Card Boxes & Gift Tables

louxnoelle

Hi, lovelies!

This is kind of a silly thought that popped into my head this morning, but I'm curious. I'm going to get started on DIYing my cardbox today, and I was wondering if they're ever considered rude? Because etiquette says you should never ask for or expect gifts, is that gracious attitude negated when the guests walk in and there are designated areas for the cards and gifts you "weren't expecting?"

Thanks as always for any and all replies!

PamBeesly524

Interesting... I've never really thought about that! I think it's less rude and more.... organized. Just because you expect CARDS doesn't mean you're expecting $$$ to be inside, you know? It could just be a congratulatory card. 

Maybe that's a weird justification though, I don't know. It's early and I've only had half of my tea!

Jen4948

Actually, traditional etiquette holds that card boxes and gift tables are indeed rude for exactly that reason: they indicate that you "expect" gifts.

I would suggest that if you want to avoid the appearance of "expecting" gifts but be prepared to accept any that people bring to your wedding, have a place designated where people can put them, but not prominently position it, and just arrange to have someone direct guests who come with gifts to leave them in that place. You would also need security for it as well.

kvruns

this would fall into an etiquette hill I'm not willing to die on.  People bring cards to weddings, sometimes they have money in them, sometimes they don't, but I'd rather have an organized spot to put them than just haphazard on a table. They may also bring a boxed gift - I'd rather have a designated table for them than have it put random places or on the floor just bc I was afraid to look like I'm expecting a gift.

PamBeesly524

Jen4948 said:

Actually, traditional etiquette holds that card boxes and gift tables are indeed rude for exactly that reason: they indicate that you "expect" gifts.

I would suggest that if you want to avoid the appearance of "expecting" gifts but be prepared to accept any that people bring to your wedding, have a place designated where people can put them, but not prominently position it, and just arrange to have someone direct guests who come with gifts to leave them in that place. You would also need security for it as well.

This makes sense. I just took a look at our floor plan for the reception and it looks like the venue has a place for the gift table, but it's literally shoved in the back corner. That way it's not the first thing guests see when they walk in, giving off that "GIVE US GIFTS" vibe.

kvruns

kikilamp said:

Jen4948 said:

Actually, traditional etiquette holds that card boxes and gift tables are indeed rude for exactly that reason: they indicate that you "expect" gifts.

I would suggest that if you want to avoid the appearance of "expecting" gifts but be prepared to accept any that people bring to your wedding, have a place designated where people can put them, but not prominently position it, and just arrange to have someone direct guests who come with gifts to leave them in that place. You would also need security for it as well.

This makes sense. I just took a look at our floor plan for the reception and it looks like the venue has a place for the gift table, but it's literally shoved in the back corner. That way it's not the first thing guests see when they walk in, giving off that "GIVE US GIFTS" vibe.

that's where ours is too, they have it in the back corner against a wall, and to be honest I could see people not even seeing it or knowing where to put something they brought. The ceremony and reception are at the same site and if it were me I'd probably forget what I brought and leave it in the car on accident and realize it days later.

notdoingitbythebook

It's weird because gifts can never be mentioned even though they are a given fact of life when it comes to weddings. No they are not expected, but pretty much everyone does it. But with the taboo of referring to gifts in any way, it just makes things more awkward than it really should be. We have designated gift areas for birthdays and we're not supposed to expect gifts then even though it's pretty much a given but when it comes to a wedding it's a bizarre whole new ball game and they become this huge taboo even though they are also a given (not that everyone will bring one but that there will be some given).

A card can just be a card without a gift, so that's kind of where I am going with it, even though I know fully well that we will be getting cash from FH's family (they told us that it's custom in a very direct way). I just want the people we love and care for there, anything beyond that is icing on the cake. But I want to protect the gifts that we will be given so that they do not get misplaced.

That said, it's been suggested to me by the venue coordinator and by my planner friends that a secure box is a better idea than something subtle like a basket for security reasons. Not because it's just easier to keep everything secure.

I have a box ready to go, even though I like the basket idea better. But a basket is so much less secure, so a box it is.

banana468

Since cards don't need to contain anything I don't think it's terrible to have a card box.

I wouldn't hire security for it but I would put it in the main area of your reception vs. out in a hall somewhere. 

littlepep

I don't think a card box is rude because cards don't have to contain money. We're having a place for people to put cards too. The gift table is a little more questionable. I would just make sure there's a designated spot without making a sign for that. 

Jen4948

littlepep said:

I don't think a card box is rude because cards don't have to contain money. We're having a place for people to put cards too. The gift table is a little more questionable. I would just make sure there's a designated spot without making a sign for that. 

Cards in and of themselves are gifts, and expecting any kind of gift is not appropriate.

fyrchk

I think it's a Catch-22. I'm never offended when I see a card box or basket or birdcage or whatever. To me it makes sense. But at the same time, I see the conundrum regarding "not expecting gifts." However, I'd rather guests have a place to put them than handing them to me and me set it somewhere and forget. (Because that's how I roll, to be honest.)

It's not like you're putting a banner over it that says, "INSERT MONEY HERE!!!" And as PP's have said, it could very well just be a card and not contain cash.

redoryx

Jen4948 said: littlepep said:I don't think a card box is rude because cards don't have to contain money. We're having a place for people to put cards too. The gift table is a little more questionable. I would just make sure there's a designated spot without making a sign for that. 

Cards in and of themselves are gifts, and expecting any kind of gift is not appropriate.**boxes boxes boxes**

I think there is a difference between expecting gifts and anticipating gifts.

It's a wedding. People are going to bring gifts or cards. It's not required and not everybody will, but some guests will bring something and they should be given a place to put whatever they bring, be it a boxed gift, or a gift card, or just a plain empty card. Otherwise, they are going to be carrying it around all night trying to figure out where to put it or how to get it to the couple. Having a designated place makes it easy for all involved, they can drop it off and then not feel like they have to hunt down the very busy couple (who then, in turn, still need a safe place to put the item).

saric83

Honestly, I personally find it more rude if there isn't a designated spot for cards because then I'm stuck carrying it around trying to figure out where it should go, maybe giving it to someone in the wedding party, hoping that it will make it to the bride and groom.  I would much rather have a clear spot to drop it off and be done with it. 

banana468

That's why off to the side but in the main area is fine.  You're not saying, "Put gifts here!" but it's a location if the guests choose to use it.

Now if you were like Connie Corleone walking around with a little white satin drawstring purse as you did table visits, THAT is expecting gifts.

littlepep

I don't think a card box is rude because cards don't have to contain money. We're having a place for people to put cards too. The gift table is a little more questionable. I would just make sure there's a designated spot without making a sign for that. 

Cards in and of themselves are gifts, and expecting any kind of gift is not appropriate.

Good grief. That's a little over-dramatic. 

I'm not expecting gifts, but as @redoryx said, there's a difference between expecting and anticipating. I anticipate there will be some people who bring cards and possibly gifts. I don't see anything wrong with having an out-of-the-way spot for them to put it so they aren't stuck carrying it around all night.

There's a huge difference between including your registry information on your invites and having a card box. A card box is more for your guests' sake than your own. If I brought a card to a wedding, I'd hate for it to get lost because there wasn't a place to put it. 

SP29

That is interesting, but I think redoryx has made the best point- anticipating versus expecting.

If I am guest, I would appreciate a card box (or gift table), because I'd be more nervous about leaving a card on a random table or giving it to someone in hopes that it gets to the bride and groom. 

Any wedding that I have been to has had a gift table or area, but none have ever had neon signs saying, "GIFTS HERE!!". Usually I ask a member of the WP or the B or G's parents and they'll say something like, "Oh, we'll keep the gifts here". And I am happy to give it. I'd also rather a designated place than wondering if my gift is going to get stollen. 

Jen4948

littlepep said:

I don't think a card box is rude because cards don't have to contain money. We're having a place for people to put cards too. The gift table is a little more questionable. I would just make sure there's a designated spot without making a sign for that. 

Cards in and of themselves are gifts, and expecting any kind of gift is not appropriate.Good grief. That's a little over-dramatic. 

I'm not expecting gifts, but as @redoryx said, there's a difference between expecting and anticipating. I anticipate there will be some people who bring cards and possibly gifts. I don't see anything wrong with having an out-of-the-way spot for them to put it so they aren't stuck carrying it around all night.

There's a huge difference between including your registry information on your invites and having a card box. A card box is more for your guests' sake than your own. If I brought a card to a wedding, I'd hate for it to get lost because there wasn't a place to put it. 

All I'm saying is that you don't want to give the appearance of expecting gifts. You can have a card box-it just needs to be in a place that is not conspicuous or prominent.

southernbelle0915

banana468 said:

Since cards don't need to contain anything I don't think it's terrible to have a card box.

I wouldn't hire security for it but I would put it in the main area of your reception vs. out in a hall somewhere. 

This. 

A card box doesn't mean you expected MONEY. It means you predict that people will bring congratulatory cards (empty or not) and you've created a place to put them. How big the table you put that box on is up to you.

But I see the concern. If you're worried it will offend people, just put it off in a corner somewhere. Expect a lot of people to ask where it is - wouldn't be a bad idea to make sure the wedding party, parents, and vendors know so that they can direct people.

aliwis000

Jen4948 said:

littlepep said:

I don't think a card box is rude because cards don't have to contain money. We're having a place for people to put cards too. The gift table is a little more questionable. I would just make sure there's a designated spot without making a sign for that. 

Cards in and of themselves are gifts, and expecting any kind of gift is not appropriate.

Honest question: Then do we write a thank you card for someone that just gives a card?

I thought this would be considered rude as it would be like saying "thank you for the card....did you happen to forget the check that was supposed to be in it?"

If we do not write thank you cards for just cards then are they really gifts?

Jen4948

aliwis000 said:

Jen4948 said:

littlepep said:

I don't think a card box is rude because cards don't have to contain money. We're having a place for people to put cards too. The gift table is a little more questionable. I would just make sure there's a designated spot without making a sign for that. 

Cards in and of themselves are gifts, and expecting any kind of gift is not appropriate.

Honest question: Then do we write a thank you card for someone that just gives a card?

I thought this would be considered rude as it would be like saying "thank you for the card....did you happen to forget the check that was supposed to be in it?"

If we do not write thank you cards for just cards then are they really gifts?

No, you don't write thank you notes for cards. It's just more gracious not to look like you're expecting any present other than the presence of the guests.

photokitty

Jen4948 said:

littlepep said:

I don't think a card box is rude because cards don't have to contain money. We're having a place for people to put cards too. The gift table is a little more questionable. I would just make sure there's a designated spot without making a sign for that. 

Cards in and of themselves are gifts, and expecting any kind of gift is not appropriate.

A card is not a gift. It is a written expression of emotion and/or thought. It can be well wishes, congrats or love - or many other things. 

It may contain a gift inside it or one may be attached to it, but a card is not a gift. It is your feelings on paper instead of (or in addition to) their verbal delivery.

Otherwise everyone with a mailbox is rude for expecting gifts every day minus Sundays and federal holidays.

Jen4948

photokitty said:

Jen4948 said:

littlepep said:

I don't think a card box is rude because cards don't have to contain money. We're having a place for people to put cards too. The gift table is a little more questionable. I would just make sure there's a designated spot without making a sign for that. 

Cards in and of themselves are gifts, and expecting any kind of gift is not appropriate.

A card is not a gift. It is a written expression of emotion and/or thought. It can be well wishes, congrats or love - or many other things. 

It may contain a gift inside it or one may be attached to it, but a card is not a gift. It is your feelings on paper instead of (or in addition to) their verbal delivery.

Otherwise everyone with a mailbox is rude for expecting gifts every day minus Sundays and federal holidays.

Sorry, but I don't agree that a card is not a gift. There is no requirement that anyone give or send cards any more than any other type of gift; nor is it polite to "expect" them any more than any other type of gift. And, of course, it's possible to include cash, checks, gift cards and other small things inside cards that are gifts.

But I agree that thank-you notes are not necessary for cards.

southernbelle0915

Jen4948 said:

photokitty said:

Jen4948 said:

littlepep said:

I don't think a card box is rude because cards don't have to contain money. We're having a place for people to put cards too. The gift table is a little more questionable. I would just make sure there's a designated spot without making a sign for that. 

Cards in and of themselves are gifts, and expecting any kind of gift is not appropriate.

A card is not a gift. It is a written expression of emotion and/or thought. It can be well wishes, congrats or love - or many other things. 

It may contain a gift inside it or one may be attached to it, but a card is not a gift. It is your feelings on paper instead of (or in addition to) their verbal delivery.

Otherwise everyone with a mailbox is rude for expecting gifts every day minus Sundays and federal holidays.

Sorry, but I don't agree that a card is not a gift. There is no requirement that anyone give or send cards any more than any other type of gift; nor is it polite to "expect" them any more than any other type of gift. And, of course, it's possible to include cash, checks, gift cards and other small things inside cards that are gifts.

But I agree that thank-you notes are not necessary for cards.

If a card is truly a gift, then why wouldn't someone write a thank you note for it? 

(FTR, I do not think a card is a gift, I'm just trying to understand the logic of not writing a thank you note if something is considered a gift.)

[Deleted User]

southernbelle0915 said:

Jen4948 said:

photokitty said:

Jen4948 said:

littlepep said:

I don't think a card box is rude because cards don't have to contain money. We're having a place for people to put cards too. The gift table is a little more questionable. I would just make sure there's a designated spot without making a sign for that. 

Cards in and of themselves are gifts, and expecting any kind of gift is not appropriate.

A card is not a gift. It is a written expression of emotion and/or thought. It can be well wishes, congrats or love - or many other things. 

It may contain a gift inside it or one may be attached to it, but a card is not a gift. It is your feelings on paper instead of (or in addition to) their verbal delivery.

Otherwise everyone with a mailbox is rude for expecting gifts every day minus Sundays and federal holidays.

Sorry, but I don't agree that a card is not a gift. There is no requirement that anyone give or send cards any more than any other type of gift; nor is it polite to "expect" them any more than any other type of gift. And, of course, it's possible to include cash, checks, gift cards and other small things inside cards that are gifts.

But I agree that thank-you notes are not necessary for cards.

If a card is truly a gift, then why wouldn't someone write a thank you note for it? 

(FTR, I do not think a card is a gift, I'm just trying to understand the logic of not writing a thank you note if something is considered a gift.)

Where would it end?  You give me a, let's say, Get Well Soon card after I break my foot.  I send you a Thank you Note for my Get Well Soon card.  You send me a Thank you Note for sending you Thank you Note.  I send you a Thank you Note for... you see how this can get a little crazy?  Now, I'm not saying it's a bad thing.  The post office would be happy people were sending real mail again.  We might continue teaching cursive in schools if everyone had to write personal notes regularly.  And it would keep people in contact in ways other than text messages.

louxnoelle

Thanks for all the interesting responses!

I do have to say, at the risk of asking a question and then ignoring the answers, that I still plan on having a card box, which will be placed on a gift table. I'm in the camp of it being less offensive to graciously accept and keep said gifts safe than to put on this awkward false modesty that leaves gifts and cards all over the place.

I think @redoryx's anticipation vs. expectation is a great way to phrase it.

I will, however, situate the table in a back corner so as to reserve a bit of dignity. Thanks, ladies!

PamBeesly524

louxnoelle said:

Thanks for all the interesting responses!

I do have to say, at the risk of asking a question and then ignoring the answers, that I still plan on having a card box, which will be placed on a gift table. I'm in the camp of it being less offensive to graciously accept and keep said gifts safe than to put on this awkward false modesty that leaves gifts and cards all over the place.

I think @redoryx's anticipation vs. expectation is a great way to phrase it.

I will, however, situate the table in a back corner so as to reserve a bit of dignity. Thanks, ladies!

@louxnoelle Just out of curiosity, what did you decide to do for a cardbox? I noticed you said you were going to DIY and I love seeing what everyone comes up with.

notdoingitbythebook

Since this is on topic, and I am also making a card box, I was wondering if it's the right place to put  "thank you so much for sharing our special day". I know I want put a small sign sharing that sentiment somewhere (I was thinking near the guest book) but had a thought that the card box might be a good place for this sentiment.

Cookie Pusher

notdoingitbythebook said:

Since this is on topic, and I am also making a card box, I was wondering if it's the right place to put  "thank you so much for sharing our special day". I know I want put a small sign sharing that sentiment somewhere (I was thinking near the guest book) but had a thought that the card box might be a good place for this sentiment.

We put our card box way in a corner and even though almost everyone gave us a card, we didn't want to just assume everyone would see any signs or things back there. We put our thank you sign on the same table as our guest book.

notdoingitbythebook

Cookie Pusher said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

Since this is on topic, and I am also making a card box, I was wondering if it's the right place to put  "thank you so much for sharing our special day". I know I want put a small sign sharing that sentiment somewhere (I was thinking near the guest book) but had a thought that the card box might be a good place for this sentiment.

We put our card box way in a corner and even though almost everyone gave us a card, we didn't want to just assume everyone would see any signs or things back there. We put our thank you sign on the same table as our guest book.

Good point. Our venue has the two fairly close to each other. With the size of that particular part of the venue, I'm not sure how I'd get a gift table in a back corner. But I'll check it out.

ConcreteTumbleWeed

As far as strict etiquette is concerned, you're not supposed to expects gifts of any kind.

In the real world, most people bring gifts or cards to weddings.  It's certainly sweet of the guest(s) but not expected.  I've been to weddings where the bride followed strict etiquette about the card box/gift table and as a guest, it was kind of annoying because I didn't know where to put my card or who to give it to in case the bride and groom were busy mingling with other guests.

I would rather have a designated area where I can put a card box.  Probably some place where FI and I would have a line of sight to it, near a family member or so.  And if you think about it, the card box is usually on a table and so, if people bring unexpected physical gifts, they can be stored under the card box table or so.

For my wedding, I plan on having a table where I put my guest book a picture of us, with a French inspired wine display because our honeymoon will be in France.  So, I luckily found a place near me that sells wine crates from various regions of France and the world and will be able to put a card slot in the lid for me.  That way, from far, it will look like a display and when guests come closer, they'll be able to see that there's a card slot in the top.  I don't plan on telling anyone it's a card box, but if they ask, I or our families will let them know.

ConcreteTumbleWeed

I don't agree about the thank you cards.  I believe you should send thank you cards to everyone who attended the wedding (1 per family or guest).  

Here are some examples:

If they gave you a card with no monetary value: "Dear So and So, thank you for celebrating our marriage with us.  We were glad to see your smiling faces there and appreciate the love and support." (whatever you want to write).

If they gave you a card with monetary value: "Dear So and So, thank you for celebrating our marriage with us and for your generous gift.  We were glad to see your smiling faces there and appreciate the love and support." (whatever you want to write).

As a guest, I would appreciate getting a thank you card from the bride and groom.