Wedding Etiquette Forum
Options

Edit - Answered.

2»

Re: Edit - Answered.

  • Options
    levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited May 2015
    No one was hostile.  I would have been livid if you had told me to start saving up two years in advance.  You don't know my financial situation, nor do you have the right to assume you have the right to know.  You know what I was gearing up for two years ago?  Grad school.  That I just started this month.  At $13K a semester.  So if you had told me to "hurry up and save" a grand or more for your wedding, I would have been like, lol, fuck you.  Because my education and future trumps your DW. 

    They are adults who can chose their own clothing.  Stop pressuring them.  It's incredibly rude and insulting to micromanage adults.  

    Oh, and FWIW, I'm attending my BFFs wedding this fall that is across the country.  It's costing me over $1000, and it really hurts financially, but she was understanding when I told her I might not be able to come depending on my schedule, so I'm making every effort to be there.  If she had given me crap about it, or tried to guilt trip me, it would have really negatively impacted our friendship.  Instead she was so excited that I was finally achieving my goals.  Is this really the way you want to start off a relationship with his family? 


    image
  • Options
    SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    No one was rude. You have two options.

    1) You are not expected to cover them financially for anything. You tell them the wedding is X date and Y location. They will come if they want to and can afford it. Trust them to be adults. How they dress is no reflection on you.

    2) Knowing they may not come because it is not in their financial situation, if you really want them there, and if you have certain expectations that they should dress a certain way, then offer to pay for it. 

    Simple. 
  • Options

    That is quite the bat signal!

    I only came for the DD. The PPs gave good advice which you will ignore.

    I'd argue that it is a cat signal.
    For a moment, I thought I was on reddit.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Options
    Wow. This was special.
    image



    Anniversary
  • Options
    I have nothing to add of substance except its attitudes like this that give Disney Brides a bad name.

    When we planned our DW to WDW, we talked to our VIPs before hand to see if everyone was on board (they were). Then, knowing my FI's (at the time) family had some financial challenges, we budgeted to assist them with travel. Then, since his mom was struggling to find a dress that she liked and could afford, we purchased for her as a gift.

    It's really not hard. 
  • Options
    SP29 said:

    No one was rude. You have two options.


    1) You are not expected to cover them financially for anything. You tell them the wedding is X date and Y location. They will come if they want to and can afford it. Trust them to be adults. How they dress is no reflection on you.

    2) Knowing they may not come because it is not in their financial situation, if you really want them there, and if you have certain expectations that they should dress a certain way, then offer to pay for it. 

    Simple. 
    OR

    If you and your FI really want certain ppl to attend your wedding, then you don't have a DW knowing that those certain people can't afford to come.

    It's all about priorities.  Either the DW site is the priority or the presence of your VIPs is the priority.  If you want to go to some fun, exotic locale why not go there on your honeymon?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • Options
    Wegl13 said:

    Can I point out that this is a problem I have with DWs in general? I feel like it puts ENORMOUS financial pressure on VIPs (parents, grands, siblings) for whom I expect attendance at your wedding is likely very important. It seems as though this situation could be common- obviously the OP is not required by etiquette to pay for her FILs travel expenses, but I'm sure it's really, really important to the OP, her fiancé, and the FILs themselves that they be in attendance. So you are left with two choices: 1. Cough up the money to pay for them to attend or 2. Put the onus completely on the FILs and accept that they may not be at your wedding because they can't afford it, or that they may make a financial decision that is not in their best interest in order to attend your wedding (which would probably be what I would end up doing- and I would also end up resenting the shit out of you).


    To me it just seems like another way in which people put their visions before the comfort of their nearest and dearest. I'm not saying every DW is like this, I realize it isn't. But if my daughter/sister chose to have a wedding in a location that was going to cost my >$1000 to attend for no other reason than it fit her "vision" (ie she wasn't doing it because of the FI's family being closer or whatever), and didn't offer to cover pretty much all of my expenses, happily, for the trip, I would feel resentful. (Obviously this applies for a hypothetical son/brother as well). I'm sticking to these two roles because I feel like those are the two for whom (most of the time!) attendance is strongly desired both on the part of the bride/groom and the parent/sibling themselves due to the close family ties.


    Ps yes I realize OP is paying for the travel and that this is about clothes. I'm just pointing out that this could have all been avoided if the OP had not chosen a DW and had instead honeymooned to WDW.

    Yes.  That first sentence.  My sister had a DW, then got pissed at me for calling her up to ask her to add more of the cheapest rooms to her discounted block.  I wouldn't have been able to afford spending 3-4 nights at the Oceanfront rate.  She yelled at me saying that because I took so long to book that now I was putting more pressure on HER to make another call to the resort to add to the block.  Why couldn't I have booked earlier since I KNEW I was going?  See, since I was her sister, I Knew I was going, it was not optional to attend.  So, not having the money to pay to book the resort was putting pressure on the bride rather than putting pressure on my pocketbook.
  • Options
    I came for DD/title. 
    image
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards