Is it tacky to have a cash bar

katutsa

So, I am very perplexed at the decision of having an "open" bar, or a cash bar.

A little background on the wedding, The wedding is funded by my Fiancé and I, we are flying to my hometown/state and bringing the wedding/celebration to my family and some of our friends. The budget is slightly blown as services and vendors in my home town are very pricey (not much competition). Our wedding reception is in a hall that does not allow outside food and drink and we have to use their catering/bar services. We will be having a dinner for our guests, as the reception is in the late afternoon/early evening.  My Fiancés family is in from across the country, spending a large amount of money to attend.  

What is the proper etiquette for having a bar when one's "cash" flow is limited?

Is it appropriate to put a limit on the amount of money I will spend for the bar, then once that has been depleted make the bar a cash bar?

I am really not sure what path to take for this.

Your guidance/or thoughts are appreciated.

THANKS

[Deleted User]

Right above where you posted is a thread stuck to the top saying "Cash Bars - Everything you need to know in one place"  Read that.  Then come back and we'll talk.

louxnoelle

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1036615/cash-bars-everything-you-need-to-know-in-one-place#latest

flantastic

katutsa said:

So, I am very perplexed at the decision of having an "open" bar, or a cash bar.

A little background on the wedding, The wedding is funded by my Fiancé and I, we are flying to my hometown/state and bringing the wedding/celebration to my family and some of our friends. The budget is slightly blown as services and vendors in my home town are very pricey (not much competition). Our wedding reception is in a hall that does not allow outside food and drink and we have to use their catering/bar services. We will be having a dinner for our guests, as the reception is in the late afternoon/early evening.  My Fiancés family is in from across the country, spending a large amount of money to attend.  

What is the proper etiquette for having a bar when one's "cash" flow is limited?

Is it appropriate to put a limit on the amount of money I will spend for the bar, then once that has been depleted make the bar a cash bar?

I am really not sure what path to take for this.

Your guidance/or thoughts are appreciated.

THANKS

Your guests should never have to pay for anything at your wedding. You invited them, the purpose of the party is to thank them for coming to your ceremony, and that means you have the responsibility to host everything there. So cash bar, for the full time or part of the time, is never okay.

If you can't afford to serve alcohol, don't. It's not a requirement as long as you have some beverages. See if your venue will allow you to host only beer and wine - that's perfectly fine too (the liquor should not then be available for purchase). I assume you put in the info about people traveling and spending money to attend because you don't want to disappoint them with not having alcohol, but I would be more pissed if I spent a lot of money to come out and then was also expected to pay to host myself. I would be grateful to accept whatever beverages were hosted by the hosts, even if that meant no alcohol.

notdoingitbythebook

Unfortunately, yes it is. It's a shame but reality is, cash bars are considered tacky.

Jen4948

You can have a full open bar, a limited bar where you serve some, but not all, types of alcohol, or no bar at all. All of these fall within acceptable options. Serve only what you can afford, and if anyone complains that something isn't available, they're the ones being rude, not you.

Expecting your guests to pay for anything, whether it's alcohol or something else, at any time is never appropriate. Think about it: just as you wouldn't charge guests at your home for their provisions, neither should you do so at your wedding. Only the space is different in terms of hospitality.

banana468

notdoingitbythebook said:

Unfortunately, yes it is. It's a shame but reality is, cash bars are considered tacky.

They're considered tacky because they ARE.

Stop projecting your opinion on something that is factual.

Unfortunately it's a shame that the sky is blue.

katutsa

I have thought about a beer and wine only bar or a couple of signature cocktails. 

 

The last wedding I attended was a cash bar. I was surprised when I found that it was a cash bar, as I was not notified prior to the reception. I, of course purchased my drinks for the evening and celebrated with the bride and groom with no complaints. 

We have guests attending that like to embellish on libations, I don't want to have an astronomical tab. 

I guess I should give my FI additional options for the bar. He doesn't drink so I understand that it doesn't matter to him if it is a cash bar, or no bar at all. 

[Deleted User]

katutsa said:

I have thought about a beer and wine only bar or a couple of signature cocktails. 

 

The last wedding I attended was a cash bar. I was surprised when I found that it was a cash bar, as I was not notified prior to the reception. I, of course purchased my drinks for the evening and celebrated with the bride and groom with no complaints. 

We have guests attending that like to embellish on libations, I don't want to have an astronomical tab. 

I guess I should give my FI additional options for the bar. He doesn't drink so I understand that it doesn't matter to him if it is a cash bar, or no bar at all. 

You're inviting people to a party.  You shouldn't ask them to pay for something at your party.  It's the equivalent of inviting people to a party at your house.  You have a sideboard in your dining room with wine glasses and a couple bottles of white wine.  Someone asks for a glass of wine as you're sitting down to dinner, you start to pour and tell them it will cost them $5. Rude, right?

redoryx

notdoingitbythebook said:

Unfortunately, yes it is. It's a shame but reality is, cash bars are considered tacky.

No, it's shame when hosts expect guests to subsidize the party. 

SP29

Yes, it is tacky. Treat your wedding and your guests how you would treat these people if you invited them to your house for dinner. Everyone would have a spot to sit and eat. Everyone would get the same meal. No one would have to open their wallet in your home. As said, you wouldn't have wine sitting out, but charge your guests for it. Or offer wine at dinner but then tell your friends if they want something after dinner they have to pay for it. You would host what you can afford- you wouldn't stock your home with top shelf scotch and $50+ bottles of wine or serve lobster if you couldn't afford it right? The same applies to your wedding. It's OK to do beer and wine only, it's OK to have a basic chicken dinner- as long as the meal is appropriate to the time of day, and your guests are treated equally. 

I think your best option would be to serve wine and beer only, or nothing at all, both are acceptable.

Usually when the bar is open, it is a price per head. Or, you can do a consumption bar where you pay for how much is actually drank (drunk?). I would work out the numbers and figure out which is cheaper. If you are considering a consumption bar, make sure to ask the venue the price per each drink (you can also limit the consumption bar to beer and wine only), as drinks at venues are always pricey. Depending on how much your guests drink, open may be cheaper (but maybe not ).

Other options are to try and work your plate price down with a cheaper meal option- chicken instead of steak, or a pasta dinner. 3 courses instead of more. I know a lot of venues give you preset options, but you can always ask to negotiate and see what they can do for you.

Just a bit more advice from a past bride (and guest)- save your money on favours. They are not necessary. Also, consider more simple decor, or none at all if the venue space is nice. Simplify your bouquets and keep flowers to a minimum- consider centerpieces without flowers (tea lights in vases with coloured stones are cheap and are lovely when the lights are dimmed). (I bring this up because you mention that you've already gone over budget in a lot of areas with your vendors). 

Seriously, no one will remember that you had twinkle lights and ceiling draping in your wedding colours, or that you had towering flower centerpieces. People also probably won't remember exactly what you fed them, but they will remember how you hosted them and how they felt about it. For example, I don't always remember what I ate at a wedding, but I remember if I finished dinner feeling satisfied and that I enjoyed the party with my friends- decor and centerpieces don't make me enjoy a party more. Yes, I am there for the bride and groom, but trying to dance when hungry or not being able to enjoy a beverage because I don't carry cash would leave me a bit grumpy and I might leave early. 

Hope that helps some. If you need some more ideas the posters on here are great at that. 

southernbelle0915

Yup, you are correct in thinking it's tacky. Here are some options to limit how much you spend on the bar:

- have a dry wedding

- serve one or more signature cocktail(s)

- serve beer and wine only

- serve beer and wine + one or more signature cocktails

- have an open bar that just has well drinks/cheap options

All of those options would obviously include unlimited water and soda (those are things you should provide no matter what). 

The reason a cash bar is against etiquette is because a wedding reception is where the B&G are supposed to "receive" (hence "reception") their guests and thank the guests for attending the ceremony. The reception should be 100% hosted by the B&G and guests should not have to open their wallets. 

If you can't afford to offer alcohol, just don't. It's not a "must have" or "required". The only rule is that you host whatever you offer. So if you offer it, you pay for it. I'm sure you wouldn't dream of doing this with your menu (i.e. "bread is free, but if you want steak or chicken, that'll be $15). And you wouldn't dream of doing it in your home (i.e. pour a guest a glass of wine and say "that'll be $5, please"). So don't do it at your wedding.

STARMOON44

Tacky. And why is the bar always an after thought?

esstee33

katutsa said:

I have thought about a beer and wine only bar or a couple of signature cocktails. 

 

The last wedding I attended was a cash bar. I was surprised when I found that it was a cash bar, as I was not notified prior to the reception. I, of course purchased my drinks for the evening and celebrated with the bride and groom with no complaints. 

We have guests attending that like to embellish on libations, I don't want to have an astronomical tab. 

I guess I should give my FI additional options for the bar. He doesn't drink so I understand that it doesn't matter to him if it is a cash bar, or no bar at all. 

The bolded only matters if your venue only does a consumption bar, which charges per drink. If you don't have a lot of drinkers, that's a potentially attractive open, but typically you'd want to just go with a traditional open bar. That way it's a flat fee per person, regardless of how much they drink. 

Beer and wine is a totally legitimate option, too! Or no bar at all! There's absolutely nothing wrong with a dry wedding. Just don't charge people for anything, don't give people drink tickets, and have whatever you can afford to host available for everyone for the entire event -- no "open bar during cocktail hour and cash bar after" or anything like that. 

TheArtemisMoon

I would suggest not having alcohol. No one needs it to have a good time and if they do, then they may want to head to the local frat instead. They should be there for you, not the booze. You can still have a wonderful reception without alcohol. I tend to agree, either open bar or no bar at all.

katutsa

It is not an afterthought at all, a question I have pondered for quite some time now....definitely before a menu was thought of.

I like to drink, and am especially fond of wine during dinner.

After discussing it further with my  FI and having him call his mom (for confirmation of a cash bar being tacky) I will put together options that he and I can decide on.

The bar is a consumption bar and will charge by the drink.

I am thinking a beer and wine only bar.....which may be less costly than other options.

SP29

Beer and wine will be your cheapest options, and you may have the option to choose which brands, so you could choose the cheaper ones, or 2-3 brands only.