What is with people and their assumptions?

LabLove86

Fi and I are both plus-sized people. We have decided - for real this time (it goes in waves - lets be honest - we got this way because we LOVE food - too much . . . ) that we are going to start living a healthier lifestyle. We want to be healthy for ourselves, each other, and our (hopefully) future children. 

So the beginning of this week we started counting calories, incorporating more fruits and veggies, reducing carbs, watching portion sizes, and cutting out soda. We had a lot of things planned this week so we will start going to the gym/Wii Fitting next week. We are doing pretty well.

So one of my co-workers offered me a cupcake. I didn't have enough calories for the cupcake and the dinner we had planned - plus I need to work on my willpower . . . so I just "No thank you"'d and went back to the conversation. She asked again - I said no again - she pushed one more time (really lady? get the hint!) And I just told her we are trying to change our lifestyle and that lifestyle includes far less cupcakes. 

So she asks "Oh thats great!! How much do you want to lose for the wedding?? When are you going dress shopping? You really should be down to your goal by then so there will be less alterations!!" 

No. I am not trying to lose weight FOR the wedding. I am trying to lose weight to be a healthier person. To have a physically healthier and more active lifestyle and relationship with my Fi. And so that I can feel better and have more energy in general. NOT. FOR. THE. WEDDING. If I lose weight between dress purchase and fitting then I will pay for alterations - not a big deal. 

Why do people just assume that because you are getting married that is all your life is revolving around?! 

huskypuppy14

Why did she ask you 3 times? Geez, you didn't want it, it doesn't matter the reason.

That's great that you're trying to eat healthier. 

lyndausvi

LabLove86 said:

Fi and I are both plus-sized people. We have decided - for real this time (it goes in waves - lets be honest - we got this way because we LOVE food - too much . . . ) that we are going to start living a healthier lifestyle. We want to be healthy for ourselves, each other, and our (hopefully) future children. 

So the beginning of this week we started counting calories, incorporating more fruits and veggies, reducing carbs, watching portion sizes, and cutting out soda. We had a lot of things planned this week so we will start going to the gym/Wii Fitting next week. We are doing pretty well.

So one of my co-workers offered me a cupcake. I didn't have enough calories for the cupcake and the dinner we had planned - plus I need to work on my willpower . . . so I just "No thank you"'d and went back to the conversation. She asked again - I said no again - she pushed one more time (really lady? get the hint!) And I just told her we are trying to change our lifestyle and that lifestyle includes far less cupcakes. 

So she asks "Oh thats great!! How much do you want to lose for the wedding?? When are you going dress shopping? You really should be down to your goal by then so there will be less alterations!!" 

No. I am not trying to lose weight FOR the wedding. I am trying to lose weight to be a healthier person. To have a physically healthier and more active lifestyle and relationship with my Fi. And so that I can feel better and have more energy in general. NOT. FOR. THE. WEDDING. If I lose weight between dress purchase and fitting then I will pay for alterations - not a big deal. 

Why do people just assume that because you are getting married that is all your life is revolving around?! 

Because from the posts I see this board there are a lot of cray-cray people who do think their lives revolve around the wedding.

Plus it's hardly unusual for couples to use their wedding to lose weight.

Not saying people should assume, but these are few on why they think that way.

3 times is a little excessive, she sounds a little pushy.  Glad you had the will power to say no.

Good luck.   DH just lost 50+ pounds.  It's not easy, good luck with your goals.

JCbride2015

I recently lost about 10 pounds.  It was a combination of already being a little higher than usual due to a hip injury and getting active again as my hip started to heal, plus stress (I lose my appetite when I'm stressed).  I am NOT trying to lose weight for the wedding but so many people have made those same comments to me.  In fact I wasn't actually trying to lose weight at all.

I'm tired of people commenting.  Honestly I'm happy that I lost the weight and I feel good, but it's not about the wedding at all.  And it makes me feel like people noticed when I gained a few pounds when I first got injured.  I should start saying, "Oh thanks, I'm only in pain now about half the time instead of constantly, so I'm glad it's showing."

WinstonsGirl

I lost 20 lbs before the wedding.  It wasn't for the wedding.  I was pretty happy with my before, but we tried a Groupon 14 week body challenge and what do you know.  But everyone assumed it was for the wedding.  So many people do it for the wedding and photos, so many assume it.  

People also asked me if we were going to "stop dieting" after the wedding.  Umm, no, since we eat spur yummy food and maintain the new weight.  And it's not a diet.  And it wasn't for the wedding.  4 years since we did it and we're both still and the lower weight.  

ETA - I forgot to keep typing.  Hell yeah to you for making a change.  You can do it and you are going to feel great!!

LabLove86

I'm so glad I'm not the only one! I know a lot of people DO lose weight for the wedding - thats just not where our minds are.

This week wasn't easy for sure - and MFP is kind of a PITA but thats more-so because I'm just not in the habit of entering my calories as I'm eating all the time yet. It'll get easier. This weekend will be the big test - that is usually when we splurge and eat like crappy craps. But we have meals planned - and prep time set aside on Sunday for next week. 

Just gotta keep working on that will-power . . . . and get to the gym! 

levioosa

I just wanted to pop in and say it's great you're working on a lifestyle change!  You're awesome! 

IrishPirate60

"I'm on the cancer diet. Have you tried it?"

esstee33

LabLove86 said:

I'm so glad I'm not the only one! I know a lot of people DO lose weight for the wedding - thats just not where our minds are.

This week wasn't easy for sure - and MFP is kind of a PITA but thats more-so because I'm just not in the habit of entering my calories as I'm eating all the time yet. It'll get easier. This weekend will be the big test - that is usually when we splurge and eat like crappy craps. But we have meals planned - and prep time set aside on Sunday for next week. 

Just gotta keep working on that will-power . . . . and get to the gym! 

MFP got SO much easier when I started making repeat meals more regularly. Sure, it gets boring to have the same sandwich or salad or whatever for lunch every day, but then it's right there at the top of the "frequent foods" and "most recent foods" lists! That, coupled with the ease of adding it to my food diary on the phone app right while I was eating, made it a ton easier for me to get into the habit. 

larrygaga

This is what happens when you get air heads who think of nothing but the wedding and then go into an overall life decline after their special princess day. 

Good for you for trying to be healthy and not trying to look a certain way! Stay strong for us ladies who have a good head on our shoulders, lord knows we could use a better stereotype!

UGH

*I gained 15 pounds for my wedding*

TrixieJess

Good for you! You are making great choices and doing things in a way that will ensure you will succeed!

Your coworker is an ass!

I have a 80/20 rule, I eat healthy 80% of the time and will indulge 20% of the time. I have had people try and push things on me too, I have to be careful what I eat because I have food allergies and migraines triggered by food and additives.

The next time someone tries to push food on you, instead of explaining, put it back on the person: "why is it so important that I eat that, surely you can finish it?"

allispain

Good for you!

DH used MFP for awhile - drove me crazy, since I was the one counting all the calories for him (I'm the one that cooks 99% of the time). But it did get easier when we started repeating meals / meal components. 

Also, I will say, DH was kind of the opposite of someone (not you, OP, but a general "someone") who wants to lose weight for their wedding pictures. He decided to lose some weight after he saw our pictures, because that made it really sink in for him that he was about 25 pounds overweight. He never gave a thought to it before the wedding :-) He's had some ups and downs in the close to two years since, but he's currently down about 20 from where he was, and has been steadily maintaining that for the past 3 months. Cutting out soda helped a lot. So did reducing his beer intake (ie - not having one every single night when he gets home from work), and asking me to include more vegetarian meals for our dinners (which made me super happy, since I would eat 90% vegetarian meals all the time if he weren't such a die hard carnivore). The more little changes you make, the better, and OP, it sounds like you are off to a great start!!

AddieCake

Meh. I don't see that this is something to be all that annoyed over. I don't see the assumption that you are losing weight for the wedding as assuming the wedding is all your life revolves around. You are getting married, and you have suddenly started trying to lose weight. Is it a coincidence? Maybe. But I don't think it's all that rude of a leap to make, either. She should have left you alone after you declined the cupcake the first time, but it wouldn't bother me if someone assumed I was losing weight for the wedding if I were getting married and suddenly changing my habits. 

Congrats and best of luck on the weight loss goals and healthy habits goals, though!

jacques27

Good for you. 

While assumptions suck, it seems like maybe you're projecting or misplacing some hard feelings about not being recognized for making good health decisions because you want to now be known as someone who makes good health decisions.

It's really not that uncommon for lots of people to only have the motivation to lose weight for a major life event - whether that be their own wedding, maybe their kid's wedding because they know they'll be photographed, a high school reunion to show off, a major vacation to feel better about being seen in a bathing suit, or pretty much any occasion where they will either be photographed or on display in front of a large group of people.  And, not to sound brash because I say this as someone who has been overweight from childhood and only just recently made significant progress towards losing weight - if you've always been overweight or have been overweight for a long period of time and you previously don't have a reputation for turning down cupcakes, what is to make people think that just suddenly a lightbulb appeared over your head and you realized that being overweight isn't something you want to be and decided to actively do something about it just because with no other impetus?  It's really not that unreasonable of an assumption that a major life event is the impetus for this change, particularly when you've made the major life event known and time-wise it makes sense.  That doesn't necessarily make it right/polite for people to vocalize those assumptions or comment on the subject at all, but it's not an unreasonable assumption.

justsie

I agree with a lot of the PP's. I'm under the assumption that dieting is like pregnancy, you don't ask about it until the person doing it tells you (and with dieting that would include the why). Congrats to you though OP!! I would say one of the ways that helped to keep motivating me was to do a dietbet (or three....). I actually finished 5 games and won all of them so I can speak from experience that it is a legit thing and the community can be fun. Good way to win a few extra bucks while doing what you'd already be doing. 

FiancB

First of all, good job! 

Second, it annoys me that so many people think the only reason to eat healthy and exercise is because you hate your current body. No. Everyone should eat healthy and exercise and there's always room for improvement. Looking good is just a bonus. And it's ridiculous that she was so insistent about the damn cupcake. 

I also gained weight before the wedding despite my best efforts. Blah. Seems my metabolism crashed just in time. 

falsara

Good Job I wish you all the best in your better eating endeavors.  

I totally get that people's assumptions suck.  I haven't been working out nearly as much as I used to.  Now that the weather is better I'm trying to get back into running and some other things.  I mentioned to a coworker that I was going running yesterday after work,  and she made a comment along the lines of "Oh that's right you have the wedding."  I've always worked-out, lady, I just don't run outside during the winter time because Ice and I have a hate relationship.  

CMGragain

IrishPirate60 said:

"I'm on the cancer diet. Have you tried it?"

I LOVE this!  Thank you!  I've lost over 50 lbs. this way.  Now I know what to say to people who say, "You look great!  How did you lose all that weight?"

LabLove86

TrixieJess said:

Good for you! You are making great choices and doing things in a way that will ensure you will succeed!

Your coworker is an ass!

I have a 80/20 rule, I eat healthy 80% of the time and will indulge 20% of the time. I have had people try and push things on me too, I have to be careful what I eat because I have food allergies and migraines triggered by food and additives.

The next time someone tries to push food on you, instead of explaining, put it back on the person: "why is it so important that I eat that, surely you can finish it?"

When I had my trainer back in the fall this is what she recommended and said its really how she eats. She eats really well/healthy for the majority of the week - but Friday nights/Saturdays? She will pretty much eat any and everything she wants. 

Today -I have been doing really well - and so I went and got a s'mores frap from Starbucks - I just made sure I got a tall when I would normally get a grande - and the rest of my meals today have been really well balanced.

Once I get more accustomed to eating well MOST of the time - I'll get more of the 80/20. For now I think its going to be more 90/10 or even 95/5 . . . we will see I guess! 

I agree with PP about the saved meals in MFP too . . .  I already have a few meals saved in the MFP so I think the coming weeks will be easier as I save more, and more and have repeat meals. Just gotta keep up on it! And we are going for a nice long walk tomorrow in a park - so that'll be nice 

bride2b71614

I get where you are coming from. I had a consult with a dietician today and he point blank said oh we get brides in here all the time trying to lose weight for their weddings. I immediately corrected him and said that I am doing this for myself, my son and because I need to change unhealthy habits. I think it sucks that people think they need a reason to want to be healthier, and it sucks more when people create those reasons for you.

OP, ignore the person. You're doing this for yourself and that is pretty awesome enough