How to word invitation; his parents have different last names

allegrissima

Hi friends!

My fiancè's mom opted to keep her maiden name when she and his dad got married, so I'm looking in to how to list their names on the invite. Perhaps it's better to list her full name? Pending her opinion, I'd like your advice. This is currently how it looks, but I'd like to do it as properly as possible.

Mr. and Mrs. First Last (bride's parents)

and

Mr. and Mrs. First Last (groom's parents)

invite you to share in the celebration

of the love and marriage of

Allegra Middle Last

and

Sohrab Last

etc. etc. etc. etc.

Is there etiquette surrounding this? Thanks!

Jen4948

Use

Mrs. and Mrs. Bride's Parents
Mr. Groom's Father and Ms. Groom's Mother
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of
Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
etc.

The word "celebration" implies that the marriage has already taken place, so if you're inviting guests to the actual wedding ceremony, you use "at the marriage of."

Also, if the wedding is at a house of worship, substitute "request the honor of your presence" for "request the pleasure of your company."

And nothing is said about "love" or "joy."  The traditional wording has built into it the assumption that the marriage is about love and joy and is desired by all.  In fact, the mention of "love" or "joy" in the wording traditionally meant that something was wrong, like an unplanned pregnancy.

CMGragain

Who is hosting  the wedding?  The invitation is a note from the hosts to the guests, telling them who, what, when and where (not why).  It is not the place to list family members.

If BOTH sets of parents are hosting, it would be this:

Mr. and Mrs. John Bridesparents
Ms. Jane Groomsmother and Mr. George Groomsfather
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of
Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
Day, date
time o'clock
Venue
Address
City, State

If your parents are the hosts, then the groom's parents should not be on the invitation.  I agree about the "invite you to share in the celebration of the love and marriage".  It is not clear that this is a wedding invitation, and I really dislike the "love and joy" sentimentality.  It serves no purpose, and it makes me cringe.  Sorry, but that's MHO.

STARMOON44

You can't list her as Mr. And Mrs. George doe because that is not her name. That one should be obvious.

MyNameIsNot

A woman who kept her name should not be addressed as Mr. and Mrs. Husband's name. 

You would use Ms. Jane Smith and Mr. John Doe. The same rule applies for addressing invitations to any guests where the couple retained their birth names. 

lachattefatale

STARMOON44 said:

You can't list her as Mr. And Mrs. George doe because that is not her name. That one should be obvious.

I'm not sure that's the case. You're not referring to her name at all; you're calling him by name and calling her by her relationship to her husband. It's sexist and old-fashioned, but I think it's technically correct.

I'm about 90% sure we're going to leave all the parents' names off of our invitations because of a similar too-many-names issue. I've been married and divorced but kept my ex-husband's name, so my parents' is different. His parents divorced and both remarried, and his dad has passed away. We'd end up with my maiden name, my current name, his name twice (once for his stepmom), and his mom and stepdad's name. Easier to just start in with "The honour of your presence" or boil all the parents down to "Together with their parents".

CMGragain

lachattefatale said:

STARMOON44 said:

You can't list her as Mr. And Mrs. George doe because that is not her name. That one should be obvious.

I'm not sure that's the case. You're not referring to her name at all; you're calling him by name and calling her by her relationship to her husband. It's sexist and old-fashioned, but I think it's technically correct.

I'm about 90% sure we're going to leave all the parents' names off of our invitations because of a similar too-many-names issue. I've been married and divorced but kept my ex-husband's name, so my parents' is different. His parents divorced and both remarried, and his dad has passed away. We'd end up with my maiden name, my current name, his name twice (once for his stepmom), and his mom and stepdad's name. Easier to just start in with "The honour of your presence" or boil all the parents down to "Together with their parents".

Who is hosting your wedding, Lachattefatale?  If your parents are hosting, then traditional wording is fine.  If you and your FI are hosting, the parents names do not belong on your invitation at all.

lachattefatale

CMGragain said:

lachattefatale said:

STARMOON44 said:

You can't list her as Mr. And Mrs. George doe because that is not her name. That one should be obvious.

I'm not sure that's the case. You're not referring to her name at all; you're calling him by name and calling her by her relationship to her husband. It's sexist and old-fashioned, but I think it's technically correct.

I'm about 90% sure we're going to leave all the parents' names off of our invitations because of a similar too-many-names issue. I've been married and divorced but kept my ex-husband's name, so my parents' is different. His parents divorced and both remarried, and his dad has passed away. We'd end up with my maiden name, my current name, his name twice (once for his stepmom), and his mom and stepdad's name. Easier to just start in with "The honour of your presence" or boil all the parents down to "Together with their parents".

Who is hosting your wedding, Lachattefatale?  If your parents are hosting, then traditional wording is fine.  If you and your FI are hosting, the parents names do not belong on your invitation at all.

It's a group effort.

CMGragain

"Together with their families" is probably your best wording.

Otherwise,

Mr. and Mrs. John Bridesparents
Mr. and Mrs. George Groommothershusband
Mrs. Groom's Fathersname  (Stepmother)
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of
Bride's Full Name (no maiden name)
and
Groom's Full Name
(etc.)