planning a huge event and possibly having a bunch of these requests is super annoying, it's hard to honor every request, and people should be able to suck it up like adults for one night, etc. So I'm not disagreeing at all, just playing "devil's advocate"- I HATE that phrase though, but you know what I mean hopefully.

chloe97

My wedding is in late August.

The freaking nerve just pisses me off.1. I hate to say it, but she's only invited because she is family and I'm inviting all of my cousins. 2. I can't get over that she thinks that her own personal disagreements/blowups warrant a 3+ month warning to make sure that I don't cause her discomfort. 3. If it's a problem for you to be near your mom, then stay home and don't drag your drama to my wedding.

And by the way, because I knoe their history of drama, I was never ever going to seat them at the same table anyway!

BAAAAAH

ashley8918

I mean, just ignore her? I don't think this is something to get all worked up over, and it really doesn't require dealing with.

lurkergirl

ashley8918 said:

I mean, just ignore her? I don't think this is something to get all worked up over, and it really doesn't require dealing with.

Yep.  This is only drama if you make it drama.  I do find the request itself odd--if the drama between people is known, then wouldn't your cousin trust you to not force her to sit with people she doesn't like/get along with?

chloe97

Because she is trying to get me to get involved in the drama. She thinks that she can somehow through her sickening sweet manipulations hurt her mom. Im just another pawn in her game. I seriously do not even want her there.

TrixieJess

Tell her that with the way she's acting you'll be sure to seat her at the children's table

lacqueredlover

Honestly I think you're making this into drama.  Just don't seat her at the table.  Done.

lyndausvi

I would say I would accommodate her request or try to accommodate her.  Then maybe put her in the back corner, by the swinging kitchen door and near the large speaker.

Honestly, these types of requests do not bother me in general.  Sure they can get out of control, I get that.  I certainly would not open up the flood gates by asking requests.   But as a host, I want my guests to be comfortable.  Since they have an on-again/off-again relationship I would actually appreciate knowing where is stands at this point.

southernbelle0915

chloe97 said:

Because she is You are trying to get me to get involved in the drama. She Do you thinks that she you can somehow through her this sickening sweet manipulations hurt her your mom?. Im will not be just another pawn in her your game. I seriously do not even want her you there.

I used your wording to make a response for you.

STARMOON44

This is only drama if you want it to be. Either ignore or just tell her sure since it sounds like that's what you're going to do anyway.

chloe97

STARMOON44 said:

This is only drama if you want it to be. Either ignore or just tell her sure since it sounds like that's what you're going to do anyway.

Sigh. I'm not. Im just going to vent to you ladies and then take your advice to ignore. Thanks for listening.

lyndausvi

They have an on/off relationship.  She is telling you it's on the off position.    Again, something I would want to know anyway.   Stop making this more complicated then it really is.  She's a known drama queen.  This can't be surprising.

chibiyui

chloe97 said:

STARMOON44 said:

This is only drama if you want it to be. Either ignore or just tell her sure since it sounds like that's what you're going to do anyway.

Sigh. I'm not. Im just going to vent to you ladies and then take your advice to ignore. Thanks for listening.

ashley8918

chloe97 said:

STARMOON44 said:

This is only drama if you want it to be. Either ignore or just tell her sure since it sounds like that's what you're going to do anyway.

Sigh. I'm not. Im just going to vent to you ladies and then take your advice to ignore. Thanks for listening.

Sooooo, the point of this post was? "HELP! I CANT DEAL WITH THIS! I'm not going to do anything about it, but tell me what to do!"

jacques27

chloe97 said:

The invitations haven’t even gone out and the drama has started and my cousin ”Krissy” sent me an email asking me to please not sit her at the same table as her mom and sister at my wedding because she wasn’t speaking to either.

Krissy has what I would term an “on again/off again” relationship with her mother and sister. It’s a long story why that I don’t really need to get into. My aunt is my dad’s sister, and he and I both want her there. She’s not easy to deal with, but my dad and his siblings have learned to deal with their sister like adults. My cousin, on the other hand, I can do without. She has a history of causing drama and RSVP-ing no to weddings and not showing up. I am deathly afraid that she is going to RSVP yes and then not show up.

Unfortunately, save the dates went out in December and they both received them, so there is no pulling of invitations at this point. How does one respond to a pre-invitation request like this?

And this is why I am adamantly opposed to save the dates except in the case of international travel and maybe domestic travel by plane only (and even then, I'm not convinced it's absolutely necessary unless they are also a VIP).  You don't need to call dibs on something so far in advance - most people can manage to figure out their schedule in the requisite 8-10 weeks of lead time an invite gives them.  Relationships change, drama can unfold, people can change their minds, etc.  Just something for the lurkers to consider.

As for the actual question, I'm not sure why it's so hard to say "I will keep that in mind when I make the seating chart" and then change the subject.  Address the request in the most non-committal way possible and refuse to engage if they want to further discuss the actual drama leading to the request.  Minus the drama part, it's not different from any other request.  "Can you please seat me near the restrooms because I'll have the baby with me and I won't have to schlep across the room when s/he needs to be changed?"  Or "Can you seat me farther away from the DJ because it's too loud with my hearing aids?"

jacques27

chloe97 said:

 She has a history of causing drama and RSVP-ing no to weddings and not showing up. I am deathly afraid that she is going to RSVP yes and then not show up.

Double posting cause WHAT?!?  You don't even want her there to begin with - wouldn't her not showing up be a big ol' check in the win column?  Even if you did have to go to the hassle of accommodating her seating chart request (which you were planning to do anyway on your own - so not sure what this is that big of a deal) under the premise that she's attending?

And deathly afraid?  Maybe dial the hyperbole back.  Your cousin showing up or not showing up to your wedding isn't going to make or break you.  What words are you going to use for genuinely scary things, like axe murderers breaking into your house?  Because you already used up "deathly afraid" on your cousin not showing up to your wedding (or showing up - depending on whether that was a typo in the OP)

julieanne912

This doesn't seem like that much "drama" to me... compared to a lot of the crazy shit you read about on these boards.   

db1984

Meh.  If I really truly did not want her to come, I'd seriously consider telling her "sorry, we've already planned on seating family units together." 

climbingsingle

chloe97 said:

The invitations haven’t even gone out and the drama has started and my cousin ”Krissy” sent me an email asking me to please not sit her at the same table as her mom and sister at my wedding because she wasn’t speaking to either.

Krissy has what I would term an “on again/off again” relationship with her mother and sister. It’s a long story why that I don’t really need to get into. My aunt is my dad’s sister, and he and I both want her there. She’s not easy to deal with, but my dad and his siblings have learned to deal with their sister like adults. My cousin, on the other hand, I can do without. She has a history of causing drama and RSVP-ing no to weddings and not showing up. I am deathly afraid that she is going to RSVP yes and then not show up.

Unfortunately, save the dates went out in December and they both received them, so there is no pulling of invitations at this point. How does one respond to a pre-invitation request like this?

Seriously, it seems like you're the one that is causing drama. She asked to not be sat with some people. Is it really that fucking big of a deal? Put mom and sister at one table and her at another. Problem solved. 

She has a history of RVSP'ing No and THEN NOT SHOWING UP? ZOMG. 

You're "deathly afraid" that she won't show up? Why? Isn't that really what you want? Jesus christ girl, have a margarita and chill out. 

TheArtemisMoon

Sit her with some people she doesn't know. Who knows though, maybe she will decline the invitation and you won't have to worry about it.