Divorced Parents and Family Photos

Knottie1429926455

A little background, my parents have been divorced for 19 years, my mother is cordial to both my father and my step mother, but my father is the kind of man who has actually left restaurants before because my mother happened to be eating at the same place. He also severed all ties with my oldest brother, who is my mothers biological son from a previous relationship.
We're having a VERY small wedding and the awkwardness is already killing me. My other siblings didn't even have weddings, just elopements, so this will be a whole new arena. I'd really like to have a photo of me and my new husband with my WHOLE family, I'd rather not split the family up for the sake of one person who can't be comfortable with an ex of almost 20 years. Do I let dad know my plans ahead of time and allow him to either acclimate to the idea or bow out, or do I attempt to accommodate the family drama

Jen4948

Just invite him and if he fails to behave like an adult, have him escorted out by security. If he chooses to walk about because your mom is present, then that would be sad, but I think it's totally unrealistic of him to expect your other parent not to be there and it's on him if he can't behave like a mature adult.

MobKaz

Knottie1429926455 said:

A little background, my parents have been divorced for 19 years, my mother is cordial to both my father and my step mother, but my father is the kind of man who has actually left restaurants before because my mother happened to be eating at the same place. He also severed all ties with my oldest brother, who is my mothers biological son from a previous relationship.
We're having a VERY small wedding and the awkwardness is already killing me. My other siblings didn't even have weddings, just elopements, so this will be a whole new arena. I'd really like to have a photo of me and my new husband with my WHOLE family, I'd rather not split the family up for the sake of one person who can't be comfortable with an ex of almost 20 years. Do I let dad know my plans ahead of time and allow him to either acclimate to the idea or bow out, or do I attempt to accommodate the family drama

Unless attending a wedding is a completely foreign concept to your father, he should realize that taking pictures, and specifically family photos, is a "given". Invite him to be included in the extended family photo. If he chooses not to participate, then it is HE who makes a statement. The best statement YOU can make is to continue the extended family photo without him.

photokitty

I agree with @MobKaz. I wouldn't be surprised if your step mother stayed in the photo should he throw a fit. Not being in a photo that your daughter wants for her wedding bc he doesn't care for the mother of his daughter is childish and rude.

Hopefully he will be able to play nice. I think he plans to or he would decline in advance - seeing as he knows in advance that his ex-wife will be eating at the same location as him.

GL!

Knottie1429926455

Thank you all so much! This has been such a source of turmoil for me, our wedding is a month away and I haven't even been able to tell our photographer what specific shots we'll want because I've been so worried about this. I'd hate to be the rude one to have to tell my father to suck it up or get out, but that's really how I feel. I'm more than happy to have a photo with just him and his wife, but I sincerely hope I can get a real family photo as well. We're all adults here!

photokitty

Knottie1429926455 said:

Thank you all so much! This has been such a source of turmoil for me, our wedding is a month away and I haven't even been able to tell our photographer what specific shots we'll want because I've been so worried about this. I'd hate to be the rude one to have to tell my father to suck it up or get out, but that's really how I feel. I'm more than happy to have a photo with just him and his wife, but I sincerely hope I can get a real family photo as well. We're all adults here!

Take the photos with him and SM and that portion of the family first, then while they are still set up for the photo your mom and her portion of the family to join in the photo. If he trows a fit and walks out then that's on him, but you'll have his photos otherwise finished before he acts like a child. GL!

It will all work out and at the end of the day you'll be married regardless of his actions